Struggling into his jeans Dean tried to think, to just reboot his brain and think for a second about what had happened, which was easier said than done. His movements where clumsy and frantic, disobeying his commands, probably because he was still weak from the fever, more likely though because he had just been given the best orgasm of his life courtesy of one Sam Winchester, baby brother. How had that happened? Was that just one very vivid, graphic hallucination? God I hope so.
Dean knew he was freaking out but he was taking it in his stride. Of course he was freaking out. He had spent a good 48 hours fantasizing about getting his hands all over his little brother's hot body, tormenting himself with scenarios that would lead to skin on skin contact, punishing himself for being a sick, twisted excuse for a human and resolving to never ever touch Sam again even in an innocent way, when all that had been blown to shit by a fifteen year old with a hard on. It was like a fantasy had been pulled out of Dean's head and someone had pressed play. It was fucking with Dean's mind and he couldn't even get a minute to sort himself out because no sooner had he heard the word fuck echoing off the bathroom walls had he registered the growling sound of their fathers jeep coming to a halt outside the motel. Daddy was home and Dean had cum all over his chest. A sound he will deny to his dying day escaped his throat and he turned to Sam with eyes filled with fear. Sam smoothly rose to his feet and kissed Dean on the mouth as if they did it every day.
"Get dressed Dean, it's going to be ok," he whispered softly, giving Dean a small sympathetic smile. It was Sam's easy reassurance that snapped Dean out of his orgasm induced haziness and into action. It was one thing for Sam to take Dean by surprise and jerk him off when his defences were down, it was something else entirely for Sam to start comforting Dean like he was somehow in need of it. That was just not on.
Four hours later Dean is outside the motel staring at how pretty his baby looked. Covered in dirt and blood his precious impala was looking exactly how he liked her, dangerous. Their dad had given Dean the third degree and also had sentenced him to a life of distrust. Dean didn't blame him. He had nearly gotten himself killed, it could have easily been Sam who had been hurt and if Dean was also punishing himself for crimes his father didn't know about then that was his business.
The sound of lumbering feet scuffing the dirt road was Dean's only warning that his reprieve was going to be short lived, tall and self satisfied had decided to make an appearance. Steeling himself for the conversation he was about to undoubtedly struggle through, Dean turned to watch as Sam approached him, mouth smug but his eyes serious. Before he could draw a breath to speak Sam was already cutting him off.
"Dean...man, fuck, I have no idea what to say to you. I'm...sorry. I have no excuse; I can't believe I allowed myself to take advantage of you like that. I can't believe I even did that," stammered Sam, clear regret shinning in his eyes. Sam stood awkwardly on one leg, his arms crossed in front on his body looking for all the world like a little child who had broken his brothers favourite toy. Blinking slowly Dean scrambled to find something to say to this.
"Eh, what now?"
"Listen I know this is probably too little too late but, well, I have been kind of confused lately, about...well, my sexuality. God saying that I sound a total douche! Seriously though, I know you probably don't want to look at me right now and probably are so disgusted with me but I think I was just so frustrated and then there you were all naked and wet and I think it really just hit me, dude you like guys and then...well you know what then, but I seriously didn't mean for that to happen. I'm so so sorry Dean!" panted Sam finally, a single tear caressing his face. Dean had never been so horrified in his whole life. Sam was confessing to being gay. Sam liked guys. Sam thought this was his fault. Sam is nearly crying. Instinct and a life time of training took over and suddenly Sam was in his arms, his thin frame shaking.
"Sam, Sammy no, just no," breathed Dean trying to find the words to make it right.
"How can you say that? I used you like an experiment! I knew I might have a thing for guys and I used you to prove it to myself, who does that?"
Dean couldn't listen to one more word. Sam was after giving him an out from having a much worse conversation but he couldn't listen to Sam berate himself when Dean knew what was living in his own heart, something much darker.
"I didn't say no. I could have stopped you," sighed Dean.
"Yeah right! Who says no to a free hand job?!" scoffed Sam giving Dean his 'how do you live' look.
"Listen man, it's not the point. Ok? I'm not angry. I'm not angry about what happened and I'm not angry your gay, you are, gay yeah?" asked Dean uncertainly. Like no chicks?
"Yeah Dean, after today I think we can safely write down in the books that I am gay," smiled Sam ruefully.
"Well ok dude! That's great, well not great, I mean not bad! Fuck, sorry, I'm just happy if you're happy," Dean practically yelled at him, finishing off in a helpless huff. He was so not equipped for this. Sam took pity on him and gave him a warm hug, sighing in relief.
"Thanks Dean, you really are the best you know?" whispered Sam, his breath ghosting Dean's ear sending a quiver down to his toes. Coughing slightly Dean untangled himself and gave Sam a playful but firm shove in the direction of the motel, gifting Sam with an expressive eye roll. Dean silently sent up a prayer of thanks to whatever deity that was shining down on him that this thing was now laid to rest, all it needed was a good salt and burn.
"No Dean, really, you ARE the best! You were...quite impressive," drawled Sam with a suggestive leer downwards. A quick wink and then he was gone, leaving Dean gaping and flushed.
What the fucking hell was that!
Walking back to the motel Sam allowed the smirk that he had been hiding finally set free. Phase one of his plan was under way. Confess to Dean about being gay and take all the blame onto himself relieving Dean of any feelings of guilt, check. Have a bit of a cry to bring out Dean's protective side, check. Throw in a bit of confusing flirtation to keep firmly in Dean's mind that yes it did actually happened, baby brother got you off and he fucking loved it and so did you, check and check! Dean was going to break, Sam was sure of it.
Oh my god guys, I'm so sorry for the longest wroters block ever! It was killing me not to write but I couldn't get my words out. I was so relieved today when they started popping into my head. Thank you for staying with this. Ye are the best! More is definately coming!
