-The Legend of Lank-
-Chapter 8: The Great Escape from Humor House-
Last time, our male heroes were drugged by Papa Lewis while the new female heroine, Tits McGee, fled the scene since she has arms. The guys were taken to Papa Lewis's evil lair, the Humor House! There wasn't much humor in it, though; it was mostly filled with death and despair.
When they came to their senses, they were mad. Antoine was raging, Ginger was sleeping, and Lank was fapping. Suddenly, a creature in a fourth cell started talking to Lank.
"Hey, fap kid!" the creature said.
"AGH! Uh...I wasn't fapping...Why would I-" Lank said sheepishly.
"Really, Lank? You were fapping? I thought you could at least wait until we found Titties McGee again!" Antoine interjected.
"I'm pretty sure it's Tits McGee, Antoine." Lank retorted.
"Ooh! Titties! I want some. I mean, I've been in here for five years!" the creature said.
"You've been here for five years!? I think you could have escaped in that time…" Lank replied.
"Well, y'see, I'm a Chocho. We Chochos don't have arms, hands, and we don't really have legs and feet either…"
"Sucks to be you."
"Yeah, i know."
"Sooo, any ideas on how we can get out of here?" Antoine asked.
"Oh yeah. I got ideas. Just let me out of here and I'll tell you!"
"That doesn't seem dangerous at all…..Sooo, okie-dokie get in the chokey!" Lank derped.
The Chocho, whose name is Bob, told our heroes that if one of them can slip through the bars, they can open the doors. This is because the doors are only locked from the inside. After thinking about it for awhile, they figured out only Ginger could fit through there since Mellians are marshmallows.
After an hour or so trying to wake up Ginger, they got him up. Their methods included, yelling, making noise, or whining in ecstasy. The last one was tried by Lank, of course. Eventually, the method that worked was slipping some cocaine into Ginger's cell. The first sniff of it woke him up.
"Wut...duh crap, man…?" Ginger whined. "I was tryyyying to naaaaaap!"
"Ginger, listen carefully. You have to slip through the bars and-" *click*.
"Done."
Joined by Bob, the crew bolted from their cells with the help of Ginger. They found out this "Humor House" was actually Bob's mother's basement. It was pretty sad that Bob was living in his mother's house, and that he was captured in it too! The reason for that is Bob's mother was a prostitute and Papa Lewis "visited" five years ago and captured Bob and killed his mother.
"What a saaaad story…" Lank said sarcastically.
"Hey! It's not like you've ever lost someone near to you, asshole!"
That was a bad idea. Bob's comment triggered Lank's memories of Rocko the Snail and his beloved spork.
"Rooooockooooooo! I miss youuuuuu! If only I had the Maaaaaaster Spoooooo-or-ooooooork!" Lank wailed. "Raaaaaaaaaah!"
Lank lunged at Bob! Since Bob is a Chocho, Lank had the upper hand for once. Lank repeatedly punched and slapped Bob while Bob couldn't fight back. Predictably, Antoine and Ginger watched in silence. Bob was about to die until suddenly, they heard footsteps.
"Uh...not to break the mood or anything, but I hear footsteps." Antoine told everyone.
"I guess it's time to run again…" Lank replied.
"Not so fast!" Papa Lewis added.
"Considering you were the one who captured us, it's kind of surprising to see you come into the chapter this far in." Ginger replied.
"Why's that one not full retard?" Papa Lewis questioned the gang.
"I...like...cereal!" Ginger exclaimed.
"Thanks for the input, retard. But for the time being, I'll have to kill you." Papa Lewis said coldly.
Bang! Bang! Papa Lewis shot both Lewis and Bob. He said his reasoning was that those two would be killed at the hands of Cannon or his underlings anyway. He went on to say they were both useless and that he'd like to keep Lank and Antoine as prisoners so he can torture them until Cannon can come and finish them.
"...You're an asshole; you know that?" Lank said in disgust.
"Yes I am! It was my best class at Pizza University!" Papa Lewis replied with glee.
"You disgust me…" Antoine said angrily. "Just when Ginger could've been normal again; and, you killed him!"
"You really think so, Antoine?" Lank replied. "I thought he was screwed…"
Antoine used "Glare". It was super effective!
"Uh...Forget I said that…" Lank said sheepishly.
"Now that the sob fest is over, I suggest that you-" Papa Lewis started to say.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!" Antoine growled.
Antoine tackled Papa Lewis which made him drop his gun.
"Go, Lank! I'll fend him off!" Antoine ordered.
"Okay!" Lank said as he ran off.
"Y'know, I was kind of expecting for him to say something like: 'No! You go!'..." Antoine thought out loud whilst beating the shit out of Papa Lewis.
On his way out, Lank stole Papa Lewis's gun. The house was nice, but it reeked of blood and semen. When Lank was out of the house, he could still hear Antoine beating up Papa Lewis. Antoine would probably be fine. But Ginger on the other hand...Lank didn't know.
Lank hated the world right now. Firstly, his girlfriend was captured, but he didn't really care about that much anymore since Tits McGee came along. Secondly, Tits McGee abandoned him when he needed help. And Lastly, nearly all of the people Lank has met are dead...Even most of the bad guys like The Great Deku Turtle and Likeable Likeable Larry were killed. Right now, Lank only had himself. He was separated from his friends.
But Lank can't let these things get the best of him. No, he'll being going solo for a bit. He'll search far and wide for one thing: the Master Spork...
