Lying on the cold concrete floor of my cell, I stared up at the ceiling. My feet rested against the wall, and at times I tapped them nervously. The strain of concentrating for hours had tired me, but I tried one more time to recall the memory on the beach that eluded me. Whatever it was, it was about Katniss. I went over the facts I knew again.

Okay. There are no beaches in District 12 because it's in the mountains! So the beach couldn't have been back home. There are beaches in District 4, but we only saw them in passing on the Victory Tour. Effie kept us on such a tight schedule. I know there was a beach in the arena for the Quarter Quell. That has to be the one. What happened though? I remember being startled by a loud noise, but it's whatever happened before the loud noise that has all the emotions attached to it. It has to be something sensual because it makes me feel...like that…to try to remember it. It's more than just sensual though.

I tried to imagine kissing Katniss on a beach, just to see if it felt the same way as what I was trying to remember. It didn't. Instead it felt artificial. The memory I was trying to recall felt so much more intense. Did that mean it wasn't a kiss? Did it mean it was more than that? Was it more intense because it was a memory and not a fantasy?

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. I was incredibly frustrated. The memory was gone. Katniss was gone as well. I couldn't even ask her about what had happened. What else could my captors take from me? My sanity? They were taking that too. My life? It was only a matter of time before they killed me. It might be on purpose, or it might be an accident. It would happen though.

I cursed under my breath, which was something I never did.

"Curse some more, Mellark. You hold stuff in too much. It's going to kill you even if these prison guards don't," I heard Johanna say from the next cell.

"I thought you were asleep," I replied.

"How can I sleep with that infernal artificial foot tapping the wall? At least the other one doesn't make a noise.

Not caring about her lack of grace, I turned to Johanna.

"There really was a beach at the Quarter Quell, right?" I asked.

"You're thinking about that again?" She asked sounding frustrated. Maybe she was just tired.

"Yes, it bothers me that I can't remember what happened with Katniss there," I explained.

"Yes, you've mentioned that." She replied.

I looked away.

"Listen, Peeta. Nobody is pumping me full of dangerous drugs, and I can tell you for certain that there was a beach at the Quarter Quell. Okay?"

"It must have been there then," I said, mostly to myself.

"Have you figured out what 'it' is?" Johanna sounded like she was trying to be a little more sensitive. I was grateful. She was my only confidant after all.

"No," I said sadly.

Johanna sighed.

"We spent the night on the beach the last night. Do you remember that?

"No."

"Wow, Really?" Johanna said.

"I know. It's terrible. There's so much that I can't remember," I said as my voice started to waver.

"Johanna, can I ask you something?

"I think you're already asking me things?" She quipped. I could hear in her voice that she was smiling though.

"Do you know whether or not Katniss is really pregnant?" I asked.

Johanna sat up, something I wasn't expecting. I turned to look at her again, thinking maybe she knew something.

"You mean, you don't know?" She said, truly perplexed.

I moved my legs from the wall and drew them to my chest. It helped to make my chest feel better. They don't call it "heart-break" for no reason.

"No, I don't. I don't even remember if we..." I paused.

"…did it?" She finished, lowering her gaze to match my shy one.

I nodded before laying my head down on my knees so Johanna could no longer see my face.

I expected Johanna to make some obnoxious comment like, "I think you'd remember that, Mellark." I was wrong.

Instead she said, "What they are doing to you is terrible, Peeta. I think it causes you even more pain than the beating they gave you. I'm sorry that it's happening, and I'm sorry that I can't help you more. I don't know if Katniss is really pregnant. I heard only what the public heard."

"I would love it, you know. I would love anything that belonged to her, even if it wasn't mine too," I went on as I started to cry.

"What are you talking about? Johanna asked sounding confused.

"If the baby isn't mine, I could still love it."

"Why wouldn't it be yours? Peeta, you can't listen to the garbage they are telling you. They are taking your memories of Katniss from you and replacing them with confusing and terrifying ones. I think that's their goal in using the tracker jacker venom. You seem almost afraid of Katniss sometimes. You are certainly angry with her. You weren't like that before the drugs. It's hard for you to see what's going on because they are doing all of this to you, but they are making you believe lies."

I wanted to trust Johanna, but Katniss really had hurt me. Most of what I could remember about her involved her ignoring, misleading, or hurting me. I loved her so much, but she had never returned that love. Not that I could remember anyway.

"Peeta, I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone," Johanna said.

"Okay," I replied curiously. I was grateful for the reprieve from my dark thoughts.

"I stopped believing in goodness. I certainly stopped believing in love. It was after I was in the games. The killing I'd seen other people do changed me. The killing I'd done to win haunted me. It haunted me. People don't think I feel guilty, but I do. I'm a hard person, but I could never have killed without a reason. The Capitol made me a killer. They made us all killers.

Peeta, when you and Katniss were in the games, you made me think. You didn't play the game the way you were supposed to play it. I was amazed at how Katniss cared for that little girl. How she went to find you and risked her life to save your dwindling life? That was incredibly brave …and good. She didn't have to do it. She could have just stayed with you while you died like she did with the little girl. That would have still been good, but she chose to risk her life to get something that would save yours.

And you, Peeta. You joined a group of people you despised to protect Katniss. You fought Cato to protect her even after she attacked you and the careers.

You and Katniss made me believe that even in a death match, people could be good. I wasn't sure about the love part though, but I watched you two. You went all over the country trying to make everyone believe you were the perfect couple. I knew some of that had to be fake. When I saw you in the Capitol for the Quarter Quell, I was convinced that you were close though. It was obvious that you cared about each other. It was also painfully clear that you were willing to sacrifice your life for hers.

Peeta, what's really interesting is that I think she was willing to do the same thing for you. She seemed to want to protect you, even at the cost of her own life. That's love. You and Katniss made me think it was possible for people to love that much. There are many kinds of love, and I don't know which one or ones you and Katniss have. You have something though. Something astonishing. Something that makes you risk everything for the well-being of the other."

"I've never hear you talk that way," I admitted.

"Nobody has ever heard me talk that way. Don't expect to hear it again," she said as she dismissively waved her hand at me.

One of the guards came swaggering into the cell block holding handcuffs. Another guard followed.

"Let's go, Mellark," he said.

Johanna leaned forward and placed her hand on the clear barrier the way she had after I'd been beaten.

"Good luck," she said.

I put my hand over hers.

"Good luck to you too," I said a little too gloomily. Every time one of us left the cells, we wondered if it would be for the last time. There was no reason for Johanna to remember me glommy though.

"And thanks for the pep talk," I said smiling.

She laughed.