Disclaimer-and I still don't own Glee *sigh*
Thanks for reviewing everyone
Lyrics are in italics, song is 'The Reason' by Hoobastank
Chapter 8-And the Reason 1
Puck hated weekends. Most people would find that piece of information shocking but it was true. On weekdays, he went to school, and though he wasn't as good a student as he used to be he still enjoyed himself most of the time. For Puck, school was like an escape. But on weekends, he was trapped at home with the miserable drunken woman that was a crude imitation of his mother.
He also hated the fact that Sarah had to see their mum in such a state. He tried to keep Sarah away as much as possible by encouraging her to visit one of her school friends but he couldn't keep her away from the house all weekend long.
There were times when Sarah would come home and their mum would be so wasted she didn't even recognise her own daughter. Moments like that made Sarah rush up to her room and cry and Puck would hurry to comfort her, sometimes crying along with her.
This Saturday, Sarah would be spending the night at her friend's house having a girly sleepover. Puck on the other hand would be stuck at home with his mum.
After making sure Sarah had everything she needed, Puck slung her overnight bag onto his shoulder then took her hand and led her out to his truck.
"Why aren't we like other families?" Sarah asked suddenly as Puck drove.
"What d'you mean kid?" Puck replied in a pitiful attempt to avoid the question.
"You know what I mean." Sarah told him and as Puck stole a quick glance at his little sister he caught a flash of something in her eyes, something that shouldn't show in the irises of a girl so young. "Our home life's messed up. We don't have a father and we may as well not have a mother. It shouldn't be like that. You shouldn't have to take care of me the way you do."
"Hey, I wanna take care of you." Puck interrupted. "And you take care of me too. We're a team you and me, we look out for each other. We're fighters you know. I know we don't have the best life Sarah, but we have to make the best of what we've got alright."
Sarah just nodded before turning to stare silently out the window.
Situations like this were difficult for Puck. He didn't always have the right answers or know the right things to say. Sometimes he felt useless, like he wasn't being a good enough brother to Sarah. Still, he was at least grateful that his sister hadn't asked him about sex yet. That was definitely a conversation he wasn't looking forward to. Then there was the prospect of puberty and periods. How the hell was he supposed to deal with Sarah when her first period would come? He didn't know if those things were explained in school or not. He also feared the day when Sarah would begin to take an interest in boys and start dating. She was only ten so it was a long way off but Puck knew she wouldn't be a little girl forever.
Upon arriving at Sarah's friend's house, Puck parked his truck before walking Sarah up the garden path and ringing the doorbell. A short while later the door opened to reveal Mrs. Gale's smiling face.
"Hi Mrs. Gale." Puck greeted politely. "Thank you so much for allowing Sarah to stay."
"Oh you're welcome honey, it's no trouble at all." Mrs. Gale replied as she fluttered her eyelashes at the teenager. "It's lovely to see you again Sarah. Lucy's up in her room with the other girls, feel free to go on up."
"Thanks." Sarah said before turning to her brother for a hug and a kiss goodbye. "I love you Noah."
"Love you too sweetie." Puck replied handing Sarah's overnight bag to her. "Have fun." He said as he watched her climb the stairs. "And be good."
"You've done a wonderful job with her Noah." Mrs. Gale complimented.
"Cheers." Puck replied feeling a little awkward.
"How's your mother?" Mrs. Gale asked and from her tone Puck suspected the woman knew about his mum's drinking problem.
"Probably drunk." Puck answered bluntly and Mrs. Gale winced slightly.
"Forgive me, it's not my place to ask such things." She apologised.
"It's cool." Puck told her with a shrug. "I'm happy and Sarah's happy, it's all good. Well, I'll see you tomorrow Mrs. G."
"Take care Noah." She replied with a smile as she watched him head back to his truck.
When Puck returned home, he stayed out in his truck for a while listening to the radio. For a few moments, he wished that he was the youngest child in the family and that he could have fun at a sleepover. However, he soon felt guilty and banished the thought from his head. He would never put the weight he carried onto Sarah's shoulders. It might be hard playing the role of brother, father, mother and friend all at once sometimes but he was more than willing to do all he could to ensure that Sarah was happy.
Stepping out of the truck, Puck moved up to the door and fit his key in the lock before stepping inside. He couldn't hide out in his truck forever; he had to face this nightmare at some point.
Silently, he made his way into the living-room. His mother was spread out indignantly on the sofa with the television on at full volume and a half-empty bottle of sherry held loosely in her hand.
Shaking his head in disapproval, Puck crossed the alcohol-stained carpet and switched the T.V off.
"I was watching that." His mum complained.
Looking down at her, Puck saw that her eyes were unfocused and it was very probable that she was seeing two of him.
"This is ridiculous." Puck said under his breath before snatching the bottle out of her hand then moving to pour the contents down the kitchen sink.
"Who the hell do you think you are?" His mum demanded to know as she staggered ungracefully after him before leaning against the wall in order to remain upright. "This is my house. If you want to stay here then you will live by my rules."
She then stumbled over to the liquor cabinet and fumbled with the latch before grabbing hold of the nearest bottle.
"Don't you think you've had enough?" Puck asked her sternly as she struggled to open the bottle.
"Keep that mouth of yours shut boy." She replied.
As Puck looked on, his mother finally managed to open the bottle and she was soon downing the contents. Some of the liquid missed her mouth and dribbled down her chin but she did nothing to catch the run away drops. Looking like a complete mess, she made her way back to her position on the sofa.
Lurking in the corner of the room, Puck couldn't help but feel angry and embarrassed. He used to have such a wonderful mother once. Before his father had left, his mother had been fun, loving and full of life. The woman draped across the sofa right now couldn't be more different. Sometimes, Puck even questioned whether the good mum he remembered had ever been real at all. Perhaps that had all been in his head, maybe his mother had always been a depressed disappointing drunk.
"What are you staring at?" She snapped at him in annoyance as she took another long gulp from the bottle.
"I don't know." Puck replied. "I don't know who the hell you are anymore, because you're not my mum."
"Don't you dare throw a teenage tantrum boy." She said warningly.
"You're so pathetic." Puck sighed.
"Watch your tongue." His mother hissed. "And sort out that attitude."
"Go to hell." Puck retorted.
"I'm already there." She snarled as she twisted her neck to face him. "Every day living in this shit hole with you is like being in hell. You were the biggest mistake I ever made… completely ruined my life…"
Puck dug his nails into his hands and took deep breaths trying to control his temper as his ears burned and his brain pounded with what his mother was saying to him.
"I should have done myself a favour and aborted you the second I found out I was pregnant." She said nastily as she turned her back to him again. "Having a baby was supposed to be a wonderful thing, but I got you. You're a screw-up and you'll always be a screw-up."
Each cruel word pierced his heart like a rusty knife but for some reason Puck remained standing as his mother continued to verbally abuse him.
"I had a dream last night." His mother continued as she rested her head on the arm of the couch and looked up at the ceiling. "You got hit by a car and died. For a few moments I felt happy… but then I woke up and realised it was a dream. Shame… my life would be so much better if you weren't in it."
Ashamed to feel tears brimming in his eyes, Puck finally turned away and moved up to his room where he collapsed onto his bed sobbing into his pillow. He bit down into the pillow sheet and let out an anguished scream as he beat his fists on the mattress.
Turning onto his back, he raked a hand through his mohawk before biting down on his knuckles as he continued to sniff and cry. When the pain in his hand became unbearable he pulled his mouth away and looked down through teary eyes to see a set of bite marks and a hint of blood.
Sitting up, he wiped his bitten hand on his jeans and looked around his room in despair. His eyes landed on his reflection in the mirror and he stared at himself in disgust for a few seconds before looking away. He was thankful nobody could see him right now. What would they think? Badass Noah Puckerman crying like a baby because his alcoholic mother didn't love him, how would people react to that information? Would they pity him? Make fun of him? What would Kurt think?
After several minutes, Puck calmed down slightly and wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt before picking up his guitar and strumming his fingers across the strings. At some point, he managed to bring himself to look in the mirror again. He knew he could be a jerk but he was still a good person. He cared about his friends and he always looked out for Sarah, so why did his own mother hate him so much? Why did she want him dead?
Setting his guitar aside, he headed back downstairs to find his mother snoring unattractively on the couch. Walking over to her, he easily lifted her light frame into his arms and carried her up to her room. He placed her gently on the bed and arranged the quilt around her.
"I hate my life sometimes." Puck stated. "Sometimes I even hate myself. I feel worthless and unloved. That's all because of you. You make me cry like some little pussy… you make me wanna die."
And the reason is you
To Be Continued
Please Review
Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx
