"I'm telling you, they're all sleeping together!" exclaimed Tony, drawing Steve and Natasha's attention where they were sitting in the entertainment room of the tower.

Tony had invited the whole team plus friends to get together for a night of movies, booze, and possibly lawlessness. With Tony, the risk of getting arrested went up significantly. Thankfully, the man had enough money for all of them to make bail even though Natasha would probably just pick the lock if something happened. Unfortunately, Phil and Clint were tied up with a mission in some classified location that only Natasha knew about and Darcy, being Phil's assistant and the only one of the three trained in politics, was still stuck at the office relaying information. Which left the group down to Bruce, Tony, Thor, Steve, and Natasha. Jane had been invited as well, as had Pepper, and both women were currently sitting on the couch opposite Steve and Natasha, talking quietly about something or another. Thor was curled up behind Jane, idly playing with the ends of her hair.

Thor looked up at Tony's exclamation, curiosity etched on his features. "Who has fallen asleep in the company of others? And why is this a matter of concern?"

"It shouldn't be," muttered Bruce with a shake of his head, dropping into one of several chairs in the room.

"I believe Tony is using the term 'sleeping together' as a substitute for the word 'fucking'," added Natasha casually, one eyebrow arching. "Who is it you are discussing, Tony? Or is this another of your absurd theories?"

"Hey! My theories aren't absurd!" objected Tony with a touch of a pout. "And I was talking about the three missing musketeers."

Steve's brow furrowed heavily. "Phil, Clint, and Darcy?"

"Yep," confirmed Tony with a nod. "They're all suspiciously absent tonight."

"They're involved in an operation," reminded Steve, a touch annoyed.

Tony just shrugged. "Then why is Miss. 'I can kill you with a dust mite' here, hm? Normally she's the one running these things with bird-brain and Agent."

Natasha rolled her eyes slightly, leaning back against the couch. "I also run a higher risk of being recognized where they are. It wasn't conducive to the mission."

"And I don't doubt for a moment that you could make yourself unrecognizable," argued Tony. Idly, he popped some blueberries into his mouth and took a sip of whatever lighter fluid he was favoring that night. "I'm thinking of starting a pool on the subject. Anyone interested?"

"A pool?" repeated Thor, clearly confused.

Pepper just let out an irritated huff. "He means a wager. Tony, you aren't allowed to bet on the sex lives of our friends."

"Says who?" countered Tony with a raised eyebrow before looking around the room. "Also, Agent is your friend, not mine. Now, who's in? Anyone?"

Steve felt his anger flaring at Tony's words. "Why do you care anyway, Tony?"

Tony shrugged. "Because it's Agent, mostly. The man's got a tighter hold on his life than any living person should, then he goes and randomly starts living with his secretary and Robin Hood. Both of whom are of questionable sanity and have a high chance of getting arrested. It doesn't make sense unless there's something in it for him. I'm betting sex."

Jane's brow furrowed. "I thought Clint blew up his apartment trying some strange sex position."

"No," corrected Natasha. "Apparently, he left one of his explosive arrows on the radiator and accidentally blew out the back wall of his apartment."

"Wait, then were did the sex position story come from?" asked Bruce, brow furrowing slightly. "That's the only story about that I've heard."

Natasha shrugged. "Apparently, Darcy started that rumor. Likely with encouragement from Clint. Fury used it as an argument to have Phil train her to write cover stories."

It was Pepper's turn to raise a curious eyebrow. "But that story is so unbelievable, I wouldn't think that would be grounds to teach someone to write cover stories."

"It wasn't the story that led Fury to make that decision, it was the fact that she had almost everyone in S.H.I.E.L.D believing it," explained Natasha. "She is a rather gifted liar."

Thor nodded heavily. "It is the basis for her and my brother's kinship. They both enjoy harmless pranks, as does S.H.I.E.L.D. brother Clint."

"More proof they're sleeping together," argued Tony, apparently having not given up on the idea. "Anyone want in on the bet?"

Natasha shrugged a little, offering him a smile. "I'm in. Fifty against." She glanced at Steve, shooting him a pointed look.

"Er, me too," stated Steve uneasily. "Also, fifty against."

Both of Tony's eyebrows rose in surprise, just before his eyes narrowed suspiciously as he looked between them. "You two have inside information."

Natasha just shrugged. "You never said that was illegal."

Tony sighed unhappily, dropping onto the couch next to Pepper. "No, but it takes all the fun out of betting." Pouting slightly, he looked at Natasha. "So, what's the verdict? And how do you know? Gotta cite your sources."

One of Natasha's eyebrows rose in a 'really?' gesture before she rolled her eyes and answered. "They aren't sleeping together and I know because I've been sleeping with Clint for the better part of the last three years and Phil has a girlfriend none of us have ever met in Seattle. Also, Steve is currently dating Darcy."

"Seriously?" asked Tony, both eyebrows shooting up as he looked at Steve. "You're banging the lab intern?"

Steve felt his anger give way to embarrassment. "I'm not sleeping with her, Tony. We've barely been dating two months."

Tony whistled and everyone else just looked surprised except for Natasha. "Wow, talk about taking it slow. Just make sure she doesn't get bored and leave. Might wanna move up your time-table there, Steve-o."

"Even I agree with Tony on that one," agreed Bruce. "Women today don't necessarily want you to go that slow."

Steve's embarrassment was quickly over-taken by worry. "She seems fine with it."

"She is fine with it," interjected Natasha, shooting Steve a reassuring look. "I've spoken with her at lengthen many times. She refers to it as...refreshing."

"Good to know," sighed Steve, offering the Russian woman a smile in return. "Thank you."

Natasha just shrugged. "Thank her for being understanding. I would have become frustrated with you well before now."

Jane stared at Natasha in surprise. "Darcy told you she was dating Steve? She didn't even tell me!"

"She didn't tell me so much as I was over when he picked her up one night," explained Natasha with a shrug. "Plus, Clint has a big mouth. At least, where I'm concerned he does."

Steve groaned. "Please, no details."

"Well, this takes all the fun out of gossip," grumbled Tony. "So, why are bird-brain and taser girl living with Agent anyway?"

Natasha shrugged. "I don't know about Darcy, but Clint blew up his apartment again and no one will lease to him at the moment."

"Darcy's apartment was condemned," supplied Jane, reaching for the glass of wine Pepper had poured her earlier. "I told her she could crash with me if she needed to, but she told me days before she was going to get kicked out that she'd found an alternative."

"Phil's protective of her," added Steve. "He seems to really care."

Natasha chuckled slightly. "Yes, I heard he and Clint gave you the talk."

Steve rubbed his neck sheepishly. "I'll admit, he can be intimidating."

"You got a shovel talk from Agent?" cackle Tony. "Now that I something I would love to see. JARVIS? Can you pull security footage from," he paused and turned fully to Steve, "where did this happen?"

"In the cafeteria," supplied Natasha with a smile, very clearly enjoying the chaos. "But Phil likely

erased the footage already, if there was any to begin with."

"Eh, nothing can ever be truly erased," dismissed Tony. "Well, it can be but that involves massive amounts of electromagnetism or a lot of C4, neither of which Agent has access to. Well, okay he probably has access to it, but I don't see him destroying S.H.I.E.L.D. property. JARVIS, pull the security footage from the S.H.I.E.L.D recharging station on- when did this happen? A week ago? Two weeks?"

"Two months," offered Natasha. "Clint told me about it two months ago, the day it happened."

"Right, so download all security footage from the S.H.I.E.L.D recharging station from two months ago," ordered Tony. "And throw it up on the screen. I gotta see this."

"I'm sorry sir, but the information from that period of time appears to be missing," apologized JARVIS. "In fact, the time codes are showing that the cameras in the S.H.I.E.L.D cafeteria were disable for a brief period of time on that day."

Natasha started laughing as Tony muttered what sounded like a curse and 'Agent wins this round'. Everyone else just stared at Tony like he was insane. Which Steve is pretty sure is the case.

"I told you there was no footage," pointed out Natasha with a smile. "Phil is too smart to leave incriminating evidence around."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," grumbled Tony. "Well, this sucks."

Pepper offered Tony a soft smile, reaching out to take his hand. "You can't blame the man for figuring out your methods. Now, why don't we put the movie that we were going to watch on and forget about all this, hm?"

"That sounds good," agreed Bruce, picking up the TV remote and flipping on the system. "Though, I am curious, why doesn't Clint come live here? There's room for him."

"Simple," replied Natasha. "Fury barred him from it. The last thing he needs is for Clint to do something stupid and blow the tower sky high. Besides, he enjoys living with Phil and Darcy. Together, they're like some sort of strange family."

"Does it offer him a stability he lacked when he was younger or something?" wondered Jane, raising an eyebrow. "Darcy told me something once about a circus."

Natasha just raised an eyebrow. "Somehow, I suspect the circus was more stable than their household. No, I think Clint purely enjoys living with two people who can put up with his personal brand of insanity. Besides, if he lived here, we'd all have murdered him by now. Never let it be said that Phil does not have the patience of a saint."

"Tony lives here and we haven't killed him yet," pointed out Bruce, glancing at Tony. "Though I can't say the thought hasn't occurred."

"Yes," agreed Natasha. "But when is the last time Tony baked cookies on the ceiling or ran through the tower naked."

"I did the second one just the other night," objected Tony. "And how do you bake cookies on the ceiling?"

"With a blow torch, apparently," replied Natasha. "And I meant when everyone could see you."

"Just the other night," repeated Tony with a shrug. "He doesn't sound that bad."

Natasha just sighed and shook her head. "Trust me, he's safer with Phil and Darcy. And so is everyone else. Now, what movie are we watching?"