Chapter 8 (Bella's POV)
A/N: Immense apologies for the time gap since the last chapter! You know the drill, places to go, people to see… Okay, that was a bit of a lie. I've actually hardly had anything to do, I've just had a bit of a block. Anyway, here's the next chapter. Hope it was worth the wait..!
The song for this chapter is: You Stole The Sun From My Heart – Manic Street Preachers.
"No, I just… I can't look at you right now, Bella!"
That one really stung.
Everything I had done had been purely to make myself look more like one of them. Like someone who belonged by the side of someone so God-like. I had done everything I could possibly think of to make myself a little easier on the eye, but it looked like all my attempts had failed.
On the one hand, I had triumphed. Nobody could look at my body and tell me I wasn't thin. Nor could anyone tell me I wasn't pretty enough to hang out with the likes of the Cullens.
However, there was a downside to these victories. Edward couldn't even look at me anymore. I supposed he had always said I was beautiful, even before. But, now everyone thought I was pretty, he was the only one that didn't.
Why did he have to be so bloody awkward?!
These were the kinds of thoughts jumping around in my mind while I was supposed to be listening to Alice. She'd apparently seen the entire scenario and was just waiting for Edward to call her up. From what I could tell, he wanted her to try and "help" me.
I just didn't understand what it was she was supposed to "help".
Was it literally how much I weighed? Because I was sure I could put back on all the weight I had lost in (comparatively) no time if I wanted to, help or no help.
Was it my way of thinking? That I seemed to be more worried about what everyone else thought of me than I was about my own fiancé?
Or was it my entire frame of mind? I was so obsessed with being in control of this one tiny aspect of my life that it took over and completely obscured the big picture?
I asked a lot of rhetorical questions these days. I was just trying to begin to voice them out loud when a tiny, white hand passed in front of my face extremely quickly.
"Helloo? Earth calling Bella. Anyone home?" Alice said in a spooky voice, pulling a face. I rolled my eyes at her. "You've been so vacant, Bella. Are you even listening to me?"
"Yes," I lied. She could tell, so I gave up my side of the argument before it even started. I supposed I should at least look like I was listening, even though I had far more important things to think about than Alice trying to be my shrink.
She started talking again about eating disorders. I wanted to scream at her, I didn't have an eating disorder! In my opinion, girls with eating disorders were ones who made themselves painfully thin on purpose because they were so insecure or obsessed with self-image they didn't care about anything else. They became so skinny to try and fulfil dreams or make people see them differently. It was all so false.
That wasn't what I was doing at all. Nope… My situation was completely different.
I half-heartedly continued to convince myself of this while Alice prattled on. I didn't know why Edward had decided she needed to get involved in all this. It wasn't like she was about to inspire me to "change my ways" or anything. The only person's opinion I really cared about was Edward's.
Suddenly, it was like everything clicked into place.
The only person's opinion I really cared about was Edward's.
If I really only cared what Edward thought, why was I doing this in the first place? He thought I was beautiful anyway, whether I was fat or thin, tall or short, human or vampire.
It was a little ironic that when I finally had this epiphany, Emmett came storming into the room to deliver some news. He looked more panicked than I had ever seen him. Alice didn't look much better herself. In Emmett's huge vice-like grip was a tiny sheet of yellow paper. I glared at it, trying to make out what was written on it, but failing miserably.
"What is it?" I asked, but I wasn't really sure if I wanted to know the answer.
"It's Edward. He's…" Emmett grimaced. "I can't believe he was stupid enough to do it, but…" He still couldn't get the word past his lips. Not that it mattered; I knew what he was going to day anyway.
"He's left me again, hasn't he?" I said, my voice so quiet a human couldn't have heard it.
Emmett nodded slowly, and held out the sheet of paper to me. I took it with trembling hands, and read the words on the sheet three times over slowly to make sure I had taken them in.
"Bella-
I have to go. I can't stay with you like this.
I'll come back when everything is sorted. I promise.
I am so sorry I couldn't be there for you.
Edward."
I managed to keep my eyes open long enough to see the first of many tears drop from the corner of my eye onto the tiny sheet of paper and make a smudge. Then, I lost all resistance and gave in to the darkness hanging over me. Everything went black.
A/N: Sorry, I just realised there was a bit of Alice-bashing in this chapter. I didn't mean it, I swear! I love Alice, she must be my favourite Cullen (other than Edward, of course) but Bella's just a little out of her mind at the moment. Alice will get her revenge, don't you worry. :)
And, just for fun, here is an OUTTAKE from this chapter:
I finally knew exactly how Cher from Clueless felt when she said, "Oh my god, I feel like such a bonehead!"
And now for the thanks.
Thanks to EdwardXBells4ever, beautifulpink, Shining Eclipse, momma2three, twilightaddict13, wingedspirit for reviews.
Thanks to StarlessNight28, annahelenamccrea, EdwardXBells4ever, Shewolf24, bellestormes, sammycakes104, Minx Hijinks, beautifulpink, Iris Messenger, honeynthemoon, kaytieorndorff, Zoeyy., Pentacle Witch 13, momma2three, rakel03, Adinyne for story alert / favourite story.
Thanks to EdwardXBells4ever, literatefanatic27 for author alert / favourite author.
Okay, I think that was officially my longest A/N ever… OVER AND OUT.
