Tee hee! the longest chapter yet! I tried to make my writing a little better this time, and I hope it worked.
Plot twist! :D
And the revival of a certain character. :3
Enjoy!
And please leave a review. :D


Bakura's Diary:

Yeah, I bet you never expected me to let Ryou have all the laughs, right? Well, maybe you remember, maybe you don't, but a short while ago, Ryou was complaining to me about feeling a bit sick. Well, he never did get sick. Take a guess at who did.

Go on, guess.

Yup, it was me.

Now, I never get sick. Never. I can't stress it enough. I just don't.

Well, whatever, it's got a plus side: Ryou's been taking care of me non-stop. It's sort of a nice change. I'm always taking care of him, always making sure he's okay. Don't get me wrong, I love wiping away his tears and knowing that I'm the only one who can comfort him.

But there's never anyone to comfort me when I want to cry.

Not that I do. Feh. Men don't cry.

Well, screw that, I cry sometimes. I'll admit it.

But Ryou… I dunno what it is about the guy. He's so sweet and sensitive. He knows exactly what I need before I ask. He's always there, always making sure I'm okay. Because, if you don't know, I've got a nasty fever. I mean like, through the roof nasty. I can't even think straight. I don't know how I'm even writing this.

But I am.

I need to tell you what happened, because it sent Ryou spiraling into silence. Yup, absolute silence, like when he first came here.

It started off as any normal day would. We went to breakfast like always. Malik was making some dirty joke to Ryou and made the sweet thing blush. He's so cute when he does that. It reminds me of when… Well, you already know what I'm thinking of, you pervy fangirls.

Meh, but you love me, and you love Ryou, so there's no issue.

Anyway, we had a déjà vu that day. There was no announcement though. Ryou was sitting quietly in my lap while I told him how pretty he was. How his eyes always sparkle when he smiles, how when he wakes up in the morning he looks like a flower opening its petals and getting kissed by the sun, how I could die from joy every time he said my name in that sweet voice he has. I stopped when I was in the middle of talking about his soft lips when Malik and Marik stopped playing tongue-tag next to us. I immediately stopped and looked at what they were looking at. A familiar figure was standing outside with us, one I saw when I had nightmares about my Ryou. He was a good foot taller than me and about eight inches wider. His name started with K-E-N. Yup, I spelled it out for you. Ken. That rotten bastard was out.

I looked down at Ryou to see how he was doing. I felt my stomach drop. His whole face was blank, but I knew he was terrified, thinking about that time. He wasn't even breathing, probably scared so bad he forgot how to. I knew he was still alive though because his hands were shaking badly. When Ken saw the boy in my lap, he just grinned cruelly. He knew he could get at Ryou again now. He was a predator, and Ryou was his prey.

Ryou whispered something over and over to me, unable to tear his eyes away from the bastard who hurt him so easily.

"Shh," I said, pulling him towards me and forcing him to stop looking at the rotten bastard. "Whisper in my ear, Ryou, tell me what you want."

"Inside," he whispered desperately in my ear. He stirred back to life after Ken was taken away from his vision and it was just me in the bastard's place. I felt his hands clawing at my shirt desperately, telling me how badly he needed to get away.

I didn't need a second telling. I carefully lifted Ryou and took him inside and sat in the cafeteria with him, trying to calm him down again with my voice, trying to tell him that I wouldn't let him get taken away from me again. Realizing it now, I was a horrible boyfriend and I needed to say that for both our sakes. I r… r… raped him before, on his first day here no less (ugh, how I get sick just thinking of how I violated him like that), then allowed Ken and Miko to have their ways with him. I don't know how he could forgive me for not protecting him both of those times, but I think he did, because he keeps telling me how much he loves me. No matter how much I mess up and let him fall face first into that pile of dog shit, he always just wipes his face off, takes my hand again, and tells me he loves me.

What an awesome boyfriend I have.

But Ryou had his own agenda, crawling back into my lap and searching for kisses that he loved so much. I held him tightly against my chest, giving him what he wanted, telling him he would be okay by letting my body do the talking.

We sat there for a while, alone, in our own little world. Then everyone came rushing in for a shower and I felt my stomach drop.

Fuck.

A shower. With Ken in there.

Life can't get much worse. But, you know, when you think it can't, it always manages to get worse somehow.

And it's for that reason my little Ryou, the only person in this world that I care about, the only voice I ever want to listen to, the only one I ever want to make smile, clammed up. Yup, he hasn't spoken because of this.

Not even to tell me he loves me.

I was careful, guarding Ryou the whole way to the showers. I was like some feral beast whose only mate was in emanate danger. I couldn't let Ryou get hurt again. Third time's a charm, you know, and I was already maxed out.

Malik and Marik stayed with me the whole time, guarding Ryou too. They knew; it was an unspoken understanding. And I'm so grateful to them for being that way. We managed to find a corner far away from Ken. We kept ourselves around Ryou, watching him like hawks. We watched Ken too. He seemed to be ignoring us, but I doubted he was. I knew he liked Ryou, he made that perfectly clear the last time. You don't think I didn't notice him stalking my Ryou, did you? Always asking questions, always snooping, always watching. Ryou didn't notice though, he wouldn't, he was too sweet to think that someone else would hurt him that way. He knows better now. Life here was, is, and never will be unicorns and rainbows like he wants it to be. He expected people to treat him kindly, but three of us didn't. Three of us took what we wanted from my Ryou. One of us stayed behind to make him feel better, to apologize, to hope that he could forgive. He's an angel like that, able to forgive when I committed the worst wrong against him. It makes me cry every time I think about it.

See? I do cry.

We'd started late in the shower. Ryou was insisting that he could stay dirty for the rest of his life, not wanting to be anywhere near the bastard. We'd forced him in and made him shower. Since we were late starting, we were late finishing too. The fucking bastard decided to take the scenic route to the door, having been one of the first in and making himself one of the first out, earning glares from his former followers as he smacked them across the back or face. He was heading for Ryou.

My Ryou.

The one he'd hurt ages ago. The one that had nightmares about the ordeal. Malik, Marik, and me formed a wall in front my precious Ryou. And do you know what my poor Ryou was doing?

Staring. Staring at the face of doom as it loomed closer and closer to him. He tried to scream, but a meek squeak came out of him. He fell on the floor, hot water washing over his small body as we blocked Ken's way to him.

The bastard wasn't happy at being blocked from what he wanted. You know what he did next? It makes me sick to think about it.

The bastard shoved Malik and Marik away, leaving me between him and my Ryou. He wasn't going to touch my baby, my precious, my everything if it was the last thing I did. The bastard grabbed my hair and yanked me forward, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at his ugly face. I heard Malik and Marik returning to their positions behind me and guarding Ryou, and that was the last thing I heard for a while in the world that consisted of me and fat-ass bastard.

"He's mine," asshole said, spit flying out of his mouth and hitting me in the face. It wasn't the only thing hitting my face. The next instant I felt a fist connecting with my cheek. I felt my body move with it and hit the floor. I got back up, not letting this get in the way of protecting my baby. All around me, I heard stunned silence.

Okay, I lied, I did hear stuff, but it wasn't noise. It was just nothing.

I got back up, like I said, and aimed a well-deserved punch to the bastard's stomach. As I connected, he grabbed my wrist, refusing to give me another opportunity to punch. I forgot about my feet. And that was one of the dumbest mistakes I've ever made. He yanked me over to him and punched the other side of my face, kneed my in the gut, squeezed the family jewels so hard I saw stars and thought I wasn't going to be able to make love to my little Ryou. I fell on my knees, trying to recover. But I felt his massive leg connect with my left side, and I heard a crack coming from my arm. I could feel a bruise forming on my chest. I was down, I couldn't do it, I couldn't protect my baby from the monster. I felt him kneel before my face and grabbed my hair again He forced my mouth open with his dirty thumb (odd that it was dirty, we were in a shower for fuck's sake) and replaced the digit with something bigger. Something thicker. Something that stirred to life as my mouth surrounded it. And I knew, in the pit of my stomach, that he was going to force me to blow him. I wanted to puke.

I heard the last word my Ryou would say for a long time. He was screaming at the top of his lungs "rape". Yeah, that's the one thing I want to remember him saying as his last word. "Rape." Sucha disgusting word. This stirred everyone in the shower room to life, springing forward and finally defending me from fat and ugly. I just lay on the floor in another déjà vu.

I told Ryou before that I'd seen bigger men than him get the same treatment their first day in prison. I didn't tell him one of them was me.

Yeah, it was my first day too. And the bastard was handsome, but not always nice to me. I thought that's what love was. He raped and beat me when I messed up, but praised and loved me when I was good. Well, I thought that's what it was to be loved. But when I saw Ryou, I knew that wasn't what love should be. I knew that I shouldn't be hurting him like that, that I should be treating him gently like I hadn't been. He needed to be protected.

And this time, I won.

Even though one of the bruises was swelling enough to keep my eye shut, my arm was broken and I couldn't move it, my chest ached, hell, my whole body ached, but I did it, my little precious Ryou was still safe.

I felt his soft hands putting my head in his lap, and I felt his tears pattering on my cheek.

"Ryou," I murmured, pushing my lips into a smile. "You're okay, aren't you? I protected you, right?"

My smile faded when I didn't hear a reply.

"Ryou?" I said, a little more desperately, nervous that I had failed.

I felt his hand brushing my hair reassuringly, telling me that he'd heard me and that I was right.

"Ryou, say something," I demanded, wanting to hear his soft voice.

But I didn't.

I haven't for what seems like forever.

The next few hours were a blur. They set my arm, iced my face to help the swelling, made sure I didn't have any other hurts anywhere. But they couldn't heal the one hurt that sat heavy on my heart; my Ryou wasn't speaking.

That night I developed this shitty cold. I think I couldn't fight off the virus that was living in our sheets anymore. And shit, I'm fucking miserable. I'm sick, feverish, I have a broken arm, my body aches all over, and worst of all, I can't hear Ryou's voice whispering to me. I don't know why he won't talk to me. I protected him, didn't I? I made sure he was safe.

Dammit.

Ryou's Diary:

Please don't be mad, I know what you're thinking. That I'm stuck-up and a jerk. I just read Bakura's whole journal entry, about Ken coming back. He's so accurate; I don't need to add anything.

Well, actually, I do need to add some things, so you'll all stop hating me.

First off, I don't know why he's beating himself up over Ken and Miko. Things just happen that aren't his fault. I don't blame him for those things. I wish he understood that. And when he raped me? Well, I've learned that he won't do that to me ever again. I'm okay. I'll get right back on my horse. I'll let him know that I love him to no end.

Which brings me to this. To… Ken coming back. I know Bakura knew I was scared, but there's so much fear that I hid from him, so that he wouldn't just push me away, tired of me being scared and needy all the time. And it worked, I made him not worry so much. But Ken coming back, I just, broke. I felt every defense I'd rebuilt was just shattered to pieces like… um, when someone throws a cake at a wall and it breaks into pieces with sickening ease. Just like that. I know they were doing me good to make me face my fear and take a shower, but Bakura doesn't realize that him getting hurt makes me scared the most. I watched him get hurt again and again and did nothing. I just watched. I'm so ashamed.

Yes, I did scream "rape." But, do you know why? If this thought had never crossed my mind, I never would have screamed, I would have just watched as he…

The thought, right. I thought about Bakura dead. I thought he was going to die if it didn't stop. Everyone was hypnotized by the show. Bakura, the strongest person in prison, was being beaten to a pulp by Ken. But, they knew Bakura was fair. He never hurt them, he might glare, he might shout, but never hurt. Ken would. Ken would hurt without remorse. I had to stop it. I had to, I couldn't lose Bakura. If I did… I don't even know.

I put his head in my lap. I wanted him to know that I was still there, that I was with him, that I wanted to be with him. I wanted to cradle him like he does to me, but he's too big.

He asked me if I was okay, if he'd protected me. I moved my mouth to speak; I tried so hard to make a sound. Nothing came out. My voice died when I thought he would.

I can't read the last bit of Bakura's diary entry. I'm sure it's about how much he resents me right now, for being so weak, for having to protect me all the time. I bet that's why he's so distant… He has to hate me! That has to be it! And… and I tried so hard to make him happy, tried so hard to take care of him like he takes care of me.

I bet I… I fucked that up too.

Swearing tastes bad. I don't think I'll do it again…

I snuck a peek at the last line. "Dammit." Oh, I bet he's swearing about me and how useless I am.

I hate me.