Narrator: When we last left our dashingly dumb heroes, they were descending through the atmosphere onto the desert planet of Tatooine, to fix their hyperdrive. Qui-gon left the ship with R2D2 and Jar-jar, since someone with intelligence needed to be in the group. Meanwhile, the devious Queen Amidala had been busy plotting, and Captain Panaka soon caught up with the explorers.

Panaka: Wait!

Qui-gon: What?

Panaka: The queen has asked that you take her handmaiden who looks remarkably similar to the queen with you.

Qui-gon: Ooooh, a clone?

Panaka: No, those have only recently been ordered from Kamino.

Author: Wait a minute, how the heck do you know about THAT? No-one is supposed to know about the clones yet.

Panaka: I'm the head of security, it's my job to know.

Author: …..So how did you find out?

Panaka: I'm just an actor, I don't know.

Narrator: *sigh* This is confusing.

Author: Indeed, anyway let's just get back to the story, ok?

Narrator: Qui-gon quickly scanned the area for a nearby town.

Qui-gon: *looking the wrong way* Hmmm, there seems to be nothing in sight

Jar-jar: Well, maybe if yousa turn around…..

Qui-gon: Shut up! This is hard enough as is. *peer through binoculars*

Jar-jar: Sits down to wait.

Qui-gon: *still searching*

*5 hours later*

Qui-gon: *still searching*

Tumbleweed: *rolls past*

*stops*

Fan: *placed behind tumbleweed*

Tumbleweed: *blows away*

Jar-jar: *pokes Qui-gon*

Qui-gon: Hey, what was that for…oooh, look, a town.

Narrator: *groan* So after 5 hours of searching, Qui-gon finds the town 20 meters behind him. Hey, can we just skip ahead to the part where they find Watto's shop? I don't think I can stand much more of Qui-gon's navigational skills.

Author: *wakes up* Huuuuuh, uh, ok…

Narrotor: So after many adventures, and being arrested twice, Qui-gon & Jar-jar finally make it to a small scrap dealer…

Watto: Chuba da Noya!

Qui-gon: Eeeew. Anyway, I need parts for a J-type 32K Nuubian.

Watto: Aah, yes Nuubians, we have lots of those, always running around begging other players for money and help. *snort* When I was a noob at least I worked for my own gold.

Narrator: ANYWAY! After a long discussion on the dangers of Newbies in gaming situations, Watto & Qui-gon got around to discussing the Hyperdrive.

Watto: Speaking of which, how are you planning on paying for this?

Qui-gon: I have 20,000 Republic credits.

Watto: Republics credits are no good out here, I need something more real.

Qui-gon: *tries mind tricks* Reeeeeepuuuubliiic creeeeeediiiiits wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill doooooo fiiiiiiiiine

Watto: What the heck do you think you are, some kind of Jedi? I'm a Toydarian! Mind tricks donna work on me, only money. No money, no parts, no deal!

Narrator: Meanwhile, the queen's 'handmaiden' *cough cough* had met Watto's slave, Anakin.

Anakin: *thinks* Oooooooh, hot chick, time to pull out my awesome repertoire of 9 year old pick up lines!

Anakin: Duuuuh gyuuuuuuh errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ummmmmmmm weeeeeeeeeeeell….

Padme: Huh?

Anakin: Are you a Slimeball?

Padme: WHAT!

Narrator: We shall draw the curtain of humiliation over the rest of this scene. And while we're at it, why not the whole book?

Author: Because I said so.

Narrator: No you didn't.

Author: Oh, shut up, I'm saying it now!