Chapter Eight

It was a loud boom that woke the cats in the apprentice den. Twigkit and Seedkit were still sharing the den with the other apprentices. At first, Sunpaw thought it was the lights that fade, but then, Sunpaw heard rain pelting the ground. Twigkit and her sister had sat up quickly at the noise and Seedkit was burying her face into Cherrypaws fur when a flash of lightning lit up the den.

Twigkit inched closer to Sunpaw. "Its just a storm." Sunpaw whispered softly. "Try to sleep." She told the kits. Sleep did eventually come, when the storm was over, and the night was silent once again.

Sunpaw stared into the night, awake after the stormed had passed and the others had fallen back asleep. She finally did sleep too, but her dreams were nightmares. Brownroot's bloody pelt and Sebastion standing over him. Sunpaw ran away in horror, but Sebastion followed, calling her name. "Sunpaw! Sunny!" Sunpaw awoke with a start. Her worlds had finally mixed in her dreams, scaring her with how they combined.

Sunpaw and Sunny were both her, but a cat could only have one name, one life, one passion.


Sunpaw was up until dawn. She hadn't been able to fall back asleep, and it was hard to just lay still. Pale light creeped into the apprentice den. Sunpaw decided to get up there and then. Sunpaw carefuly stood up, not to wake Twigkit, who was laying curled up next to Sunpaws belly.

She woke up anyway. "Where are you going?" Twigkit asked.

"Shh," Sunpaw hissed softly. "I'm just going for a walk, I'll bring you back a mouse if you go back to sleep." Sunpaw coaxed. Twigkit nodded and laid her head back down, her nose twitching. Sunpaw watched Twigkit for a moment, making sure that the kit wouldn't follow her. Her eyes strayed over to Whitepaws sleeping form. His pelt glowed in the soft light. "And when I come back," Sunpaw whispered to him, though she knew he couldn't hear. "It'll be just the two of us." She told him. They'd hunt together and soon, she'd watch him become a warrior. Then she would follow. She and him would be close friends, and maybe one day mates. She even thought of names. Leafkit for a she-cat and Brownkit for a tom. Or maybe Brownkit could be a she-cat too. Sunpaw would ask that if she ever found out she was expecting kits.

It was tempting to eat before she left, but she was too anxious to leave and nervous about what she was doing. She decided against it, instead leaving camp quickly and quietly. She told Sparrowfeather, who was on guard duty, that she was going for a hunt. He let her pass without trouble. She walked quietly through the undergrowth, treading confidently around trees and bushes, over rocks and fallen logs. Soon, she scented prey.

Sunpaw caught her own breakfast, a careless squirrel. She knew she should think of the clan first, but she'd bring back plenty of prey for them when she was done. Besides, she had to catch Twigkit a mouse anyway. She caught one, a pretty big one, and buried her catch, then moved on.

She knew what she had to do.

Eventually, she came to the pine tree. The mound of earth was still there. 'What had she expected?' She asked herself. 'Brownroot standing there giving her orders?' She would've prefered it. She would have obeyed everything he told her. She would climb every tree in the forest. But he wasn't there, not alive anyway.

Sunpaw lingered by his grave awhile, thinking about the times she'd been so angery with Brownroot. She realized how much of a father he'd been to her. She'd never had a father she could remember well, only a large tabby tom with blue eyes. Brownroot had been a mentor and father to her. No, he wasn't loving or very affectionate, but in the end, he'd done more for her then any other cat.

She knew what she had to do.

She found the tent where it always was, but it looked like a lot of the other tents and things had disappeared. Were the twoleggeds taking it all with them? It would certainly be a long time before they could move everything... wouldn't it?

Sunpaw found the circus cats nests in one of the untouched tents. The nests were made of some strange twolegged thing. Sebastion was missing however. Sunpaw scowled. Why did it have to be so difficult to tell him goodbye? Did she really have to?

No, she didn't, but she wanted to. She wanted him to say he'd stay too then. Dapplestar would surely accpet a new warrior who could hunt and fight as well as Sebastion, forgetting that he was a kittypet of sorts. Then Sunpaw wouldn't have to choose.

'But,' she reminded herself softly. 'Its not just Sebastion I want to be with...' Tempest might be able to adjust to clan life, and Taylor maybe too, but Paws and Maxzene were too attached, and neither of them could fight very well, or hunt.

She wondered around for a little while, looking for the brown tabby tom. Sebastion couldn't have disappeared overnight. Sunpaw would've woken Taylor and asked her, but it was unlikely Taylor knew either.

Sunpaw ended up colliding with a twolegged while comming around a corner. It grabbed her, saying something Sunpaw didn't understand. She bit him (well, it was really more of a nip) and ran away swiftly, hearing it call something loudly. She didn't know if it was calling her or calling out in pain, but she ignored it, and ran towards the forest.

She smacked into Sebastion on his way out. He smelled of mouse- had he been hunting in Thunderclan territory again? The thought made Sunpaw angry. How dare he take food that could have been Twigkits or another cats! Before she could ask though, Sebastion spoke.

"Sunny! Whats wrong... Your wounded!" Sebastion circled her as Sunpaw tried to face him. She whirled around impatiently.

"I'm fine, we just had a battle with Shadowclan, Sebastion, I can't go with you." Sunpaw said angrily. Was she angry at him or herself? "Were you hunting on our territory?" She demanded.

"What do you mean a battle?" Sebastion said. "Why would Shadowclan...?" He asked, ignoring Sunpaws last comment and question. Sunpaw was amazed he knew of Shadowclan, she didn't recall mentioning the sly cats.

"We fought over territory. Brownroot died to save my life and I can't leave. Now how do you know Shadow-" Sunpaw was interrupted yet again.

"What about you though? Are you okay?" He asked, looking worried for her.

"Sebastion I'm fine!" Sunpaw hissed. "Would you listen? I can't go with you! Sunpaw said sharply. She hadn't meant to hurt Sebastion, but he whinced at if he'd been bitten. "Were you hunting on Thunderclan territory? How do you know Shadowclan?" She demand. Sebastion looked as if something had just occured to him.

"He died?" Sebastion asked, ignoring the questions yet again. Sunpaw gave up.

"Yes, now I have to get back to camp, I'm sorry." Sunpaw said, turning. She expected to him to say something, and he did, but to her surprise Sebastion said only one thing.

"Brother..."

"Huh?" Sunpaw said, turning to look at him.

"Brownroot is my brother." Sebastion said. "I left the clan when I was an apprentice."

"Well that certainly explains a lot!" Sunpaw yowled, angry at him for lying to her. "How dare you! Thunderclan needs loyal warriors and you left to preform for twoleggeds?"

Of course, it crossed her mind that she'd been considering doing the same- but now she would not! Never!

"Sunpaw, please, listen, I was once Rootpaw. I was raised in Thunderclan, but after my mother died, I couldn't fit in. These cats found me, and I joined them because they were like a family to me." Sebastion said. "I've thought of them ever since I left and Brownroot," He put so much ephasis on the surname. "Obviously did the same."

That explained so much. Why the lights that fade were considered so evil. Why Brownroot was so coldhearted. Why Milkeyes had seemed so used to losing a son. Why Taylor and the others had seemed so accustomed to Sunpaw's name and life, why Sebastion had been so quiet during the trip to see the lions, tigers, and leopards. Why in her dreams Sebastion had been standing over Brownroot. Yes, it explained more then Sunpaw ever wanted to know.

"You want to know whats happened?" Sunpaw spat at him. "Your fathers gone blind, he's not even an elders age! Your brothers died after living a sorrow-filled life because he was too afraid to be kind to someone because he was afraid of loosing them too!" Sunpaw surprised herself with her insight.

"Sunpaw, I..." Sebastion looked so ashamed. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone, especially not you. Thats why I was so keen on learning about Thunderclan from you, I missed them, but you have to understand, this is my life now, I can't go back!" Sebastion said.

"You've made your choice then, and heres mine, I wish I'd never met you!" Sunpaw said, turning and running angrily away from Sebastion. How dare he! How dare he lie to her! How dare he leave his clan!

"Sunpaw, wait!" Sebastion was following her! Suddenly, Sunpaw ran smack into Sandnose, falling in a heap at his paws . He looked down at her in concern, then when Sebastion appeared, Sandnose bared his fangs, his hackles rising.

"What are you doing here?" He challenged Sebastion.

"Hello Sandnose." Sebastion said. Of course Sunpaw had mentioned the deputy, she'd practically mentioned everyone to him! However, he looked at Sandnose with firmilarity in his eyes, friendliness even. "Its been a long time." He added, dipping his head respectively.

"Who are you?" Sandnose demanded, after overcoming his shock.

"Don't you remember? We were denmates along with Brownroot." Sebastion said.

"Rootpaw?" Sandnose exclaimed. "Where... what... What are you doing here?" Sandnose repeated. "Antagonizing our apprentices?" He challenged. Sunpaw had stood up and moved to the side, frightened, would Sebastion reveal her?

"I was curious, about whats happened, I saw her and thought she might have some information." Sebastion said. Sunpaw felt grateful for his lie, but it didn't last long.

"Sunpaw, you reek of twoleggeds? Where were you?" Sandnose demanded.

Sunpaw looked at her paws, that, to Sandnose, was worth a hundred of her excuses or lies. "Both of you are coming back with me to camp, now!" Sandnose ordered.

Sunpaw looked at Sebastion with anger and sadness in her eyes. Sebastion wouldn't meet her gaze though. She wondered if he felt bad now about dragging her into all of this. How could he have been so unthoughtful? Of course, she'd wanted it and enjoyed it. She didn't have to go back when she did. She might have learned more from Brownroot if she wasn't always away for so long. Maybe then she would've been more careful on the twolegged path. Maybe Brownroot wouldn't have died.

No, that wasn't right. Brownroot had died because she hadn't been watching. It wasn't Sebastions fault. It wasn't anyone elses fault. Just hers.

A sudden hatred for herself rose up in Sunpaw. She felt like running away from all of this, leaving all of it behind. She could be one of those loners, maybe find a companion and they could explore everything together!

But that was the same as if she'd left the clan for the circus cats, wasn't it?

"I'm sorry." Sebastion said to her as they walked towards camp. Sunpaw looked at him in surprise. She didn't know what to say that wouldn't make things worse. Except for one thing, and she said it.

"I forgive you." Sunpaw meant every word. Based on Sebastions look, these three words were the most powerful she could say.

TBC

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