Dumbledore rubbed his temples, dozens of eyes staring back at him. "We have a problem." He ground out. "I've been informed that despite our increase in security at the Ministry, Voldemort has somehow gotten his hands on a time turner."

"Do we know if he's used it?" Alice asked nervously, the question they'd all been thinking hanging heavily in the air.

The Headmaster's voice was sure, the answer hesitant to leave his lips"There's no way of knowing at this point. However, it's only a matter of time."

Severus shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He and Zahrah had stolen the time turners nearly two weeks ago. It unnerved him how quickly the Ministry had noticed. Should they investigate further and find that the two of them were at fault they'd be sentenced without question. They had aided the enemy in a war for selfish reasons.

"I'm not sure what to expect." Dumbledore continued. "Voldemort hasn't vocalized just why he wanted one, until we can figure that out our days could change from minute to minute. Some of you we may never see again, while others could return. If Lord Voldemort continues to mess with time it could be catastrophic."

"And what?" James insisted in astonishment. "We do nothing?"

"What do you suggest we do?" Severus sneered, unable to help himself. It didn't particularly matter what words came from the other man's mouth, just that he was speaking at all was enough to grate on Severus' nerves.

"That's rich coming from a Death Eater." James bit back with a smile of satisfaction. His aggression had grown in the time since he had seen the two of them in alley.

Severus rolled his eyes, wanting nothing more than to wipe the smirk of the moron's face. Unbuttoning his sleeve, he pushed it back before holding up his blank arm for all to see. James' mouth gaped momentarily before shutting it tightly, his eyes following away from the exposed skin. Looking around the room, Severus found others in surprise too.

Dumbledore took advantage of the stunned silence to regain control. "I'm not sure there's much we can do until we know just what Voldemort is after. Miss Novak will let us know as soon as she has information on the subject." He gave a nod towards her, as if the occupants of the room had forgotten who she was.

"How will we even remember? What if this all changes in the next five minutes?" Came a third, panicked voice.

"The fact that we're aware of the time turner makes it so. Your mind will be able to recognize when there's a change because you understand that change is a possibility." The room fell into silence as Dumbledore waited for more question. When none of them did, he continued. "I'm afraid this meeting must be rather short and I must be getting back to Hogwarts. Feel free to stay as long as you'd like." Dumbledore hurried from the building before more questions were lobbed at him, leaving the rest of them stunned.

Severus couldn't help the over whelming guilt. He had sacrificed all of them without a second thought and seeing how terrified everyone in the room was, he felt sick. He was the first to leave the table, the others too stunned to do anything. Zahrah followed after, speaking to him when they were far from the others.

"You feel it too?" She asked.

Severus knew what she meant without any explanation and nodded. His hand was clasped over his mouth. "We did something bad." He mumbled, closing his eyes.

"You don't have any affiliation with You-know-who?" James asked skeptically, suddenly beside them.

Severus opened his eyes, seeing that Zahrah had gone. "No." He said in irritation. "If you'd only listened to me when we were at school you would have understood why."

"Where have you been then? All of us here thought you were by his side."

Having no desire for an argument, he heaved a sigh. "Spain, Luxembourg, Austria, take your pick."

James frowned. "While we here fighting him, you were on holiday?"

"Yes, I was living it up, lounging on beaches and drinking mai tais." Severus snapped, pushing past him.

"Coward!" James shouted. Severus grew tense, feeling the eyes of everyone on them. "You could have made a difference, and instead you turned into…this." He continued in disgust. Severus stopped momentarily, clenching his fists and wishing he could just punch the little twat in the face. Shoving down his anger, he resumed his steps, continuing from the headquarters without so much as a glance at Lily. He disapparated in anger with only one place in mind.

Xxxx

Everyone remained rooted in their seats as Severus slammed the door, the pictures on the walls around it rattling.. Lily looked hastily to Zahrah with a fearful look before scrambling out of her chair and over to where she stood. "We both know what he's going to do." She whispered, voice dripping with concern. "You have to find him, please. I don't know his favorite places."

"On it." Zahrah agreed, seeming to have the same thought.

Lily rounded on James next. "You absolute scumbag. Do you have any idea what you've done?" James stared at her speechlessly. It was clear he didn't have a clue and hadn't expected a scolding. Lily yanked his arm, leading him away from the curious crowd. Sirius and Remus tried to follow after, but Lily shut the door in their faces before they could join the conversation and gang up on her.

"You could never be nice to him, could you?" Lily seethed. James opened his mouth to retort, but she hurried on. "I know your excuses. Merlin knows I heard them enough times."

"Why are you with him, Lily? You didn't used to be his biggest fan either."

"Do you know where he's been? Why he was gone?" She asked, ignoring his question.

"Yes." He responded proudly. "He was on-"

"No, he wasn't." She forced. "You have a mind, use it." She turned to go, not wanting him to say he was sorry. She realized then why Severus never let her do the same. "Now, Zahrah has to figure out which pub he's gone to, which is great when he already has a drinking problem." Opening the door again, she found three startled faces looking back at her, Remus, Sirius, and Zahrah. Lily walked past all of them, knowing that Zahrah would follow her.

"Why are you back?" Lily hissed in worry as Zahrah fell into stride beside her.

"He only has two regular spots, they didn't take long to check and he's not in either of them. "

Lily's shoulders dropped. "Well, we have to do something. We can't just sit and wait."

"Do you know how many bars there are in England? We don't even know if he stayed in the country. We'll just have to wait it out. He won't be gone forever."

"…Fine." The word was forced from her mouth in disappointment.

"What was all that about?" Zahrah asked once they were at home. "Why do they hate each other so much?

"They tormented each other in school." Lily fell onto the couch, unable to stand any longer. "James and his buddies ganged up on Sev quite a bit, but Severus got in some good spells of his own."

"That's it?"

"Well, it sounds better than it was, and there are a lot of incidents I don't know about. Something happened with Remus, but he never told me what it was. I just know that suddenly Sev seemed to hate him for no reason."

"Have you tried asking about it, more recently I mean?"

Lily could tell Zahrah was pushing, wanting to know more. "No, I'm not sure that I should."

"You'd think they'd be over that stuff by now." Zahrah rolled her eyes, sitting beside her.

"They weren't childish fights. They each landed in the hospital and detentions more than enough times to count." Lily looked away from her, shame flooding her body and a blush rising in her cheeks. "And out of the two of them, I picked James."

Zahrah scrunched up her nose. "Why?"

"Sometimes I wonder the same thing." She almost laughed. "Severus has always been…different and he certainly comes with more baggage than before, but I can't help loving him despite it all."

"I fell for the same thing." Zahrah responded. "What we had certainly didn't start off as anything other than lust, but it didn't take very long before I looked forward to whenever he came home and dreaded when he had to leave again."

"He worked while he was gone?" She ran her lip through her teeth. He had yet to do the same here and she couldn't help but be curious. "What did he do?"

"He helped a local herbologist tend his plants. A lot of them were rare or dangerous and Severus had the knowledge to not be killed by them."

"That seems like him." Her lips turned up ever so slightly. "What about you? I really don't know anything about you."

"I quit my job as a curse breaker in Czech to follow him around. I'm waiting for Gringotts to hire more, until then I've been working at a shop in Diagon Alley."

"Curse breaker." Lily repeated. "Sev did say you worked with weird magic."

"I enjoyed it, I'd like to do it again."

"What about your family? Any siblings?"

Zahrah shrugged weakly. "I don't have one. I grew up in an orphanage and bounced around houses until I was 11. Igor was pleasant enough to let me stay at Durmstrang during the summers." She forced a smile. "It was a long time ago though. What about you?"

"I'm muggleborn, I have a sister that hates me for it and my parents died in car crash during my sixth year. Now it's just me."

"We're a lonely little trio, aren't we?"

Lily laughed humorlessly. "I'm not sure that's a good thing."

"Was it true what you said about Severus' home? Those scars? I noticed them, but he never said anything."

Lily shook her head. "He's hard to pry open. I didn't know what was going on for years. His dad used to whip him with his belt. I found out when we were together one time and he started bleeding through the back of his shirt. His skin was just hanging off in patches, it was awful…and then James had to bring everything up tonight." She closed her eyes tightly, hugging her knees to her chest.

"Have you sent Severus a patronus?"

"I never learned it."

Zahrah reached into her robes, removing her wand. Lily watched, expecting some fierce animal to erupt from the tip of her wand. The only time she'd seen Severus receive one from her, she hadn't seen the form it took.

Now, she was surprised to see a blue mouse scurry across the carpet before disappearing. They waited impatiently for an answer, for something to tell them where he was, but nothing came.

"I'm worried about him." Lily admitted.

"Me too."

Xxxx

Severus staggered, barely managing to apparate. His vision swam as he tried to keep the contents of his stomach from reappearing. A pair of arms were around him suddenly and he registered a mass of red hair before him.

"I've been so worried about you." She said bleakly.

"I haven't…been gone…that long." He slurred.

"Severus." She pulled back looking at his shoulder with a frown. "You're bleeding."

"Oh." He said simply, not seeming to care.

She dabbed at it again. "I think you splinched yourself."

He stood there in a trance as she removed his shirt to get a better look. He swayed slightly in his stupor, suddenly feeling sick again. "Lily, I-" He started before spewing vomit on the carpet before them

She sighed, vanishing it with her wand. "Let's get you in bed first."

He obeyed, following after her, letting her undress him and guide him to the bed. She propped him up on pillows and began her work. "Where's your essence of dittany?" Severus responded with a snore and she began rummaging through his potions supplies. The drawer was full of odds and ends, not the organization she had expected, the one he used to have. She felt a waxy paper in her hands and pulled it out to find a photograph.

A baby girl slept in what Lily guessed were Zahrah's arms. Her head was covered in whispy blonde hair and her skin was darker than Severus' but lighter than Zahrah's. Feeling as if she stumbled on something intimate, she put it gently back in the drawer and found the dittany in the drawer below.

Carrying it over to him, she dripped it on the open wound in his shoulder. It began to sizzle as new flesh grew over the splinched area.

She shook him gently, enough to wake him so that he could roll to his side and not choke in the night. When Lily was confident she'd done all that she could, she slid beneath the bed clothes with him. She draped an arm over his middle and watched his sides rise up and down, a sign that he was alive.

Lily felt absolutely crestfallen, for him and for her. She didn't know how, or rather why, either of them had gotten themselves caught up in this mess. Everything had seemed so simple, perfect when they were little. Her biggest worry had been if there would be free swings at the park. Now, Severus was a shell of what he used to be and maybe that was partly her fault.

She realized then she'd only seen him work on two potions while they were together. It was so unlike him, even during their time at Hogwarts he had stolen ingredients here and there to work on multiple potions at a time. The fact that he hadn't even tried to find work suddenly made so much sense.

Xxxx

Lily blinked her eyes open to find Severus sitting on the side of the bed holding his head.

"Headache? Lily asked, not bothering to dim her voice. "I wonder where that came from."

He shifted, peering at her over his shoulder. "I'm fine, I just need to sit here for a minute."

Lily rolled over in bed, closing her eyes again without offering to get him a potion. He put himself in this situation, he'd have to deal with it himself.

"Are you angry with me?" Severus asked wincing at the sound of his own voice as he padded across the room.

"Do you honestly have to ask that?" She sat up, unable to contain her frustration. "You left without saying anything and were gone for hours. I was worried sick about you, you didn't even answer Zahrah's patronus. Then you came back piss drunk, smelling like puke, and covered in blood. Please tell me which part of that I shouldn't be furious with."

Severus kept quiet as he searched for a potion to help the hangover. Lily listened to the clinking of bottles as he rummaged through his things. The noise quieted as he found what he was looking for. "I'm not sure what you want me to do about it."

"I thought you were going to change things like you said, but you aren't even trying…" She trailed off, beginning to feel her throat grow tight.

He furrowed his brows at her. "I don't think you understand how hard this is. This isn't the first time I've tried to stop, and I doubt it will be the last. Drinking takes the pain away unlike anything else, even if it is temporary. I'm addict Lily, the cravings will never fully go away and especially not when your problems are mocked." He uncorked a vial, downing the liquid inside.

"You could have at least told me where you went. We couldn't find you." Her voice was even softer than before, and she fiddled with her own fingers.

"I didn't want to be found because I knew you'd try and stop me. I found some place new."

Lily kept her head down as she spoke. "What are we doing here, Sev?"

He approached her finally, taking her hands in his and kneeling on the floor in front of her. "Please don't do this, not again. Just give me time."

She looked away, swiping at a tear. "I don't know if I can do this, not right now. I'll see if I can stay with Tuney for a bit."

"Lily, please." He begged. "I love you."

She met his eyes sadly. "I love you too, but I can't watch you kill yourself." She pulled her hands out of his grip and began collecting the few things she might need. "Don't try to contact me for a while…I-I need some space." She disapparated, leaving him and most of her possessions behind. Severus was left kneeling on the carpet, staring at where she had stood.

Xxxx

Lily landed in front of the prim and proper yard. There wasn't a leaf out of place. She approached slowly with red, puffy eyes and a running nose. She knocked nervously on the painted brown door, not sure what to expect.

The two of them hadn't talked in years, Lily hadn't even been invited to her sister's wedding to the great oaf, Vernon. She was glad it was a workday and he wouldn't be here. She didn't want to deal with his judging stare on top of Tuney's

Lily was about to turn around and leave when the door opened in front of her. Petunia peered down her nose uninvitingly. Her perfectly coifed hair was pulled up and not a hair was out of place. She wore a fitted red dress that ended just past her knees, she was the image of perfection. Lily was the exact opposite. She could only guess what a disaster she looked like right now, having not bothered to even look in a mirror. She wore her favorite pair of tattered pajama bottoms and an overly large shirt, one she suddenly realized was Severus'. Her hair was mussed up from sleep and it was obvious she'd been crying.

Petunia ushered her in without a word and Lily wondered if it was because she was concerned, or that she didn't want Lily to be seen. The way she peeked around the doorway and into the neighborhood made Lily believe it was the second.

"What are you doing here?" Petunia hissed.

Lily watched her with wet eyes. "I need a place to stay, just for the night."

Petunia looked her up and down, taking in the mess. "Are you homeless?" She asked with a pretentious sniff.

"What? No- " Lily started crying again. "I broke up with Se-, my boyfriend, and I can't go home yet."

Petunia sucked her teeth in thought. "One night, and no funny business." She glared. Lily followed her up some stairs and into the smallest bedroom which was more of a storage area. There wasn't even a bed and Lily wondered where Petunia expected her sleep. She turned to ask, but found she was alone.

It was still early in the day, but she had no desire to do anything. Conjuring a bed and resizing the items she'd brought, she collapsed and allowed herself to grieve.