Chapter 8:
Meanwhile in England, a brother watched helplessly as his sister slept motionless. Slowly he took her cold hand in his, "Please Sue," he said, "wake up."
But Susan didn't hear him, instead she remembered.
Flashback
"Have we done something wrong," Peter asked sadly after Aslan had told them that they would never return to Narnia.
The great lion shook his head, "No, you have not. You have both made me proud. But your time here is over; you have learned all that you can here. Now you must take what you learned and apply it in your own world."
"Aslan, please," she begged, all flashes of dignity forgotten, "We, I have so much to learn here."
For a moment Aslan just stared at her before looking over and calling Caspian's name.
She felt herself stiffen as she turned to look at Caspian, the man she could love, given a few more days. She felt the tears threatening to fall. She stared at him, memorizing every, but especially his eyes, the color of dark chocolate and diamonds. She memorized his face, strong and stoic. Yes, this man was now a king, and she was falling in love.
She turned to Aslan, and plead silently to stay, to love. Oh please, Aslan, please, she thought to herself. I can't go back to England, I can't. I never fit in there, how will I be able to now? What boy will compare to this man? Please Aslan, have mercy.
It was as if Aslan could read her thoughts, because he slowly shook his mane. She felt herself ready to break; she needed to get out of there. She walked away, Aslan following her. The moment she was no longer near Caspian, she broke down, all thoughts of dignity forgotten, as she fell to the ground and began to cry.
"I am sorry, dear one," Aslan said. "But you both must move on. Caspian's destiny is intertwined with that of a star, yours is in England."
"Aslan please," she began, only to be stopped by a roar.
"Child", he said with an angry. "My word is final."
End Flashback
As the memory replayed itself time and time again, Susan felt herself falling into a deeper and deeper sleep and depression.
In her mind, she found herself in a pool of darkness. She fell, allowed tears to fall. She shook.
"Let me die," she cried out.
She heard the voice of the great lion. "Child, why do you wish death?"
"Aslan," she called out. "My body is broken, as is my mind and soul. There's nothing, nothing left."
"And your siblings? They are nothing?"
"They'll be fine. Aslan, my whole life I've tended to them, now I ask something for me."
"Why is your world so bleak?"
"It's not my world," she screamed. "I have inhabited a world that was not my own for six months, hoping that the pain would go away. I just want to go home."
"Narnia was not your world."
"No, but it was home."
"Child," he began.
"I'm not a child anymore," she felt herself get angry. She stood and walked over to Aslan. "I grew up, you ensured that. I've fought with skill, I killed and watched others die in front of me. I have seen men die, and I tell you know that it is not glorious. It is not as the tales say, filled with honor and glory.
"Father Christmas told you that you should not fight," Aslan spoke quietly. "If you hadn't, you would be more like your younger sister, filled with hope and faith. You could have stayed a child longer."
Susan looked up, tears threatening to fall, but kept the dignity of a Queen as she spoke the next words, chosen carefully.
"Aslan, you forget, I watched you die. I stopped being a child the moment the White Witch killed you. I comforted my sister that night. I had to be the grown up. Lucy, yes, she was able to stay a child, but only because, I grew up. I needed to be grown up for her. Aslan, I haven't been a child for a long time. I am not the little girl you once knew."
"Susan," the great lion began only to be stopped by Susan's words.
"I fell in love."
"Love?"
She looked straight into his eyes. "Yes love."
"And, you are sure?" Aslan asked, his eyes pouring into hers.
" I know what I feel for him is real. Please, do not think me a foolish girl for knowing that I love him."
"And what if he is dead? Would you still return to Narnia?"
"He is dead. It's been six months in our time. Over a hundred years have past. There is no way he could be alive. But, know that I love him. I love him, and that is worth everything. You proclaimed that we couldn't be together in Narnia, what about afterwards, in your country? Let me die, let me go to him. I never lost faith in you. Please, grant me this," she finished.
For a moment the two stood, Susan standing regally, her dignity and radiance shining to Aslan. Aslan could see that she meant every word that she spoke, and he knew that there was a reason for everything to happen.
He chose his words wisely, "Gentle Queen of the Radiant Southern Sun, remember, nothing happens the same way twice. Keep hopes, you still have one lesson left." And with that he turned and walked away.
She shook her head, "No, I can't wake up. It hurts too much. The cost is too high."
TBC
