Sorry for the long wait, but I wanted to make sure this was good, and the characters were right. That's why most of these chapters will take a while.


Harry walked into his common room; too tired to actually care if his fellow Gryffindors would give him a hard time. The noise that was there a moment ago was suddenly gone all eyes were looking at him. Suddenly someone said, "Dang, Harry did Snape torture you. You look dead on your feet!"

It was Fred…or George; he could never tell.

"Leave Snape alone," Ron growled and he gave Harry a nod. It seemed the redhead's gratitude towards Snape was still felt in full.

"It was just a joke," Fred or George said and gave Ron a look, "Since when are you in Snape's corner.

"Since the git helped Harry," Ron snapped and then he grabbed his Transfiguration homework and glared at it. Hermione was beaming, and Harry smiled. Although, he did not like the way Hermione was smiling at Ron. It seemed a little too friendly. Harry shook his head and walked over to them. I must really be tired to see something stupid like that. I mean they are always fighting!

"What do you guys have done?" Harry asked with a smile, and Ron growled, "Nothing."

Hermione just shook her head and said, "I have Potions done. If you want to see…."

"No I'm good," Harry replied cutting her off, "I actually took pretty good notes this time. I'll use those. Professor Snape expects me to try harder."

"Oh that is so nice Harry!" Hermione exclaimed and Ron was giving Hermione an "are you crazy look." Shaking his head Ron made a circle motion with his pointer finger next to his temple. Harry hid a smile.

"He doesn't want a ward that reflects badly on him," Harry replied trying to keep that fuzzy feeling at bay. Years of experience told him that no adult would really care for him. He couldn't let himself be sucked in. He knew he wouldn't be able to stand the disappointment.

"I think your wrong," Hermione said quietly, but when Harry opened his mouth to argue she placed her hand on his and said, "But you have to find out on your own. There is no use in arguing about it."

Harry didn't say anything about that. Nor did he say anything about Hermione's hand on his. In fact she kept it there for quite a long time and Harry Potter never said a word. He just smiled.


Severus watched as Albus smiled at him, with a twinkle in his eyes. He couldn't help but wonder if the old man knew that one day he would actually come to like Harry bloody Potter. Probably.

"Severus," Albus said with a bright smile, "I was wondering when I was going to see you? Do you have any alternatives?"

Snape growled in his throat and refused to look at the Headmaster, he knew that his eyes would twinkle.

"Every person I thought of was deficient somehow…even me," Snape quickly added.

"Oh?" Albus asked curious, leaning back in his chair he asked, "And why would that be my boy?" Albus loved Severus like his own son, but that did not make Albus overlook his faults, and one of them was low self-esteem. Strange, since Severus was so confident in academic pursuits, but when it came to the personal…the boy always felt inadequate.

"I am mean, rude, sarcastic, unthinking, and selfish," Snape began, "I do not have the time or the inclination to be a role model. Plus I do not even like children."

Albus groaned and snapped, "Severus…if you speak about yourself that way again you will make me lose my temper." Snape sat ridged in his seat, "You are not mean, only temperamental. While I will agree, you are rude and sarcastic that does not mean you cannot curb those tendencies…although I quite like your sarcastic comments as long as they are not meant to wound," Snape looked positively flabbergasted, and Albus had to bite his cheek to keep from laughing, "How you think yourself unthinking is beyond me. You over analyze the smallest detail, and you are the most unselfish person I know." Albus added with a smile. Severus refused to meet Albus's gaze, but he could tell the younger wizard was quite touched.

Albus wondered if anyone had ever said those things to Severus. He was saddened to realize that if anyone had, it would have been Tobias Snape. Who had seemingly abandoned Severus once he left for Hogwarts. Although Albus suspected there was more to it than what even Severus knew.

"As for not having the time…well I'm sure I can reschedule a few of your actives," Albus continued, "You are in charge of a young mind now. I do not think you should have to do your rounds," Albus paused and said, "As far as you not liking children…I do not believe that. I just believe that you have a low tolerance for them."

"Exactly," Severus said jumping on that possible escape route, "what if I snap at Harry. He is so fragile Headmaster."

"You will just have to cope," Albus replied with a smile, "Learn patience by doing."

"I am a deatheater," Snape growled, "I am not the appropriate role model for a fragile mind."

"You are boy that survived abuse," Albus replied gently, "You are the perfect role model. Besides, if there is anyone in this world that can make sure Harry does not go down that dark road it is you," Albus sighed and then said, "Besides Severus you are a spy, an Order Member."

"And how will I resume my duties?" Snape asked sourly, "if I am the brat's guardian." He hated it when Albus made him feel…worthy. It always bit him in the ass later on.

"You won't be," Albus replied softly, "I have already told you that. You will serve the Order as you have been serving Tom; by being our potions master and highest adviser."

"What?" Severus asked in shock. He had been sure Albus was….coloring the truth. He would never say that Albus Dumbledore lied.

"Severus," Albus said with a sigh, "I will not allow you to spy anymore. I am saddened that you have so little trust in my word."

"Why not?" Snape demanded. Ignoring Albus's little remark. In retrospect he should have trusted Albus's word. The man may have…colored the truth a little, but never with him. Still spying was the one job that he knew he could do well. He had always been a wonderful actor. Just ask any number of his students.

"Because I do not believe Harry will be able to handle it," Albus replied honestly. "Nor will Tom allow you to live once he realizes that you have been taking care of the boy. Besides…." Albus hesitated but then gathered his Gryffindor courage and said, "I cannot take it myself boy."

"What?" Severus asked softly. What was he going on about?

"I fear for you when you leave," Albus replied with a sad smile, "I hate to see you go, and then come back so…broken. I will not stand for it again. I will not let someone I…care about go through that again." Severus looked so surprised it made Albus heartache. He should have told the boy sooner, "You and Harry mean the world to me."

Severus did not know what to say. He felt so…touched. Bloody Gryffindors were determined to make him soft, first Potter, then Minerva, and now Albus. Yet, he found he rather liked that feeling, not that he would admit it aloud. Deciding to be truthful he said, "Albus…I do not know how to be a father."

"Nobody does my boy," Albus replied with a soft smile. He knew Severus was deeply touched by his announcement, and he also knew that the boy would never admit it. Looking at the clock, he noticed it was getting late. Smiling, Albus said, "You should go to bed Severus. Get some rest, and think about what I have said."

Severus nodded in agreement and stood. He was about to leave when Albus said, "Why don't you think about putting an extra room in your quarters," Severus cocked his eyebrow and Albus frowned slightly, "Just in case Harry starts having night terrors because of….Lockhart."

Severus nodded and quickly left. The temperature had just dropped a few degrees when Albus had pronounced his name. It just goes to show what happens when you piss off a very powerful wizard.


Harry woke up from his nightmare…but he was not screaming. He had learned a long time ago not to scream. It had stayed with him once he went to Hogwarts. Shivering and with tears spilling down his face, Harry got out of bed. He stood there and watched as the sun began to rise. Shaking his head, he grabbed an extra set of clothes and made his way to the showers. Luckily no one was there; they never were this early in the morning. Harry stripped and made sure not to look at himself in the mirror. He was way too skinny, but not starved anymore…yet Harry still thought he was ugly.

He could not understand why Lockhart found him attractive; therefore, he must have done something to provoke the man. Shuddering he turned the water on, and made sure it was scalding hot. Harry scrubbed until he was almost blood raw. In fact there were scratch marks all over his arms were he scrubbed. His whole body stung, and Harry whimpered.

Dirty boy, dirty boy, dirty boy. Harry thought over and over and over again. It was what Aunt Petunia called him when he had done something nasty…like when he used to mess in his bed. He figured it applied here as well, especially since Uncle Vernon had told him that it was a dirty thing…sex. He had been given the "sex talk" over the summer, and Harry knew that it was nasty and dirty. The fact that he had brought forth those types of feelings in Lockhart disturbed Harry. He did not want to be a dirty boy. He wanted to be good. He wanted Professor Snape to like him and keep him always. He wanted to be a very good boy.

A little while later Harry sat fully clothed at the end of his bed looking over his homework. It helped quiet the disturbing thoughts that vibrated through his mind. He hoped he would even get full marks on his homework by doing this. He really wanted Professor Snape to be proud of him, and he knew that unlike the Dursley's Professor Snape valued academic achievement. Therefore, Harry would value academic achievement and truth be told he had always wanted to do good despite the Dursleys. Just once he wanted to prove to himself that he could do well.

The alarm clocks started going off, and his dorm mates started waking up, "Hey mate," Ron said as he slowly got out of bed, "What are you doing up so early?"

"I just woke up," Harry replied with a yawn, "And then I couldn't get back to sleep." It wasn't really a lie Harry thought, After all I couldn't get back to sleep even if I wanted to.

"Alright mate," Ron said with a frown…something was off with Harry.

"Well hurry up," Harry said getting his things together, "Or we're going to be late for breakfast."

Ron grinned and threw his clothes on at top speed. There was no way he was going to miss breakfast. There was just no way.

Harry had potions, and he did not like that thought. He had no idea what Snape would do. He had talked to Ron and Hermione about starting to be nice to the Slytherins at breakfast, starting with Pansy. Surprisingly Ron had agreed without too much convincing on Harry's part. Hermione thought Ron had a crush on Pansy. For some reason Harry watched her reaction, and she seemed happy that Ron liked someone. Ron was red as a tomato. Harry tried to hide his disgust, and for the most part did. Only one person saw the way his little nose scrunched up, or the disapproval in his eyes, and that person was one Severus Snape.

Now Severus knew what the conversation was about. He would be a poor spy if he could not read lips, a talent that served him well as a teacher. He could not understand Harry's disgust, although the disapproval might be explained away if he too liked Miss. Parkinson. Severus sighed into his cup and closed his eyes briefly. He suspected that it would be no easy chore getting it out of the boy. Harry was so difficult, but Severus Snape was quite stubborn and he would have it out with the boy. The boy had a study block after Potions, he would make him stay behind, and then he would get to the bottom of it. He had to; because he knew that something horrible would happen if he did not. It always went that way.


Potions went tolerably well. Snape treated him just like any other student, and for that Harry was grateful. He was even able to hand it an almost perfect potion. He knew that Snape would expect that of him now, and he hoped that he would be able to give it. Once class was over Snape made a motion for Harry to stay. Harry sighed and continued putting his things away. He hoped that he had done nothing wrong, but he was unsure. He did not know Snape's tempers yet, one of the pitfalls of having a new guardian. He only hoped he had done well today.

He watched as Snape grabbed a stool and sat it in front of Harry's desk. They looked at each other for a moment. Finally, Harry asked, "Did I do something wrong sir?" Snape noticed he seemed edgy.

"You did well today," Snape replied with his trademark smirk. He looked at Harry and said, "I am pleased."

A broad, one-hundred watt smile erupted on Harry's face and Snape found himself wanting to keep that smile right where it was, alas it was not meant to be.

"Thank you sir," Harry replied with a smile.

"Now," Snape replied his smirk gone, "I was wondering if there was anything that needed to be addressed."

"What do you mean sir?" Harry asked with a frown.

"Well…" Snape began, what was a Slytherin why to start this conversation? "You do realize that if you need to talk to me about thing…you can."

"I can?" Harry asked uncertainly.

"Of course," Snape replied with a sigh, "I am sorry that I have not made that clear before. If there is anything that is troubling you, you can talk to me about it."

Harry bit his lip; unconsciously he started scratching his arms, pulling his sleeve up in the process. What Snape saw made his blood run cold. Eyes wide Snape grabbed Harry's arm gently and said, "What happened?" There were red scratch marks on Harry's skin.

"Nothing," Harry replied blushing, "I just took a shower this morning."

"Harry…" Snape replied with a frown, "How long did you stay under the water?"

"An hour," Harry replied frowning, "What's wrong with that?"

"Was it scalding?" Snape asked gruffly, slowly moving his finger tips over the scratch marks. Harry shivered a little at the touch and frowned. Why was Snape touching him like that?

"Yes," Harry replied, and Snape swore. Growling he told Harry to stay there and went over to his cabinet. He grabbed a vial and made his way back to Harry. Glaring at him he asked, "Did this have anything to do with Lockhart?"

Harry visibly flinched and looked away. That was all the answer Snape needed. Snape's face softened and he gently began rubbing the skin cream into Harry's arms. Harry frowned again. Snape saw this and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing sir," Harry replied, but he kept on frowning and he was beginning to look a little panicky. Snape stopped. Looking at the boy Snape asked, "Boy? Am I doing something wrong? Something that you feel is inappropriate?"

"You're rubbin my arms," Harry replied in a soft voice, "Lockhart did that one time…when he was trying to….do that to me."

"You mean there were more incidents than what I saw?" Snape asked surprised…the tests had shown that there had been no abuse.

"Mostly he just looked," Harry replied scratching again, and Snape gently stopped his hand. He began rubbing the skin cream into Harry's skin again and Snape said, "Tell me if you want me to stop." Harry nodded and sat there. Finally Snape said, "Go on."

"But…there were times…he rubbed my arms to "make me warm" once when I had detention with him," Harry replied quietly, "But I knew that he…wanted that"

"Then he caught me in the halls coming back from our first detention, but Ron interrupted us before he could actually do anything. He just looked and I did not like it. That was the first time I…washed so…hard."

"Then…the day that he…almost hurt me…he kissed me before our detention," Harry replied and a tear slid down his cheek. He hated thinking about this, unknowingly he tried pulling away from Snape to scratch, but Severus was not having it.

"Harry you are not going to scratch yourself," Snape said in a kind, but firm voice. Harry stopped struggling and said, "Sorry…it's just a habit."

"A habit that you will have to break," Snape replied taking both of his hands in his. He could tell that Harry was uncomfortable with it, but he did not let go, "You cannot keep on hurting yourself."

Tears were falling down Harry's face and he shook his head, "I wasn't…" But Snape cut him off. He let go of Harry's left hand and pulled the boy's sleeve up. He gave Harry a hard look but his voice was gentle, "This is hurting yourself Harry." They watched as the scratches finally disappeared.

Harry bit his lip. He just….why did he do it? He just hated himself so much sometimes. The things that happened to him…that things that people felt when he was around…it was horrible. He was horrible.

"I just…it's all my fault!" Harry wailed leaning forward, tears falling down his cheeks. Snape was taken a back and let go of the boy. This only made Harry cry harder, "He…Lockhart…I'm dirty. I have to get it off."

"Harry you are not dirty," Snape replied reaching out to the little boy. He gently took Harry's hands in his and said, "You are a little boy who has been ill used. Nothing more and nothing less."

"I am dirty," Harry sniffed shaking his head, "I made him…I must have done something that made Him think I wanted that."

Snape let go of Harry's hands and stood. He ran his fingers threw his hair and then tugged at the ends. He was at his wits end.

"Why Harry," Snape asked standing over the little boy. Harry looked up and he was shocked at finding a frazzled Snape above him, "Why do you think that? What could you have possibly done to make Lockhart think you wanted him…you are twelve for God's sake!"

"I'm dirty," Harry replied as an answer and Snape wanted to throw something. Suddenly Snape had an idea….a very Slytherin idea.

"What about Hermione?" Snape demanded and Harry looked confused so he elaborated, "She was interested in Lockhart. She had a crush on him. Would it have been right for him to purse Hermione like he did you?"

"No," Harry growled, surprising Snape by his convection.

"Then how could it possibly be okay for Lockhart to treat you in that manner?" Snape asked and Harry scrunched up his cute little nose. Snape kneeled in front of him and made Harry look at him. Softly he said, "Harry, Hermione gave Lockhart every inclination that she was interested in him, and Lockhart would still be in the wrong if I found him doing to Hermione, what I found him doing to you."

"So…your saying…that even if I somehow gave him the idea that I was interested," Harry began beginning to see what Snape was saying, "It would still be wrong?"

"Yes," Snape replied with a sigh. He looked at Harry and the little boy was biting his lip. He was trying so hard to believe him. Snape knew that he wanted to believe him, "But as you did not have a crush on him you did not "give him an idea". That was all his own. Do you know why it would still be wrong even if you had wanted it?"

"Because I'm so young," Harry replied and he got it. It didn't make him feel any better. In fact in some ways it made him feel worse. Lockhart preyed on him. Made him feel like he had done something wrong, made him feel like he was dirty. There was nothing that Harry could have done to change that. No matter what, Lockhart would have still come for him. Harry had been helpless; he would always be helpless when it came to Lockhart's feelings. Harry itched to scratch again.

"Yes," Snape said with a sigh. He looked so relieved and Harry asked, "Why are you happy? I would rather think it was my fault then know the truth…."

Snape was taken aback. Puzzled he asked, "Why?"

"Because…if it wasn't my fault….and Lockhart would have wanted that no matter what…it would mean that I am helpless."

"Harry," Snape said taking the boy's hand again and pulling him forward a little, "You are not helpless just because Lockhart is deranged. You were helpless to prevent his feelings for you yes…but that does not make you helpless in other areas. In fact Harry you showed great ingenuity in staying away from Lockhart as long as you did."
"I did?" Harry asked quite shocked.

"Do not think that I do not know that you wanted that detention boy," Snape said in a hard voice, but he was smiling and his eyes were twinkling. Harry blushed and dunked his head.

"Do not do that in the future," Snape went on giving him "the look", "Remember you can always come to me."

Harry nodded and Snape stood. Looking at his ward he said, "Do you understand what I've been telling you?"

"Yes sir," Harry replied with a smile. He did understand, and he appreciated what Snape was doing. He wanted to believe…and he did somewhat. He was still confused. If sex was dirty shouldn't the one that inspired the feelings be dirty too? He just didn't know. He looked at Snape and smiled. Maybe…he should ask him? Snape said to come to him, but he didn't want to at the moment. He was tied from the emotional conversation and he didn't want to think about things. He just wanted to work on his homework.

"Can I work on my homework?" Harry asked with a smile, "I want to get my grades up."

Snape said there, a little shocked. Finally he said, "Go ahead, but make sure that you do not work too hard Harry. You can do nothing if you are tired. Remember that."

"Yes sir," Harry said with a smile. He got up from the stool and started to make his way to the door, when he stopped and looked at Snape shyly. Snape narrowed his eyes and asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing sir," Harry replied quickly and had almost made it to the door when Snape stopped him and asked, "You can tell me anything boy."

Sir, would it be okay if I come back down here sometime?" Harry asked in a rush.

Snape nodded and said, "Why don't you come after dinner? Meet me in front of the classroom door, and I'll take you to my apartment."

"Okay sir," Harry said with a smile. It wasn't his sunny smile, but it was close and Severus found that he was going to try hard to make Harry smile more often.


So what do you think? Owl me!