A/N: I'm really sorry for the wait! It took me longer than I thought it would to finish the chapter and to make it worse, my internet crashed yesterday and I only got it back a few hours ago. I hope that you'll all forgive me once you've finished the chapter…I've got a feeling you're all really going to like this one.
Chapter lyrics and title come from a song by Lights.
Chapter 8: Pretend
It would be nice to start over again
Before we were men
I'd give, I'd bend, let's play pretend
And when it's the end,
Our lives will make sense
We'll love, we'll bend, let's play pretend
Three more weeks pass and Puck isn't feeling as bad as before. Surprisingly, the talk with his mom had helped him cope. It made him feel a little better to know that she understood what was going on and was there if he needed to talk. Of course he doesn't need to talk, nor does he want to, but it's still nice to know he has the option.
"Hey, Noah."
Puck quickly jumps a little in surprise as Anna, the secretary at his work, pokes her head behind him. He quickly exits out of Facebook and returns to the spreadsheet he was supposed to be working on, but he knows it's too late; Anna saw him.
Luckily for him, Anna has taken a great liking to him. He uses this to his advantage, sending her a cool, collected smile as he twists his chair around to face her.
"I was only on it for five minutes." More like a half hour, but he was stuck on Quinn's page trying to see what she was up to. Unfortunately, she is rarely ever on Facebook, so he hasn't been able to gather anything of substance.
She just shrugs. "You think I care? I'm on it half the day anyway."
"Arnold should really fire you," he says with a grin.
"I'm sure he would, if I weren't so easy on the eyes. Anyway, you should be the one worrying about getting fired. I don't think he likes you much."
"Nah, he's got the hots for my mom. If he fires me, he'll never be able to get into her pants." Realizing what he just said, his face scrunches up in disgust.
Anna releases a throaty chuckle as she leans against his desk. Her tight dark blue dress rides up, making it impossible for his eyes not to travel down her long, tan legs, before moving back up to her even more attractive chest, which is now level with his eyes. He can't help but stare. It's been awhile since he's gotten any action, so who can blame him for wanting to soak in the beautiful sight before him?
Then he remembers Quinn and moves his eyes to Anna's face. "So...what's up?"
She smiles down at him. "I've been thinking."
"About?"
"About you and me getting a little more...acquainted. I mean, you've been here for almost two months now. And you can't deny, there's been sparks between us since day one."
He is tempted to roll his eyes, because he doesn't think that at all. Yeah, he thinks Anna is hot - what sane, straight guy wouldn't - but that doesn't mean there are sparks. But since he doesn't want to hurt Anna's feelings, he just keeps his face blank.
"So what do you say you and I go out tonight after work? We'll grab a few beers, talk a little bit, get to really know each other, and...well, we'll see where things lead from there." She raises her eyebrows suggestively at that.
It would be a lie to say he isn't tempted by her offer. Anna is exactly the type of girl he'd go for in his pre-Quinn days. But he knows that even without Quinn in the equation, sleeping with Anna would be a really bad idea. They work together, meaning they're around each other every day, and that would only lead to awkwardness and her wanting more from him.
Still...he likes Anna. She's always entertaining and in his bore of a life he can always use some of that. So he finds himself agreeing.
"Fine. But only drinks. I'm not interested in anything more than that."
Anna looks genuinely confused. "Why not?"
"I'm just not. Let's leave it at that."
She doesn't look very happy at this, but after a few moments of decision she nods. "Fine. Just drinks. But if you change your mind, don't blame me. I hear I'm quite irresistible."
Puck grins. "We'll see about that."
888
Things are not going so great for Quinn. Just when she thinks she's finally getting over everything, her whole life is turned upside down once more.
She waits on the edge of her bed, feeling sick to her stomach. Her palms are sweaty, her face is burning up, and she holds back the vile that is making its way up her throat. She has already thrown up three times this morning and she's not at all interested in letting it happen again. Her eyes travel over to the clock on her nightstand. 3:52. It's time.
She stands up and walks slowly out into the hall and into the bathroom. She leans against the sink, her hands gripping the side of it so hard her knuckles are white, and stares at herself in the mirror. Her skin is pale, matching the dark circles under her eyes. She hasn't gotten much sleep the past few days. Nausea pours over her once more and she lowers herself onto the floor, right next to the toilet - just in case.
Her hands slip towards the edge of the bathtub, where the test that holds her fate sits. She holds it in her hand for a moment before twisting it around and receiving her answer.
Her head falls into her hands as the tears start to fall. She doesn't know why she's so surprised. It's not like she didn't know this was coming. She'd started suspecting a few weeks ago, when she'd realized she missed her period. Her suspicions grew into serious worries when she started throwing up a week ago. Since then she tried to deny it, but it became too much. She needed to know for sure if this was happening.
And now she knows.
She's pregnant.
Through her sobs, she lets out a choking laugh at the irony of it all. She has sex one time and ends up pregnant. She thinks of Rachel, who has been with Finn for five years, has been having sex with him for almost as long, and not even once has had a single scare. Or Santana, who has been with guy after guy and yet has never had any baby drama. And Quinn gets pregnant her first time. How in the hell is that fair?
They'd been safe. She saw Puck put on the condom. Of course she wasn't on birth control, so maybe that played a factor in it, but still, they should have been okay. This shouldn't be happening.
She grits her teeth as the anger rises in her. Before she knows it the pregnancy test is out of her hand and smacked against the wall. It falls to the ground, perfectly intact. Her sobs deepen. What had she done to deserve this?
She feels like she's living in a bad dream. This can't really be happening to her. She's a good girl, after all. She's lived a good life; a straight-A student all through high school and college so far, the perfect daughter, and a good Christian. She slipped up once - just once - and suddenly life as she knew it is over.
It could be a whole lot worse, she knows that. She's twenty-two years old, has a decent job, and friends who will support her no matter what. There's a possibility that she can still go to school, at least until she has the baby, and by then she might even have her degree. And she knows that Puck will be there for her too, if she lets him, and of course she will.
But those things won't really matter once parents find out. Because when they do, they will disown her. She knows that without a shadow of a doubt. She's not married. That's all that will matter to them. She had sex outside of marriage and she got what she deserved. Now she'll have to pay the price. No sympathy, no support. Quinn doesn't need to be a psychic to know that; she just needs to know her parents.
And when her parents disown her, she'll lose the money she needs to keep the apartment. Not only that, she'll lose the money they were paying for her school. And to her, that's basically taking away her whole life.
The tears continue to fall down her cheeks like a waterfall. She leans her head against the cupboard under the sinks and takes slow breathes, trying to hold back her sobs. She hates how weak crying makes her feel, she always has, and today it makes her feel even worse. She feels like she's lost control over her life, and if there's one thing Quinn Fabray needs, it's control.
The breathing helps calm her down. She wipes at her damp eyes with her equally damp sleeve and tries to take back full control of her emotions. She has to be positive about this. If she only thinks about the negative, she'll go crazy. Unfortunately for her, though, there aren't really any pros to this situation. Not right now, anyway. Maybe someday she'll be able to accept it, maybe even be happy about it, but right now, she can only see the darkness.
And the crying starts again.
888
When Puck wakes up the next morning, it's to a pounding headache and a redheaded girl sleeping soundly next to him. He groans as he remembers last night. So much for just drinks.
He isn't sure how or when he gave into Anna's never-ending come ons, just that he obviously did. And he isn't very happy about it. Things are going to weird between them at work. She'll probably keep coming on to him, and he'll have to keep pushing her away with no excuses why. Because there's no way he's going to explain to her why he's not interested.
Puck slips out of the bed as quietly as he can. He pulls on his shirt and pants and feels extra grateful that it's a Saturday, because that means he won't have to deal with Anna until Monday.
But just as he's about to make it out the door - of course - she has to wake up.
"Where're you going?" her groggy voice calls.
He stops, his eyes nearly rolling in to the back of his head. He really does not want to talk to Anna right now.
He doesn't bother to turn around. "Home."
"But I planned on having a lot more fun with you."
He twists his head around with a sigh. He doesn't want to be a jerk, but at this rate it's going to be tough not to. "I'm not interested. I told you that."
Anna kinks an eyebrow and lets the covers slip off her body, leaving nothing to the imagination. He swallows hard and focuses on her face.
"You also told me that we were just going out for drinks," she says, pulling herself out of the bed and walking slowly towards him. "And look how that turned out."
"Alcohol is my weakness," he says with a shrug. "But it won't happen again."
She gives a light laugh as she stands in front of him. Her hand reaches up to rest behind the back of his neck, pulling his head towards hers. "Why are you so against it, Noah?"
He pulls away from her grasp and turns away. "I've gotta go."
He isn't interested in explaining that the reason he's so against continuing any sort of relationship with her is because he's in love with a girl who won't even talk to him. Somehow he doesn't think she'll understand.
"Are you with someone?" she asks just as he's about to finally get away. "Because that's the only excuse I'd accept. That or you're gay, but judging from last night, I think we can definitely rule that out."
Puck sighs; he knew she wouldn't let this go. "Look, my love life is...complicated at best. And that's all you really need to know."
"That doesn't answer any of my questions," Anna says, looking put out.
"Well, this should answer it all - I'm not interested in dating, sex, or anything in between. Sorry."
This time he doesn't give her time for a response. He slips out the door and makes his way out of her tiny apartment as fast as he can. As he reaches the elevator at the end of the hall, his cell phone rings. His heart does a little jump, as it always does lately whenever his phone rings. There's always that hope that the person on the other end of the line is going to be Quinn. It never is. And today is no different.
"Hey, Artie," he answers with a sigh.
"Don't get so excited," Artie replies with obvious sarcasm. "It's just little old me."
"Sorry," Puck says, trying his best to sound a little more enthusiastic about talking to the best friend he rarely ever sees anymore. "It's just been a weird morning."
"Do I want to know?"
"Probably not. So what's going on?"
"Oh, nothing much...Bought a new TV last week. It's a flat screen, so that's pretty cool. Oh, and Finn got us a gig at Mercury Lounge tonight...so you know, same old, same old."
Puck's mouth drops. "Did you just say Finn got us a gig at the Mercury Lounge?"
"I did."
The elevator stops and he exits, a huge smile on his face as he leaves the building. This is definitely making up for last night. "How the hell did he manage that?"
The Mercury Lounge was one of the hottest clubs in New York. Most of the bands that got gigs there were up and coming, so to get to perform there was not a small thing.
"I guess his cousin is a bartender there. One of the bands that was supposed to perform tonight dropped out at the last minute. Finn's cousin saw us at the wedding and thought we were good enough to play, so he called Finn up and asked if we'd be interested. Of course he couldn't turn him down."
"Obviously not. It's the opportunity of a lifetime."
"It's paying 500 bucks," Artie adds.
Puck doesn't care about the money; just getting to play there was enough for him. "So I guess I'm coming to New York tonight."
"You think you can be here in a few hours? We haven't practiced since the three of us came to see you last month, so we obviously need all the time we can get."
"Yeah, I've just gotta get home and pack, but I'll try to leave within the next hour. I should be in the city by 12 at the latest."
"Sounds good."
Puck bids him goodbye before hailing a taxi and heading home. He can't believe this is really happening. Not only is he getting to play the Mercury Lounge, but he's going back to New York. And at that thought he thinks of the person he misses the most out of all those he left behind. He wonders if Quinn will come to the show. He hasn't talked to her since she told him to give her space, but he thinks that she has to be getting over everything. It's been almost two months after all.
All Puck knows is that there's no way he can go back to New York and not see her. If she doesn't come to the show, then he's pretty sure he won't be able to stop himself from going to her place and seeing where she stands with him. One thing's for sure - he's at least going to call her and tell her he's coming to New York for the weekend. He doubts she'll answer, but at least she'll know he wants her to come.
It only takes Puck ten minutes to get ready when he gets back to his mom's house, and that includes a shower. He tells his mom his plans for the weekend and she gives him a knowing look, probably thinking of Quinn, before giving him the keys to her car. Puck sold his old truck before he first moved to New York because he needed as much money as he could get. So now that he's back again he's carless, which is the main reason he hasn't gone back to New York until now.
As Puck loads up his mom's car and drives back to the place he considers home, he just hopes that some sort of progress will be made with Quinn this weekend. Because he can't go much longer without talking to her. He needs things between them to be right, and he's going to do all he can to make it happen.
888
Quinn spends all of Friday in bed. Half of the time she's crying, the other half she's sleeping. When she wakes up Saturday morning, her head is cloudy and muddled. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought she had a hangover. But of course she doesn't. She can't drink now. She's pregnant.
She lies in bed and stares at the ceiling with dull eyes. At least she's not crying at the thought of it all anymore. That's a start.
The light on her cell phone keeps flickering, signaling that she has messages. She's sure they're all from Rachel, whose many calls Quinn ignored last night. Rachel's probably worried, but Quinn can't really bring herself to care. She can't deal with Rachel right now. Because dealing with Rachel means telling her she's pregnant and Quinn's barely even ready to admit to herself that she really is, let alone admit it to someone else.
She picks up her phone and glances at the missed calls. Four from Rachel and two from Finn (probably Rachel calling on his phone). Her eyes narrow as she sees the last one. Puck.
Why is he calling her? She finds his timing oddly perfect, considering what she just learned yesterday. But that doesn't mean she wants to talk to him. In fact, he's the last person she wants to talk to right now. She knows it's not just his fault she's in this situation, but right now she needs somebody to blame other than herself, so naturally that person is him.
Still, she can't resist figuring out why he called, so after she has listened to all of Rachel's messages ("What's going on?...Are you ignoring me?...Okay, this is getting annoying...Quinn Fabray, you answer the damn phone or else!"), she finds herself hearing his voice for the first time in weeks.
"Quinn. Hey, it's me...Puck, I mean. I just wanted to let you know that I'm gonna be in New York tonight and tomorrow. Finn got us a gig at the Mercury Lounge, and we're playing tonight at eleven. I know you said you wanted me to give you space, but I just had to invite you tonight, because it's a big deal and...I'd just really like you there. If you can't come, I understand, but I had to let you know. So I guess I'll hopefully see you tonight."
She raises an eyebrow at Mercury Lounge. That's a well-known club. Not just anyone got to play there. She wonders how they managed that.
Unable to help herself, she listens to the message two more times (because as angry as she is with him right now, she misses the sound of his voice even more). She's tempted to listen one more time, but a loud knocking at her front door saves her from giving in. Even from her bedroom, she can hear Rachel's loud voice calling to open the door. She doesn't sound happy.
Quinn knows she can't keep avoiding Rachel, so she heaves herself up and drags herself to the front door. When she opens it, Rachel is staring at her with a menacing glare.
"Is there any particular reason you're ignoring me?" she asks.
Quinn folds her arms over her chest and shrugs. "I didn't realize I was."
"I called you five times last night!"
"My phone's dead," Quinn lies.
Rachel does not look convinced. "Then how come it didn't go straight to voice mail?"
Quinn's at a loss at this, so she decides to try to get on Rachel's good side and invites her in. Rachel relaxes a little at that. She follows Quinn inside and sits down in the fluffy arm chair.
"I was worried about you, Quinn. You're not one to ignore calls. I almost came by last night, but Finn insisted I was being overdramatic and it was past midnight, so I decided not to."
"You were being overdramatic," Quinn says, flopping down on the couch across from Rachel. "I was fine."
"But your phone wasn't dead, so you were ignoring me, which means something was going on."
Quinn sighs as she tries to think of something to stop Rachel's questions. "It was no big deal, Rachel. My dad just called last night bothering me about school stuff again and the conversation was so draining that I just needed some time to myself afterwards."
She isn't sure Rachel buys this story one hundred percent, but she seems to buy it enough to let up on the topic. "Will you at least promise to let me know the next time you decide to lock yourself away from the rest of the world?"
Quinn forces a reassuring smile. "Sure."
Rachel looks happy at her answer. "Good. Then let's move on to another topic, shall we? I woke up this morning to Finn practically bouncing off the walls. It turns out that he and the band got a gig at the-"
"Mercury Lounge," Quinn says. "I know."
Rachel raises an eyebrow. "You know? How?"
Quinn braces herself for the repercussions of what she's about to say. "Puck called earlier to tell me."
"Puck called?" Rachel's lips twist into a big smile. "You talked to him?"
"No, I was ignoring the world, remember? He left a message."
"What did he say?"
"Nothing much. Just what time they were going on, and that he really hoped I would come, but he'd understand if I didn't."
Rachel gives Quinn a sturdy look. "You are coming, aren't you?"
"I don't know," Quinn says with a tired sigh. She hadn't had much time to think about it before Rachel came knocking at her door. She really doesn't want to, but somehow she feels like she's going to be forced into it anyway. "They're on at eleven, which is really late for me. I've got to get up early for church tomorrow and then I've got work most of the afternoon and I...I'm just not sure."
"So don't go to church," Rachel says. "You go every single week, so what's wrong with taking one Sunday off?"
Truthfully, Quinn isn't planning on going to church. After her little news yesterday, she doesn't feel like the best Christian and going to church is probably just going to make her feel even worse, but that doesn't mean she wants Rachel to know that.
"I'm not going to skip church because I was up most of the night at a club. Sorry."
"Oh, come on, Quinn." Rachel looks agitated again. "Puck is going to be there. Think about how much you've missed him."
"I haven't-"
"Oh, shut up. You and I both know you've missed him like crazy. I know you're probably still a little mad at him, but don't you think it's time you got over it?"
"I am over it," Quinn angrily defends. And for the most part, she is. It's this new little issue that's taking over now. The tears are starting to well up and she looks down, avoiding Rachel's gaze.
"Then why won't you see him?"
"I just...I can't."
"But why?"
"You wouldn't understand, Rachel," Quinn says. She feels a few tears slip down her cheek and furtively wipes it away with her sleeve.
Unfortunately for Quinn, Rachel seems to have noticed the tears. She leaps up from her chair and sits next to Quinn, wrapping an arm around her and gazing gently up at her.
"What's going on, Quinn? And don't tell me the crap you told me earlier. I'm not buying it."
Since Quinn knows there's no way Rachel is going to give up now, she decides that as much as it may hurt to tell her, she might as well tell her the truth.
So she does. "I'm pregnant."
Rachel freezes. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is hanging half open. For a few moments, neither says anything.
"Pregnant?" Rachel finally squeaks out. Quinn just nods. Rachel lets out a long breath. "Okay, now I understand."
Quinn looks down at her hands, not knowing what else to say. She just feels so ashamed. But then Rachel is pulling her into a tight hug, her arms running soothingly up and down Quinn's back, and suddenly she feels just a little bit better.
"I know this is going to be hard," Rachel says, "but you're not alone. I'm here for you." She pulls slightly away from Quinn and looks her straight in the eyes. "And you know this doesn't make me think any less of you, right?"
Quinn's throat tightens up a little as she gives a tight nod. She thinks if she says anything now she'll start crying, and she's had enough crying these past 12 hours to last a lifetime.
"Because I know you're probably beating yourself up about this, thinking that you're a horrible Christian, and that your parents will be so ashamed, but you can't think like that, Quinn. You're human, just like the rest of us. We all make mistakes. No one expects you to be perfect."
"I know," Quinn murmurs. She leans her head on Rachel's shoulder. She didn't expect for Rachel's words to give her much comfort, but for some reason she's finding herself calming down.
A silence falls between them again. Rachel breaks it after a minute. "I know I don't even have to ask if you're going through with the pregnancy. But what do you think you're going to do once it's born? Do you think you'll keep it?"
In between her crying fits last night, Quinn had thought a little about that very question. She hadn't come to a final conclusion yet, but she assumes now she probably will. "I don't know for sure yet...but I think so. I mean, it would be different if I was a young kid, still in high school and all that. But I'm twenty-two years old. I've got a decent job and I'm almost done with school. I'm definitely capable of raising a child."
"I think so too," Rachel says. "And you've always wanted to be a mother, right? Ever since I've known you, you wanted that."
"Yeah," Quinn says. As a child, she dreamed of growing up, getting married to the perfect guy, and having lots of adorable babies - in that order, of course. "This just wasn't how it was supposed to happen."
Rachel rubs Quinn's back. "Puck will be there for you."
She isn't sure she wants to think about Puck right now. The idea of telling him makes her nauseous. "I'm not telling him this weekend, Rachel. I'm just...I'm not ready."
Rachel nods slowly, giving her a soft smile. "I understand. But you'll tell him soon right? You won't let this turn into one of those clichés where he doesn't find out until he sees you years later with a child that looks like him?"
Quinn manages a small chuckle. "No, I won't. I'll tell him soon. I just need a few weeks to digest this myself."
"Okay," Rachel says with a grin. "As long as I know that. Do you think you'll at least come tonight?"
"I don't know. I need to think about it."
"I'll be with you the whole night. I won't let him pull you off to the side to talk. Not unless you want me to. I just think it would mean a lot for him to at least know you're there and that you aren't mad at him anymore."
"But I kind of am," Quinn admits.
"I know, but at least he can see that you're not as angry as before. He's probably going crazy not knowing how you feel."
Quinn sighs, knowing that Rachel is most likely not going to give up on this topic either. "Fine. I'll go. But just for an hour. I'm not really in the mood for clubs."
Rachel beams at her. "An hour is good enough for me."
Quinn doesn't know for sure if this is a good idea, but she has to do it. Because she may be angry with him right now, but the idea of seeing him, if only from a distance is more appealing than she'd like to admit. And it's also something she needs to do - for him more than anyone else.
A/N: Surprised? I hope not. I felt like it was kind of obvious that I was heading in this direction. I know it's kind of cliché (okay it's really cliché) but like I said in an earlier author's note, I like to think that some things are inevitable between these two - and Beth is one of those things.
Okay, so onto other business. Like I said last chapter, I've caught up with myself, which means that I don't have any of chapter 9 written yet. That also means it's probably going to be about a week until I update next. However…if I get a lot of reviews, it tends to make me write faster…so I may just update sooner than planned (yes, I'm aware I'm totally trying to bribe you guys for reviews :D).
