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Chapter nine: I want to back home please:

Have tissue ;(


Sebastian and Ciel walked their way to sebastian's apartment in silent, Sebastian was thinking about how to deal with Ciel and how to become a good model for him, while Ciel was thinking about how this is the wrong way to home but he didn't bother himself, he was trust in Sebastian and knowing that the man knows another way to go home.

" okay here we are " Sebastian said while they are standing in front of the stairs that lead to the apartment.

" watch your steps " Sebastian said while helping Ciel to go up the stairs.

".. But. " Ciel whispered

Sebastian unlocked the door and entered the apartment with the child.

" I know it is a small but it is a good one " Sebastian said while he turning the light on.

" But I want to back home "

Sebastian frozen a little ".. You'r at home already Ciel " He said and went to his room to put the bag in.

" no but I really want home "

" okay Ciel go bathroom and then have some sleep you should be tired " He said ignoring the child.

" I don't want to sleep, I want to back home "

" here, it is home and if you don't want to sleep now you can do that later "

" But I want mommy I must to back home " Ciel said whined

Sebastian totally frozen he didn't know what to say

" please Sebastian take me home please "

Sebastian was about to open his mouth to say something but he found that he has no words to say to the child.

" please Sebastian I want mommy I want home " Ciel continues begging to Sebastian to take him home.

" please Sebastian I wanna mommy, take me her please " a tears start to seep from his eyes and continue their way to his cheeks.

Sebastian sighed ".. Sorry Ciel but.. There's no one there " Sebastian forced to say that since he has no way to persuade Ciel than say it directly.

" no she is there, she is alone she is waiting for me, please Sebastian take me her " Ciel start to cry and sniffle.

" no one is waiting Ciel, I am sorry, now go bathroom and sleep please " Sebastian said almost in cold and calm tone.

" NO NO I know she is waiting, please take me her " Ciel shouting.

" please Ciel stop it and let's take some rest " Sebastian said gently.

" N~oo I~want mommy " Ciel said while he is crying and sniffling.

" Ciel please stop crying "

Ciel turned at the door trying to open it when he found that it is locked " open the doooor ~ I want go home " Ciel demand while crying and sniffling.

" ohh Ciel please stop it "

Ciel started to kicked the door and crying louder.

Sebastian hasn't hated himself like he does now, he felt a strong pain in his heart, he felt so guilty and just want to disappear

" please Ciel stop it " He said he couldn't bear to hear the child's pain anymore.

But Ciel didn't stop he still begging to him to open the door and let him back home.

" stop Ciel, stop please " ... " STOPT IT NOW " Sebastian shouted behind the child.

Child stop begging but still crying loud.

Sebastian grasped his arm and shouting at his face " STOP IT NOW, THIS IS THE HOME WHERE YOU BELONG TO, THERE IS NO ONE WAITING FOR YOU, AND YOUR MOM IS NOT THERE ANYMORE " Sebastian shouted gazed at him for a while then threw his arm and went to his room shutting the door behind him strongly.

Ciel put his other hand on his arm, Sebastian had grasped it strong which makes Ciel hurting. He sat down in front of the door he was crying and sniffling, Sebastian was so angry, shouting at him loudly and gazed at him with devil eyes just like that person does , at that moment Ciel only want to go home and throwing himself into his mother's lap to cuddle him and tell him everything is okay.

Sebastian sat down against the door putting his hands on his head. He felt very guilty and sad, his chest was in pain and his heart was beating loud and fast.

He just realized how much he made every thing even worst, it was not Ciel's fault, it is all Sebastian's fault from the beginning, he shouting at him so badly because he felt guilty and angry of himself, it wasn't Ciel's fault at all.

He even doesn't told the child that he has adopted him and he will live with him from now.

He only brought him here with no word, so this reaction was very expected.

How shame, he killed the child's mother, causing him to stay at the hospital for a month and then shouting at him without any reason just because he can't bear hearing his pains.

Sebastian kicked the wall with his fist which caused a small crack on the wall and a pain on his fist as well, he wasn't care he feels he deserves all these pains, he sat there for about 15 minutes blaming, hating himself, feeling guilty and shame, after that he noticed he couldn't hear Ciel's crying anymore, he panicked then quickly opened the door to know if the child still there.

He went out to see Ciel laying on the floor in front of the door like a lifeless doll.

He feels a strong pain in his heart, he took a small steps forward, he crouched down to pick the poor child up, when he put his arms under Ciel back, Ciel opened his eyes a little, putting his small hands against Sebastian's chest as he want to go from the man's arms and go out from here, but he was too tired to fight, so he just gave up and closed his eyes, Sebastian took the child to the bedroom, putting him on his bed, removing his shoes and his jacket then putting him under the thick warm blanket.

Sebastian stared at Ciel with sad eyes a little then went back to his bed giving his back to Ciel's bed.

Atfter 2 hours Ciel woke up, he scanned the room around him to know where he is, he saw Sebastian is sleeping there, so without any hesitation he jumped from the bed, opened the door of the room and quickly went toward the apartment door trying to open it and go away from there.

" No no no no "He said with low voice, he didn't want to wake the man.

Ciel kicked the door with his knee when he found that the door is locked. He started to cry but in low voice then he backed to try open the door again.

" what are doing? " Sebastian behind said

Ciel frozen, but ignoring him and continued trying to open the door.

" it is 1 in the morning, where do you think you will go? "

" shut up and open the door " Ciel demand.

Sebastian trying to be quite and gentle, he doesn't want to repeat what he did early.

" please stop and let's back to sleep", "c'mon Ciel " Sebastian took a steps forward

" stay away " Ciel shouting

Sebastian was surprised about how Ciel behavior changed suddenly, it is like he is a different boy .

" alright I won't take any steps, please Ciel clam down "

" SHUT UP, YOU LIAR AND OPEN THIS DOOR " Ciel shouting more and hitting his feet on the floor.

"... Liar? "

" YOU TOLD ME YOU WILL TAKE ME HOME "

" I am sorry but _ "

" SHUT UP, OPEN THIS DOOR I WANNA MOMMY NOW "

" Ciel please let's back to sleep " Sebastian said gently

" NO NO, I want to back home mommy is WAITING "

"... No one is waiting Ciel " Sebastian said quietly and gently

Ciel gnashed his teeth and took the cushion and threw it at Sebastian " open the doooor "

Sebastian think to open the door and take the boy to his home to believe that there is no one there, but he remembered the feeling of being in your home and there no one " please Ciel _"

" OPEN THE DOOOR, OPEN THE DOOR" He crying

" ohh Ciel please calm down "

Ciel just threw all the cushions at Sebastian face " OPEN IT, I WANT MOMMY "

" she is not here anymore Ciel "

A side of Ciel just keeps telling him that his mom is dead and she is not here anymore, but other side keeps telling him that his mom is there waiting for him to come. Ciel start to believe his mom is there and he want to go to her, he doesn't want anyone to tell him his mom is dead, so he was to angry at Sebastian when he said that. He took the glass from the table and threw it with all of his power at Sebastian, the glass crashed in Sebastian's face. Sebastian was able to avoid it but he let it because he believes that he deserves it.

When Ciel saw Sebastian bleeding he sat down and start to cry louder ".. I am.. So..orry "

" I.. D..didn't...mean.. To hurt.. You "

Sebastian put a hand on his cheeks " no Ciel it's fine "

But Ciel keep crying

" it's alright Ciel stop crying I am okay " Sebastian took a careful steps toward the crying child, the he sat down next to him putting his hand on Ciel tremulous shoulders, he start to pat his back with his other hand to calm his down " it's fine Ciel it's fine "

" I am.. Soo...rry , I didn't.. Mean.t..that" a little hiccup escaped from his mouth

"I know that ciel, I know"

" you want to eat something, you haven't eat anything since yesterday " He added

Ciel shook.

" you must to eat something Ciel "

" no.. I am not.. Hungry " Ciel rubbed his watery eye.

" please Ciel you have to eat something, hmmm what about some warm milk? "

Ciel looked up at Sebastian " "with..honey ?"

" yeah of course, you can put as much as you want " Sebastian smiled at him.

He stand up and went to the kitchen to warm up the milk, when the the milk became warm Sebastian poured it into a tea cup and put the cup on a tray then he brought the honey jar and the spoon and put them beside the milk on the tray. He took the tray and put it on the dinner table " okay Ciel come " But Ciel didn't respond or moved. " Ciel? What's wrong? " Ciel still silent. Sebastian sighed " okay I will bring it to you " Sebastian took the tray and then put it in front of the child. He opened the honey jar and handed the spoon to Ciel, but Ciel didn't take it " Ciel what's it? C'mon drink it now or it will get cold quickly, it is winter " Ciel do nothing, and Sebastian thought if he go and let the child alone he will start to drink it, just as little kittens do, Sebastian sighed " okay Ciel I will go bathroom and you drink this okay? " he said while standing up.

He went to bathroom and try to pull out all the small crashed glasses from his cheek, after ten minutes he finally succeed pulled them all out, he washed his face with cold water to stop the blood and then he covered it with aid-band.

He went out to see Ciel drank all the milk he smiled a little. " that's very good Ciel you drank it all "

Ciel looked up at Sebastian " I am sorry Sebastian "

" no don't bother yourself it is all fine now "

Ciel looked down at the floor ".. Are you still mad at me " He said carefully and scared

" ohh Ciel no I am not, it is all alright now, okay " and then he lifted up the tray and put it on the kitchen.

He backed to Ciel " okay Ciel, back to sleep now? " He asked gently

Ciel nodded a little. "Good" Sebastian said and lifted Ciel up, so Ciel won't trample on the glasses that is in front of the bedroom, ciel embrace his hands around Sebastian's neck tightly and started crying a little .

Sebastian tucked Ciel in the bed, and he was about to go when a small hand grasped the bottom of his t-shirt.

" please don't go don't let me alone "Ciel said while he was sobbing.

" you are not alone Ciel, I will be at the kitchen just there "

" on on please stay here " Ciel sniffling

" shh Ciel, alright I will stay " Sebastian sat down in the edge of the Ciel's bed.

Ciel kept crying and cuddling Snuggles against his chest tightly, Sebastian ran his fingers through Ciel's hair " shh shh it's all fine now " He whispered.

" S..Snuggles t..told me.. M..mommy is... Not.. Here anym..more " Ciel said while crying and sniffling " is... Tha..t right... Sebastian? " Ciel was knowing it is right and of course the stuffed toy hasn't told him anything, but he said that because he doesn't want to say he saw his mom dead there, he was too scared to say that loud.

Sebastian sighed then raised his legs to the bed and laying next to Ciel.

He put his left arm under Ciel's head and and his right one surrounded him, Ciel buried his face into sebastian's chest and still crying

" is it r..right s s..Sebas..tian? "

Sebastian cuddle Ciel tighter then he swallowed hard and said " listen Ciel your mom now is in more peaceful and beautiful place, she is fine "

Ciel looked up at him " take me her so "

" sorry Ciel, I can't "

" w..why?" Ciel asked almost in whisper

" coz..I don't know where is she "

" let's share for her let's share " a small hiccup escaped from him

"... Even... Even if we.. Find that place " Sebastian swallowed hard and continue " you cannot go.. There "

" whyyy? " Ciel sobbing

" until it is the time "

" which time Sebastian? "

" a time that allows you to go there "

" when it will come Sebastian " Ciel looked at Sebastian with face full of tears.

" I don't know Ciel.. I don't know "

Ciel cried and buried his crying face on Sebastian's chest and grasped his t-shirt tightly as if his life depends on.

" I saw... Him " Ciel whispered.

" huh? "

" He... Opened...the door " Ciel said with an occasional hiccups

Sebastian wasn't sure what is the boy talking about.

" he was a.. C.. Cat "

Sebastian opened his eyes wider.

" I was... Sitting on.. The sofa.. Mommy told me ... I shouldn't enter.. The kitchen "Ciel sniffling." she was.. Making a.. Surprise.. "

Sebastian start breathing hard and quivering.

" he.. Went to.. The kitchen "

"... I am s...sorr..ry " Sebastian said shaky

" I..I followed.. Him to stop... Him entering the kitchen, then.. I heard a loud... Sound " Ciel sobbing, Sebastian cuddling him more and more " He gone.. He gone and.. Mommy didn't... Move.. Again " Ciel sobbing louder and grasped Sebastian tighter.

Sebastian wasn't able to breathe or say anything, a tears start to seep from his eyes, he shutted his to stop them.

" ahh" Sebastian said trying to catch an air but after he did that he found himself crying audibly.

" Sebastian " Ciel looked up at him

" I sorry ciel, I am sorry "

" it is okay " Ciel put his small hands into sebastian's cheeks to wipe the tears away.

Sebastian gently took Ciel hands away and hugged him tightly.

" I am sorry.. Ciel " Sebastian said shaky "please forgive me Ciel"

" okay " He said a little, Ciel wasn't sure why he should to forgive Sebastian but he said okay because he thought if he say that Sebastian will stop crying.

" I promise Ciel... I won't make you go through that again "

" I promise Ciel.. I will be always here for you "

Ciel hugged Sebastian chest, and nodded.

Then they slept cuddling each other.


Ciel opened his eyes to see it is morning

He didn't move or do anything he was warm and comfort on sebastian's arms

Sebastian noticed that Ciel is woke up

" you woke? " Sebastian said gently and looking at the boy.

Ciel looked up and nodded.

" did you sleep well? "

Ciel nodded a little

" Good " .. " okay, let's have breakfast and go to exchange your big clothes " Sebastian said and smiled at Ciel

Ciel nodded and back to buried his face into sebastian's chest.

They stayed like this for a while, it seems like they need this cuddle to heal their hearts.

Ciel just becomes the warm sunshine of spring that melt up the ice of the eternal winter of Sebastian's heart.