Author's Notes: We're back! Okay, so, recently, Leigh and I had a plot spark that basically made the entire rest of the storyline write itself, so we'll be pulling ahead content and plot-wise to make this a hell of a lot more interesting. The focus will soon shift from the building bond between our two boys to how that bond will play into the main conflicts of the story. I really hope you enjoy the more suspenseful direction we'll be taking this in, and the last little bit of this chapter should give you some clues! Anyway, thanks to everyone who keeps reviewing, you guys are our inspiration and we love you! This chapter's song is Fix You by Coldplay, which always makes me cry when I hear it. I really hope you like this chapter. Enjoy!


Chapter Eight: Fix You

"Alright, that's a wrap for today. Good job, everyone," Crowley called from the audience. They had been running the group numbers for the entire day, and the whole cast and company was exhausted. Anna had been looking at Castiel with a strange expression on her face throughout the entire rehearsal, and it didn't go unnoticed by Cas.

"Castiel, you okay?" Anna asked him as people began to clear off the stage.

Castiel sighed. She couldn't just leave well enough alone. He liked her very much as a friend but she was taking it a bit too far in trying to find out what was bothering him. "Yeah, I just feel like I ran a marathon, did a thousand squat thrusts, and got hit by a truck, but other than that, peachy." It was a bit more biting than he had intended it to be, but instead of feeling guilty he just cleared his throat and looked away.

"Alright, what the hell is going on?" Anna demanded. "Besides the fact that you kept fucking up your lines the other day, you've been completely off your game. Your normally amazing dancing is weak, you're barely even singing your part in the group numbers, and when it comes to scene work, your character development has all but disappeared. You're lucky Crowley hasn't been paying closer attention, because if he was, he wouldn't have liked what he saw."

Castiel felt bitter anger flare up in him from an unknown source. "Look, Anna, I don't care whether or not you think I'm off my game or not, I have things that I'm working on dealing with, which, once again, are none of your God damn business."

Anna gritted her teeth. She looked around to make sure most of the cast had left before continuing in a lower voice. "Castiel. We are professionals. When we're on this stage we make damn well sure that nothing we're 'working on dealing with' affects our abilities. You're better than this! Get it out of your head while you're here!"

"You couldn't even guess what I'm dealing with in the first place, so who the hell are you to judge?" Cas was indignant. "I'll be fine, Anna. You know that I will be. Until I am, please do me a favor and fuck off." As he turned to leave, he heard words he wasn't expecting to hear come from Anna's mouth.

"You're a fucking disappointment, Cas," Anna told him bitterly. Cas stopped in his tracks, his blood running cold in his veins.

"What… what did you say?" he asked quietly, turning back around.

Anna scoffed. "Get yourself together. This is our work. It's more important than whatever the hell you're making everyone pity you over. Right now, you're a detriment to this cast and this production. You're a disappointment."

That word, that one word, made Castiel's heart beat faster as he felt icy heat spread through his body. He hadn't heard that word in such a long time, why the hell was Anna using that word? He felt a stabbing pain in his heart, and gasped out in pain, collapsing to his knees and screwing his eyes shut, not able to see the immediate look of regret and alarm that flashed over Anna's face.

"Castiel? Jesus, are you alright?" Anna called out to him in alarm, crouching down next to him. She grabbed his wrist, trying to get his attention, but Castiel was barely aware of what was going on. All that he felt was the grip on his arm. He cried out, yanking his arm out of her grasp, and shoved her away from him, tears starting to fall from his eyes as he grabbed his head in his hands and attempted to control the sobs that were now coming from him.

He barely registered the sound of footsteps running across the stage as someone else approached Cas and the helpless Anna. "Holy shit, what the hell is going on?" Meg demanded, having seen the commotion from the wings. She immediately bent down to Cas, holding his head in her hands. "Castiel, can you hear me?" Cas couldn't even respond, tears flooding from his eyes as he feebly tried to pull himself away from Meg, his hands covering his face as he curled up on the stage. Meg turned to Anna in a cold, quiet fury. "I don't care what the fuck you did, but you had better go to the crew room right the hell now and get Dean Winchester before I kick your fucking teeth in."

Anna was gone in a flash, and no sooner than Meg had pulled Castiel back into an upright position, Dean sprinted onto the stage, taking in the sight immediately, and his eyes widened in panic. "Cas?" Dean called softly, dashing to the fallen form of his broken down boyfriend, pulling him into his arms. Cas could do nothing but sob into his chest, clutching his shirt in a vicegrip for comfort. "Holy shit, Cas…" Dean looked around, glad that nobody else had seen but Anna and Meg, before gathering Castiel up and picking him up bridal style, holding him close and walking off the stage. "I'm taking him home, he'll be okay," he called back to Meg, who nodded. Anna simply looked at Dean and the upset Castiel and dashed away, speechless and guilty.

Dean just shushed Castiel softly as he carried him out of the theater, ignoring the looks of people he got on the street as he walked the few blocks back to Cas's apartment, fishing Cas's key out of his pocket to open the door and place him gently down on the sofa. The separation from Dean for the slightest second sent Castiel into a panic, and he grabbed for him as Dean sat himself down on the couch next to him, pulling him close and rocking him back and forth. "Shh, Cas, it's okay, I'm here…" he whispered softly, holding his head to his chest and wrapping his other arm around his waist and pulling him close. Cas had calmed down somewhat on the way back from the theater, and now, silent tears streamed from his eyes, some rolling down his exposed cheek while the others dried themselves on Dean's shirt. After a few minutes of sitting there, Dean's comforting, strong arms around him, Cas stopped crying, sniffling and breathing deeply to try to calm himself down now that he was well aware of his surroundings again.

"I- I'm sorry," Cas moaned softly, pressing his face into Dean's chest, embarrassed. Dean just pulled him in tighter.

"Look at me," Dean commanded, and Cas looked up, tear-streaked blue eyes gazing into Dean's hard-set, firm greens. "You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Do you hear me? Nothing."

"But I… I made a scene at rehearsal and you had to carry me home and…" Dean cut off his words with a well-timed, gentle kiss on the lips. Cas sucked in a breath, before pulling his face away and leaning once again into Dean's chest. "I guess I owe you an explanation, don't I…" It wasn't even a question, but the melancholy tone of Cas's voice made Dean rethink whether or not it was best at this point.

"Cas… Are you sure that'll be good for you right now? I mean, this has obviously been wearing down on you… You don't need to tell me anything until you're absolutely ready." Dean made sure his voice was as soft and reassuring as possible, and he could see and feel Cas relax against him.

"No… I need to get this off my chest," Cas said. "I told you that I don't talk to anyone about it. Not even Jo, who was there. It's well overdue." He paused, hesitating, as if trying to find a way to start.

Dean hoped and prayed that this would help him feel better. Because seeing Castiel like that, broken and falling apart, it wrenched Dean's heart like he had never felt before. He wanted nothing more than to just take everything and fix it. He wanted to fix the broken parts of Cas, make him all better, and make him happy, fix everything that had ever gone wrong with that beautiful man and make sure nothing ever hurt him ever again.

"It was getting close to the end of college for me," Cas began, sitting up and scooting closer to Dean so that they were both sitting more upright. "I met him at school when I was a junior, he was a senior and he helped me come out of my shell a lot… Up until that point I only had a select few close friends, and I was fine that way, but in a way I always wanted to be more outgoing, and Balthazar saw that."

"Balthazar?" Dean asked. "That's his name?"

"Yeah," Cas answered. "It's… it's still hard for me to say it after everything that's happened…" He turned a bit, leaning back against Dean's chest, and Dean wrapped his arms protectively around Castiel's upper torso. "He brought me out of my introverted state of mind, brought me to parties, introduced me to people, and, well, I really liked the attention. After one rather crazy party, we were both really drunk, and we sort of… fell into bed together. Looking back, I guess that's how he'd been planning to start it all along."

Dean had winced at the thought of Castiel sleeping with another man, but the fact that it was in the past made him shake it off as nothing. "How he'd been planning to start what?"

"Our relationship," Cas answered. "We started dating and he was great. He was always… he was always great. We moved in together and were together throughout my senior year in college. Things were going great and I didn't see any reason why I wouldn't stay, and then…" He broke off, swallowing, a fresh tear falling from his eye. "We fought occasionally, just like any normal couple, but one night it was really bad… he wanted to move out of the city after I graduated, and I told him that I wanted to stay for my career, and he just couldn't see past the fact that I didn't want to go with him. He turned it around on me and said that I was a bad boyfriend, and… and a disappointment." He choked out the last word, barely able to get it out. "And then… that was the first time he hit me."

Dean's grip around his boyfriend tightened as he felt an intense, white hot, stabbing fury seethe through his body. "He what?"

Castiel continued, unable to say it again. "I tried to fight back, but he was too strong for me. After awhile I managed to get out, and I called Jo. She came to get me and… I had to beg her not to take me to the hospital. My nose was broken and I had nearly bit through my lip, and my ribs were severely bruised." Cas's description of his injuries made Dean see red. So help him, if he ever met Balthazar, he was going to kill him. "Jo took me to her mom's place, and Ellen took care of me. Jo too, even though she had class. I was out of school for a week and Jo had to lie and tell them that I had a death in the family. She made me promise, over and over, that I wasn't going to go back to him… but I did."

Dean just nodded understandingly. He'd heard that many abuse victims will return to their abuser at least once, out of love, or a desire to make things right and hoping they'll change. He pressed his face into Cas's neck in front of him, breathing him in deeply and holding him in the best way possible to make him feel safe.

"He begged me to take him back, swore that he'd never do it again, and told me he loved me. I thought I loved him back so I gave him another chance. After a few weeks, it happened again, though it wasn't as bad as the first time. He backhanded me across the face, and immediately dropped to his knees and started crying. He told me he knew he had a problem with his anger and he was so, so sorry for ever taking it out on me that way. I swore to him that if it ever happened again, I would leave him."

Dean closed his eyes. He couldn't bear listening to this story of how Castiel was broken, but he knew he needed to hear it. He needed to hear it if he wanted to heal him. That was all he wanted. To hold him, heal him, and make him remember what it feels like to be happy.

"A week later, he brought up the same argument that got us into that big fight the first time. Even though I told him I didn't want to go, after everything happened and I came back he had been looking for places for us to live in Pennsylvania behind my back. He found one he liked and had gone to see it without me, and then he told me he was going to get it for us and that we were going to move out as soon as I graduated. I was furious, understandably, and I told him he should stop trying to pioneer my life and if he actually loved me, he would want me to do what I love to do, and that career required me to stay here in order to be successful. All of that was just trying to get him to see reason, but all it did was get him mad. He… he beat me so badly, I was in a coma for two days."

Dean froze. His jaw dropped in shock, and in that instant he wanted nothing more than to find that rat bastard and torture him until he begged to be put out of his misery. "Cas… I swear to you that I will never lay a hand on you like that. Not once, ever. I'm better than that fucking bastard who did that to you. I mean, a coma? Please tell me he got thrown in prison."

"Jo called the cops on him when she found out I was in the hospital," Castiel told him. "He maneuvered his way out of it by inflicting bruises on himself to make it look like the abuse was mutual. His brother Raphael was a hotshot lawyer, so he got away scot-free."

If Castiel could have seen the set of Dean's jaw, what he saw would have scared him. A look of cold determination came across Dean's face to make this grimy Balthazar suffer. But as Cas sniffled, trying to hold back tears, Dean remembered what was more important, and that was taking the pieces of this broken man and fitting them back together. "I wish he had gone in for life," Dean whispered vehemently, placing a gentle kiss on the back of Cas's head.

"I would like nothing more," Cas told him honestly. "He vanished after that, but his memory is all around me. When Anna called me a disappointment to the cast for the way I've been performing lately… it all came back to me. And then when she grabbed my wrist, it was exactly like the way Balthazar grabbed my wrist when he was yanking me into the other room when he was angry. I still feel the bruises sometimes, even though they aren't there. It was a long recovery."

"I can imagine," Dean said.

"And there's more to it than just that," Cas told him. "I thought I loved him back at the time, but looking back, it was never love. It was just need. I needed someone in my life to play that role and take me out of my shell, and be there for me, and love me, and I couldn't bear the thought of losing that, so that's why I went back to him. It was only when I realized that my life was in danger that I was able to break free. And all of that… I haven't even had a relationship since then. He made me feel like I wasn't worth it, like I don't deserve to be loved because I really am a disappointment…"

The present tense of those emotions stemming from Balthazar's abuse scared Dean. Seeing it still affect him to that day was simply scary. "You are not a disappointment, Castiel," he said fiercely.

He pulled up, releasing Cas as he moved back a bit on the couch so that Castiel would turn to face him. "Look straight into my eyes, Cas."

Cas obeyed, and was nearly overpowered by the emotion he saw in them.

"I will never, ever hurt you like that. I swear on my mother's grave that I will never lay a hand on you in anger. You are not a disappointment. You shine brighter than any star I've ever laid my eyes on. You're… you're beautiful. When I laid eyes on you for the first time back at that theater, I thought to myself, 'Damn, Dean, you're screwed,' because ever since that day I can't get you out of my head. I care about you so much, Cas, and you have to know that I will always be here to protect you. And help you get over everything you've been through. All I want to do is fix you, baby." And with that, he brought his boyfriend's face closer to his own, gently, slowly, kissing him deeply and passionately. Cas responded with a throaty groan,and if Dean's eyes were open, he would have seen the lone tear slip from Cas's eye.

Dean moved slowly, kissing his way down Cas's neck. Gentle movements slid his hands under Cas's t-shirt, and he petted at his boyfriend's sides to try and calm him. "Beautiful," he murmured, coming up for air. "God, Cas, you're incredible."

Cas was quiet, but that was all right. Dean kissed his lips, soft but unhesitant. He wanted to make sure Cas knew just how wonderful he was, and how lucky Dean felt to have him.

They'd had sex a couple of times, yeah, but this was different. This was all about giving Cas what he needed, to make him feel like the center of Dean's whole world.

This? This was making love.

Dean led Cas to the bedroom, stopping every few feet to pull him into a kiss, the slide of tongue and teeth making him lose himself a little. When they got there, he moved to press Cas against the wall, his hands cupping the back of his head. "Tell me what you want me to do."

"Anything," Cas replied, slipping his arms around Dean's neck. "Everything."

Dean laughed softly. "I think I can manage that."

He hiked up Cas's shirt to under his arms, running his hands over Cas's chest. The slim lines of muscle jumped under his touch and slithered along each breath Cas took. Dean loved how responsive Cas was - not just to biting, though that was a huge kink, it seemed like - and he gave as much as he could. He added his mouth to the mix, licking down the centerline of Cas's chest and back up again before moving across to Cas's nipples. He laved at them gently, biting at the skin underneath, and Cas keened, arching into his mouth.

Dean pulled away and straightened up to whisper into Cas's ear, "How do you wanna come, babe? Want me to suck you off, or do you wanna come with me in you?"

Cas groaned. "Y-your mouth."

"Perfect," Dean whispered. He was kind of a god at giving head - he could make this incredible, which was the point. "Want me to prep you while I do?"

Cas nodded, shaking. His knees were weak, and Dean took that as a victory. He pulled Cas close, hitching one of Cas's legs around his hip. They ground into each other a little, and Dean realised that Cas was already rock-hard, even though Dean hadn't even come close to touching him down there.

Good information for later, he decided, and hitched Cas's other leg up, so Cas was pinned between Dean and the wall, legs wrapped around Dean in a vicegrip.

Dean slid his hands back to pull Cas closer, and stepped toward the bed, shifting all of Cas's weight to himself. It was relatively easy to keep Cas up like this, and Dean turned and pressed him down on the sheets, and began.

Tonight, he was going to make Cas forget Balthazar had ever existed.


A blond man got off the train at Grand Central Station at eleven-thirty. His dark blue eyes flashed in the sunlight, and there was a sense about him that kept passerby from looking at him for too long.

He walked up 42nd Street a couple of blocks, then hailed a cab. He handed the cabbie his credit card as he climbed inside, softly saying in clipped British tones - tight with anger - an address. The cabbie glanced back at him.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Vaughan. Hope you enjoy your time here."

If all went as planned, he would.


Don't forget to review! Especially the people who are just reading this story now, Leigh and I would really love to hear your input!