Updated: March 2008. Usual Disclaimer.
Severus Snape stood at the front of his class, eyeing the seventh years in front of him.
His temper was mean today. He'd woken up with a headache in the early hours of the morning and he'd been annoyed, and disconcerted, to find Meg no longer in his bed.
She'd slept with him each night now for nearly three weeks. She'd come to his rooms and stay till morning. It annoyed him to admit it, but he had grown accustomed to her being there when he woke, curled into a ball beside him, the only part of her touching him would be her feet, which she would tuck against his leg.
After the first time she'd seemed to accept that he didn't like unnecessary contact and didn't ask him to hold her again, instead she'd let him turn away from her.
But this morning she wasn't there and he didn't know why.
He let his gaze wander over the class of Slytherins busy writing an essay on ways to identify and combat vampires.
His gaze fell on Malfoy's bent head and once again he found himself wondering about the whole Weasley/Malfoy business. It had been two weeks since Meg had informed him of their relationship and nothing more seemed to have happened. Pansy appeared to be taking Draco seriously and kept away from Ginny. Neither had openly admitted their relationship, and as it stood, it was still a secret from the rest of the school. How long for though?
He still couldn't get over why he hadn't noticed anything. How had Meg stumbled on that one? He was the head of Draco's house and he'd been blind to it.
His eyes narrowed on Malfoy, it seemed in the art of deception he took after his father. He hoped for Miss Weasley's sake that was the only thing he'd inherited from him.
His eyes went to Pansy who was as usual sitting behind Malfoy; her eyes were on his back now, the quill in her hand motionless.
He watched her silently for a few seconds, not liking the look on her face, or the expression in her eyes.
"Miss Parkinson, the inspiration for your essay is not on Mr. Malfoy's back," his sneering voice made a few students who'd been immersed in their essays' jump.
Pansy looked at him quickly, her face flushing before she lowered her head to her scroll and began to hastily scribble.
Snape's eyes went to Malfoy. He was looking at Snape with a funny expression on his face.
It struck Snape that he was probably wondering if he knew about his clandestine affair with the Weasley girl. He raised an eyebrow at Malfoy who gave him a half grin before returning to his own scroll.
Snape narrowed his eyes, he had sixth year Gryffindors next. He might sound out the girl; see what kind of reaction he'd get from her.
Part of him was loath to admit that something as big as this escaped him. Meg had told him he didn't know everything that went on round here, obviously not, but he knew most things and this had completely escaped him.
He became aware of the restless disturbing of his students and realised the lesson had finished and they were waiting for him to dismiss him.
"Scrolls on my desk!" he ordered and swept to his desk to sit down and watch each student leave the scrolls as they filled out.
The last student went out and he had ten minutes before the next lot would file in.
He went to the windows and looked down over the grounds below.
"Interesting?"
He turned and saw Meg leaning against the doorway.
"Not really," he replied and went back to sit as his desk. He watched as she crossed to stand where he'd just been.
"I envy you this view," she remarked and he could hear the tiredness in her voice. It was only just apparent and anyone else would have missed it. But not him; in the last two months he'd got to know her quite well. His past dealings as a Death Eater had given him certain skills and so, even when her face was perfectly blank he could still tell roughly how she was feeling. He found her eyes could be expressional and tended to give her away if you knew what you were looking for, which he did.
"What do you want?"
Meg turned at his cold voice; he was watching her through narrowed eyes.
"Can't I just come for a chat?" she asked him sharply, it bothered her a lot when he was so cold to her. She knew he'd never be any different. Knew it wasn't the same with him as it was for her. But it still hurt.
"Not when I have a class in ten minutes; you could have chatted all you wanted to this morning, in fact you usually do," he said dryly, watching for her reaction closely.
She raised her eyebrow but kept her face perfectly straight and under control; but her eyes were frosty, maybe even resentful. He frowned, wondering what had brought that on. She should be used to his frequent bouts of sarcasm; she knew that it was impossible for him to utter more than three sentences without one of them being derogative. It was how he protected himself. A shield that he'd developed and honed since his early childhood. He couldn't, no, wouldn't, stop just for her.
"I'm aware you find my talking annoying," she replied softly. "But actually I came to ask you a favour." She moved to perch on one of the desks. Her hands tucked under her thighs.
"What?"
"I need to get a few plants from the forest, Hagrid is indisposed. The only students on detention at the moment are some first years, could you come with me this evening please?"
The smile that curved his lips wasn't a nice one; it was more a contemptuous sneer than a smile.
"Frightened of the dark, Professor Kincaid?" he mocked her.
She kept her face straight, her voice even.
"What would you say if I said yes?"
"I'd laugh," he retorted quickly and he meant it and she knew it too.
"You really are heartless aren't you," she sighed almost sadly.
He didn't reply, just arched an eyebrow at her and picking up his quill, drew a scroll towards him.
"Six, in the main entrance. Don't be late."
She'd called him heartless before, maybe she was right. What did she expect? Sudden declarations of devotion? That just wasn't in him. He had to admit, but only under Veritaserum, that he felt more than just lust for her. He suspected that he liked her quite a bit, when she wasn't being annoying or irritating or just plain silly that was. But anything over that? No, he'd just grown accustomed to her. He found her intelligence regarding potions adequate, and found himself enjoying the discussions they would have over certain potions or properties of plants. He'd even grown accustomed to her being there when he woke up, some days she'd still be asleep curled up beside him, others she'd already be awake and he would hear her singing muggle songs in the bathroom; all be it slightly off key. But it had never jarred on his nerves; if anything he found it quite soothing, knowing that for now, if not forever, there was someone who didn't find him utterly repulsive. He wondered when she'd wake up and realise she was sleeping with Severus Snape, greasy haired, sallow skinned, hooked nose, scrawny bodied former Voldemort supporter?
He knew she'd seen the dark mark on his arm, had insisted the second night she came to him that the lights would remain on. (Seemed she really was scared of the dark.) So it had been inevitable she'd see it, but she'd made no comment, no move to touch it. For that he'd been grateful, he wouldn't have been able to stand her glibly telling him it didn't matter, when he knew differently.
She knew what he was, what he had been and she still made her way to his room night after night. A sneer spread across his face. It was amazing what lust would do to you. What it would bring you down to.
"Thanks," her soft voice broke into his thoughts. He looked up quickly, but she was already out the door.
He stared at the open doorway and frowned. What would he do when she finally did realise what she was doing? He realised it was something he didn't want to think about.
Meg started down the stairs not really watching where she was going. Her mind was on Snape as it so often was these days.
The staircase took a turn and she realised with a cry of annoyance she was headed in the wrong direction for the dungeons now.
Tapping her nails on the wooden banister she huffed in annoyance as it stopped on the fourth floor. She walked off and made her way quickly to the next one that would take her down to the bottom floor.
"Caught you out?" came Hillary Hooch's friendly voice. She came striding down onto the staircase with Meg.
"Yup. They seem to know when I'm not concentrating and change. I'm sure it's deliberate!"
"Of course," she laughed.
"Hillary, I was wondering…" she trailed off, feeling foolish.
"Want to brush up your flying skills?" Hooch asked kindly.
Meg looked at her and stopped as they reached the main entrance hall.
"You know?"
"Professor Sprout let it slip." She winked at Meg, her yellow eyes glinting. "And I'd be delighted; I have this afternoon free, we could go outside on the lawns, no one would see us there"
Meg grinned at her in relief.
"Thanks, I would really appreciate it. The last thing I need now is to fall of half way to Hogsmede and give all the students a laugh."
"Do you expect Severus would let you fall?" Hillary winked at her again.
Meg's mouth fell open, before she remembered herself and shut it quickly, but not before a blush coloured her cheeks.
"Don't be alarmed. It's nice to see you two getting on better, Severus could use a friend."
"I don't know about that, in fact I think the more I get to know him the less he can stand me," Meg said quietly.
"Oh don't mind, Severus! He's an old bully as you well know. He may never tell you he likes you, but believe me he does. We all do."
To Meg's utter relief she realised that Hillary hadn't guessed they were sleeping together as she'd thought; just that they were close friends. The thought made Meg want to do her best Snape Snort, as she mentally referred to it. She was glad Hillary didn't know that they had got to know an awful lot more than shoe size about each other.
"Yes, well, he may put up with me, but I can't guarantee he'd stop me from falling on my face and making an idiot of myself," she laughed. "So I'd love to meet you this afternoon."
"Good." Hillary smiled and walked off waving goodbye.
Meg smiled and hurried down to her classroom, already five minutes late.
"Flying badly, is a bit of an understatement, wouldn't you say?"
Meg glared at Snape from where she sat on his bed, cross legged with just her robe wrapped around her. She was cataloguing in her notebook the plants they had managed to get in the forest. She'd enjoyed herself with Snape; he knew exactly where to get the harder to fine plants.
"You didn't follow me?" she demanded, watching him sitting at the small table by the lamp, busy marking.
He snorted and shook his head.
"Why would I bother doing that? I was just getting some air."
"Air?" she spat at him. "I wasn't aware you breathed!"
"Ouch," he replied lazily without even looking up.
"Hillary says I've improved," she informed him airily.
"Improved compared to what?"
"Well, if we were meant to fly we'd have wings!" she spat back, knowing he was correct. Her flying lesson had been disaster from start to finish. Hillary had spent the better part of an hour re-teaching Meg the basics, even calling the broomstick into her hand was hit and miss.
"Give it up and just ride with me," he suggested. He sighed and drew three long red lines through one unfortunate's scroll. "Totally incompetent," he muttered.
"Ride with you?" She got up from the bed and crossed to see which pupil just had their entire evening's work destroyed.
"Yes." He glared at her before pointedly turning the scroll over.
"Neville I presume?" she muttered and went back to the bed; she cleared off her quill and notebook and pulled the covers back.
"Well understandable conclusion to the word incompetent but in this case, no."
"I can't ride with you, what would everyone say?"
"That you're useless at flying on a broomstick?" he offered. "Besides, you won't be the only one hitching a ride. You don't seriously expect me to allow the likes of Longbottom their own broomstick? We want to get there in a reasonable condition."
Meg sighed and slipping out of her robes climbed into the now warm bed.
"My dad used to say that sometimes a tongue could be so sharp it would cut the owner of it one day!"
"And has it?" he asked softly.
"You know something Severus Snape, one of these days you are gonna fall flat on your face. And I really hope I'm there to see it," she cried and buried herself right under the covers, briefly wondering why she was still here.
"Oh you'll be there, because if I fall on my face it will be because of you," came the silky reply.
"Humph!" Meg snorted under the covers, her eyes tightly shut.
She heard movement and assumed he was packing away his writing stuff. The man was a neat freak; everything had to be in its place.
She sighed, her face completely covered by the sheets.
"And will you be staying this time? Or will you be sneaking off early again?" came a soft whisper as the sheets were lifted away from her head.
She opened her eyes and saw him looking down at her a dark frown on his face.
"Oh!" She wondered how long it would take him, if at all. At first she thought he hadn't cared enough to wonder.
"Don't you think it's going to look rather odd that I don't spend any time in my rooms anymore? Minerva knows that I fall asleep in my study sometimes, but not every night."
He didn't say anything, something was telling him she was lying; probably the way she wouldn't meet his eyes, but stared at his mouth instead.
"I don't give a damn what Minerva thinks," he replied truthfully.
Her eyes snapped up to meet his, fire in their depths. Now he'd got a reaction.
"Oh, yes, you do!" she replied hotly. "Don't tell me that you'd be willing for the staff to know exactly what goes on here at night."
"No, not exactly," he agreed. "Certain things should remain private."
"That's not what I mean and you know it!" She sat up, pulling the sheets up around her, one hand brushed her hair out of her eyes.
He sat back on the bed and watched her, a slight frown between his eyes.
Meg slid out of the bed and grabbing her clothes went into his bathroom, locking the door behind her. Tears were threatening now.
She told herself she wouldn't do this. If they didn't tell anyone they were sleeping together, there was nothing left to tell about anyway.
All they had was sex, nothing else, a certain friendship maybe, but what's to tell about that?
She dressed quickly, refusing to let the tears fall. She scraped her hair into a tight bun and wiping her hands down her robes nervously, opened the door and went back out into the bedroom.
Severus was still sitting where she left him.
She moved to the table that sat beside the bed and gathered her stuff together.
"Thanks for helping me in the forest tonight," she whispered and not looking at him turned to the door.
"Don't go."
She stopped, her hand stretched out towards the handle. His voice was very low, hardly audible.
"Why should I stay?" she asked, her heart beating very fast.
She heard a movement behind her and then the pin was slid from her hair. She began to shake as she felt him lift a handful and bury his face into it.
"I want you to stay," he muttered into her hair, his breath blew across her ear, making her shiver in reaction.
Her shoulders sagged; she'd lost again. One touch from him and she was helpless.
She had tried to convince herself that she could accept it was physical with him and nothing more, but it was getting harder. The more she fell in love with him, the harder it got to know that all she was to him was available, useful, there.
"Come to bed, Megan." His hand slid round her waist to take the books from her hands. He let them drop to the floor and brought his hand back to hold her waist.
He stretched her back slightly till he could kiss her neck. He rained kisses up and down her neck. His other hand let go of her hair and slid down to cup her hip.
"Severus," his name came out on as sigh of submission. She heard him growl in delight as he picked her up and took her back to the bed. Damning herself she slid into his touch, giving herself completely, knowing she was getting nothing in return.
"Will you come with me?" she asked Snape as she wrapped her long black scarf several times around her throat before slipping into her long woollen robes.
"No." He didn't look up from the coffee he was drinking at the staff room table.
"Okay." Meg kept her voice even, desperate to keep the disappointment out of her voice. She bent and made sure her boots were done up tightly and then straightened.
"Well, do you want me to get you anything?" she asked cheerfully; forcing herself to react normally.
"No," came the dry reply, he was more interested in watching his coffee swirl in the cup than look up at her.
"A man of many syllables!" came Minerva's sharp voice.
Snape raised an eyebrow but didn't look up.
Meg looked across at Minerva and winked.
"See you later then." She called and left the staff room, her heart heavy.
She began to walk to Hogsmede, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her robes. Last night had been awful. She'd had to leave again; after waking in a cold sweat.
The images of her nightmare receding but leaving her shaking and scared. She had needed him to wake with her, hold her and tell her it was okay. That it was just a dream and that nothing could hurt her. But he hadn't even disturbed, lying so far away from her that if she nudged him he'd fall off the edge.
She'd crept out of the bed and dressing quickly had returned to her own rooms to curl in her chair and cry softly. Crying for the Sarah that haunted her dreams, and crying because he wasn't there for her; knowing that he was too lost in his own nightmares to help her. She'd stayed in her chair till dawn and then she'd gone to the staff room for coffee.
He'd come in several hours later. He'd seen her sitting there but had ignored her, not even bothering to sneer at her. And that hurt, knowing that she rated so low on his list of important things that he couldn't even be bothered to find out why she left.
She sniffed against the cold, suddenly aware tears were tracking down her face. She had to think this through. She couldn't go on destroying herself just for the few crumbs he sent her way. She had to stop this before it got too far, before she got to hurt.
"Professor?"
A voice brought her out of her thoughts. She looked up and saw Ginny Weasley coming towards her, bundled up in some many clothes it looked as if she was a ball of black.
"Hello, Ginny." She smiled, hoping the girl wouldn't notice the tear tracks.
She grinned, her red hair contrasting against the black of her hood. Ginny was quite pretty, no wonder Malfoy had fallen for her.
"No Mr. Malfoy today?" she teased her gently.
"I'm going to meet him there, would you mind I walk with you?"
"I'd like that." Meg smiled. "I take it Miss Parkinson is no longer a problem."
Ginny sighed audible and stuck her hands further into her robes.
"It's so difficult miss, he's told her that there's nothing between us, that she got it all wrong. I know it's the best way. We lie low, meet in secret, but it's hard!"
Meg felt sorry for the girl; this was no way to experience the joys of a first love.
"Yes, it must be hard, what are your plans then?"
"I don't know, it's just so awkward, everything is against it; everything, his father, my family. Draco leaves at the end of this year and he says he's going to sort something out, so we only have to wait till I leave next year. But…" she faded out.
Meg thought about it and realised the odds weren't good for them. Even if they managed to keep it a secret till they both left. They would still have to face their families who would most definitely be against a relationship.
"Do you really love him?" she asked her softly.
"Yes, miss." She grinned shyly. "I hated him at first, couldn't stand him. He was so arrogant and pig-headed; he'd call me horrible names."
"So what changed?" Meg was intrigued as far as she knew Draco was still the same.
"He did," she laughed. "I don't know when or how, it just seemed to happen. He'd stare at me an awful lot, I thought he was trying to get me annoyed, but then if he was alone and he saw me in the corridors he was nice, asked me how I was…" She shook her head. "Lame eh?"
Meg thought it was a relationship that probably wouldn't stand the test of time, but then she was biased against Malfoy. She looked down at the younger girl and smiled softly.
"I hope it works the way you want it to."
Ginny grinned at her as they entered Hogsmede.
"I'm going this way." Ginny laughed and waved goodbye as Meg headed for her favourite shop, completely unaware of Pansy behind them.
She entered Honeydukes and sniffed appreciatively, Harry, Ron and a few other students were already there.
"Hello, Miss," they called happily as she moved between the rows of coloured glass bottles, searching out her favourite sweets.
She waved back at them, grinning widely; she could always rely on the smell of this shop to make her feel better. Meg spent a happy afternoon flitting from shop to shop; she spotted Flitwick and Hooch and waved at them.
She walked towards the three broomsticks laden down with her shopping; she'd managed to get a bit of her Christmas shopping done. She found the perfect present for Snape, she just hoped they were still talking long enough for her to give it to him.
She opened the door and stepped inside, it was warm and full of students and teachers all laughing and chattering loudly.
She searched the room first to see if there was an empty chair. Her eyes fell on a window table, there was only one person sitting there. Snape.
She closed her eyes against the pain and biting her lip went back out quietly. He'd come down then. That hurt more than anything, he came to Hogsmede after telling her he wouldn't go with her. How blunt did he have to be?
"Does it hurt?" whispered a soft voice in her ear.
She turned quickly; Dean was shutting the door after coming out behind her.
"Didn't want to come down here with you. Can't blame him of course, you hang all over him. Sickening really." He smiled pleasantly at her, but his eyes were chips of ice.
"I do not," she whispered, her face paler than the snow around them, he was only saying aloud what her heart had already figured out.
"Come of it, Meg," he laughed and linking arms with her lead her back towards the road to Hogwarts.
"I know what you two are up to at night, can't see why, mind you but, well, takes all sorts I suppose."
Meg pulled away from him and stopped.
"Leave me alone Dean…"
"But it's such fun watching you make a fool out of yourself!" he laughed and this time it wasn't pleasantly. "He's going to hurt you, he's going to destroy you because you love him don't you?"
"Let it go," she hissed backing away from him now
"I'm not doing anything, just watching you. He'll never love you. It's just not in him. Megan, he's a Death Eater. He used to eat little girls like you and spit them out afterwards. Why will you be so different? Ask him about his Dark Revels, get him to tell you what he used to do for fun."
"Shut up!" she cried and then lowered her voice realising they could be overheard if anyone passed them. "Severus isn't a Death Eater anymore, hasn't been for a long time. He spied on Voldemort, Dumbledore trusts him!" She was fighting a losing battle against the pain in her chest.
"Maybe…" Dean shrugged. "But once a Death Eater always a Death Eater. He may have conveniently changed sides when the going got tough, but does that really mean his true nature has changed? But then, you're as cold as he is! Anyone who can take someone's life doesn't have a heart to break, do they?" He mock bowed to her and turning walked back into Hogsmede leaving Meg staring at the spot on the ground at her feet.
She closed her eyes; the pain was so great she felt as if she was on fire with it. He knew nothing about Severus. Nothing!
Turning blindly she began to walk back to Hogwarts, lost in her misery, in her pain.
She was halfway there when she heard the shouts. She looked around her and saw two third years shouting and waving beside the river. She went through the trees to see what was going on.
"Goodsbury, what's going on?" She demanded in her best teacher voice. "You should either be in Hogsmede or on the path to Hogwarts."
"Miss…" breathlessly they turned to her, looks of identical fear on their faces.
"What?"
"Tim's stuck!" they cried and pointed to where another third year was perched rather precariously on a tree branch that leaned over the river.
"What on earth? Timothy Drew, what are you doing up there? Get down at once!"
"We were just mucking about, his hat's up there, got caught on the branch." One of them, a girl, looked ready to cry.
Meg went forward to stop under the tree. Timothy was about ten feet above her head.
"Keep still I'll levitate you down!" She called and drew out her wand, but before she could say anything the branch broke and Tim fell into the river below him. The branch fell down on top of her, glancing a blow to her forehead and knocking the wand from her hand into the river.
The edges of the fast flowing river had frozen over. Tim had fallen half on and half into the river. Meg watched in horror as her wand slid across the ice and disappeared below the water.
"Give me a wand!" she yelled at the third years.
"We don't have them!" The girl began to cry in earnest now.
Meg swore and turned back to where Tim was hanging on the edge yelling for help.
"Go and get help from Hogsmede, quickly!" She ordered and struggling out of her robes she slid down the bank to the edge of the river.
"Tim, grab my hand!" She inched out onto the frozen ice holding out her hand. But he couldn't let go of his hold and not be swept into the river.
She got down onto her stomach and lay over the ice, holding out her hands to him, she grabbed a handful of his robes and began to haul him towards her.
"Climb over me!" she ordered him, her breathing heavy as she held his full weight.
He inched up the ice, but their combined weight was too much for the thin ice and it cracked under her.
She gasped in horror and shock as icy water covered her and pulled her downwards. She struggled under him, her head below the surface; her eyes wide open in the murky water. She felt his weight lifted off her as she went under completely; praying he'd crawled up the bank.
She could feel the weight of the water in her clothes pulling her down, her legs kicked frantically. Arms trying desperately to get her head above water. For an instant she lost it, it was nine years ago and it wasn't Tim, it was Sarah. She struggled harder; she had to get to her.
Hands gripped her hair and she was pulled upwards, gasping for air as she broke the surface, she clawed at the ice that was beginning to refreeze.
"Sarah…. Where is she? Did you get her?" She was trying to yell, but her voice came out as a squeak.
"Keep still!" barked a voice that even in her panic she knew to be Snape's.
She was hauled by her hair, till hands came under her arms and she was dragged out of the water and onto the bank, where she lay flat on her back, spluttering the icy water she'd swallowed in shock.
"What the hell did you think you were doing?" came an angry voice. "What's wrong with using your wand?"
"Gone…" she spluttered and struggled to her knees. "Is Tim okay?" she demanded, between racking coughs, spluttering more water onto the bank.
"Yes, thanks to you."
"Professor Snape…" she heard another voice and then her robe was flung over her and she heard him conjure a stretcher.
"Come on, get on it!"
She thought he was talking to Tim and didn't move.
"Today, Professor Kincaid, I need to get you back, make sure there's no water in you still!"
Meg looked up; she was so cold now, her teeth were chattering together. She struggled to her feet, aware of his hands on her arms.
"I can walk thank you," she said stiffly. "Where is he?"
"Hillary has taken him on, you really ought to let Severus take you up." Meg saw Filus Flitwick looking very concerned. She blushed profusely; aware of the way she'd lost it and started yelling for Sarah.
"I'm fine really." she coughed again.
"Don't make me use Imperio," Snape growled softly in her ear and all but hauled her on to the stretcher himself.
Meg lay there, huddled onto the stretcher as they began to go back to Hogwarts.
She had to get Snape to stop twice for her to be incredible sick. Each time he had held her till the retching had stopped and then helped her back on to the stretcher.
She was aware of Snape and Flitwick talking quietly to someone else, but she was so tired it was all she could do to keep her eyes open. And then even that was impossible, so she gave into the peaceful darkness that claimed her.
A/N: so what do you think?… I'm not sure if I got a bit carried away there. Hope you enjoyed it though.
