Chapter 7
"Rose, talk to me," said Jackie. "You haven't really talked to me since we've been back." She had poured each of them a cup of tea and had led the way back into the living room. She sat down on the couch and gestured for Rose to sit next to her.
It was true, Rose thought. She had been avoiding talking to her mum since they had been back. Somehow talking about everything would have made it seem more real somehow. Instead, she had hidden herself in the Doctor's room and avoided seeing everyone. She just hadn't been prepared for how everything had turned out. But how could she have been prepared for being stranded on the beach again? Of all the possible scenarios for what would have happened after finding the Doctor again, that one truly had never occurred to her.
Rose sat down, holding her favorite mug in both hands. It was covered in large pink roses. She usually didn't do roses, it was just a little bit too precious considering her name, but Tony had given it to her as a Christmas present and had picked it out for her by himself, so she loved it.
"How did today go with the Doctor?" Jackie asked.
"Fine," she responded. "He seems to be handling things really well, but I'm not sure if I'd know if he wasn't. The real Doctor was always really good at covering up what he was feeling, so I guess this one probably is as well."
"And how are you handling everything, sweetheart?"
"Oh, Mum," she said, her voice breaking slightly, "It's just so hard, y'know? He's so much like him, but he's not him. I look at him and I talk to him, and it's just like he's there with me, like the old days when we were traveling, and then it hits me. This is not him. He left me. He said I could stay with him forever, and then he left me."
Despite Rose's best efforts to stop them, tears started to fall. Jackie wrapped an arm around her daughter's shoulders. Rose put her mug on the table in front of her and grabbed a tissue from a box next to it. She wiped her eyes and her nose and then sat back. She leaned into her mother, resting her head on Jackie's shoulder. After a moment, she sat forward again, scrubbing her face with her hands.
"I am not doing this anymore," she said vehemently. "I am sick to death of crying and I'm not going to do it anymore. When we first started looking for him, I knew going in that things may have changed, that it might not work out. And it didn't. I just was stupid to get my hopes up."
Jackie rubbed her daughter's back. "So what are you gonna do?"
Rose shook her head and sighed. "I dunno."
"And what are you gonna do about himself, this one we have here in this universe?"
Her eyes widened and she took a deep breath, slowly letting it out. "Now that, I really don't know."
"Well, you sure seemed to know on that beach in Norway," Jackie said pointedly.
Rose sighed loudly and leaned forward, resting her head in her hands. Her long, blonde hair fell forward, covering her face from view. "That was a mistake. An accident."
"Sure didn't look like no accident to me. How do you accidentally snog someone's face off?"
"Oh, God," Rose groaned.
Pete Tyler led the Doctor through the halls of Torchwood, pointing out various offices and laboratories. Despite the late hour, and it being the weekend, there were a fair number of employees still working. The Doctor was impressed that Torchwood's Director not only greeted each one they encountered, but introduced him to each one by name.
Pete led the way into a huge storage bay, filled with a variety of alien technology. Several scientists were still working, analyzing and cataloging bits of equipment. Among other things, the Doctor recognized a damaged solar particle scoop, a piece of an old Lexion laser cannon, and what looked like possibly part of a Socarthy shuttlecraft.
"Lisa, would you come here please," Pete called. A tall, breathtakingly beautiful black woman in her late twenties walked over to them. She was carefully carrying something that looked a bit like a gun of some type in her hands.
"Doctor, this is Doctor Lisa Hallett. She's one of Richard Bradford's assistants. He's the scientist who is missing. Lisa, this is Doctor John Smith. I'm just showing him around the place a bit tonight."
"Pleasure to meet you," said the Doctor, grinning. She reminded him a little of Martha, he thought, although he realized she probably had at least eight inches on her. Martha had been tiny.
"You as well," Lisa said with a smile. "I'd shake your hand, but mine are a bit full at the moment."
"Yes, what is that?" asked Pete.
"We're not quite sure," she said, looking down at it. "It appears to be a type of weapon, but we haven't figured out how it works yet."
The Doctor cleared his throat and shook his head slightly.
Pete glanced at him. "Doctor, do you know what it is?"
"Weell," he said, pulling on his ear, "it's not a weapon."
Lisa Hallett seemed to take offense at his comment. "No?" she asked, almost rudely. "We've been working on this for three weeks. If it's not a weapon, what do you think it is?"
Okay, maybe not so much like Martha. The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't want to embarrass the young woman. "It's … a hair dryer."
"You're kidding." Pete Tyler bit his lip to keep from laughing. "A hair dryer, huh?" He motioned for the scientist to return to work. She did so with a disbelieving scowl. When she was out of earshot he finally gave up. "You see, now this is why we need you," he laughed. "A hair dryer."
At first, the Doctor thought the tour was just part of Director Tyler's hard sell of a possible new Torchwood recruit, but he soon came to realize it was anything but. Pete Tyler, former struggling entrepreneur, was truly proud of his work as Director of Torchwood and longed to show it off to someone who could appreciate it for what it was. The Doctor was impressed and told him so.
"Thank you," said Pete, genuinely pleased. "That means a lot coming from you."
"Now this facility," said the Doctor, "it's new, isn't it? What happened to Canary Wharf?"
"Oh, it's still there," said Pete, "but downtown London is way too high profile for the work we do, so about four years ago we began to look for a new facility. This place is good because no one thinks twice about lorries driving in and out of a factory at all hours of the day or night. It's centrally located, close to London, close to major roadways, and has plenty of room for expansion if necessary. Technically, it is Torchwood Four, but we've moved most divisions to this location, and the Canary Wharf offices only hold accounting and payroll at this point. I'd like to shut down Torchwood One eventually and move everything here, but it's not my decision."
"So does Rose work here?"
"She has for the last couple of years, while we were all working on the dimension cannon. Here, let me show you."
Pete led the way to a darkened, deserted section of the building. They passed through two sets of doors equipped with fingerprint and retinal scanners. Pete explained that the section was considered too sensitive to rely on the IDs that unlocked the doors in most parts of the building.
The lights automatically turned on as they entered the lab. Floor to ceiling computer banks lined one wall. Another wall held computer interfaces and monitors. A glass enclosed booth was in one corner. The Doctor walked over and peered into it, examining the high-tech equipment within.
"Oooo, this is nasty," he said, making a face. "Worse than a Vortex Manipulator. Not only could you damage the universe integrity, but this could do some very, very bad things to your insides. Using this would be like putting yourself inside a particle accelerator." He turned back to Pete. "How many people traveled in this?"
"Six," was the answer. "Mickey Smith, Jake Simmonds, two people you don't know named Roger Conrad and Jeremy Britt, Rose, of course. Rose was the primary one using it. And Jackie," Pete added. "Mickey and Jacks were using the dimensional transporters, but they were being powered through the dimension cannon."
"They'll all need to have medical exams, if they haven't already. Full work ups, as well as testing for chromosomal damage."
"Roger died on a mission early on in the project, Jake is on assignment in America for the next few weeks, and of course Mickey isn't here anymore, but I'll make sure the rest get examined." Pete shook his head. "Jacks wasn't supposed to be a part of this. Somehow she managed to talk Mickey into it. If he wasn't in the other universe, I'd fire his sorry arse."
"Don't blame him too much." The Doctor was the voice of experience. "Hard to stop a Tyler woman when she has her mind made up."
"Tell me about it." Pete rolled his eyes.
"So who did the scientific research behind this?" the Doctor asked.
Pete crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame. "We had a team of researchers working on adapting this from a bit of alien technology that came through the Rift in Cardiff. But most of the final work was done by Rose."
The Doctor did a double take. "Rose?" He couldn't believe it. "This is some very, very advanced work. How could Rose…"
"That's really Rose's story, not mine. I'm going to let her explain that to you."
"And you started working on this because the stars started going out?"
Pete nodded. "We knew this was way over our heads and needed to find an expert, and the only one we knew of was in a different universe," he said pointedly. "And it worked. Whatever it was you did. Most of the stars are back."
The Doctor whirled around so fast Pete didn't even see him move. "What do you mean 'most'?"
"I mean most. As in 'not all'."
The Doctor stood motionless for a moment, lost in thought.
Pete cocked his head toward the door and the Doctor followed him out. Pete made sure the doors were secure before heading back down the hall toward the entrance. As they were just about to leave the building, the overhead lights began to flicker and they both heard a crackling sound.
The Doctor looked up. "Have you been having trouble paying your electric bill, Pete?"
"I am just so angry, Mum."
Rose was pacing the living room, periodically side stepping to avoid the occasional cast off toy. Jackie began to pick them up and put them in a basket in the corner of the room, if only to prevent Rose accidentally tripping over them.
"People aren't interchangeable. They aren't spare parts, where you can take one out and just substitute something similar. And to suggest leaving me here with him was some sort of … I dunno, gift or something. Donna may have been the one who said it, but that was him. That was just…beyond insulting." She pulled her hair in frustration.
Jackie finished tidying up and returned to sit on the sofa, remaining silent with great difficulty. As much as she wanted to interject something, she knew Rose needed to vent.
Rose continued. "And to just dump us off without talking to me, without any warning. Of all the arrogant, asinine, stupid things he's done… I mean I knew he could be thick, but this just goes beyond… Is he so clueless because he's an alien, or just because he's a… a… a prat?" she said, quickly substituting for the word she wanted to say. Ever since her mum and Pete had had Tony, Jackie had been very strict about swearing in the house.
Jackie patted the sofa next to her, and Rose sank down next to her mum, resting her head on the older woman's shoulder.
"Rose, do you think himself knew what the other one was gonna to do?"
"I dunno. I'm sure he knew that he was getting dumped off, he didn't seem surprised at all. And the Doctor said they have all the same memories and think alike, so he must have had some clue as to what the Doctor was intending." Rose sighed. "But whether he knew it or not, it's not like he had any say in the matter. This was the Doctor's decision, not his."
"But Sweetheart, isn't he the Doctor as well?"
"I dunno. Is he?"
Jackie was silent for a moment.
"Rose, is that what you think I did? Just traded one Pete for the next like a spare part?" she asked quietly.
"Oh, Mum, I wasn't talking about you and Dad!"
"I know you weren't." Jackie patted Rose's knee. "But you could 'ave been. I mean, after all, I married the parallel version of your dad, didn't I?"
"This is different, Mum."
"Yes, I know it is. When I met this Pete, my Pete and his Jackie were both dead, and your Doctor isn't."
Jackie turned so she could look at her daughter. "You and I never talked about this, but Pete and I had a lot of things to work out between us when we first got married. At first, I loved him because he was just like your dad, and he loved me because I was like his Jackie. But we fell in love with each other for the differences as much as for the similarities. Now I love him because of who he is, not just who he reminds me of, and that's how Pete feels about me."
"What are you saying, Mum?"
Jackie took a deep breath and let it out in a rush. "I'm just sayin' be careful. I never thought I'd be sayin' this, but I think you should give himself a chance. But if you do, make sure you do it for this him, and not just because he reminds you of the other."
When Pete and the Doctor returned to the Tyler mansion, Rose and Jackie had moved their discussion to the kitchen, and Jackie was drinking her bedtime tea. They both looked up as the two men entered. Jackie glanced at the clock.
"Well, that's not as bad as I thought it might be." Jackie said. "I expect you're hungry."
"Starved." Pete was already rummaging in the refrigerator. He pulled out some leftover roasted chicken and potatoes and placed them on the counter. Pete turned back to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of grape Vitex.
"Can I fix you a plate?" Jackie asked the Doctor.
"No thanks, I'm not really that hungry."
Rose gave him a look. "You need to eat," she said, shaking her finger at him. She grabbed a banana off a hook on the countertop and tossed it to him.
In one move, the Doctor caught it and began unpeeling it. He grinned at her before taking a huge bite. "Fancy a bit of stargazing, Rose?" he said after he swallowed. "I want to see for myself which stars are still missing. Pete, do you have a map of the stars in that great library of yours? I need to compare it to what's actually out there."
"Of course," Pete said through a mouthful of chicken. "I'll go get it."
"I would have thought you would have them all memorized," Rose remarked.
The Doctor shook his head. "Not in this universe. Even the slightest changes could make all the difference in the world."
"What are you looking for?" Rose asked.
"I'm not sure. Something. I dunno," he said thoughtfully.
A half hour later, the Doctor and Rose were lying on a blanket on the lawn a distance away from the house, looking up at the stars. The Doctor was eating a sandwich which Rose had made and insisted he eat.
"It's beautiful," said Rose, "and so peaceful."
"It's a bit too bright out," said the Doctor around a mouthful of sandwich. "London's too close. Still. Should be able to see well enough anyway, I suppose."
"Rose, where's that star chart?"
The star chart was actually a set of lightweight pieces of Plexiglas with maps of the stars embossed into their surfaces. She reached for one and passed it over to him. It glowed faintly in the dark, allowing the user to line up the chart with the stars overhead.
The Doctor raised each chart over his head, one at a time, carefully attempting to line up every star on the Plexiglas with one in the sky. "Polaris, Betelgeuse, Merak, Zavijava," he muttered. "Sirius, Aldebaran…" his voice trailed off as he concentrated. Finally, he sighed, placed the chart on the grass beside him, and then stared into the sky.
"Doctor, what is it?" Rose asked after a few minutes.
"Some of the stars are still gone."
"I thought that when we stopped Davros from setting off the reality bomb, that would have stopped the stars from going out." Rose said. "The reality bomb never happened, so the stars wouldn't have gone out. Time would have been rewritten."
"In theory, yeah," he answered. He was silent for a moment. "I don't understand it. This should have been sorted. We sorted this. Why hasn't this been fixed?
"Maybe it's just gonna take a while, yeah? After all, the stars didn't go out all at once. It took a while."
"You mean the effect of time being rewritten might take a while to ripple through the multiverse?" he asked. "I hope you're right, because as it looks right now, one tenth of one percent of the stars are still gone. Now that doesn't sound like a lot, but when you are talking about trillions of stars just in that one sector of space… Zebdara, Mizar, Beta Nivara, all gone." The Doctor's voice was emotionless. "Rhondia was the fourth planet circling Beta Nivara. Beautiful planet. It had enormous crystalline rock formations in the desert of its northern landmass. When the breezes would blow through them at just the right velocity, they would produce chords in major fifths. The rocks themselves made music. Twice a year, at the solstices, the angle of the sun would be such that the crystals would act like prisms, producing giant rainbows. The planet would become a symphony in light and sound." He didn't mention that it had been one of the planets destroyed in the backwash of the destruction of Gallifrey during the Time War in their home universe. The War, and his role in it, was still too painful to think about.
"That's gonna to be the hardest part for you, isn't it?" Rose asked quietly. "Not the new universe, the no more regenerations, the getting a job and a flat and all that. It's gonna be the no new planets, no time travel, no just picking up and taking off in the TARDIS whenever you want." The enormity of what he was facing suddenly struck Rose.
"Not the first time," he sniffed. "Didn't always have the TARDIS you know. And it's not as if I've never had a job before."
"What? You with a job?" Rose was incredulous. "You mean, up at dawn, 9 to 5, half-hour for lunch, home in the tube, beans and toast in front of the telly kind of job?"
"Don't laugh. I've told you about UNIT before. It was during that time when I was exiled on Earth. The Time Lords had deactivated the TARDIS and had taken away my understanding of temporal physics. Hence the stint working for UNIT."
"I thought you, he, worked with UNIT, not for UNIT."
The Doctor burst out laughing. "Oh, I could introduce you to a certain Brigadier who would disagree with you there." He sighed. "Brigadier Alastair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart. I wonder how he's doing."
"So who did my dad want you to meet?" Rose asked.
"Frank Collins."
"Torchwood's doctor?"
"Yeah. I told Pete I needed an eye exam and I ended up getting a physical." He paused. "You sound surprised. I thought you put Pete up to it."
"I would never, ever do that." To the Doctor's ears Rose sounded hurt. "Not only would I never invade your privacy like that, but I wouldn't want your physiology to accidentally get in some government computer somewhere. No telling what could happen."
"I'm sorry, Rose," he said. "I should have known you had nothing to do with it."
"I'll talk to Dad, warn him or something. We don't want you on some watch list somewhere."
"Thanks."
They lay there in silence for a few moments.
"Rose," the Doctor said finally, "Pete was talking about getting an identity for me. Had me pick out a name and everything."
"So what did you pick?" Rose asked.
"John Smith. John Noble Smith. In honor of Donna."
"That's nice," she said. "I know she'd like that. I didn't really know her, but I know she'd like that."
"Oh, you would have loved her, Rose. She's brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Wouldn't let me get away with anything. Told me off every chance she got, and quite right, too. Saved my life more than once. And for one shining moment she was the most important person in the universe. She was like a sister to me, and now cos I got some of her DNA in the meta-crisis, she kinda is one. Although I listed her as my mother on my birth certificate." He chuckled. "She'd absolutely hate that."
She laughed.
"You're gonna really miss her, aren't you?"
"Oh, yeah," the Doctor breathed, staring into the stars.
He was silent for a moment, and then cleared his throat, to break the heavy mood that had descended. "Anyway, Rose, I just wanted to tell you that, about my name that is, in case, you know, you wanted to call me something else. Cos you can if you want," he said nervously. He wondered if she knew how important this was for him. What she decided to call him would indicate what she really thought of him, who and what he was, and he was a bit afraid of what her answer might be.
"Well, what do you want me to call you?" she said softly.
"I want you to call me whatever you want to call me."
She was quiet for a moment. He wished he could see her face, to see what she was thinking, but it was just too dark.
Finally she said, "How are you going to think of yourself? In your head, what are you going to call you?"
He sighed. "I am the Doctor, Rose. It's literally impossible for me to think of myself in any other way. That is who I am. So in my mind, I'm always going to think of myself as the Doctor."
"Then that's what I'm going to call you, Doctor," she said simply.
It felt like a weight had rolled off his chest. "Thank you, Rose. You don't know what that means to me."
She reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it.
