Narrator: When we last left our dashingly dumb heroes, they were descending through the atmosphere onto the desert planet of Tatooine, to fix their hyperdrive. Qui-gon left the ship with R2D2 and Jar-jar, since someone with intelligence needed to be in the group. Meanwhile, the devious Queen Amidala had been busy plotting, and Captain Panaka soon caught up with the explorers.
Panaka: Wait!
Qui-gon: What?
Panaka: The queen has asked that you take her handmaiden who looks remarkably similar to the queen with you.
Qui-gon: Ooooh, a clone?
Panaka: No, those have only recently been ordered from Kamino.
Author: Wait a minute, how the heck do you know about THAT? No-one is supposed to know about the clones yet.
Panaka: I'm the head of security, it's my job to know.
Author: …..So how did you find out?
Panaka: I'm just an actor, I don't know.
Narrator: *sigh* This is confusing.
Author: Indeed, anyway let's just get back to the story, ok?
Narrator: Qui-gon quickly scanned the area for a nearby town.
Qui-gon: *looking the wrong way* Hmmm, there seems to be nothing in sight
Jar-jar: Well, maybe if yousa turn around…..
Qui-gon: Shut up! This is hard enough as is. *peer through binoculars*
Jar-jar: Sits down to wait.
Qui-gon: *still searching*
*5 hours later*
Qui-gon: *still searching*
Tumbleweed: *rolls past*
*stops*
Fan: *placed behind tumbleweed*
Tumbleweed: *blows away*
Jar-jar: *pokes Qui-gon*
Qui-gon: Hey, what was that for…oooh, look, a town.
Narrator: *groan* So after 5 hours of searching, Qui-gon finds the town 20 meters behind him. Hey, can we just skip ahead to the part where they find Watto's shop? I don't think I can stand much more of Qui-gon's navigational skills.
Author: *wakes up* Huuuuuh, uh, ok…
Narrotor: So after many adventures, and being arrested twice, Qui-gon & Jar-jar finally make it to a small scrap dealer…
Watto: Chuba da Noya!
Qui-gon: Eeeew. Anyway, I need parts for a J-type 32K Nuubian.
Watto: Aah, yes Nuubians, we have lots of those, always running around begging other players for money and help. *snort* When I was a noob at least I worked for my own gold.
Narrator: ANYWAY! After a long discussion on the dangers of Newbies in gaming situations, Watto & Qui-gon got around to discussing the Hyperdrive.
Watto: Speaking of which, how are you planning on paying for this?
Qui-gon: I have 20,000 Republic credits.
Watto: Republics credits are no good out here, I need something more real.
Qui-gon: *tries mind tricks* Reeeeeepuuuubliiic creeeeeediiiiits wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill doooooo fiiiiiiiiine
Watto: What the heck do you think you are, some kind of Jedi? I'm a Toydarian! Mind tricks donna work on me, only money. No money, no parts, no deal!
Narrator: Meanwhile, the queen's 'handmaiden' *cough cough* had met Watto's slave, Anakin.
Anakin: *thinks* Oooooooh, hot chick, time to pull out my awesome repertoire of 9 year old pick up lines!
Anakin: Duuuuh gyuuuuuuh errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ummmmmmmm weeeeeeeeeeeell….
Padme: Huh?
Anakin: Are you a Slimeball?
Padme: WHAT!
Narrator: We shall draw the curtain of humiliation over the rest of this scene. And while we're at it, why not the whole book?
Author: Because I said so.
Narrator: No you didn't.
Author: Oh, shut up, I'm saying it now!
