A bang woke Castiel up as he looked up and around startled. Dean stirred next to him throwing an arm over his eyes with a sigh narrowly missing Castiel who scowled nudging him.
"Sorry" a voice said and he looked up to Jess who was in the kitchen looking sheepish.
"It's okay" he said untangling his legs from Dean's, pulling on his underwear and jeans before getting up to join her as she made toast and coffee.
"Want some?"
"Just a coffee" he murmured leaning against the counter while she stirred it silently.
"So you two" she said looking over to Dean. "Is it serious?"
"I don't know yet" he murmured softly taking the coffee over her.
"But you love him don't you?"
"What?" he said startled.
"I see it in your eyes when you look at him"
"Why does everyone keep saying that?" he murmured closing his eyes and sitting down at the table. "I don't know how I feel about him; it's only been a week"
"What?" she said confused turning towards him.
He gasped and looked up at her. "Weeks I meant, it's only been a few weeks"
Jess frowned wincing a little as the baby kicked her and frowned. "Do you want to know how I fell in love with Sam?"
"Yes"
"I met him at a party, we were introduced and he came out of nowhere…I instantly liked him. We talked, we flirted and exchanged numbers and from then on we were inseparable"
"Love at first sight?"
Jess chuckled shaking her head. "Not like that, I just…fell in love! It was so easy, so simple and nothing like people make it out to be! If you love him, you love him simple as" she said sipping her coffee. "Don't question it and don't doubt it"
Castiel stared at her amazed and looked down at the table. "Wow, it's like you are meant to be"
"Maybe" she said with a chuckle stroking down her bump. "I have never been more uncomfortable, men are so lucky! You don't have to do this, your job is done"
Castiel smirked at her and looked up at Dean and stared.
"Um, Dean, morning glory" he murmured with a smirk when Dean looked down and then up blushing hard seeing Jess.
"Oh shit!" he said running out and towards the bathroom.
"I'll be right back" he murmured getting up leaving her to chuckle into her breakfast. He tapped the door opening up to see Dean splashing water into his face.
"Come to sort me out?" Dean said with a wink when Castiel slid over with a raised eyebrow.
"You would walk into the kitchen completely naked with company"
"You already know me so well" he said with a smirk running a hand into his hair. Castiel pressed his lips together with a small shrug looking down to his erection and back up to him.
"Do you want me to sort it out?"
Dean hesitated knowing that this would be the first time he would touch him like that and the answer "yes" was on his tongue but alarm bells rang in his head.
"No, I'm okay, Cas"
Dean saw the disappointment fill Cas' eyes and he looked away feeling his own share of guilt.
"I'm gonna get a shower" he said indicating at him to leave. Castiel nodded rushing out before he could any anything else and sighed seeing Sam and Jess in the kitchen. He watched as Sam ran his fingers through her curls as they talked softly, his heart ached at the sight and he looked back to the bathroom door before darting into the bedroom.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid" he hissed pacing up and down running his hands into his hair. "Why do I do this to myself!"
"You alright?" Sam said walking in and seeing him pacing.
"Oh, yes, I…I'm just a little stressed at the moment"
"My brother?"
"No, it isn't Dean…its personal matters" he said sitting down on the bed.
"Involving Dean?"
"No, it's myself"
"Oh right" Sam muttered closing the door behind him.
Castiel looked up brow furrowing in confusion to the closed door. "Did you want to talk to me?"
"You're not breaking up with him are you? I know we don't know each other that well but I saw you yesterday, I see you now and personal matters? You are not going to pull that "It's not you, it's me crap" on him are you?"
"What? No, god no, I'm not breaking up with him…I'm just having difficulties with personal issues with myself, not Dean, not our relationship but me"
Sam nodded folding his arms. "Can I help you with it?"
He laughed breathlessly and shook his head. "I'll be fine, thank you for your concern, Sam"
Dean suddenly entered and frowned looking at Sam and Castiel confused.
"What-what's going on?"
"Nothing, we were just talking" Sam said with a shrug looking over to Castiel for confirmation. He nodded and looked down at the carpet ignoring Dean's questioning stare as Sam left shutting the door behind him.
"Okay, what the hell was that?" Dean demanded.
"Nothing, we were talking, Dean"
"About?"
"Nothing of import" he muttered getting up to get dressed when Dean gripped his wrist tugging him back.
"It looked important, what did you tell him?"
"Nothing, Dean, he questioned me about us because he thought I was breaking up with you, he was concerned for your welfare that's all" he said wrenching his hand away and moving to get dressed again.
"Looked rather cosy" he snapped.
"Dean, is this your insane way of hinting you are actually jealous?"
"Jealous? Jealous of what?" he cried letting him go when Castiel shoved him away.
"I was talking to your brother, your very straight brother in fact, and you come in here and are acting like this" he said throwing his hands up at him.
Dean batted them away with a scowl. "I thought you told him"
"What? That me and you aren't actually together and are just fucking each other for pleasure and money? Oh of course, Dean"
Dean rolled his eyes moving away to get dressed. "Okay, smartass, I get it"
Castiel sighed pulling on his own clothes and running his fingers into his hair staring out the window at the new day. Arm wrapped around his waist making him jump and look back at him startled.
"I love it when you do that to your hair"
"Fluff it up?"
"Yeah, looks like we've just had sex"
Castiel smirked wistfully ignoring the fact that only moment ago they argued and leaned his head against his just for a moment before Dean let go.
"I'm starving" he muttered coughing nervously.
Castiel sighed at the loss of warmth and tenderness that came from that moment, it surprised him, but he liked it. He turned to see Dean's retreating back and felt the disappointment in his heart grow and grow.
Dean walked into the kitchen to see Jess balancing a cup of her stomach grinning delighted.
"A skill you men will never know!"
"When's the birth?"
"A few weeks" Sam said with a small smile drinking his coffee. "She is so big already though"
Jess frowned at him dropping the cup back on the table.
"As soon as she is born, I am going the gym, I miss my figure"
Sam rolled his eyes in response to her and patted her hand. "I love you whatever you look like"
"Will you love me when I look like a whale after the birth?"
"You will have just given birth to my son, I will love you more than you could ever imagine"
Dean grimaced throwing a towel at the both of them in disgust.
"Fucking hell, you two are so loved up its actually sickening"
"Maybe you and Cas will be like us one day"
"Oh calling him by his nickname already are we?" Dean said amused.
"Yes, it suits him much better" Jess said turning her head and grinning when Castiel walked back into the kitchen.
"What suits me so much better?"
"Your nickname, it's much better" she said with a simple smile turning back to Sam who muttered about wanting the newspaper.
Castiel glanced up to Dean before moving along and grabbing his lukewarm coffee and making another.
"Are you alright?" Dean whispered into his ear.
"Fine" he murmured stirring it and moving away from him and into the living area. He pulled out his phone and was surprised to see 2 messages from Anna.
Hey, sorry I haven't phoned you.
Rachel has been a nightmare! I have also been thinking.
I'll try tonight.
Anna.
I'll call you tonight about six.
Castiel sighed dropping it onto the table and massaged his forehead feeling a migraine coming on. Dean watched him from the kitchen and sighed knowing they weren't showing a good enough front right now and he knew Sam and Jess were starting to question it.
He pushes off and storms towards him sitting down hard next to him making Castiel jolt and stiffen.
"What is wrong with you? You have woken up in a foul mood and I don't know why but stop it now, they are starting to notice and even Sam is starting to question you for some goddam reason! I don't need this, you are here for one reason and one reason only so do your damn job" he hissed at him hearing the menace in his voice.
Castiel's eyes filled with horror at his words and he slowly turned his head to look at him. He set his jaw and nodded tightly.
"Wouldn't want to ruin that now would we?" he hissed shoving him away and getting up.
"Where the hell are you going?"
"Out" he hissed at him grabbing his jacket.
Dean whirled astounded ignoring Sam and Jess's questioning looks as he followed him out grabbing his wrist and slamming him against the brick wall. Castiel whimpered as his back protested and Dean pressed him against it.
"Why are you being like this?"
"Let go of me" he murmured struggling with his grip. He sighed giving up looking towards the sky and back to him.
"Give me an hour or two okay? I have a lot going on in my head and I can't stand being stuck in that flat one more minute"
"They're going to think it's them you know?"
"Then set them straight and tell them a different story" he mumbled waiting for Dean to let him go. Dean stepped back allowing him to leave and stared at the brick wall as he stalked off towards the stairs and out the apartments.
He returned back inside to see Sam standing up with a puzzled frown and Jess with him.
"What's happened?"
"Nothing, he's woken up weird" he muttered sitting down turning on the television.
Sam glanced to Jess who shrugged at him. "It's nothing to do with us"
Dean heard that and sighed tapping his fingers on the couch wondering what could possibly be going through their minds and Castiel's.
~0~
Castiel looked down to his watch and cringed, he had been gone for more than three hours. He had just been sitting in the park, he watched as children played in the park, couples walking dogs, teenagers fooling around and just the general public live there life. Castiel watched the couples full of envy as they joked and held hands with each other; he took his wedding ring out of his pocket and held it in his fingers watching as the light blinked off it.
He knew now that he should have listened to Gabriel, he should have never married Anna, it only had brought months of unwanted pain, denial and self-loathing more for him and not for her. His feelings for Dean were more profound now and he couldn't deny them anymore, he knew now that he felt more for Dean and as it closed towards near enough two weeks that he knew him, he was slowly falling in love.
Castiel didn't know what love felt like, he knew the love he felt for his family and Anna was a family love but falling in love, wanting to be with this person, wanting to hold them, kiss them, laugh with them and fall hopelessly under over and over again was all foreign and unnerving for him.
His phone buzzed making him jump and he pulled it out answering it.
"Where the fucking hell are you?" Dean questioned.
"In the park"
"For three hours?"
"Yes, I needed to think"
"About what? An hour you said, I look like a right fool right now! Get back here now all smiles and happy please?" he whispered down the phone.
"Okay"
Castiel heard the click of the phone and huffed setting off back "home"
He arrived to see Jess sleeping on Sam's shoulder as they watched television together. Dean looked up at him as he shut the door behind him and nodded at them all in hello before walking into the kitchen. Sam looked to Dean who nodded getting up and following him.
"All better now are we?"
"Yes, I've thought a few things over"
"Anything you care to share with the class or preferably me?"
Castiel smirked flashing his eyes at him and shaking his head. "Mind your business"
Dean went to protest but was silenced by Castiel's lips sealing over his and he happily kissed him back surprised. Arms wrapped around Dean's neck and his own slid down Castiel to his hips as they kissed lazily.
"I'm sorry" he whispered against his lips.
"It's alright" Dean murmured with a shrug. "But you are making dinner tomorrow"
"Fine"
"Anna is calling me later so I'll need privacy"
"I'll take Sam and Jess to the pub"
Castiel raised an eyebrow at him.
"She'll have a coke" he murmured rubbing the back of his neck and smirking at him.
Castiel nodded unwinding his arms and going to the fridge to get something to eat. Dean sighed licking his lips and watching his ass appreciatively. He didn't understand why he felt like his heart was taking a beating and his stomach churned when Castiel was in a mood or being weird for him, the last three hours hadn't been pleasant and his snappiness came from nowhere.
"Oh you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine, Dean, I just need food and I'll be the perfect doting boyfriend" he said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. Dean instead saw pain and longing that made his stomach twist and his eyes look away in fear. He nodded turning back away and into the living room nodding again at Sam's questioning gaze.
Later on that day, Dean brought up a meal in the local pub and Castiel refused saying he felt sick and he would see them after.
"Don't get drunk" he murmured kissing Dean gently and smiling when he tickled behind his neck.
"I promise, we all promise"
"I'm pregnant, I'll come back sober as you" Jess said with a sad sigh but smiled all the same. Castiel waved them out and slammed the door behind them looking around the empty apartment. His gaze switched to the clock on the wall to see it was near enough 6pm and he waited near the phone patiently. He drifted off into a daydream of last night on the couch and his cock twitched in interest, he was about to set it right when his phone rang and he answered it quickly.
"Hello, Castiel"
"Anna, it's good to see hear from you"
"I know I am so sorry I didn't call you" she said so formally he grimaced.
"Anna…"
"No listen to me, I'm sorry, I should have let you know I was okay and I have been thinking…I have been thinking a lot about us and…" she said trailing off. "I don't wish to do this on the phone with you, this needs to be done at home"
Fear struck in his heart and he instantly knew what this was about.
"Monday then"
"Yes, this needs sorting out, Castiel. We need to sort this out"
"I know we do"
Anna sighed trailing a hand into her hair. "I feel like I am speaking to a work colleague and not my husband"
Castiel closed his eyes nodding. "I know"
"I'll speak to you on Monday, Cas" she whispered and he heard the dial tone before he could respond and he closed his eyes removing the phone from his ear. The end of his marriage was in sight, it was a heart-breaking but comforting notion. Wrongs could be fixed, he could move on and he knew who he wanted to move on with but the big question was did Dean feel the same way about him.
~0~
Dean sipped his drink listening to Sam talking about Stanford and the new flat they were thinking about.
"I'm just so glad that this baby gets two uncles! I really hope you two stay together, Dean, you suit each so well, don't they Sam?"
"Bit weird coming from me but you do" Sam said in agreement.
Dean faked a smile and chuckle but nodded in reply. His thoughts wandered off and his stomach did that strange flipping thing he couldn't get his head around. He knew it would confuse and upset them both when he called them in a week to tell them that him and Castiel had broken up but that was how it was meant to be. Dean wouldn't allow that final "rule" to be broken, he couldn't. Castiel was a client like all the rest and for Dean that would never change.
A/N: Thank you for the reviews! They do make me smile! So please give me more?
