Lily wanted to know who Julia was. She wanted to stay awake long enough to see the woman that James truly loved, the one she assumed he was cheating on her with, but all too quickly her eyes drooped shut. She was just too tired.

Lily awoke several hours later, being shaken awake by James. She slowly opened her eyes, "Why did you wake me up?" she asked groggily.

"You were screaming, Lily," he replied softly.

Lily tried to remember what she had been dreaming about, but her mind was blank, "What time is it?"

"It's just about six," James answered.

"I slept that long?" Lily had never thought she would ever sleep almost a whole day away.

"Julia said that you really didn't need her around, because you slept the whole time. She also said that you were talking in your sleep, but she said she couldn't make out what you were saying. Part of the time you were speaking in another language, I heard you just before you started screaming," James said, sitting on the foot of the bed and loosening his tie after he took off his robes.

"Who exactly is Julia?" she asked after a while.

"Julia is a very kind woman. She was the nanny that my parents hired when I was little and they had to work all the time. When they died in fifth year she became a mother to me. She always had been since my parents were never there, but I grew to love her more than ever, does that answer your question?" he answered.

Lily nodded, and felt a blush rise into her cheeks. How wrong she had been!

"Who did you think she was?" James asked noticing Lily's reddening face.

"Nothing, it's silly," Lily replied, rolling over onto the cool pillow.

"No, really, who did you think she was?" James asked again, rubbing Lily's back.

"If you must know I thought that you were having an affair with her. I read a letter to her, and the way you put it, it sounded like she was some woman you were having an affair with," Lily replied pulling the pillow over her head, she could hear James trying to stifle his laughter.

"It's not funny," she said through the pillow.

James started to pry the pillow away from Lily, when he succeeded, Lily turned away from him.

James then slowly turned her face towards him so that she was looking at him.

"Listen, Lily, I would never ever do that to you," he said seriously. Lily could tell from the look in his eyes that he was definitely telling her the truth.

Lily felt well enough to go downstairs to eat dinner with James. He was very worried about her though and helped her down the stairs. Lily didn't really need his help, but let him anyway. It was just now that she realized how many stairs there really were, and how it was amazing that she hadn't fallen when she had been trying to escape.

All through dinner James was staring at Lily, it was quite awkward to her. She had never been anything to stare at with her red hair that wasn't either straight or curly, it was just there down to her shoulders now because she had cut it. Her eyes weren't anything special either, people always made a big deal about how green they were, but ever since she learned that green was Slytherin's color she had hated them, across her cheeks were freckles that made her look like an ignorant child. She hated those freckles, every last one. Her skin was pale, she imagined she was probably the whitest person anyone had ever seen.

After dinner Lily went back up to bed, without help from James. She had the lights off and she was lying comfortably under the covers, but sleep just would not come for her. Memories from that night kept coming into her head. It was horrible to be in that house again.

An hour later James came to bed. Lily could hear him trying not to wake her up, but he was kind of clumsy and ran into the corner of the bed.

"Are you ok?" she asked quietly as she heard James swear under his breath.

"Yeah, why are you still awake?" he replied lying down on his side of the bed.

"I couldn't sleep," she answered, not saying exactly stating the problem.

"Will you be ok alone tomorrow? Julia is going away for a while on a...trip," James said after a while.

Lily thought about it for a while. She could always leave the house during the day while James was gone, she certainly didn't want to be alone here again.

"I want to move, James," she said finally.

"So do I, I don't think that it's safe here anymore now that Voldemort-" at this point Lily cringed, like most other witches and wizards do when they hear the Dark Lord's name.

James saw this and sighed, "Why can't you learn to say his name Lily? It's just a name, that's all. How can you be my wife if you can't even say his name? I don't ask that you love me, and I don't ask that you love me. I don't even ask you to have sex with me, all I ask is that you be able to say Voldemort's name, since you'll be seeing a lot more of him since you're married to me," he said with a bit of anger in his voice.

"Why is he after you, James?" Lily asked. She was starting to fear her new life with James.

"It's not so much that he's after me, well he is now.He's been aftermy family since my parents graduated, it's just complicated, Lily. I know most people think that he's cruel and heartless, they've got the cruel part right, but he is not incapable of love." After he said that he pulled the covers over himself and tried to sleep. He couldn't sleep either and wrapped his arm around Lily.

"I love you," he whispered as he finally fell asleep.

Lily felt a bit of warmth enter her cold heart when he said that. She knew that he loved her, or else he was a very good actor. What she didn't know was how she felt about him. She didn't hate him anymore or even dislike him. She liked him a lot but she didn't love him yet either.

Every night went just like that with James whispering "I love you" to Lily and Lily not sleeping and trying to figure out why she couldn't love him too, and how on Earth James could possibly love a woman as cold hearted as she was.


A month passed and Lily and James were still living in James' house, which was under protection now, but neither of them felt safe. Sirius came around quite often to try to cheer them up with Remus, but those visits didn't happen as much anymore and Remus hadn't come for a couple of months now.

Lily had joined the Order of the Phoenix recently. She and James had been quite busy with work for the Order lately, and they never saw any friends. Lily had always assumed that life with James would be one big party but she had come to realize that now with the war things were going to be pretty hard and no fun at all.

Tonight would be her first real assignment for the Order out in the field. She couldn't mess this one up. Sirius and James had had train her on their own time, teaching her things that they learned while training to be aurors.

She would be going with James and Sirius and a few other people to try and listen in to a meeting and then try and capture some of the Death Eaters as they were leaving. It wasn't doing all that much to help the cause, but at least some would be caught.

A couple of hours later, Lily was sitting at the foot of a tree watching the clearing in the middle of the forest in the countryside where the meeting was supposed to be held. They had been there for a couple of hours now, perhaps Voldemort had heard of their plans ahead of time? But from who? She knew that she could trust everyone in the Order, even Peter!

Lily sat there trying to figure out who had leaked the information, and what else the other side knew. They would just have to be more careful from now on. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't hear the footsteps that came up behind her.

She saw a shadow come up behind her. Slowly, an arm came around and wrapped itself around her neck, pulling her up from the ground. Lily whimpered.

"Trying to spy on us you little mudblood?" he whispered viciously.

Lily was about to reply with something sarcastic that would buy her more time, but then she felt the body behind her go limp and then it dropped and fell. She turned around with her wand out, ready to attack.

James was standing there also with his wand out.

"You shouldn't let your mind wander while you're on assignment, Lily. That's the number one rule!" he said angrily. Sirius appeared out of nowhere and stood next to James.

"They know we're here now, we should leave," he said.

James nodded, "Let's go," he said.

They were about to leave with a portkey that Dumbledore had left them (they couldn't apparate here because Voldemort had charmed it so only people on his side could get in and out) when about twenty pops announced the arrival of Death Eaters.

Lily saw different spells aimed towards her and she froze up. Sirius and James didn't seem to notice and they backed away to a side with less Death Eaters, they weren't completely surrounded--yet.

Lily didn't know exactly what happened next, except thatshe heard James yell her name andthen she was pulled towards him and they left.


Lily, James, and Sirius arrived atHogwarts, where the Order meetings had been taking placelately.

"What happened back there?"Sirius asked.

"I don't know, I just...froze up," Lily replied. It was a really lame answer and she felt stupid for not knowing why she froze up.

"Well we already knew that.Were you under the Imperius Curse?" James asked.

Lily shook her head, she had been under that before and that'sdefinitely not what it felt like.

Lily looked around the room. It was small, but there were rooms coming off of it as well. They were in a hidden part of the castle, not quite in the dungeons but not on the main floor either. The room they were in had brick walls, and there were several chairs that were extremely cushiony and red. There was a large desk up against one wall and that was about it. It was a very plain room.

All of a sudden Dumbledore walked into the room. They all stood up to greet him. He acknowledged them all and sat down at the desk. The old man wasn't being himself tonight, something had him worried.

"Were you successful?" he asked, the twinkle in his eyes gone.

"No, they knew that we were coming, we waited for hours and no one showed up, and then one Death Eater came and tried to strangle Lily and the others came, that's when we left," James replied, leaving out the part about Lily freezing up. Sirius thought that it was neccessary to inform Dumbledore about it though.

"Before we left, they were closing in around us and Lily froze up. I don't think that she has had enough training to go on missions yet, just think if we hadn't had a portkey, she could've died. We can't afford to lose someone, the sides are already uneven," he said.

Lily frowned. He had made it sound like she was completely incapable of going on missions.

"Is this true, Lily?" Dumbledore asked, folding his hands together.

"Yes," she replied, looking down.

"She's completely ready for field assignments," James said, putting his hand on Lily's leg.

"Do you know why you just seemed to 'freeze up', Miss Evans?" the old man asked.

"It's Mrs. Potter now, and no quite frankly I have no clue why it happened. All I know is that I couldn't move, and everything felt like slow motion. It's not that I panicked if that's what you were asking," she replied.

"I know that you think that you're feeling better, but I think that the attack on you left some emotional damage. I suggest that you take a few weeks away. Take a trip and get away, try and relax. Ever since the attack you have been busy fighting and you need a break. You never took a break for yourself. With that said, I have to go. There's something that I have to see to, Goodnight," the wise Headmaster said and left.


Lily had gone to bed, and James and Sirius were sitting in the kitchen talking.

"You guys have got to get out of this place," Sirius said.

"But where would we go? All of England is under attack and so is Ireland and the surrounding countries, the whole point is to get away from the war," James asked. It seemed as if there was no where to get away from Voldemort. He continued, "Besides, we want to get a new house as soon as possible."

"Why don't you go down to the Caribbean for a while? I've heard that it's supposed to be really great down there, and while you're gone Remus and I will take care of getting you guys a new house and selling this place, Lily will be so surprised when you guys come back she'll be so much happier!" Sirius replied.

James thought about this for a while and realized that for once his friend had a brilliant idea. Actually Sirius was a lot smarter that most people gave him credit for, yeah he got good grades and everyone knew that, but he was always labeled as the idiotic one of the group.James quickly agreed to the idea, and spent the rest of the night packing. He wanted to go the Muggle way, so he booked a flight, and a hotel suite. They would leave tomorrow morning.

They would have their honeymoon afterall!

Author's Note: I was surprised at the amount of reviews I got for the last couple of chapters. A few of you are too smart and figured out the whole Julia thing. I'm thinking now I should've let you all think that Julia was James's ex, or whatever, I feel like I ruined the surprise! Anyone feel like I should've used Julia more? She'll be back...I think.

Now Lily and James will get their honeymoon, things will get better for our favorite couple soon. Have faith and review!