A/N: OMG, LOOK AT MY FAST UPDATING SKILLS!

I know, I'm like, on fire. XD

That and I really just want to finish this story already. Lol. TWO CHAPTERS LEFT, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! (I actually changed it from 11 chapters and an epilogue to 10 chapters and an epilogue, so deal with it, you guys. DEEEEAAALLLLL!)

This chapter nearly killed me with the fluffy-angsty-turmoilish-humor placed within it.

Yes, we CAN have that all in the same chapter. Because I am Hari-Aisu and I can DO THAT! ^.^

*Separate note: Urgh, I have set up a DA account to all those that wish to see my sucky sketches based upon this fic. If you want the link, just let me know. :) (And if you can draw, omg feel free to take it upon yourself to draw you some good WDE art of the fan persuasion! Please, I need to see some art that isn't as sucky as mine! Lol!)

Disclaimer: Don't own Moulin Rouge!, Death Note, nor any of the songs used within this story, nor am I making any profit off said items (though I should be! Kind of…) and if you've told someone that I am, I shall stalk you. Evilly. With a spork. Fear my spork-ful WRATH!


Title: When Dreaming Ends

Chapter Eight: Vanish Inside Your Kiss


When it came down to it, in front of me were two paths.

One led to my dreams of stardom and security-

The other, dreams of passion and wholeness.

Was it really my choice, though?

It seemed like I was only a puppet, and every person I came in contact with held a string to my person, laughing as I am pulled however way they wish.

The question still plagues me, even as I am free from their clutches…


Raito hated this.

He hated not having any control over the situation at hand.

He hated having to be at someone else's mercy.

He hated having to degrade himself in keeping on the same damnable dress that caused him to be in this mess to begin with-

But most of all, he hated the fact that L wasn't here with him, holding him, telling him it would all be alright.

And after tonight, he might not ever want to ever again.

Holding back his own sneer of distaste, Raito carefully lined his lips red, the faint rouge covering his cheeks highlighting his tanned skin beautifully. Pushing his bangs away from his face, the gorgeous brunette held his breath as he carefully examined his appearance. The tight black off-the-shoulder dress he wore clung to his body like a second skin; the bottom flaring out to the floor in a ruffle of waves.

He looked and felt positively womanly and he hated it.

It had been years since he had felt so out of sync with his position in society and all this place was doing was reminding him of a time so similar to this; a time where he had been just another pawn in a greater game he had not been able to comprehend at the time.

A small knock on his dressing-room door broke Raito out of his reverie, his caramel-brown eyes narrowing in anger.

'Just what I need…' Raito thought to himself as he slammed the small tube of lipstick he had been clenching between his fingers back onto the dresser, gritting his teeth in a rather unfeminine fashion. 'A reminder of what I'm doing all this for.'

"Come in," the boy lilted out instead, eyes dropping down in restrained despair. Quillsh Whammy sighed as he opened the door, a tiny weary smile perched against his lips that couldn't quite reach his eyes.

"Mr. Mikami is waiting for you in his suite, darling."

"Of course." Raito whispered, gathering the bottom hemming of his dress so it wouldn't drag on the floor. "Before I go, Mr. Whammy, could you, perhaps, do me a favor?"

"What do you need, Mr. Yagami?"

Raito smiled sadly as he tilted his head to the side and silently continued to combat the onslaught of pleas and screams itching to escape his lips; not even the great pimp of Whammy's House could save him from the situation both he and L had placed themselves in.

"Would you tell him… that I'm sorry?"

Nodding sadly as the dear teen quietly slid past him, Quillsh let his head hang forward, stuck between indifference and worry. Watching the darkly-dressed young man fall into the shadows of his bordello, the old man nodded towards the red-haired man that stood silently in the farthest corner of the hallway, a lazy trail of smoke floating around him as he played with the tiny cigarette still nestled in between in his lips.

Without one word to each other, the younger man kicked himself off of the wall and walked forward, barely even acknowledging the pimp as he slowly pantomimed the earlier brunette's steps, his bright blue willowy pants contrasting greatly with his bejeweled orange vest. Waving an absent hand over his shoulder, that whirlwind of smoke that cautiously swirled around the man disappeared within the shadows of Whammy's House's hallways, making Quillsh wonder if he had, for once, made the wrong choice.


Pulled back and forth; not knowing who to trust and who to scorn, it was possibly the most confused I have ever felt in my life.

Even when I was younger and trying to fend for myself and-

Well, that's a different story altogether.


"Mr-" Raito took a steadying breath as he knocked on the door, ignoring his own trembling in favor of keeping the proper decorum needed in this situation. "Mr. Mikami?"

The large board of oak-wood opened not even a moment later, the lawyer's smiling countenance greeting the younger man bathed in black silk, his fidgety hands pulling against each other even as the bespectacled attorney ushered him inside the large dark room.

"Come in, my dear!" Mikami didn't even hesitate as he pulled on the younger man's arm, the elegant table in the middle of the room furnished to perfection; the dinner set over it smelling just as delicious as it appeared to be. "Dinner is already served; I hope everything is to your liking!"

'If everything was to my liking, I wouldn't even be here…' But Raito was smart enough not to say this out loud-

Not if the way Mikami was leering at him was any indication.

"I'm sure it's just as good as it looks, Mr. Mikami." Raito struggled to keep the snarl off of his lips as he said this, mouth twitching as his hand fell victim to the older man's grasp. "Would you like to get started?"

"Of course…" Mikami pulled out the chair and allowed Raito to become comfortable before moving to his seat on the other side of the table, his glasses gleaming as the fireplace next to their table served as the only source of light within the room. Carefully picking up his own wineglass as Raito did the same, the lawyer nodded his go-ahead.

"I suppose you think me a monster, don't you?" Mikami suddenly stated as Raito brought the glass of wine to his lips and sipped, choking on it unexpectedly. "But I am not as horrible as you think I am, Raito. I simply did what I had to, to be able to spend time with you without having… someone there looking over your shoulder at every available moment."

For some reason, Raito knew that Mikami had a specific 'someone' in mind as he gritted it out between clenched teeth.

"I could give you everything you've ever hoped for," the light within Mikami's eyes began to dim, giving his deceptively warm countenance a cold appearance "you would never long for anything nor would you ever need to disgrace yourself in this fashion; you would be accepted as you were and be given opportunities that you could never hope to achieve stuck in this place, doing what you are doing."

"As long as I bend to your will." Raito finished for him. "As long as I'm obedient to only you."

"Ex-actly." Putting down the glass, Mikami smiled as he shifted the bifocals slipping down the bridge of his nose. "All I ask is that you be mine, and in return, you will never want for anything."

"Except my freedom." Mikami's grin slid off of his face as the statement cut through the air, Raito's normally pleasing stare narrow and spiteful. "I don't take well to such circumstances, Mr. Mikami. The only reason I've appeared before you tonight is because of your threat to my own reputation and the investment set into Whammy's House for our play. However, I would gladly leave my reputation in your hands if you expect me to bow down to you, and I am sure we would be able to find another contributor if you decided that your money was no good here after tonight."

"I'm sure L would say otherwise."

"I wouldn't bet on that, Mr. Mikami."

Both men glared at the other before Raito picked up his glass and took another sip, his look not lessening in the least.

"It would be in your best interest to agree, Mr. Yagami." Mikami gritted out before standing up once again, the actor's demeanor not changing even as his fingers tightened upon the glass stem of his challis.

"No, it would be in your best interest, not mine." Raito snapped back, his patience all but gone under the stress of the situation. He couldn't find it in himself to act when this monster posing as a man treated him as a, as a… thing. "I don't have to stay here; this isn't my home and France can rot for all I care. You may have power over this play, but you hold no power over me."

"I suggest holding your tongue, Mr. Yagami."

Ignoring the tightness of Mikami's voice, Raito got off of his chair and stood up himself as the space between himself grew smaller and smaller. "Is this how you treat all people under your contract, Mr. Mikami? Blackmail them into sleeping with you and attempt to strip them of all freedom whatsoever? Because if that is the case, I pity your underlings!"

"Rai-to…" The closer Mikami became, the more riled up Raito felt; his body aching with anger and his mind bursting with unnatural rage. Instead of trying to calm himself, as he normally would have done, Raito felt the tidal wave of fury rush over him and cloud his judgment until all he could see was red.

"You're dishonorable and cruel; willing to put a whole mess of people working diligently on your own investment out of work because of one person who doesn't WANT you!" Mikami's hand began to tremble as Raito continued to speak, clenching and unclenching as the usually placid actor continued on with his rant and ignored the warning signs before him. "You're the worst kind of man! I may be dressed as I am and taking the parts I do, but at least I'm willing to do so for the right reasons! You make me sick-!"

CLACK!

"How DARE you!" Mikami bellowed as he stared down at the actor now sprawled on the floor looking up at him shock, hand holding the very same cheek the lawyer had just struck. Amber brown eyes widened in shock as Raito stroked his painfully throbbing cheek and lip, honestly not knowing how to react. He had been in many fights and had done what was necessary to keep himself alive up until that point, but this type of situation was new to him. "I have given you and these nobodies a chance to build a new reputation for this whorehouse and this is how you treat me?! If you shall not give it to me of your own free-will, then you give me no choice, Miss."

Raito nearly shrieked as he was hauled up by his arm and thrown forward, being pushed towards another door on the other side of the room that led towards-

'No…'

He was…

Strong hands gripped his shoulders as he was pushed back into the smaller room adjoining to this one, the large bed in the middle of the floor nearly suffocating him with its various sheets as he fell back on the mattress.

He was going to be…

Mikami threw his glasses off to the side and shoved off his coat as Raito quickly sat up and tried to get off the bed, only to be smacked back down. Kicking the man back with a heeled foot, Raito barreled onto the lawyer and hissed as they both hit the floor in a painful succession of limbs and fabric. A straggling grip kept itself on the skirts of his obnoxious dress, pulling until the material was split in all directions, but Raito did not let that deter him as he fought the older man's grip with all he had.

Raito yelped as he was suddenly slammed onto the floor, Mikami, who now sported a bloody nose and a black eye, snarled down at him.

He was going to be raped.

And no one, no one, was going to come to his rescue this time.

Raito tried to work his voice, but no sounds escaped. He gasped as Mikami leaned down and forced himself into his mouth, sucking the breath out of the terrified boy beneath him.

'Oh dear god, no'

Yet still, the boy could not utter a sound.

Before he could get back to struggling, however, a lone shadow appeared at the doorway, scaring the actor for but a moment-

Until a vase came pummeling down on Mikami's head and sent the older man off the side of the bed and onto the floor, pieces of plaster hanging off of Raito's ruined dress and hair. Blinking a couple of times, Raito glanced up at his savior, expecting L's pale face to come rushing through the shadows and hold him close to his chest…

Only to be severely disappointed at the sight in front of him.

Raito stared up at the redhead huffing out in exhaustion as a pale hand shot out and grabbed his arm, pulling him out of the room before Mikami could regain his consciousness.

"Well, what are ya waitin' for, let's go girlie!"

And just like that, the frightened brunette let his feet fly as his savior led him out of the suite and away from the unstable proprietor of their grand musical-

Somehow, Raito didn't think this was going to fly all too well once Mikami woke up from his little 'cat-nap'…


I still couldn't believe I had been rescued; by a stranger no less!

Even in my mind I could see L strolling in and decking Mikami in the face before grabbing hold of me and whisking me away to his room…

But L never came.

I didn't blame him, of course.

I probably would have killed him if he did.

But… it would have been nice.

It really would have.


"Thank you for saving me, uh…" Raito stuttered out as he entered the small room the other boy had opened, still not sure what to think of the situation at hand.

"The name's Mail!" The redheaded boy, now that the light in the tiny room gave him a better view of such a visage, seemed to be a couple years younger than Raito himself, grinning widely upon the scantily-dressed boy now sitting on the floor, the room they were settled in a plain cream color.

It actually resembled his dressing room, now that Raito took the time to glance around, noting the large set of bureaus on the other side of the room and standing mirror, garishly decorated in gold.

"Uh… I'm Raito. Where…?"

"You're in my partner's dressing room, if you're wondering. He was gonna be in L's play, but then something came up with his ma and he had to take a temporary leave until she was feelin' better. I just got back myself, to tell the truth; he said that I was less useful over there with him than I was here at Whammy's, and I figure it must've been true with the way his ma was always yellin' at me." Pulling his hand out to shake with the other's in the form of 'formal introduction', Mail ignored the shell-shocked look perched upon his charge's face and immediately chuckled. "I help Whammy with the riff-raff in this place in exchange for food and board, so you'll be seeing me a lot now that I'm back! Especially if that creepy rapist comes flouncin' back into our place…"

"He's the main contributor to our upcoming performance, so you will most definitely see him again…" Raito muttered, looking down as to miss the stunned expression on his new friend's face "and I'm absolutely sure that the next time we do see him, he will be most unhappy with me."

"Jeez! L's mixing it up with guys like that! I knew he wanted to get his play off the ground, but I was hopin' he'd at least have more sense than that! Especially with a guy as cute as you around… From what I heard back there, I can guess that you weren't exactly willin' to be dressed in such cute clothin', especially with all the attention you been gettin'." Raito blushed as Mail stated this, just remembering how completely lacking he was in the clothing department… and if the way he had been speaking about his 'partner' was any hint…

'Damn it all, can't I get any kind of break here whatsoever?!'

"But I was hearin' 'bout a special case from the gals the mornin' that I came back… you must've been it." Mail smiled as he scratched his head, green eyes lit with glee. "Not many people can get L pissed off, and you seem to do it without even tryin'; at least, that's what I been told! Tell me, how mad was he when he found out you had to give it up to that creepy guy?"

The same heat as before crept over the honey-eyed actor's cheeks as he bent his head down, slightly ashamed as he thought back on his fight with L. "Very angry. I've never seen so much emotion come out of him all at once… but how did you know-"

"L's a guy that don't give a crap 'bout nobody. You make him angry, that means you mean something. And with the way you're dressed and look and act, I can see why. L needs somebody feisty like you to keep 'im on his toes!" Nudging the smiling brunette on his arm, Mail winked in mock-secrecy. "Listen, you stay here for a sec, 'k? I'm gonna lock the door so nobody can come in, but I need to take care of some business. Get yourself dressed up; Mihael won't care what you wear so long as you give it back, I know for a fact. You two look about the same size, so it should fit you all good."

"You've been so kind to me without not even having met me before…" Raito sighed as he got up, watching the man stall as he re-opened the entrance of room. "Please believe me when I say this from the bottom of my heart; thank you so much, Mail."

"Hey, it's no skin off my nose, Raito." Carefully slipping through the narrow space he gave himself, Mail waved at the grinning teenager. "You just hurry along and get yourself all prettied-up. I'll be back as soon as I can, alright?"

Raito nodded as he turned towards the bureaus.

'Oh god, please don't be filled with women's clothing too…'

As Raito opened one of the drawers, he nearly fell over his own feet.

"God damn it!"

Apparently, Raito really did have the worst luck anyone had ever known…

When it came to lady's clothing.


I felt comfortable with Mail, and I could automatically see why.

Two boys who weren't able to get the same education as everyone else and were thrown out on the street at a young age…

Honestly, I felt comfortable around him, and I didn't even know him all that well yet.

But he saved me, and I was grateful.

Who would have thought that this man would soon become one of my closest friends?


Raito sighed as he brushed back the imaginary lint from the folds of the skirts wrapped around his long legs, the dark blue fabric of the dress doing little to save his masculinity as it flew out the window and died a horrible, cruel death. Smoothing out the empire-style bodice with trembling fingers, Raito wondered just what kind of person this Mihael was; the amount of leather and scantily-clad dresses almost astounding compared to the laid-back persona Mail seemed to exude with his simple stance and comfortable, if colorful, dress-wear.

Lost in his thoughts about whatever relationship Mail seemed to hold with this mystery boy, Raito missed the sound of a key jingling against the lock of the door behind him, perched daintily over one of lavish chairs set against the wall, the birdcage to his side empty as the boy tinkered with it with restless fingers.

"… … Raito?"

Gripping the sides of the cage, the bruised (and still very tired) teen stilled his movements almost immediately. The lowly baritone speckled with concern echoed throughout the room, making the teenage actor shiver unconsciously at its near timid utterance.

"L…"

Immediately Raito set his hand over the still-burning mark set upon his face, biting his lip as he kept his back to his lover. "What are you doing here?"

"Mail sent for me. He didn't say much, only that he felt that you would like to speak to me… about what's happened." A pair of familiar hands trailed over the boy's bare shoulders, making him flinch at the sensation of cold digits upon his flesh. "Are you… was he very rough with you? Raito?"

"You're still willing to speak to me, even thinking about the things he may have done to me?" Raito whispered, shivering (partly in desire, partly in self-hate) as those same hands trailed down his shoulders and wrapped themselves around his svelte waist, tightening at the words leaving the brunette's mouth.

"He may have gotten your body for one night, but you promised me many more, Raito."

"Promises can be broken without a second thought, L."

"I doubt even you would be so cruel."

Strands of ebony fell over Raito's shoulder as L leaned his forward and let fall against the bony structure of the younger man's shoulder blade.

"But… I'll admit that even my self-assurance is minimal at best, in this situation. Prove it to me, please." The desperation set within his lover's voice nearly broke him; Raito honestly didn't know what to say, but he knew that at this moment, he couldn't do much to physically reassure L without feeling ill at the experience he had narrowly escaped just an hour before. "Prove to me that you're still mine, Raito, and that everything I am imagining is nothing compared to the things we shall do and already have done. That is all I ask of you."

"I… please, I can't…" Holding back the sob clinging to his voice, Raito couldn't even seem to finish his sentence as the hold on his waist tightened even further. "I just can't…"

"So you can offer yourself to some man who does nothing but hurt you, but to me, the man you supposedly have feelings for, you'll not even reassure him of his place by your side!" If the words didn't outrage the younger man, the sudden change in pitch within L's voice did.

Even if Raito had slept with Mikami, was this how L would react? As if Raito's own emotions were an inconvenience; that his own self-disgust meant nothing compared to L's own jealousy?

Was this… just a matter of possession to the writer, who seemed to know nothing of what it meant to be in a relationship; even less than Raito himself?

The thoughts and questions kept swirling and swirling until the 19-year-old felt dizzy with anger and despair, making his blood rise with a speed that for once had nothing to do with desire-

In a matter of seconds, Raito snapped for the second time that night.

"I didn't do anything with him, you idiot!" L gasped as Raito finally turned around, the vivid bruise set upon his cheek and bright red cut slicing through his bottom lip freezing the older man in place. "He… he almost… but nothing like that happened, and you can thank Mail for that! If not for him showing up when he did, who knows what could have happened with me?!"

"Raito…" Carefully tracing the hand-mark with trembling pale fingers, the writer grimaced as he felt the swollen lumps. "Raito, I'm s-"

"Don't." Falling back, Raito shook his head, as angry as words could describe. "Don't say it, because yet again, you've shown me your true colors, L. What was this about, staking your claim on me? How dare you… how dare you even think that way about me, after I nearly gave in to make sure that you would still have a dream worth having! You're still the only person I've let touch me in such a fashion, L. Feel proud."

"That's not it at all, Raito, and you know it! What else was I supposed to think; you didn't even fight with the prospect of seeing him at all." Flustered beyond compare, L's own pale cheeks seemed to come alive with color. "And I… well, I was just… this is about…"

"So what then, L?! You think that forcing yourself upon meand making me feel like trash will automatically make all of your insecurities disappear?! Don't be such an idiot!" Appearing to be appropriately chastised for his horrible behavior, L pulled himself out of his usual hunch and to his full height as Raito spun around and wiped the remaining sting of tears from his eyes. "I can't… I can't do this, L. What's worse… what's worse is that I honestly thought… I honestly thought you were different from everyone else-"

Holding back a stuttering exhalation of breath, Raito escaped the suffocating atmosphere of the dressing room, the bordello the last place he wanted to be within (yet again).

He had thought L had been different.

Apparently…

He had been dead wrong.


Thinking back on it, perhaps I was too rough on L.

He did have his own set of problems that I did not realize at the time, and I suppose that could attribute to the social awkwardness…

But really, I was too mad at the time to care.

Two forced molestations all in the same night?

No thank you.


Raito sighed as he smiled over at Mail, who casually leaned against the entrance of Whammy's House as if he himself owned the place, his now-signature cigarette hanging off of his lips in a lackadaisical display of feigned indifference. After being given a week off, per L's request Mail had informed him, Raito felt a bit better about being inside Whammy's House once again. He still felt a bit jittery about possibly bumping into Mikami and the bruises on his face still held a faint sheen, but he knew he couldn't stay cooped up in his hotel room with only Mail as temporary company forever.

"I see our little starlet is ready to face her fellow friends, eh?" Mail ducked the punch headed towards his shoulder as the cross-dressing thespian glowered down at him, not missing the 'her' instead of 'he' in his sentence. "C'mon, Raito, you'll be alright! From what I hear, the girls got mighty depressed without ya here to boss around! And L… damn, he's been nothin' but a hot mess! Doesn't even want to come out to work; won't even leave his room for rehearsal!"

"But now that you're here…" Mail slickly insinuated, wagging his eyebrows devilishly for added effect. "Why don't ya just go see him and straighten this whole lot out, eh? Save yourself the trouble, Rai-toooo…"

"No." Raito stated simply, shrugging his knapsack over his other shoulder for comfort. "He'll have to put in the effort this time; I'm too tired to even try to keep up with his train of thought."

Mail shrugged as he followed his friend into the brothel, smiling at all the people who were willing to look past Raito and acknowledge him. Raito, of course, barely waved to the people practically pointing at him, too out of it to really pay any attention to his surroundings.

"Raito, you'll be ok. I'm right behind ya, promise." Mail whispered over the boy's shoulder as they stood in front of the grand hall doors, the entire lining of the would-be-theater nearly completed as the entrance was opened and Raito stepped inside his workplace.

"RAAAAIIIITTTOOOOO!"

Raito braced himself as a blonde flurry of skirts shot past the girls now gaping at him, Mail stumbling back comically as Kiyomi's loud laughter echoed throughout the auditorium. "Eh… Misa…"

"HOW COULD YOU LEAVE US FOR A WEEK AND NOT EVEN COME VISIT US! YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST DROPPED BY ONCE! DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED WE'VE ALL BEEN?!"

"Speak for yourself…" Lettie mumbled under her breath before Christie stomped on her foot, causing her to yowl in pain.

"I'm sorry," Raito smiled as he patted on the classic Yagami-Charm™ and pulled the younger girl's arms off of his neck "I was preoccupied with a small illness. I promise it won't happen again."

"Ah, did L give you what he has?" Christie asked, green eyes curious. "He's been hacking and coughing in his room all week! I think he even passed out at one po-"

"Ladies!"

Raito pulled his bangs back as his head hung forward, the girls parting way in shock as the aforementioned writer stood on stage, huffing in deep breaths as he stared directly at his lead star. How word got out that Raito was here so fast, the young chestnut-eyed brunette would never know, but he figured he was better off not knowing anyway. "I believe we are here to rehearse not speculate anything on anyone's behalf, yes?"

"Of course, sir!" Came various high-pitched voices, the abrupt flood of women hurrying towards their scripts blinding the19-year-old actor as a series of woman and men stretching off in one corner began snickering under their breaths. Raito audibly gulped at the incoming playwright now making his way to him, blue eyes dark and tired.

"Remember Raito; moral support!" Mail whispered in his ear before he gave him a thumbs-up and scurried off into one of the many chairs available past the aisle Raito was currently stationed at. Sweat-dropping at the obvious chicken move, the now-scared-but-trying-not-to-show-it brunette gripped the strap of his shoulder bag and quirked an eyebrow at his employer.

"We shall be practicing a new song today," holding out a series of papers in Raito's direction, L's sleepless eyes seem to seep into Raito's own gaze as if they were dying of thirst, and the actor's appearance was the water they so desperately needed "and as such, you shall be rehearsing with me."

"What about Matsuda?"

"He had take leave; fell over unconscious as soon as he entered Whammy's." L stated, still holding out the papers in Raito's direction. Nodding his acceptance, Raito reached forward and held onto the papers, L's long fingers softly caressing against his own as he did so before coming forward and whispering in his ear. "I should hope that you realize just how sorry I am, Raito."

Raito sighed as he took the piece of paper handed to him, the writer's lingering touch and mournful tone of voice stilling his vicious comment before it could even reach his lips. "I'm not looking for an apology, L. But we'll leave that for later… do you need me to change today?"

"Unnecessary." The blue-eyed director/writer tiredly shook his head as he nodded towards the stage, the piano set off to the side near the orchestra pit a new addition to their environment. "Once you are ready, please meet me at the piano."

The boy simply shrugged off his bag onto one of the nearby chairs and ruffled his auburn-colored locks, the hair now running past his shoulders and hanging mid-back, hanging in a low ponytail set at his neck.

"I'm ready now."

L smiled, his eyes brightening immensely at the action.

"Of course."


He was hurt, but so was I, even if I tried to to show it.

I wondered why he looked so sickly, though…

I should have asked.

But I didn't.


"I'll start," L murmured, sitting down in front of the piano next to Adrienne, their key pianist. "Please follow my lead, Raito; I believe you will recognize the tune and lyrics after the time we spent putting together."

Nodding in a show of understanding, the pants-wearing boy (as it was so often he was in a dress, he reveled in the fact that he could rehearse in his regular clothes once again) flipped his hair over his eyes and peaked up at the man now concentrating on solely on his presence, everyone else within the room seemingly forgotten under the writer's unerring stare.

The piano intro seemed to last forever to Raito, when truly it was only a scant couple of seconds, the playwright's mouth slowly opening as his eyes glistened with something akin to guilt; Raito kept his eyes to the ground, still not quite ready to let go of his anger-

"Never knew I could feel like this…"

Raito shifted his eyes forward, the other man's gaze still entirely on him.

He knew this song.

He had helped L write this song, for gosh sakes!

'Oh no…' Trying to keep a reign on his emotions, Raito bit his lip and glanced down at the music and words. 'God, you truly hate me, don't you?'

"Like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss…" L leaned forward as Raito felt his breath halt within his throat. "Every day I love you more and more."

"Listen to my heart; can you hear it sing?" Mail snickered in the audience as the 19-year-old actor blushed, turning off to the side in an effort to stifle his own reaction to the lyrics of the song and the man singing them. "Telling me to give you everything!"

"Seasons may change; Winter to Spring, but I love you-" The pull of the piano slowed as the boy held in his breath, L's gaze softening with each passing word. "Until the end of time."

'Why do you have to make me feel this way…?' Raito thought to himself as he walked towards the piano and leaned over to the side, staring down at the words as the music flowed through the body of the instrument.

"Come what may, come what may…" A hand came up and swept a lone bang away from his left eye, causing Raito to jump as L now stood next to him, bench forgotten. "I will love you until my dying day!"

"Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place…" Feeling that same hand trace the spot where the handprint had lain, Raito felt his heart skip in rebellion to his control. "Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace…"

"Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste-" L shifted a bit closer to his person, unmindful to the audience once again watching their every move. "It all revolves around you."

'I'm so tired of having to defend myself to you; of having to defend my own point of view along with having to explain myself even when I shouldn't have to.'

But this feeling…

It was so hard to make sense of this feeling that surged up within him whenever L was in his vicinity.

"And there's no mountain too high; no river too wide! Sing out this song, and I'll be there by your side." Their voices in harmony against one another mixed in splendidly; everything they did together seemed to be made of gold. Many of the girls watching them grew jealous as L practically curled himself around Raito and vice-versa, not even noticing just how well they meshed together. "Storm clouds may gather, and stars may collide!"

Suddenly L halted, looking Raito right in his eyes without the slightest bit of hesitation.

"But I love you-"

Raito stared back, lips curling upward in a tiny lilting smile.

"I love you-"

Mail now guffawed loudly in the background as random extras shushed him left and right, L and Raito completely lost in each other's eyes.

'I didn't think you could literally lose yourself in somebody's eyes! Oh my GOD, I'm never lettin' L forget this… ever.'

"Until the end of time."

Glancing down at the paper with the music and lyrics written on them, Raito tried to will away the large blush staining his cheeks as he continued to sing.

"Come what may, come what may… I will love you until my dying day…"

Only L could ever make him feel flustered without even having to do anything.

"Oh, come what may, come what may… I will love you-"

"I will love you." Raito whispered against his ear, the grin on his face infectious and pure in contrast to the faded bruises on his cheeks and the slightly jaded look within his eyes. "Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place."

"Come what may, come what may…" L suddenly grabbed the sides of Raito's face, and leaned forward, eyes coming closer and closer…

Barely a hair's breath away from the other, the two men felt their eyes closing slowly as the words fell from their lips without even having to look down at the script.

"I will love you until my dying day!"

Raito halted L's progression forward with a gentle hand to the chest, simply staring at his lover as the note drifted off and the applause from their audience roared into the ceiling of the future theater.

"Later." Raito stated lightly, biting his lip as L nodded, leaning forward until their foreheads touched.

So into the other were the actor and writer that neither noticed a pair of livid dark brown eyes smoldering in the back of the auditorium, the lone man gritting his teeth painfully against each other as a hat, which had once laid on his head, now lay smashed against his wringing hands.

'I will find a solution… Teru Mikami always finds a solution…'

Without so much as a hello, the begrudged attorney stomped out of the theater, a smart-aleck redhead still huddled in his seat keeping his bright green gaze on him until he disappeared from view.

'That,' Mail thought to himself with grimace, 'can't be good.'


Even though I wanted to say that hearing L 'proclaim' his feelings in such a way made me feel a bit better at the time, it didn't.

It helped, certainly, but I didn't want him to think that every time we had a spat that he could write a poem or a song and everything would be ok. That was just asking for trouble.

No, in order to move on from the rut we had both stuck ourselves into, we had to take a risk and actually talk about our problems.

Something neither of us was very adept at, thanks very much.


Raito groaned as he was pressed against the wall of his dressing room, fingers diving onto L's shoulders to find some sort of purchase to hang onto as those dreaded lips found his pulse point and sucked it into oblivion.

"L… L, stop!" Trying to find his voice even whilst L continued to kiss and suckle up the side of his neck and onto his ear, Raito half-heartedly pushed against the other man so as to grab his senses and keep hold of them for more than five minutes. "We didn't come in here for this!"

"We can speak later…"

"No," finally prying his lover off of him, Raito gave the man a weak glare as he straightened his clothing "we speak now, while we still have our wits about us, or this will be brushed under the rug, and I will not allow that."

"Speak for yourself…" L breathed out as he backed away from the tempting boy, the aching in his groin only intensifying as he thought of all the things they could be doing right now instead of talking.

"Well?" The ravished brunette crossed his arms across his chest, eyebrow quirked up.

L blinked as he pointed to himself, bluish-gray eyes wide with consternation.

Raito began to tap a rhythm against the floorboards beneath his feet, smirking as L finally sighed.

"I… was an idiot." The writer bit out, once again displaying his immature tendency consisting of not wanting to admit he was wrong.

"And?"

"I was insensitive to you and your plight and deserve to be maimed horribly for hurting you after you had already dealt with such a traumatizing experience."

"And?"

"… … … I love you and I promise not to ever do something so egotistical and uncaring ever again?"

Raito rolled his eyes as L eagerly shuffled his feet and pulled his hands out of his pockets, cerulean-colored eyes sparkling with hope…

Hope for molestation, of course.

"And that's all you have to say?" Raito snapped, the older man pushing all the right buttons to piss him off as usual.

'At least I know that for better or for worse, some things won't ever change…' Raito felt his eyes narrow as he shook his head, wanting to punch L's head through a wall. 'Like L's sex drive, for instance.'

"Raito," the oceanic pair of eyes widened even further, a feat Raito didn't even know was possible "I did not mean to upset you after finding you the way I did. You were right to be angry with me, but you must understand, I have never felt this way before. What you make me feel is still all very new to me, and at times, I do not know what the best response would be towards the situation at hand. I will most likely mess up again; in fact, I know I will. However, I will attempt to stave off such negative reactions in the future so that you will not feel as frustrated as you feel at this moment and hope that you understand that I felt just as hurt as you did seeing you used in such a way… even if you did not do anything to service the buffoon."

Raito sighed as he tried to ignore the way L grit his teeth at the end of his mini-speech, the writer's usual eloquence failing to enrapture him as the older man's jealousy once again got the best of him.

Straightening out his vest, Raito smiled as a pale hand covered his own pair, gripping at his fingers with a tenuous hold before pulling his right hand and placing it over the playwright's heart. "Can you feel that?"

Trying not to blush at the rapid pace thrumming beneath his fingers, the actor nodded.

"This is what you do to me. I feel as if I am not myself when I am around you, Raito." L ducked his head down as he laced their fingers together and took a step towards the beautiful brunette practically backed against a wall. "And that scares me."

"And you think you don't have any effect on me either? I know what you're feeling, and I am just as scared, L!" Raito stuttered out, knowing his own heart was racing just as quickly as L's. "You had to chase me, remember?!"

The sly smile perched upon the pale man's face lightened up his visage immensely, the shadows under his eyes even appearing to shrink a bit at the edges.

"I know that it's not been easy," falling in step with the older man, Raito felt their chests nearly touch as he stared into those blue eyes that had given him no choice but to fall for this seemingly confusing individual who was a genius in all but human interaction "and I know we'll still fight from here to kingdom come even after all we've been through; honestly, I don't think either of our natures would ever allow such an effortless relationship to sit between us. But I…"

The words caught in Raito's throat, struggling to force themselves out but failing miserably. Berating himself internally for not being able to say what he thought L needed to hear the most, Raito missed the pale hand not still caught in his hold float upward and catch the side of his face in its touch. L shifted slightly so that not a millimeter of space lay between them, the sides of their noses bumping slightly as their faces came close to touching, but not quite.

"Let it be known," L slipped out as the smile on his face grew "that I said it first."

"Idiot." The smile on his lover's lips split into a full grin as the familiar insult graced his ears, knowing that was Raito's way of sharing his 'love'. "Let it be known that I won't ever say it at all."

"Oh, you'll say it." Placing a chaste kiss on the bronzed cheek, L smirked before moving lower, letting go of Raito's hand and face so as to hold onto his waist. "I know you will."

Shifting over to hold onto L's shoulders, the boy said nothing, his lips preoccupied as his mouth as caught by a separate appendage. Letting his hands wander upward into the raggedly-cut mop L liked to call hair, Raito smirked against the other man's lips as the embrace around his torso spread open until on hand lazily trailed down his backside and the other against the high-side of his back.

'Pervert.'

Killing the last thought before it could ruin the moment, Raito closed his eyes and moaned as a slick muscle slid against his bottom lip and pried his mouth open, losing himself so suddenly that he didn't notice the adventurous hand curve against his side until it met the line of buttons of his vest, popping them with ease.

He really should've been worried once the older man detached himself from his mouth and untied his long locks and pulled off the vest…

But with the way Raito himself began to pull at the writer's own assortment of clothing, it was the least of his worries.

'I will love you…' Raito thought sneakily, smiling against his lover's shoulder as he peeled off his collared-shirt from his arms. 'Until my dying day.'


If I had known how ironic those words were, I wouldn't have thought them at all.

Because…

It wasn't…

God.

How could I have been so damn blind?