Title: Assassins
Author: Kitty O
Rating: T
Part Two: Rebels
Chapter Eight: Mid-Breath
Merlin ducked into the hallway leading to the vaults, looking around to make sure he was alone. And then he set the container down on the ground and crouched next to it, his face up close.
"Let me out!" squealed a little voice from inside. "I promise I'll be good!"
Merlin smiled. Like he believed that. "Can you hear me?" he asked, his voice still a whisper.
The box went silent. And then: "I can hear you," admitted the goblin, sounding like he was pouting. "I remember you."
"Good," said Merlin. "Camelot is under a different rule now, and I've got a feeling you'd just love to get out and cause some trouble, isn't that right? I'd be willing to let you." His hand rested on top of the lead-lined box. He could feel the goblin's excitement as the container trembled.
"Yes! Yes!" cried the goblin from within with a tinny voice.
"But if I were you," warned Merlin, "I wouldn't possess anybody. Remember, I'm a warlock, but now I haven't got anyone or anything to lose." Which was a lie, he thought, his mind flitting to Gwen, to his friends around the castle, to Arthur's slowly growing acceptance of him. He had a lot to lose.
The goblin didn't need to know that. "Okay!" he squeaked. "I understand! I do!"
"Fine," said Merlin, barely keeping the smile off his face. "You ready?" He undid the clasps as the box nearly knocked itself over in the goblin's excitement.
He took the lid of.
There was a bam sound, like released air, as the goblin exploded out of the box, knocking Merlin onto his behind. The goblin's light flickered with joy as it flew from the box, and without even stopping to say goodbye, it zipped away. Merlin watched it go silently.
I have a feeling that this may come back to bite me later.
But he didn't really care. He grabbed up the box as the knights filed in behind him.
"Got everything?" he asked.
"We think so," said Lancelot with a nod.
"Let's go!" said Gwaine. His hands were full, just like everyone else's. Merlin blinked at all the magical items. Mage Stone, amulet, a medallion…
"Anything else we need?" asked Elyan.
Merlin nodded. "The Crystal of Neatid, in that room down the hall" – he pointed – "and my Sidhe staff."
"I'll get the Crystal," offered Lancelot. "You go get your staff. I'll grab the Crystal."
"Be careful with it."
"I'll go with Merlin," Gwaine said, and everyone nodded to show they approved of the plan. Then Merlin and Gwaine took off one way; the rest of the knights went the other.
Merlin looked for guards every time he turned a corner, his hands still clutched around the box. Gwaine had the Mage Stone in one hand and the still-bloodied crystals that the men had used to try to kill Arthur in the melee (he'd thought it fitting that he get those, since he'd gotten banished over them). He couldn't grab for his sword if he needed it, so Merlin would make do without a weapon at his back. He did it all the time.
Merlin ran out the vaults, up some stairs, down some more, and across the courtyard without being spotted once. Gwaine was nearly gaping at him by the end of it.
"It gets harder now," he said. "Be quick; there's a curfew, I'll bet."
They made it into the empty physician's chambers. Merlin went into his room and knelt by his bed, putting the container to the side. He couldn't see in the dark, but he didn't need to. He'd done this too many times. After a second, he stood back up with his staff.
This will make running awkward, he thought, staring at both of his items. He handed the box to Gwaine. "Put your stuff in the box and carry it," he told the knight. "I'm keeping my staff."
Gwaine nodded and did as he asked.
"But," added Merlin, "try not to let Arthur see you with it."
"What is it?"
"It's not important… I'll tell you later. We just probably shouldn't mention it to Arthur."
"You spend a lot of time doing things and not telling Arthur, don't you?" said Gwaine with a grin.
Merlin nodded, steadying his quick breathing. "We should meet the others."
"What are the chances we're going to get out of here without being seen?" Gwaine asked.
"Slight," Merlin admitted. Yet he had no doubt they would.
\-_-BREAK-_-/
Merlin leaned against his chair, staring into the flames. The dark had swallowed everything up except the round table and him. It would be dawn before soon, he guessed, and he should really be sleeping.
He sighed heavily. He didn't feel like sleeping. Everyone else was lying in blankets around the main room, trying to sleep comfortably on stone. They were all snoring. He wasn't.
His heart hurt.
"If you don't sleep, you'll be useless tomorrow," Arthur's voice said from the darkness, and Merlin gave a gasp, interrupting him mid-breath and making him start coughing, looking like an idiot.
"You're supposed to be sleeping," he said, blinking his eyes, which stung from the heat.
"So are you," pointed out Arthur. "What are you brooding about?"
"Nothing. I mean, I'm not."
Arthur snagged one of the table's chairs and sat on it. "Right. You aren't brooding. That's why you're awake so late staring moodily into the fire."
"Why do you care?" snapped Merlin, suddenly angry that Arthur would be questioning him after he'd ignored him for the past few days.
"Are you worried your plan won't work?" asked Arthur.
"No. I feel guilty."
There was another pause. "Why?" asked the once-prince at last.
"Morgana," Merlin admitted.
"And how do you work that one out?"
"I think it's my fault," said Merlin. "It's all my fault. I should have told her that she had magic earlier, and she wouldn't have turned to Morgause. I was just so worried… Didn't want her to know about me. I kept thinking she'd tell someone, or she would use the knowledge to hurt me the next time she got mad at me." He gave a tiny smile. "I guess I figured, if she'd gotten angry enough to try and kill the man who raised her…"
"When was that?" asked Arthur, confused.
"After Tom died," Merlin said, leaning back and still staring at the fire.
"Just because you didn't tell her, that's not your f—"
"I poisoned her." Silence met this pronouncement. "Everyone was sleeping. Morgause was marching on Camelot with the knights, and Morgana was the anchor for the spell. You were about to die. You had no chance of making it out of that fight. None of Camelot did. Except Morgana." He put his head down, his voice thick with the tears that didn't come out. "I put hemlock in the water and told her to drink it. She thanked me."
Arthur stared at Merlin. The servant couldn't see him, and it was lucky; that horrified expression would have sent him over the edge.
"And then she started choking. She gave me this look…" He was seeing it all again. He didn't want to see it, so he picked his head up. "Morgause called off the knights in return for the poison so that she could heal her."
"You never told me that's what happened."
"I didn't want to talk about it. Besides, what do you think the king would have done to me if he'd found out?"
"She was never kidnapped."
"No, I don't think so. She was passed out when Morgause took her away. But don't you see, if I hadn't poisoned her, she wouldn't have hated me so much… She might have listened, and I could have convinced her that Morgause was wrong. It's my fault."
"A lot of things," Arthur said, "are your fault. But I think that in this case, you can't really take all the blame. Morgana…" he paused at the name. "She's smart, and she makes her own choices. If she'd wanted to, she could have understood what you did. She decided to listen to Morgause by herself."
Merlin felt the tiniest bit of relief in his chest, cooling the pain. For a moment or two, they sat there, both looking at the fire and thinking about their own thoughts.
And then Merlin looked at Arthur and said, "This is the longest you've talked to me since I told you about my magic."
"Probably," said Arthur.
"I know it was sort of a surprise for you…" Arthur interrupted him to scoff at the understatement. "And I know it was a bad time to tell you. Everyone has always told you magic is evil."
"And it isn't, according to you."
"It depends on the wielder. And Arthur, you know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you or Camelot—"
Arthur turned to look at the warlock. "I seem to remember you using the 'magic is evil' excuse several times yourself. Or at least taking advantage of it. Morgause, for one. Remember that?"
"Ah." Merlin scratched his neck awkwardly, laughing humorlessly. "Well, I suppose I had to stretch the truth a few times. A lot. I only ever did it to—"
"You're such a liar."
Merlin raised his eyebrows, surprised. "I…"
"A liar. You lied to me so many times, didn't you? You're probably keeping some lies from me even now. Is there anything about you that's the truth? You could be someone else entirely. I wouldn't know, you keep all your lies together so well."
"Arthur, I had to lie sometimes, yes, but it was usually just to protect you. I was always going to tell you. It was just never the right time."
"I believe you."
"Really?"
"I think I do," said Arthur, sighing. "But then I keep talking myself out of it. You say you're loyal to me. But you kept everything important from me. You say magic's not evil. But I can't know. I've always seen evil magic. You say you want to help." The darkness hid the expression on his face. "How do I know you aren't working for Morgana, waiting for the right time to kill me?"
Merlin sat up in his chair, eyes wide, indignant and slightly nauseated. "I wouldn't!" he yelped, forgetting to keep his voice low. A snore from the side made him quiet himself, but he was still staring at Arthur in horror.
"But how do I know? Why should I trust you?"
"I wouldn't do that, Arthur, I swear…"
"Answer the question. How do I know?"
Merlin blinked. He wanted to say, "Because you should trust me," but he knew that actually, Arthur had no reason to trust him. Arthur had trusted him, and then Merlin had gone and shattered it. "You don't know."
"I don't. I keep telling myself you want to help," Arthur said. "But I don't know if I believe it. I can't trust you, sorcerer—you're a liar. And you know it. I keep telling myself I can. But then I doubt it again. I think I can trust you. And then I don't. This is too important to make a mistake. But I don't know whether the mistake would be to continue trusting you or to run you through right now."
Merlin had no answer to that.
"And I can't let this go until I know if I can trust you."
Merlin nodded as Arthur stood up.
"It's almost dawn."
"I should sleep," said Merlin, looking at the fire.
"I'll keep watch," answered Arthur. Both of them wanted to recapture the thread, the rhythm of normal conversation.
Merlin stood up, and he and Arthur moved away from the fire.
"I won't betray you, Arthur," he said at last. "Even if you don't believe it."
Arthur thought about his answer for a moment. "Morgana wasn't your fault," he told the warlock. "It was hers, not yours."
And then he went to go stand watch, and Merlin went to sleep. In the morning, had they been asked, they wouldn't have admitted to having that conversation. Not even to each other.
\-_-BREAK-_-/
Morgana smiled in her sleep, but then an itchy feeling made her wince. Her dream – a nice, normal dream about killing Merlin with poison – flickered for a moment, but then she rolled over in her big bed and went back to it.
Just as Merlin was gasping his last, she felt the itch again, only more intense. She knew in her sleep that if she didn't scratch her head, she would just die. But that would require her to awaken.
Ah, well, she thought, her eyes flickering open in the gloom. She dazedly took in the soft light of the dawn coming through her window. She made an effort to move her hand – though she didn't feel like it; she was so sleepy – and reached up to scratch under her hair.
But suddenly she clapped her hand to the top of her hand and sat up in bed, her eyes huge. Her hand began to slowly move around where her hair was…
Or where her hair should be. But it wasn't. She felt all around her head, just feeling smooth skin underneath her fingertips; not one strand of hair.
She was bald.
She was bald!
She opened her mouth and gave a piercing shriek, so loudly that it echoed through the castle until the windows shook in their panes.
A/N:Well, I thought that chapter needed a light-hearted ending. Now I hope everyone understands how Arthur's feeling a bit better… Merlin does! Anyway, please review!
The next chapter of Restrictions and Reprimands should be up tonight. If not, then tomorrow.
~Kitty O of Awesomeness, PBO
