Marguerite slammed her head onto her desk for the fifth time in less than an hour. Whoever said that college was easy was a filthy, filthy liar. She had so much homework to catch up on, and five billion projects to do and paperwork she needed to finish before she left for China; it didn't help that every time Gabriel picked up on her distress through their bond he came to "rescue" her from whatever was troubling her at the time. Usually with sex; not that she was complaining, because Gabriel definitely knew what he was doing in bed.
But they'd become so empty lately. The sex was just sex, the conversation void of real meaning. It had been going on for a while; she just didn't have the time to really fix it. Gabriel had everything under control anyway. He could fix it.
Marguerite let her head rest on the cool, faux wood of her desk, before wearily sorting through the mountain of paperwork piled up beside her. She didn't even jump when a pair of strong hands landed on her shoulders gently and began kneading the tense muscles; there was something off about the touch though…something distant.
"Busy night Kiddo?"
Marguerite hummed in confirmation and tried desperately not to fall asleep under Gabriel's skilled fingers, "You have no idea."
He sat in an empty chair beside her, golden eyes traveled over her work silently. Silence engulfed them; it wasn't the comfortable silence she'd grown accustomed to after three years of being bonded. There were times when they were able to communicate just as easily without words as they could with words. Sometimes it gave Marguerite the chills; Gabriel was an archangel, and there were times when she could read him like the front page of a newspaper. Tonight, however, it was impossible to get a read on him, and the silence was thick and oppressive.
"You do know that it's a Friday night..."
Marguerite huffed out a low sigh and continued on with her paperwork. She was leaving for China in a few days, and desperately needed to make sure everything was in order, "Well aware Gabriel. Thanks for the public service announcement." Her voice was terse, subconsciously reacting to the undercurrents of…something in the air.
"Then why," he took her work from her and ignored her protests easily, "are you holed up in a dorm room doing paperwork like an antisocial little bug?" His teasing seemed forced, like he was running through the motions without putting any feeling behind them.
"Because I am an 'antisocial little bug'," she reached for her work and flailed her hands when it was held out of her reach, "Gabriel seriously, I need to do my work."
"Do you even know what tonight is?"
She looked at him wearily, "It is Friday, September 14. That's what day it is."
"Nothing more important than that?" There was a hurt tone underlying in his voice it was the only real emotion he'd shown tonight; golden eyes were watching her for any sign of knowledge.
"It's just a damn day Gabriel." it had been a long one too; she was tired and frustrated and she wanted to get her work done.
"It's our anniversary Marguerite." It was absolutely never a good sign when Gabriel used her first name outside of sex. "Three years we've been bonded. That's what tonight is." His voice was flat, golden eyes stared out the window with a forced air of nonchalance; he was trying to play over like it didn't matter.
"Oh…" she looked at him quietly, wondering how the hell she'd managed to forget something like that. Not that she was really surprised given how distant they'd been recently. She couldn't squash the flair of guilt she felt though, and she reached out to Gabriel, only to have the angel walk away from her stiffly. Marguerite sighed heavily and looked at the ceiling hoping that it would miraculously hold all the answers to life. Being married was hard, it seemed like this took so much more work that anything else in her life ever had.
Gabriel was staring out her dorm window, back rigid. Marguerite could see the outline of his wings when lightning flashed outside; they were held aloft, feathers flared and shaking in agitation. She'd really hurt him, and it cut. Marguerite knew she wasn't putting as much effort into their bond as Gabriel was, he remembered the dates, set up the outings, came by for cuddles, worked out problems. For the most part Marguerite was along for the ride; it bugged her that she was so content to let him work out everything between them.
She padded over to him silently, bare feet scratching across rough carpet with tiny whooshes of displaced air. She wound her arms around him and let her head rest between his shoulders gently. Invisible feathers stroked across her face gently, sending tiny shocks of electricity racing through her skin. Her hands moved to rest over where his heart should have been beating and curled into the thin expanse of tee shirt there. Gabriel's fingers moved to tangle in her own as he gazed out into the raging storm that shook her campus. It was odd how many important moments between them happened in the rain.
"Being bonded…" she nuzzled closer to him, anchored herself in his warmth, "it's hard."
"I know it is kiddo." His voice was low, but it filled the room with unspoken power. She knew it was a lot harder for Gabriel, but he always let it slide; let everything be pushed under the rug.
"I should try harder."
"You do the best you can with the time you have Marguerite, I can't ask for more than that."
"I should make more time."
Really it was just that simple. She was just so unused to thinking in terms of a literal forever; so used to counting the seconds as time passed by in the breeze. She had all the time in existence to get this degree, all the time she could fathom to explore the world. She was twenty-one and she would forever be eighteen.
"No," Gabriel turned to face her and held her, surrounded her with the familiar scent of lightening. He hadn't smelt of candy recently, they hadn't been happy recently either. Marguerite worried constantly that they'd jumped into this bonding thing way too quickly. She was terrified that it would fall apart underneath them that the connection and love they held would fade to nothing.
"I want more time." She really did. Marguerite knew she hadn't put enough effort into this. Knew that the growing void between them was something she could have stopped a long time ago.
An outsider would have been confused at the connection between a forgotten anniversary and a void. Because people forgot dates all the time, it happened. Loss of time, forgetting of time. Marguerite knew it was more than that, could feel the distance in their bond. They bickered all the time, over the smallest dumbest things, she never had enough time for him, and he always needed her at the worst moments. Somewhere in that tangled mess of life they'd stopped trying to fix it. Just drifted along their train wreck not knowing when it would finally crash.
Marguerite had a feeling that the crash was coming.
"Look Marguerite…" Gabriel's golden eyes never found hers; they stayed glued to the storm outside, familiar hands kept only the slightest touch against her, "this isn't working out. This is…" he looked down at her, and there was a terrifying finality in his eyes, "we need to stop. We need some distance."
Panic filled her, and it was funny to her that she was finally snapping out of the apathetic haze that had surrounded their relationship right as he was giving into it. "Gabriel…" she tried to find something to say, something to refute his words. She could think fluently in four languages, argue points, express ideas, and when she needed it most language failed her entirely. She couldn't think of a single word to say, couldn't find an excuse.
The seconds that she still counted ticked by endlessly, and Gabriel gave her a rueful smile, "I'm not going with you to China." Finality rang in his words and she could only look at him blankly, "I'll have Balthazar help you pack, but Marguerite," he stepped away from her and the distance was shocking, the bond that always hummed in the back of her mind was cut off abruptly, "I'm not coming for you this time. At the end of the year we'll see…" he shook his head honey hair flying in his face, "we'll see how much has really changed."
"Gabriel please," her eyes stung like fire and she reached out to him helplessly, "Please don't…" He was already gone.
The silence was thick; she could hear it pressing in on her. The room swam and she sank to her knees numbly. She hadn't thought…had never imagined this. She knew it was bad, knew their problems had been mounting, but for Gabriel to leave…he'd never left. Tears streamed down her face and dripped to the floor in tiny plinks.
She stared out the window into the storm, praying and praying, practically screaming in her head. Gabriel never came. She fell asleep against the window screaming futile prayers in her empty head.
The next day was no better. She'd stared out the window silently, until her roommate threatened to drag her to the clinic. Marguerite had gotten up stiffly, didn't bother to change, and walked out. She continued on with her day normally, she turned in her paperwork, worked out the final details of her trip, then went back to her dorm and stared at the boxes she was suppose to pack blankly.
"Hello Marguerite."
She didn't look at Balthazar, didn't acknowledge his presence. Marguerite stared at the boxes in front of her wondering how it all went so wrong. Wondering why she'd had to fight so hard all her life to be happy for such short amounts of time.
"Marguerite look at me," Balthazar was kneeling at her feet, hands pressed to her knees, "Marguerite it's not as bad as it seems…"
She looked at him silently, couldn't summon up enough effort to answer him. Not as bad? It was worse.
"Love…" Balthazar sighed lowly and pulled her up carefully, "Start packing. We'll talk while you do."
Marguerite nodded numbly, she began packing up her life and putting it into little boxes that would be shipped across the world to a lonely apartment that she would share with no one. Her mind was achingly empty, and she couldn't even feel the faintest hint of Gabriel there. Couldn't feel the low hum of vibrancy he carried around with him.
"You need this kid."
She shot him the dirtiest look she could muster under the circumstances. She wondered if this is what Lucifer felt like when he was booted out of heaven. Cut off, empty, and alone. If it was she sure sympathized with the guy, because this was consuming.
"Hear me out before you crucify me." He sat on her small bed and watched her warily, "Relationships take a certain amount of maturity. They take work, they take dedication, they take compromise, and you just don't have enough inner knowledge and maturity Marguerite."
"Is this supposed to be helping me?" She threw things into boxes with little care for how they landed. She grasped onto the anger because it was better to feel something than nothing. Better to be on fire than be numb.
"You've never been on your own," Balthazar snapped his fingers and her boxes and suitcase were packed neatly. "You've never had the opportunity to live for yourself, to take care of yourself, and to really learn who you are." He patted the bed next to him invitingly.
Marguerite stared at him for a few seconds, before plopping down next to him bonelessly. "Why do I need all of that? Why can't it just work?"
"Because if you don't know how to live on your own take care of yourself and love yourself, how can you possibly do all that with someone else?"
Marguerite tried to find an answer to that, tried to think of some brilliant thing to say, but in the end she could find nothing. She gave into to the truth of his statement without a fight, gave in to the knowledge she knew he possessed.
"Is he ever going to come back?"
"Of course he is," Balthazar stood up and looked at her kindly, "he's never had it in him to stay away from you. He won't be back until he's good and ready though. And really," he patted her head fondly, "what's a year to you two? It's nothing. Gabriel will be back."
He left shortly after, left her alone to let his words take full effect. It was terrifying being on her own. Marguerite didn't even know if Gabriel would save her in an emergency. This was the first time in her entire life that she'd been left to her own devices, and a growing part of her was excited. She'd never had an identity outside of the people she was always around, never had a moment without Gabriel. Now she could. It still hurt, and she was still upset by his absence, she still felt numb over the loss. Marguerite knew she would get better.
She got on her plane a few days later, ready to start this adventure. And for once she wasn't counting the seconds.
