The square, worn down stub of charcoal scraped incessantly back and forth across the coarse paper as Justin hastened to finish his drawing. He wanted to capture the iridescent reflection that bounced off the ice-capped waters before dusk settled in, taking the light away. He was so engrossed with his task at hand that he didn't notice the biting chill or frigid winds whipping around his head. It was mid February and much colder up here in New York's Catskill region than it was in the Pitts, or even the city. But Justin didn't mind the cold. The astounding beauty surrounding him took precedence over incidental things like the weather.

He breathed in the cold crisp air from his perched position on an old tree stump, catching the scent of wood burning in the distance. The resort they were staying at was hosting a barn fire down by the frozen pond, which served as an ice-skating rink in the winter months. Justin was raised in New York yet oblivious to the spectacular beauty of the countryside just 90 miles north of the City. It was truly a winter paradise, and he was sorry that he and Brian couldn't be here under more pleasant circumstances.

They left the Pitts two days ago on their quest to find Conrad. Brian booked them a room at the Mohonk Mountain resort, which was just several miles north of where Conrad's accident occurred. Justin knew Brian well enough by now to know that he would stay in nothing less than a five star hotel, but he was totally unprepared for the grandeur of the lodging he chose. Mohonk Mountain House was an imposing Victorian castle that over looked Lake Mohonk. It was an all-inclusive resort that offered many activities for their guests, including horseback riding, ice-skating, skiing, and miles of hiking trails. And those were just the winter activities. Justin wanted to bring Brian back here one day just for pleasure. This trip was purely business, and to a great extent, personal, though Brian still refused to see it as such.

The drive up was made mostly in silence. Justin was glad Brian suggested he bring his drawing materials, though now in hindsight he believed Brian had ulterior motives for his suggestion. He needed the eight-hour drive to think without interruption. Justin didn't mind, in fact he had two sketchpads full of the most magnificent sceneries he's ever seen, or maybe ever took the time to notice… In any case, the long, quiet ride gave them both time to reflect on the events of the past week.

Had it only been one week since he first laid eyes on the man he still considered his very own 'Greek Adonis'? The calendar would suggest so, but his heart was telling him otherwise. Since day one there was never an 'uncomfortable' moment between them. They fought, fucked and frolicked like they'd known each other their entire lives. Perhaps, Justin thought, it was a past life thing. Brian had told him that Ben, Michael's partner, believed in reincarnation. Justin never gave such beliefs any credence, however, knowing how he felt around Brian, perhaps there was some merits to that particular school of thought. In any case there was no denying their effortless relationship. The eight-hour ride up in compatible silence was indication of their ease in each other's company.

That ease however, did little to relieve the building stress Brian was experiencing since their arrival. After they checked in, the very first thing they did was go down to the local police station and pour over all the records from the accident. The reports all indicated pretty much what they expected. Icy road conditions forced Conrad's car off the road and into the Hudson River. Divers were dispatched and the river was dragged for several days before it was determined that the river's currents swept the body out to the ocean. When they were done reviewing the official report they then contacted the private divers Mark had hired. Their findings were similar to that of the county divers, though their search was more thorough. They used dept-finding equipment that used sonar to detect large objects, like bodies, in the water. Their high tech methods failed to identify anything of substance within ten miles of the crash site. They labeled their findings as 'inconclusive'.

That was yesterday; today was spent contacting all the P.I.'s Mark had hired after the divers had come up empty. Brian was very frustrated with their findings. He was currently up in their room going over the reports again looking for anything that he could consider sound investigative work. Justin was sure he wouldn't find any. Not one of the P.I.'s Mark had hired had done more than the minimum amount of work required to be called an investigation; and that was by the flimsiest of definitions. It appeared that they did no more than look over the police reports and conclude that the man in question was dead then proceeded to take advantage of his grieving partner by charging him an extraordinary amount of money for their 'efforts'. There were no inquires made of surrounding neighbors or businesses…no circulations of recent photo's sent out beyond what the Police distributed, which were limited to just official government offices like the post office...they didn't even look into Conrad's background to see if he had any enemies that would want to see him harmed, or lovers that he might have run off with. After all, as Brian stated to Justin, Conrad had a history of 'running off'. In short, the P.I.'s, like the police, just assumed Conrad was killed in that accident. No one bothered to look past the waters edge for the man. The sheer incompetence of it infuriated Brian to no extent. Except for the divers, who did an excellent job, the follow up investigation was for shit.

Justin left Brian alone to think about their next move and came outside to draw. He was already attuned to Brian's moods and knew when to give him space, and, right now, Brian needed space. His mood was volatile at this point because it was becoming apparently clear that they'd have to launch their own investigation, something Brian was hoping they could avoid.

Justin squinted against the glare of the sinking sun and sighed in disappointment. He let his thoughts wonder and he lost the light. It was just as well he thought, his heart wasn't in finishing the drawing anymore. It was with the man who was currently queening out, no doubt, over having to go find his ex lover. A situation Brian never thought in a million years he'd be in a position to do.

Justin rose from his stump, thinking he'd been gone long enough, and headed back to the lodge. He had no illusions of what he was going to encounter once he got to their room. Though Brian was not ready to admit it, and that was assuming he'd ever be ready, the reason why Brian was so reluctant to find Conrad was because he still had unresolved feelings for his ex lover. Part of Justin wanted to find Conrad so Brian could get past those feelings and have closure, but, God forgive him, another part of him was hoping they didn't find Conrad.

Justin grimaced at his own morbid thoughts as he entered the lobby and headed for the grand staircase that dominated the Hotel's core. It was awful for him to even consider such a thing, but he did. Because as much as Brian might fear his own reaction should he encounter Conrad again, Justin feared it more. Conrad was Brian's first love. It was said that you never get over your first love, a claim Justin didn't believe mainly because he'd never been 'in' love before...never had a 'first love'. The closest he came was with Chris Hobbs, but that wasn't love. It was lust coupled with guilt. But he believed it now; because no matter how hard he tried to rationalize it wasn't possible, the undeniable truth was, for the first time in his life…Justin was in love.

xxxxxxx

Brian leaned over the fireplace, his forearm resting on the mantle, while his other hand held a glass of Beam. The brown liquid swirled in the crystal tumbler casting off shadows from the flickering flames. He didn't bother turning around when he heard the door to the room open.

"Hey," Justin said panting heavily having opted to run up the three flights of mahogany stairs.

"It's fucking cold out there," he stuttered through chattering teeth as he threw his sketchpad on the nearby table and shrugged off his coat.

Brian glanced over at him and grimaced. "You're fucking blue. Come here by the fire."

Justin smiled at the invitation and joined him, spreading his hands out towards the heat of the flames.

Brian placed his glass on the mantle then grabbed Justin's right hand and started massaging it. "Your hand is frozen stiff. You shouldn't be out drawing in this cold," he admonished lightly.

Justin watched Brian gently massage his aching hand and his heart swelled, 'he cares…I know he cares...' he chanted inside of his head as if trying to convince himself.

"What's wrong?" Brian asked breaking into his thoughts.

Justin's head snapped up, startled by the question. He pulled his hand away from Brian's.

"Nothing. So, what have you decided?" he asked avoiding Brian's question.

Brian pulled his bottom lip in and bit it as he watched his blond. It was amazing how well he knew him considering they'd only recently met. Yet he was so in tuned to Justin's moods it was scary. Right now, something was bothering him, yet he knew better than to push. Justin was probably the only other person alive more stubborn than he was. When, and if he wanted to tell him what was bothering him, he would. But there was something, Brian had felt it the past couple of nights in their lov…fucking.

'lovemaking? Where the fuck did that thought come from?' Brian physically shook himself as if to ward off a chill. He turned and retrieved his half filled whiskey glass from the mantle and downed it in one shot. Of course, he reasoned, sex with Justin was going to be special. They were more than just fuck buddies; they were friends, good friends. Brian never fucked a friend before so it was only natural the sex would be more… uninhibited. Yes, that was the word, uninhibited. Sex with Justin was open and freeing in many ways because of their easy relationship outside their fucking arrangement. That's why making lov…fucking Justin was so special…so God damned intense…Brian closed his eyes briefly at the image that thought provoked. 'Don't go there Kinney. You know you can't think straight when you go there' he mentally cautioned himself. It was better to think that it was their close friendship that carried over into their sex life creating that 'intimate' feeling. That's what made it…different. That's all it was. '…that's all it can be…' Brian chanted in his head as if he were trying to convince himself.

"Bri?" Justin was still waiting for an answer.

It took Brian a minute to recall what Justin had asked him. When he did, he scowled and went to pour himself another shot of Beam.

"I need to call Mark," he said.

Justin frowned. He knew the last thing Brian wanted to do was talk to Mark again, especially about the habits of his ex lover, but there were many questions they needed answered before they could begin their investigation.

"I'll do it," Justin offered.

Brian shook his head and sighed mournfully, "No, I'll…"

"Stop being a fucking martyr Brian. I'll call Mark. This is not my first time doing this you know. I know how to interrogate a suspect. And yes, I also know to treat Mark like a suspect. Until our investigation is completed, everyone is a suspect. You learn a thing or two watching reruns of Law and Order," Justin bit out sarcastically.

Brian glared at him. "A martyr?" he gritted out between clenched teeth honing in on the gist of Justin's tirade, and ignoring the rest.

"Yes, a fucking martyr! You've been acting like one since we got here, like it's such a Goddamn hassle for you to be doing this! You've been moody and brooding, and ok, I get it. The P.I.'s did a lousy job, and now we're going to have to launch a full investigation. And yes, I know I twisted your arm to do this, but you and I both know that's really bullshit. No one makes you do anything you don't want to. So why are you acting like doing this is the most horrendous of tasks for you? If it bothers you that much, DON'T do it! I'll do it!" Justin snapped surprised at his own rage. Misplaced rage. He wasn't mad at Brian for not wanting to do the investigation, he was mad at himself for caring as to the reason why Brian didn't want to do the investigation…he didn't want to face Conrad again and find out he still had feelings for him.

Justin took a deep steadying breath to calm himself. If this was what jealousy felt like he'd have to rethink this whole 'falling in love' thing again. God he felt like shit. He braced himself for Brian's retort, knowing it was going to be harsh.

"Fine. Make the call. I'm going out." Brian said with no inflection in his voice, and then grabbed his coat.

'Ouch!' Justin knew his response would be harsh, but he didn't think he'd be cruel! Brian's 'Going out' was code for 'it's time I fucked someone who wasn't such a pain in the ass'. And Justin couldn't blame him for feeling that way. He was being a pain in the ass. Fuck! Justin reached for his coat as well.

"Yeah, I think you're right. Going out sounds like a perfect idea right about now," he said.

Brian wasn't the only one who needed to fuck someone else, Justin realized with a heavy heart. They've gotten too secure in their sexual arrangement. He knew being friends and fuck buddies was going to complicate things. And he was right. Things just got real complicated. They, at least on Justin's part, were taking too much for granted. These 'possessive' feelings he was experiencing were an indication that he was in too deep. He needed reaffirmation of his emotional independence.

Brian had his hand on the doorknob when Justin made his announcement. He stopped cold as the realization of what Justin was going to do sunk in. Of course it was exactly what he was planning to do, but that was different! Brian didn't know how it was different, he'd have to get back to that one later for a reasonable explanation, but for now it was enough to know that it just was! He dropped his coat to the floor and turned to Justin, giving him a scorching glare.

"What the fuck do you mean, you're going out?" he asked. His question sounded irrational even to him.

Justin threw his coat on a nearby chair and returned Brian's glare. "Gee Brian, you're a smart guy. You figure it out," he said.

Brian's temper flamed so hot he thought he was going to combust. He released the door handle and in two long strides was standing in front of Justin, clutching his arms.

"You will NOT go out! Not when you're here with me, understand?" he said.

Justin stared at him dumbfounded. "Even YOU aren't that arrogant! I'm not to go out, but you can? News flash Kinney, you're not Tarzan and I'm sure as fuck not Jane!" Justin practically growled at him.

And there it was...that anger. That hot as fuck crack cocaine for his cock anger. Justin's dark cobalt blue eyes shot daggers at him. His breathing grew heavy and labored indicating his rising ire. His skin flushed hot pink from his neck to his cheeks. All of it went straight to Brian's dick and he did the only thing he could do in a situation like this. He pulled Justin hard against him, and claimed his mouth.

The initial shock Justin felt at Brian's passionate attack quickly turned to lust. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew Brian would react this way if he antagonized him, and perhaps, subconsciously that's exactly why Justin behaved so abhorrently. However, with Brian's hot mouth claiming his, the time for analytical thought was not now. Now, all Justin wanted to do was show Brian how good they were together and to get his mind off Conrad.

Moaning deeply into his mouth, Justin raised his arms and wrapped them around Brian's neck pulling him in deeper as his tongue plundered his mouth.

Brian followed Justin's lead and walked them back until they hit the bed, both falling unceremoniously on to it, with Brian lying on top of Justin.

Justin frantically ripped at Brian's clothing, needing the contact of skin on skin. In turn, Brian wasted no time in undressing Justin. Within a matter of minutes they were thrashing around on the bed in naked carnal lust.

Brian was ravaging his mouth, claiming him with his kiss. Justin felt it in his soul, and he was not about to deny him. As if he could.

'You're losing yourself in him…'

The frightening thought entered Justin's mind. And yet, the knowledge did nothing to abate his need for Brian. He returned Brian's kiss with just as much fervor. All the anger, all the longing, all the love, all the fear, poured into his lover. Yes, his lover. Justin resigned himself to that truth. He was Brian's.

Justin tightened his hold on Brian and pushed up against him. Their hard cocks rubbed together. Justin ran his hands over Brian's bare back luxuriating in the feel of his hard smooth skin. Brian groaned and rotated his hips against Justin's creating a maddening friction that sent little electrical sparks of desire coursing through them. They never broke their kiss, which alternated between desperate and hot to soft and tender. Justin learned upon their very first kiss that Brian communicated things he could not put into words in his kiss. And right now that communication was strong. Brian was telling him how much he wanted him…needed him. Was it love? He didn't know, and didn't care. At this point he'd take Brian anyway he could. And that was precisely what he planned to do...Take Brian.

In a move so swift Brian barely noticed it, Justin flipped him on to his back. The kiss was momentarily broken. Brian looked up at him; his gaze was clouded over with lust.

"Turn over," Justin ordered seductively.

Brian reached up in response and pulled Justin down for another kiss, ravishing his mouth with an urgency that inflamed Justin. The kiss lasted until both had to break away to catch their breath. Justin pulled back and looked down at Brian with determination in his eyes.

"I need to be inside you," he breathed fervently.

Fleeting panic crossed Brian's handsome features. He closed his eyes.

"Justin…no, I can't," he whispered.

Justin leaned over and brushed his lips gently against Brian's.

"Yes, you can. It doesn't have to mean a fucking thing other than I want you like I've never wanted anyone in my life. I'm asking you to trust me Brian…like I trusted you…please," Justin said painfully aware that he was begging Brian for something that should just come natural to them considering how close they were.

Brian's pulse quickened and his heart raced. He wanted to feel Justin inside of him. God he wanted it. The idea made his blood boil hot with lust, and he trusted Justin. Yes, it had been awhile, but like he told Justin on their very first time…'it's like riding a bike'. However the last time he rode this particular bike he fell off, hard. He didn't know if he had the guts to get back on. But he knew if he didn't try now, with Justin, he might never again.

Justin watched the conflicting emotions flit across Brian's face. He knew with everything in him that Brian wanted this, he just needed a little encouragement. With that in mind, he gently guided Brian over.

Brian closed his eyes and let Justin take control. 'I can do this...I have to…' he thought as he rolled over. A small gasp escaped his lips as he felt Justin position himself between his legs from behind.

Justin gazed lovingly at Brian's body, moved by the pure beauty of it. He wanted to make this first time very special for him. He wanted to brand himself on him, to banish all thoughts of his ex lover and replace them with hot new memories. A lot was riding on this first time, and Justin felt a sudden burst of nerves come over him. He took several deep breaths and gathered his courage. He could do this, he had to. Brian was his, and he needed all his energy and all his instincts, to break through the barriers that surrounded Brian's heart and claim him. And that task started here, and now.

Resolute in his goal, he proceeded to lean over and flick his tongue at the base of Brian's neck, tasting the sweet saltiness of his skin. Brian shivered a little at the contact. Justin then moved his mouth over the wet spot and blew softly on the damp skin making Brian tremble at the sensation. Encouraged by his response, Justin dipped his head and ran the tip of his tongue all the way down over his spine, stopping briefly at the small of his back to lap at the smooth skin there, lavishing his attention on that very sensitive area. Brian squirmed and moaned. Justin raised his head and grabbed a pillow.

"Lift up on your knees," he instructed.

Brian complied and Justin placed the pillow underneath him then put his hand on the small of his back and gently pushed him back down. He ran his hands over the smooth globes of Brian's now raised ass before lowering his head once more and plunging the tip of his tongue into the cleft of his cheeks. Brian made a low growling sound in the back of his throat at the contact. It was the most erotic sound Justin had ever heard. He continued his sexual assault on Brian's ass and snaked his tongue along the inside of his crack, slithering it down until he reached his ultimate goal, leaving a trail of salvia in its path. At first, he probed gently at Brian's opening, but then hungering for more, he grabbed Brian's cheeks and spread them apart, giving him better access. With loving, wet caresses, Justin feasted on his lover.

Brian sucked his breath in as Justin worked his tongue in and around him, making his blood rush to his head, and giving him an impossible hard on.
He had to bite his lip to keep from crying out as Justin performed his magic.

Justin was dizzy with the taste of Brian. He couldn't get enough of him as he delved deeper, fucking Brian's ass with his tongue. Brian let out a guttural groan. Justin felt his body tense up, signaling he was ready to cum. He reluctantly pulled back, not wanting Brian to cum yet, and blew a stream of cool air over his now very wet entrance. Brian hissed at the sensation. Justin smiled. He lifted himself up and leaned over so his lips brushed gently against his ear. "Easy..." he whispered softly as he gently massaged the back of his neck and shoulders. Once he felt Brian relax a bit, he sat up and reached over to grab the lube from the bedside stand. He squeezed a generous amount into his hands then rubbed them together vigorously heating up the cool gel. He then lowered his hands and spread the now pleasantly warm oil over Brian's opening, inserting just the tip of his index finger inside to loosen and lube him up.

"God that feels so fucking good," Brian sighed into the mattress.

"It's about to feel even better," Justin said as he gently inserted one whole finger into him.

Brian threw his head back and let out a small gasp.

Justin leaned over and traced the lobe of his ear with his tongue.

"I could cum just watching you," he confessed in a husky, lust-ridden voice.

Brian let out a small grunt and squeezed down on Justin's finger.

Encouraged by his response, Justin slipped another finger in, then a third. Brian relaxed his body and loosened up for Justin, easily taking the three digits as Justin slowly and methodically finger fucked him.

"Now," Brian commanded in a determined voice.

Justin hesitated. There was something in Brian's tone that caught his attention. He was just starting to enjoy the anal play, why did he want to stop and jump straight to the main event? He knew Brian well enough to know he'd want to prolong the foreplay, reaping the most pleasure he could out of it before taking the first cock he's had in years inside of him. That command, 'Now' screamed 'get it over with', loud and clear. It wasn't a passion filled cry for release; it was an impatient demand to proceed. Justin frowned. Brian was 'enduring' him. He was letting Justin top him as some sort of personal vindication. To prove to himself that he could, that he was still capable.

Justin fumed at the sudden knowledge. It was so fucking typical Brian! How could he be so fucking stupid not to see it? Brian gave in way too easily; he should have known he had an ulterior motive. Brian was a highly sexualized individual, and prided himself at having mastered the 'art' of gay sex, yet he managed to avoid bottoming since Conrad left him. Now, with the chances of him meeting up with his ex again after all these years increasing, he needed to conquer his fear of being topped. He couldn't face Conrad knowing the man might be responsible for taking something from him when he left, yet that's exactly what happened. Conrad stole from Brian that part of him that all gay men, even the most alpha tops, enjoyed from time to time - the joy of having a nice stiff cock up their ass. Brian agreeing to let Justin top him was in essence for Conrad's benefit, and that pissed Justin off big time.

Justin pulled his fingers out and watched as Brian physically braced himself for Justin's cock confirming his suspicions. He wasn't acting like a man longing to get fucked. He was acting like a man on a mission to get fucked. There was a big, distinct difference between the two. Anger, frustration and hurt all collided inside of him. He flipped Brian over onto his back, none too gently either, and loomed over him.

"God damn it Brian why can't you want me!" he demanded, his face mere inches from Brian, his eyes burning dark, dark blue. So dark they were almost black.

Brian blinked up at him stunned by his sudden change of mood.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He asked pushing himself up on his elbows forcing Justin back a bit.

Tears sprung to Justin's eyes and though he cursed himself for being so vulnerable in front of him, he couldn't stop the emotions raging inside of him.

"You are 'LETTING' me top you!" Justin accused.

Brian looked at him like he lost his fucking mind. "You mean I 'WAS' letting you top me until you decided to stop!" Brian threw back at him.

Justin turned his head to the side and squeezed his eyes shut tight as he bit the inside of his cheek hard to calm himself. When he tasted blood he stopped and turned back to look at Brian.

"I don't want you to 'let' me fuck you Brian. I want you to 'want' me to fuck you," Justin said in a calmer voice.

Brian snorted angrily. "Weren't you the one who said I don't do anything I don't want to?" he challenged.

Justin sighed. "Yes, but you want to because you feel you have to prove something to yourself, and to Conrad."

Brian's eyes widened at bit at that.

"Don't look so surprised," Justin said. "Did you think I wouldn't figure it out? You can't deny that we are very in tuned to each other. You're testing yourself. You're doing this to get past your fear of bottoming, of giving up control. You hate thinking that your ex took that joy away from you so you agreed to let me top you to prove to yourself that he didn't hurt you. But the truth is, he DID! Else we wouldn't be in this position now, would we? And though I am honored that you trust me to do this, I won't be used like that. I want you to want to do this because you want 'ME'! And not for any other reason than that," Justin said in an exasperated voice. He sat back on his haunches and sighed.

"Don't you see, Conrad wins if you do this because you feel you have to. Do it because you miss the feel of a man's cock inside of you… that sweet burn of first entry, the feeling of being stretched and filled till you think you'll explode…the sensation, the fucking mind blowing sensation of having a cock brush against your prostrate at just the right angle making you burst into a million tiny pieces of pure orgasmic bliss. Those are the reasons you should want to do this Bri. It's all the reasons I had for wanting you to top me. " Justin said.

Brian let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding. Fuck! Justin was right, he was thinking of Conrad, well maybe not directly, but certainly indirectly, when he agreed to let Justin top him and that was a fucking shitty thing to do him. 'Especially' him. Someone he cared more deeply for than he would admit. He was so engrossed with thoughts of why he 'needed' to do it that he totally forgot about all the reasons why he should 'want' to do it. Justin outlined those reasons perfectly. He did miss the feel of a man's cock in his ass, filling him. Not that he bottomed often with Conrad, even at fourteen he knew he was a top, but on those occasions when he did bottom, he fucking loved it. He'd forgotten that over the years. Something he hadn't regretted until a certain blonde came into his life.

With a big sigh, he fell back against the bed, pulling Justin down on top of him.

"I do want you Sunshine, you know that. I'm sure you can feel that right now," he said with a sexy smirk as he pushed his hard on up against Justin. Justin smiled down at him, happy at least the 'moment' wasn't totally ruined.

"You always get hard when I get mad. Fuck you're pretty much hard all the time. I think a stiff wind could give you a woody," Justin said cheekily

Brian laughed. "Brat," he said. He cupped Justin's face in his hands and forced him to look at him, his eyes growing serious in their intent.

"Was I letting you top me to prove something to myself? Yeah… that was part of the reason. I hate to admit that, but it's true. But do I want you to top me just because you are the hottest piece of blond ass I've cum across, and I do mean literally cum across, in a long time, if ever?, Oh yeah. That's also the truth. Unfortunately I let one desire override the other, and fucked myself in the process. It was a stupid move on my part, and trust me, Sunshine, I'm not one to admit momentary lapses in judgment. I try as a rule not to have them. But since a certain blonde has entered my life it appears that I've been having a lot of them lately," he said.

Justin frowned. "Is that a bad thing?" he asked.

Brian ran his thumb over Justin's lush bottom lip, his gaze focused on the pink moist skin. "It's best fucking thing that's ever happened to me."

Justin was shocked at the admission. His heart soared hearing Brian admit what he knew to be true in his heart. Meeting Brian was the best fucking thing that's ever happened to him too, yet even knowing that didn't make their situation any easier. They were still two men struggling with the ghost of past relationships, afraid to move forward, yet determined not to be held back. And though he was farther along in putting his past behind him, Brian still had a way to go and Justin wasn't sure if he'd ever get there.

He pulled his face from Brian's hands and turned his head to lay his cheek against his chest not wanting him to see his troubling thoughts in his eyes.

"Why does this have to be so difficult?" he asked.

"Because we actually like each other. When was the last time you fucked some you actually liked, who didn't fuck you back, and not in a positive life affirming way?" Brian asked tongue in cheek.

"Not in a very, very long time…" Justin answered solemnly.

Brian ran his hands through Justin's hair soothingly. He hated the sadness he heard in his b'onde's voice.

"Come on Sunshine, it's not that bad. I fucked up; don't let it spoil our night. What do you say we start over?" Brian said.

Justin turned his head and looked up at Brian. "No, we can't. I pushed this on you, like I push most things. I'm surprised you don't tell me to go fuck myself." Justin said.

Brian laughed. "What? And waste a good fuck? I'd rather you fuck me," Brian said.

Justin shook his head. "Not tonight Brian. I want my first time topping you to be special. I don't want it marred by memories of conflicting reasons. It has to be perfect, like the first time you topped me." Justin said.

Brian smiled and ran the back of his hand down Justin's smooth cheek. "That was special, wasn't it?" he said.

Justin leaned into Brian's caress. "Every time you fuck me it's special," he said in a smoldering voice.

Brian's eyes lit up with lust at Justin's sexy tone. "Hmmm…well the night is young…." he suggested seductively.

Justin answered him by reaching down to grab his cock and squeeze it. Brian pumped himself up into Justin's hand.

"It would be a shame to waste this perfectly good hard on," Justin said.

Brian moaned in response. "Yes it would be," he agreed as he flipped Justin over on to his back and proceeded to show him exactly how much he desired him… and only him…

"Ahhrrrrrahhhh..."

Brian pushed deeper into Justin eliciting yet another deep moan from him.

"Mine..." he breathed heavily as he glided his palm down Justin's sweat covered spine. He grabbed a fist full of blond locks tightly in his other hand and lowered his forehead to rest in-between Justin's shoulder blades. He then lifted his hips and slowly pulled out of him, drawing more sounds of protests from his blond, before pushing forward again.

He'd been fucking Justin slowly and thoroughly for the past hour. He needed to show him exactly how much he wanted him. He hated that he fucked things up earlier, his blonde should be fucking him now, not that he was complaining; being inside of Justin was like stepping inside Heaven.

He'd never had this feeling of absolute fulfillment before in his life, not even with Conrad. He was just a kid then, naive and inexperienced. Since that time he'd spent years perfecting his skills but he never had the need to have someone top him before, until his blonde came along. And not for the reasons he first rationalized, but because it was Justin. He couldn't believe he let Conrad fit into the equation. Justin was right, he needed to finally put that issue to rest, and he would. But that was not why he wanted Justin to top him. They fit perfectly, and having Justin inside of him would be the piece to the puzzle that was missing in their relationship. And yes, he was ready to admit that he was in a relationship. He wouldn't call it love, but it was the most satisfying experience he's ever had and he wasn't about to fuck it up. He was a selfish prick, there was no denying that, but he didn't care. He wanted to hold on to what he and Justin had for as long as possible.

Justin let out a little cry followed by a deep intake of breath bringing Brian back to his task at hand.

"Yesss...that's it…" Justin grounded out through gritted teeth communicating the exquisite feeling of pain and pleasure Brian was infusing him with.

Brian turned his head and bit down on Justin's shoulder sharply. He then released the abused flesh and licked the mark he had left.

His blond let out an unidentifiable noise. His passionate cries had become a mix of grunts, groans and incoherent babblings creating a symphony of erotic tones, all of which acted like the strongest of aphrodisiacs on Brian.

Justin was a mound of quivering flesh. Brian had been applying his special brand of sexual torture on him now for so long he lost all track of time. He was amazed at his stamina not to mention his inventiveness. God he was a fucking sadist! He kept taking him right to the edge, even giving him a glimpse of the paradise that lay on the other side, only to rip him back and begin the journey all over again. Brian knew exactly how to work him. Justin liked his pleasure spiked with pain and Brian spiked the fuck out of it! No one fucked like him, Justin doubted anyone could. It was as if Brian were made just for fucking him.

Brian shifted his hips and entered Justin from a different angle hitting nerves Justin didn't even realize he had, sending little sexual electrical shocks rocketing through his body.

"Aahhhhhiiiisssss.." Justin let out the half moan half hissing noise. Brian never thought he heard a sweeter sound. He dropped a kiss in-between Justin's shoulder blades then reached around and grabbed Justin's cock.

"You know what I like best about fucking you?" Brian growled the question into Justin's ear.

Justin answered by expelling a soft mewling sound this time as he pushed his face into the mattress.

Brian closed his eyes at the pleasure coursing through his body and continued to fuck him, and stroke his cock in perfect rhythm.

"That..." he said, answering his own question. "Those fucking noises you make that go straight to my cock," he said.

Justin could barely hear Brian; no less understand what he was saying. He was beyond comprehension. He just wanted Brian to keep on fucking and stroking him. But he knew he wasn't going to be able to just leisurely lay there and greedily accept the pleasure Brian was giving him. Oh no, Brian was going to torture him some more first. He felt it in his very being. He felt it in Brian's body, in his movements, and in his words. Brian was going to make him work for this one.

Justin turned his head to the side and pushed back against Brian, taking more of him in.

Brian had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from cuming.

"Oh no you don't Sunshine, not yet," he rasped out.

Justin was insistent though and pushed back harder, bringing his arm around to grab Brian's hip preventing him from pulling out.

"Fuck!" Brian cursed as his body almost betrayed him.

Justin took advantage of Brian's near orgasmic state and squeezed down on his cock.

"Arrraagggggggghhhhh," Brian screamed out his frustration.

His blond wasn't playing fair. He wanted to hold out, to bring his lover to the brink once more, then take him back again; keeping him on this torturous, yet erotic journey he planned for him but Justin was turning the tables on him, knowing his ploy.

Brian used every ounce of energy he had left not to cum, which wasn't easy. He had to resort to thinking about pussy to get his balls to loosen up that's how close they were to bursting. His dick however couldn't give a fuck what thoughts Brian had in his head; it had its own thoughts that were keeping it rock hard and pulsating.

He grabbed a hold of Justin's hips and held him firmly still. He was about to turn the tables back around on his blond.

"Brian!" Justin protested. He wanted, no needed Brian to keep fucking him.

Brian took a deep breath then pushed Justin forward and pulled out of him in one swift movement.

Justin flopped down on the mattress with a startled cry. He flipped over on his back and glared up at Brian.

Brian chuckled at the look on his tigers face. He was ready to do battle. Good, he thought, just as I like him...

"What the fuck!" Justin asked angrily lifting himself up on his elbows.

Brian grabbed Justin's wrist and pulled him up to him.

"I want you to cum," he said lowering his mouth to brush against his blondes trembling lips.

Justin's body twitched in response to Brian's words. He pulled his head back and looked at Brian with lust filled, confused eyes.

"I would have if you didn't pull out," he said.

"Yes, I know, but it wouldn't have been inside of me," Brian clarified.

Justin sucked his breath in. "No…" he whispered.

"Yes," Brian countered in a voice that brooked no argument. He pulled Justin down on top of him as he flopped back on the bed. Justin let out a small gasp at the unexpected move.

"I want to feel that sweet burn of first entry…" Brian said repeating Justin's words from earlier. "I want you to stretch and fill me until I'm mindless, begging you to stop and give me more in the same breath.…" Brian continued. Justin's eyes glazed over with emotion at the passion, the 'I need you right now fucking me,' passion he heard in Brian's voice.

"I want that earth-shattering experience of having a cock, YOUR cock, brush against my prostrate at just the right angle making me burst into a million tiny pieces of pure orgasmic bliss," he concluded.

Justin's eyes grew dark with desire as anticipation filled him. Brian wanted him, him. Just him. This wasn't about Conrad, this wasn't about proving anything. This was about a man, wanting another man inside of him, loving him.

"Are you sure?" Justin asked, though his heart knew the answer.

"Very sure," Brian growled and pulled Justin down to claim his mouth.

Justin kissed him with all the love in his heart, hoping Brian would feel it, and accept it. Brian returned his kiss with just as much fervor conveying to Justin that he heard him, and that he could trust him. His kiss said, "I won't hurt you, your heart is safe with me, I promise.' And that promise was enough for Justin. For now…

The kiss lasted until the need for air became necessary. Justin pulled back panting and diverted his attention to lavishing kisses on Brian's neck and chest. He took his time in worshiping his lovers' body with his hands, mouth and body. He left no part of Brian unattended. He loved him with the entirety of his being. He was no longer filled with anxiety over being Brian's first since Conrad; he was totally lost in just 'being' with his lover. With pleasing him, over, and over again.

Brian was lost in a sexual haze. His blonde was assaulting his body with waves and waves of unbelievable pleasures. Just when he thought he'd reach the height of arousal, Justin sat up and reached over to the nightstand to grab a condom and some lube. The simple act made Brian's cock swell to almost painful proportions. He eagerly rolled over on to his stomach. His body hummed in anticipation.

Justin paused and looked down at Brian. He rested his hand on his beautiful bronzed back and slowly moved it down his spine. Brian's body told him so much. The flexing of his muscles… the heat of his skin…the sheen of sweat that blanketed his back and neck, causing the hair at his nape to curl from the dampness…his erratic breathing… all conveyed the intensity of Brian's desire.

Justin reluctantly withdrew his touch from Brian's hot skin and donned the condom. He then proceeded for the second time that night to warm the lube up in his hands before generously spreading the heated oil over Brian. He eased one, then two fingers inside of him, scissoring them to spread Brian open for him.

Brian moaned and pushed back against his fingers. Justin answered his silent plea for more and slipped a third digit in. Brian hissed. Justin leaned over and kissed the side of his jaw then turned his head to whisper in his ear…

"Bri, I…" Justin couldn't get the words past the sob in his throat. He wanted to say something to mark this very special moment for him, but words escaped him. How do you tell someone how deeply they've affected your life, and your heart? How do you express your profound gratitude to the man who was about to give you the very thing that he valued the most? His trust. There were no words, yet Justin felt like he should say something.

Brian turned his head and kissed Justin soundly. "I know Sunshine, I know. Me too," he said.

Justin breathed a sigh of relief at Brian's words. He didn't have to speak what was in his heart, Brian knew. He leaned over and kissed him tenderly, almost reverently as he covered Brian's hand with his own and entwined their fingers. He then raised himself up again and positioned his cock at his entrance.

Slowly, and with great care, he entered him, stretching him inch by inch, giving him time to adjust. Brian relaxed and gave himself over to Justin's control.

Justin pushed forward until he was fully embedded inside him and held still, basking in the sensation of being surrounded by Brian's heat. It was like no other feeling he's ever had. Being inside Brian was like being home.

Brian let out a deep guttural groan that indicated he was experiencing the same level of pleasure. Justin was surprised when Brian squeezed down on Justin's cock, urging him to move. 'Just like riding a bike.'

Justin pulled out as slowly as he entered Brian then pushed forward again creating a rhythm that was leisurely and painfully measured. Each stroke left Brian panting, and wanting more. Their exotic ritual continued for what seemed like hours and only minutes at the same time. Justin kept up his pace, making sure to angel himself to best pleasure his lover. Each time he hit Brian's prostate, Brian would let out a loud deep-throated moan. After several brushes against that sweet spot, Justin could feel Brian was getting close, which he was grateful for. He didn't think he could hold on much longer. With a will born from God knows where, Justin held back his orgasm. Sweat beaded on his forehead and dripped down onto Brian's back. Fucking Brian was like riding a wave of pure ecstasy.

Justin decided he needed to take matters into his own hands, literally. He reached around with his free hand; his other was tightly clenched in Brian's, and wrapped his fingers around Brian's cock and started stroking him in tempo with his thrusts.

"Arrgghhhh…." Brian cried out. He pumped himself into Justin's hand desperately seeking release. Justin continued to stroke Brian's cock and fuck his ass in perfect synchronization. Brian was holding out as long as he could, squeezing every ounce of pleasure from his blond.

Justin's body shook violently with his need for release. He wasn't going to hold out. He closed his eyes and laid his cheek against Brian's back.

'Fuck! Don't cum ...don't cum ...don't cum ...'his mind chanted over and over.

"Brian..." he croaked out his need.

Brian felt Justin's cock throb inside of him, he knew his blond was ready to bust and he was not far behind him. His body was responded to the raging desires of his lover. All he could do was hold on, and let Justin take him over the edge with him.

Justin's strokes became more frantic, and less calculated. Brian recognized the change. His blonde was 'in the zone'. He was so close, so fucking close…Brian could feel the sweet taste of release in the back of his throat. He pushed back hard nearly dislodging Justin. Justin cried out in surprise at the sudden move, but quickly recovered and pushed back. He started fucking Brian with reckless abandonment, lost in his own sexual haze.

Brian's whole body clenched around Justin's. He hissed his pleasure out between clenched teeth…. "That's it, cum for me Sunshine..." he ordered, wanting to feel Justin's cock pulse and explode inside of him.

Justin lost it, God help him he couldn't hold out any longer. He grabbed Brian's hips and pulled him up off the bed and rammed his cock in him as hard as he could.

"Fuck... Brian!" He cried out as his body tensed and convulsed. His orgasm came swift, ripping through him so fiercely it burned.

"Arragggggggghhhhhh!"

The feel of Justin's cock throbbing inside of Brian was enough to rip his own orgasm from him. He squeezed down on the pulsating cock inside of him and screamed out his climax.

Their bodies jerked and convulsed in orgasmic bliss for a long time before they both collapsed back onto the bed, each gasping for breath, their hearts racing.

They continued to lie like that for a few minutes as they waited for their worlds to return to normal. Justin was the first to recover.

"Fuuuck!" He cursed in frustration. He eased his way out of Brian and rolled over onto his back, removing the condom and tossing it into the waste basket. His movements were stilted and angry.

Brian gingerly turned to his side to study his blonde. He chuckled deep in his throat. "I believe we just did Sunshine," he said in response to his blond's outburst.

Justin turned to look at him.

"I hate losing it like that," he confessed.

He berated himself for his lack of control. He wanted to last longer but he wasn't as disciplined as Brian. He lost all reason once he entered him.

There was Utopia inside Brian. A place where no barriers of the senses existed. Everything merged into one when he was inside of Brian. All feeling, all emotions and everything physical came together making them truly one in those moments right before his world exploded around him. It was a feeling like none other and Justin became its' slave. He greedily drank from the erotic well he found inside of Brian when he knew he should have been more gentle, more considerate.

Brian would be sore from his lack of control and that knowledge angered him. He wasn't some green kid; he should have had a better handle on it. It was Brian's first time bottoming in a long time, and he failed at making the experience special. Instead he acted like an animal out of control.

Brian leaned over and kissed him seeing the worry frowns crease his blond's forehead.

"Stop over analyzing. I fucking love that you lost it like that," he said.

"I just wanted to give you the pleasure you gave me our first time." Justin said despondently.

Brian laughed. "If these soaked sheets aren't indication of how much pleasure you just gave me then I don't know what more proof you need," he said.

Justin smiled and turned into him, burying his face in Brian's chest inhaling his scent and branding it to memory. Brian brought his hand up and ran his fingers through the silky blond locks.

"Besides, do you have any idea what it does to my ego knowing I can make you lose it like that?" Brian asked.

Justin laughed and turned his head to look up at Brian.

"All the more reason for me not to lose it like that. Your ego's too big as it is," he teased, feeling better at Brian's words.

"As long as it doesn't get bigger than my cock, we're in good shape," Brian said.

Justin snorted. "Then we're in trouble because as massively endowed as you are, your ego has already surpassed it ten fold," he said.

Brian swatted his ass playfully and pulled him in closer against his body. Their hot, sweaty flesh slid against each others' sending little post coital tremors through them.

They lay like that for a few minutes just enjoying each other before Brian released Justin and reached over to grab a cigarette from the nightstand. He sat up and lit one. Justin laid his head in his lap and sighed deeply as he brushed his cheek against Brian's cock.

"Easy tiger. You get me hard again and I can guarantee you'll be a lot sorer in the morning than I'll be," Brian warned.

Justin frowned and turned to look up at Brian. "How do you feel now?" he asked concerned.

Brian sighed dramatically as he puffed out a cloud of smoke. "Abused, used, objectified," he opined as he held the cigarette to Justin's lips.

Justin took a couple of drags then laid his head back down on Brian's lap. "Hmmm…well I guess there are worse ways to feel," he said.

Brian huffed out a half laugh. "I guess there is," he said as his hand found its way to his blond's silky locks again.

Several long blissful, sated moments of silence passed as Brian smoked his cigarette. Justin was just dozing off when the sound of Brian's voice broke through his sleepy haze.

"Oh and Sunshine…." he said.

"Hmmm?" Justin answered drowsily.

"You ever call me a Martyr again, and I'll tan your ass so hard you won't be able to sit for a week," Brian threatened.

Justin wanted to tell him that it wouldn't be the first time he'd been in that state. There was a time or two since he started bottoming again where Brian fucked him so hard he didn't think he'd ever be able to sit again. However, he wasn't about to divulge that information. He didn't want to risk Brian taking it easy on him. Truth was he loved it rough, and hard. 'pleasure spiked with pain…'So instead he simply replied; "Promise?"

xxxxxxxxxx

Two very tired men drove up to the quaint local diner. The early morning sun streamed down across the snow-covered countryside emulating a Norman Rockwell painting. Unfortunately neither man sitting in the car was in a disposition to appreciate the effect. They were both exhausted from lack of sleep having literally fucked the night away.

"We going in?" Justin asked. He was slumped over, his head resting on the passenger side window.

"No, we're going to sit here and wait for fucking room service," Brian grumbled as he leaned his forehead against the steering wheel.

Justin cringed. "Please, don't say fucking. I need at least 24 hours before I can even think about getting laid again," he said.

Brian turned his head to side and raised a brow at him. "24 hours?" he challenged.

Justin threw him a scorching look. "Fuck you. You know you feel as sore as I do. And I'm fucking starving. When was the last time we ate anyway?" he asked.

Brian had to smile at his blond. He was cranky as hell when he hadn't slept or eaten in awhile.

"With all the cum you swallowed last night I'm surprised you have room in your stomach for food," he teased impishly.

Justin actually growled at him, and not in a life affirming positive way. "I swear to God Brian…."

Brian laughed. "Come on, the guy at the book store said this place had the best pancakes in town," he said as he opened his car door.

Justin grabbed the book they purchased off the dashboard and exited the car. His legs were stiff; hell his whole body was stiff! Except the one part he didn't think could get stiff again for a while at least. But oh God it was so fucking worth it…. Justin shook his head to ward off his sexual thoughts. He needed substance, and not the liquid protein kind, to fortify him if he were going to make it through this day. He and Brian had skipped dinner last night. They were too busy fucking from early evening, to dawn's light. With breaks here and there of course, but it was definitely a marathon of fucking, sucking, rimming and ramming. They finally fell into an exhausted slumber around four this morning. Justin forced his tired worn body up around six a.m. to call Mark while Brian still slept. He didn't want to wake Brian and chance them getting into a fight over who was going to make the call all over again knowing how the last argument turned out…his ass couldn't take it…so he made the call down in the hotels lobby.

As it turned out, Mark had a plethora of information, none of which any of the P.I.'s managed to ascertain. Valuable information like the fact that Brian's ex was a well-established novelist. Apparently Conrad gave up teaching after he left Pittsburgh to pursue a writing career. No surprise there. Teaching probably wasn't the most ideal job for him considering his penchant for fucking young boys. A thing like that gets out and it could ruin a guy's career. Though if you were going to risk your job over an affair with a minor, Brian Kinney was the one youth worth risking it for, Justin mused. He couldn't fault the man's taste, just his judgment.

After Conrad ended his affair with Brian, or more accurately, after his new lover ended it, Conrad and Mark moved to Upstate NY where they settled in a charming cottage just outside of the town they were currently in. Mark worked as an architect while Conrad stayed home and wrote. His efforts paid off and he sold his first book shortly after. His second book was on the shelves two years after that. Surprisingly, his books were a huge success considering they were all gay romance/mystery novels. He wrote under the pseudo BK Hallen. Justin was surprised Mark hadn't objected since the BK was obviously a nod to Brian. Or maybe he did… It could have been a point of contention between the two of them. One that may have resulted in foul play. Like Justin told Brian, until they find out what happened to Conrad, everyone, including Mark, was a suspect.

Mark told Justin that as the years went by, Conrad's fan base grew and a website was started. According to Mark, Conrad had a pretty sizable following. Thousands of fans flooded his website every day. For the most part they were just loyal readers eager to express their love to their favorite author, and get updates on when his next book release was scheduled. But some of the fans Mark remembered as being a tad obsessive. He told Justin that disturbing comments were left on the site, and occasionally, Conrad would receive an angry email from a fan. Conrad would just ignore it. Justin reamed Mark out for not reporting the emails to the authorities. For all they knew, one of those crazed fans could have been in someway responsible for Conrad's accident, or disappearance.

Justin hung up with Mark having gotten all he could out of him hoping he wouldn't have to call him again. He knew it wasn't rational, but he despised the man for what he did to Brian. He was holding a grudge that wasn't his to hold. He made an effort to remind himself that this was business, and not to take it personal. His next call was to Cynthia. He gave her the address to Conrad's website and asked her to do some cyber investigating. She took the information down and assured him she'd have something back to him by later that night.

Justin went back up to their room after he hung up with Cynthia and climbed back in bed making sure not to wake Brian. He managed to get another hour sleep before the wake up call roused him. Neither he, nor Brian, relished getting out of the comfort of the luxurious bed but today would be the first day of their investigation and they wanted to get an early start. Justin filled Brian in on what he learned from Mark in the shower after he blew him; which turned out to be a smart move. Brian was too tired and sated to get angry over Justin sneaking out to make the call. They got dressed and hit the local bookstore to pick up one of Conrad's books. Luckily, the owner of the store was a big fan and he carried every book 'BK Hallen' had ever written. They chose a really cheesy novel, in Justin's opinion, called "The Locker Room Murder". According to the summary on the back cover, the story was about the murder of a gym teacher whose body was found in the gym's locker room. Hence the cheesy title. Justin skimmed through the book to find several chapters in which a male student was remembering being seduced by his 'coach'. The mystery, Justin suspected, was which one of them killed him. A shrink would have a heyday dissecting Conrad's methodology.

Brian found it all very amusing, Justin found it disturbing, almost as disturbing as the picture of Conrad on the inside cover. The guy was pretty fucking hot, much hotter than Mark. All the anxieties he felt earlier about Brian possibly meeting up with his ex again after all these years came rushing back. His stomach lurched a bit over the thought so he put it on hold for now. He needed coffee and food before dealing with that insecurity. Their next stop was the diner, where they were currently parked in front of.

They walked into the diner and took a seat at the counter.

"Cool place," Justin said suppressing a yawn as he looked around. The diner was decorated in a retro 50's style complete with authentic chrome fixtures, old fashioned jukebox and classic framed photos of 50-60's icons.

Brian grunted in response and grabbed the menu off the counter.

"Who do I have to blow to get a cup of coffee around here?" he said

A tiny woman with dark hair and a fetching smile came out of the kitchen drying her hands on a dish towel.

"Well I'd say me, if I had the equipment. Unfortunately I don't. I could ask the cook though if you'd like? He might be interested," she said impishly.

Justin turned his head and bit his lip to stop from laughing. Brian just scowled at her. The woman shook her head disapprovingly and turned to pour two cups of steaming coffee. She brought them over to the counter and placed them down in front of them.

"Thanks," they both said.

"Can I have some cream?" Justin asked.

The woman gave him a once over then turned to get the cream. Justin leaned over to whisper to Brian. "And I thought Deb was odd. What's her problem?" he asked.

"Maybe she didn't appreciate my comment," Brian said shrugging his shoulders indifferently as he poured an obscene amount of sugar into his coffee.

The woman came back over with the cream and placed it front of Justin. She then took out her pad.

"You guys passing through? I pretty much know everyone in this town, haven't seen you two before," she asked.

"That's because we've never been here. Now, if you don't mind, we're hungry. I saw the sign outside said Diner. I'm assuming that means you have food. Or some semblance of it," Brian bit out sarcastically. Justin elbowed him. There as no reason to piss the woman off. Besides, it was a small town. She might know something about Conrad, or Mark.

"Ah city folk." she said matching his tone, only hers sounded more patronizing. "What'll ya have?" she asked.

Justin's stomach growled at the mention of food. "I'll have a short stack of blueberry pancakes, butter on the side, two eggs over easy, very easy, extra crispy bacon, and a side of whole wheat toast… lightly toasted with just a smidgeon of butter," he said.

The woman smiled at him. "A 'smidgeon' huh?" she said raising her brow in a fashion that was quite impressive, even by Brian's standards. "Hey Jose' got a Liberace out here," she called out to the kitchen.

The tiny hairs on the back of Brian's neck rose, along with his temper, at the remark. "A little early to be making fun of the 'gay city folk', don't you think?" he asked dangerously. The woman didn't flinch. She turned her pen around and tapped it on the menu.

"Liberace special," she said. Brian looked down at the menu to see what she was pointing at. All the menu items had celebrity titles. Under the 'Liberace Special' it said, pancakes, eggs, choice of breakfast meat. Brian rolled his eyes but didn't apologize for jumping to conclusions.

The woman sighed. "See that's what happens when you go out partying all night. You get a nasty hangover and say stupid things that piss off the waitress who's about to handle your food. Now behave handsome, and I'll get you a three egg white omelet with a side of fresh fruit, sans the spit I'm tempted to season it with, unless you do or say something else stupid to make me change my mind," she said then winked at him.

Brian wanted to be angry, but couldn't. He actually cracked a smile. Justin on the other hand laughed out loud.

"Um, I think I'll pass on the bodily fluids. Had enough of those last night," Brian said sheepishly, the devil in him wanting to shock, or at the very least, embarrass the woman. It didn't work. She threw back her head and laughed.

"I bet you have gorgeous," she said winking at Justin this time making him blush.

Satisfied her rebuke was taken in the good natured manner she intended, she turned towards the kitchen to give the cook their order.

"Hey, wait!" Brian called out. "Who said I wanted a 3 egg white omelet? I might want those famous pancakes the guy at the bookstore was raving about," Brian said.

The woman turned around and gave him a superior look. "When you've been in this business as long as I have you just know. He..." The woman nodded her head towards Justin, "doesn't have as many hang ups as you. He's wearing a casual pull over jersey and a bomber jacket." She said pointing over to the stool next to him where his jacket was lying. "You, on the other hand are wearing an Armani sweater to match the Armani wool coat you took the time to hang up on our coat rack and some kind of expensive cologne that's making my sinus's act up. He's pancakes and bacon; you're egg whites and fruit," she said.

Brian and Justin exchanged looks. The woman should have been a P.I. or in some kind of police work, she was very observant and had an eye for detail.

"Don't try to figure it out. It's a gift," she said witnessing the questioning glances the two men were exchanging. "Though Chickie is right to rave. My pancakes are the best. Have your friend give you a taste of his. It won't kill you," she said. She was about to turn around again to give Jose' the orders when she spied the book lying on the counter next to Justin.

"You read this book?" Justin asked seeing that the book caught her attention.

"God Lord no. Not my cup of tea, but he's very popular around here. We have a big gay community who are huge fans of his work. If you ask me though, his books are cheesy," she said.

Justin smiled at her. "That's my impression as well," he said.

"If you like him, you should try Jack Caper's books. Not as titillating as BK's stuff, but the plotlines are more believable," she said.

Justin was about to respond when another very tiny, younger woman stormed in from the back.

"Hey Gina, sorry I'm late!" she said all flustered as she tied her apron around her waist. She then turned to the two customers at the counter with a very big cheery smile on her face.

"Good morning!" she said.

"Good morning to you," Justin returned the greeting. The girl was infectiously charming. Brian just nodded his head.

"Be careful with that one Christina…" The older woman, who they just learned name was Gina, warned the younger woman nodding her head in Brian's direction. "He's not a morning person," she said then retreated to the kitchen to give Jose their orders.

Christina 'tsk'd' her and turned that bright smile back on them.

"It's such a beautiful day out today! We better enjoy it. They say more snow is heading our way," she chatted happily. Brian wished she would just shut up. His head was starting to pound from lack of sleep.

"Excuse me miss, but do you have any aspirin?" he asked.

"Oh sure! Got some Advil, will that do?" she asked.

"Perfect," Brian said.

The young girl ducked under the counter and came up with a bottle of Advil and handed them to Brian. She then went to get him a glass of water.

"Here," she said handing him the water.

"Thanks," Brian said taking 3 tablets out of the bottle and downing them with the water. The waitress went to put the bottle away when she too spied the book.

"Oh my God! I read that book! He's great isn't he?" she said to Justin.

'Well there's two very different opinions', Justin thought.

"Haven't read it yet. But I've heard he's pretty popular around here," Justin said.

"Oh yes! And he's such a nice guy too!" she said.

Both Justin and Brian jumped on her statement. "You know him?" They asked in unison.

The waitress blinked and backed up a bit at the urgency she heard in the men's voices.

"Um, not really. He just comes in here from time to time," she said.

Just then Gina came back out of the kitchen. She immediately saw the anxiety on her waitress's face. She turned accusing eyes on them.

"What did you say to her?" she demanded.

"I'm sorry, we startled her. She said she knew the author of this book. We were just excited to know she knew him. You see we're big fans of his," Brian said.

"Bullshit. You, Mr. 5th avenue, wouldn't get your hands dirty touching a book like that, no less read it. And I doubt bright eyes over there's IQ is so low he actually would enjoy that trash."

"Hey! I like his books," the young waitress protested.

"Christina hon, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult you. But you're nineteen sweetie, these men are much older…"

"Hey!" Brian and Justin both voiced their displeasure at the 'slur' of being called 'much' older.

Gina rolled her eyes. "All perceived insults aside, the fact is, you guys are up to something. Why so interested in that guy?" she asked pointing to the book on the counter.

Again the men exchanged looks. Justin nodded his head signaling they might as well come clean. They could get lucky and actually get some useful information out of them.

"Ok fine. We're Private Detectives. The author of that book…" Brian paused and picked up the book and opened it up to show Conrad's picture on the inside cover to both ladies…" real name is Conrad Callahan. He had an accident, his car crashed into the Hudson River. His body was never found but the authorities don't think he survived the crash. His partner, however, hired us to do a little investigating just to make sure. When Christina here said she knew him, we both were curious how well," Brian explained.

Christina put her hand to her throat. "Oh my God! BK is dead? I can't believe it!" she said.

"Wait a minute, if he was in some car crash, wouldn't we have read about it in the paper?" Gina asked.

"His partner asked the police to keep it out of the papers. He's under the illusion that his lover is still alive, though to be perfectly honest, that's not very likely," Brian said.

"Can't blame the poor guy for holding out hope," Gina said with a sad sigh. "Tragic," she muttered under her breath shaking her head. The kitchen bell dinged indicating their breakfast was ready. Gina went to pick up the plates. Brian looked back at the waitress, Christina.

"So you really think he's dead?" she asked. There was a real sadness to her voice; one Brian thought was odd considering she said she said she 'didn't really know him'.

"It appears that way. Why? Do you know something that might indicate otherwise?" Brian asked.

Christina shook her head vigorously. "No, no. It's just…well it's just shocking. You never know do you? One minute you're here, the next you're gone. You know I should have told him how much I loved his books the last time he was here. But I didn't. He wasn't exactly approachable you know. Kept to himself mostly. He always made sure to come in during our slow hours, you know, to avoid being recognized. You know he has a lot of fans in town," she said.

Brian noticed she said 'you know' a lot. The problem was, he didn't know.

"So we heard. You say he always came in during your slow hours. Did he ever meet up with anyone while he was here?" Brian asked.

"Oh no. He was always alone. Except for the last time he was here. He came in with Tim. They sat in the back, very cozy like you know," Christina said.

That caught Brian and Justin's attention big time. Gina came out with their orders. "Here you go boys, enjoy!" she said placing the steaming hot plates in front of them.

"Tim?" Brian kept his attention on Christina. Gina turned to her as well.

Christina blushed. "Yeah, Tim. He's a regular, you know," she said.

"Does this Tim have a last name?" Brian pressed.

Christina shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know his last name," she said.

'Figures. The one thing she doesn't know'…Brian thought peevishly.

"Are you talking about Tim from the brotherhood?" Gina interjected at this point. Brian turned his attention to her.

"What's the brotherhood?" he asked.

"They're a religious society that lives up the road on their own compound. Like the Amish. They live off the land, make their own cloths…stuff like that. They are totally self sufficient. They have their own schools and medical staff up there. They don't let too many people in. Very private lot, but for some reason they love me. They come in often, and I've been invited up to their place before. Nice people," Gina explained.

"And you know this Tim guy?" Brian asked feeling the rush of a break in the case.

Gina snorted. "That's the trouble with damn detectives, always asking too many questions. What if I do? I wouldn't tell you anything about him. Those are nice people up there! They get ridiculed enough in this community. They're allowed to live their lives in peace without you or anyone snooping around in their business," she said.

"I'm sorry, but you're wrong. If this guy Tim is in away involved in Mr. Callahan's disappearance, then I have every right to question him and his cult," Brian said.

That just pissed Gina off more. "Oh, so because their religion isn't main-stream, they're a cult?" she said. Justin could see the woman was in combat mode.

"No, it doesn't make them a cult. But that's beside the point. The real issue here is that a man is missing, and as far as we know, this Tim guy may have been the last one to see him before his accident. Maybe he could tell us if he was upset that day over something. It would explain him having an accident, if his mind was on something other than driving. Gina, we have a grieving man just looking for answers, that's all," Justin interjected trying to pacify the woman and appeal to her compassion.

Gina smiled at him. She like the blond man. She wasn't too sure about his friend though.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I do know Tim. Don't know his last name though. Like I said, he lives up at the compound, they are very private people. I could give you their address, it's public record, but I doubt they'll let you in to talk to him," Gina said.

"Thanks that would be great. Can you at least tell us what he looks like?" Justin asked.

"Tall thin man. Red hair. Freckles," Gina said.

"Thanks. That's a big help," Justin said.

Brian picked up his fork and dug into his omelet. His appetite wetted, both with the smell from the food, and with the major breakthrough they just had on the case.

"Well Gina, I must say, this smells delicious," Brian said his mood suddenly lifted.

Justin took a bite of his pancakes and moaned loudly. "Oh my God Brian, you have to taste these!" He said holding out a fork full of the fluffy cake for him. Brian bit down on sweet morsel and closed his eyes in pure delight at the taste.

"No doubt. Those are the best pancakes I've ever eaten," Brian said.

Gina beamed. "I told you," she said with obvious pride.

"And I do hope you find some answers for your client to give him peace of mind, though I don't know if that's possible. Losing a loved one is just about the worst thing that can happen to a person," she said then excused herself and went back in the kitchen.

Christina turned and grabbed the coffee pot to refill their cups.

Brian thanked her, added his sugar then went to take a sip of the hot brew.

"Oh, one more question Christina. Do you remember if Tim and Conrad, um, BK, left together? I know it was a long time ago, but anything you could remember from that day would be helpful," Brian said as he took a sip of the hot liquid.

"Of course I remember. They ordered coffee and split a hot fudge sundae. They stayed for about a half an hour, then left. Together," she said.

"Wow, that's some memory you have there Christina. You still remember what they ordered and how long they stayed?" Justin asked as he took another bite of his delicious pancakes.

"Sure I remember. It wasn't that long ago after all you know. It was just last week."

Brian spit the coffee out all over the counter.