Chapter 6

Burdens X and X Guilt


The three young Hunters found themselves surrounded by trees and tall grass. They left the town behind 40 minutes ago and the building they were looking for wasn't in sight yet.

"How much further?" asked Gon.

"Not much. Just 400 meters more." Killua answered while he observed his Beetle 07. The blue dot represented their location while the red dot was their destination.

"Was it really necessary to meet this deep in the woods?" Kaala was carefully watching her step. The ground was full of roots, broken branches and few small animals.

"Who knows?" Killua looked around. "This way."

They followed him as he diverged the path slightly.

Kaala's gut was telling her that meeting out here meant something was not right.

Could it be they just want to avoid attracting Ants into town?

That was a valid possibility but it didn't convince her.

Am I overthinking this? Maybe I'm just edgy today.

Concern aside, she was really nervous. She didn't know if her grandfather would come and how would he react if he did. Either way, she decided she needed to confront him. With agreement or not, she is participating in the mission. She would make sure of it. Her determination did not stop her palms from sweating or the butterflies in her stomach though.

"I can see them!"

Gon's voice brought her back to reality. She gulped. She walked a little further and 50 meters ahead was Knuckle, Knov, Morel and Shoot. No sign of Netero-jiisan. She sighed. Whether it was relief or disappointment, she didn't know. A little bit of both, maybe.

Knuckle greeted them as usual, Shoot just nodded, Knov said a simple 'hello' and Morel… Morel didn't say anything. He just stared at Kaala with a frown. Morel was carrying his pipe on his shoulders while holding it in place with his right hand. The usual way he moves around with it.

When everyone greeted each other, he lowered his pipe dramatically, making a thump sound when it touched the ground.

"I'm gonna stop you right here, Kaala. You're going back to the Association Building. Right now."

She had to admit, she always found Morel quite intimidating and tough. But just like Knuckle, he had a very soft side and she knew he was getting in her way for the same reason grandfather forbade her to intervene: he wanted to protect her.

Kaala crossed her arms, trying not to show any sign of weakness.

"No. I'm staying. Period."

Morel grumbled. "Tell me, why do want to come with us so badly?"

She blinked. Hadn't it been clear? Does she have to spell it out for him?

"You know very well why I'm here. Everyone does." Her voice had an arrogant tone which she didn't do on purpose but liked how it sounded.

"To save old Netero, right? You really think you can do that?"

Kaala stiffened. His tone was irritating and his question planted doubt inside her. "I... Whether I can or not, I'm not returning and do nothing! If there is a small chance I can guarantee his survival, I'll take it."

"And what about humanity's survival?"

"Shisho..." warned Knuckle.

"No, she needs to hear this." He turned back to Kaala. "The only reason you're here is because you're selfish."

Killua jumped in first. "You're really pissing me off, dude."

"She is not selfish! She's risking her life to save her grandfather!" Complained Gon.

Morel wasn't going to hold back just because they were kids. They need to understand. He pointed at Gon, anger popping veins in his temple. "No! She is risking her life to put everyone else's in danger!"

The three young Hunters gaped. Kaala was incredibly confused. "Wh-what? What are you talking about?"

Killua took a defensive stance. "Yeah, what the hell are you talking about, man? Isn't saving Netero the same as saving everyone?"

Morel mentally scoffed. This kids… they don't even bother to try...

"The old man is worried sick wondering what the hell is Kaala planning. His head is not in the game. And even when he's not using a fraction of his power to get rid of the low ranked ants, one slip could mean his death. Do you really think he could win against the King if he's not 100% focused?"

Kaala froze. I'm… getting in grandfather's way?

"If you insist on going through with whatever it is you want to do, you might doom us all. Chairman Netero is the strongest Hunter there is. Do you think anyone else can take his place?" He took a deep breath. "Kaala, do you really want that burden on your shoulders?"

Her stomach twisted and it was getting hard to breath. She looked at the rest of the pro Hunters.

"Is...is this...true?" Her voice cracked, her body trembled and her vision blurred.

They all looked away except Knov. His hand reached for his glasses to push them back in place.

"Indeed. Morel was more blunt than intended but his statement was the result of all of our observations in the Chairman's behaviour. The obvious conclusion was his concern for you. He seems impatient, distracted and we find him constantly lost in thought while watching the horizon, always east."

Her stomach twisted. The town they were staying at was east from NGL.

The smoke user interrupted. "Give the old bastard some peace of mind and go home. Let him do his job properly."

"Morel. Language." Reprimanded Knov.

Morel brushed his comment off with a flick of his hand. "Wari, wari."

Kaala couldn't hold it in. All her efforts, all her hope was just a nuisance. It was for nothing. She just wanted to help. She just wanted everything to go back to normal. Her grandfather didn't deserve to die in a violent way. He was kind, thoughtful and a sweet goofball. He just happened to be the most powerful Hunter in modern times.

Tears were threatening to roll down her face.

Is there really nothing I can do but leave?

Morel witnessed her internal crumbling.

"The Chairman has a cellphone of his own but he will cut all communication soon and will not restore it until further notice. His silence will start only after I deliver a message he is waiting for: your decision, Kaala."

She swallowed with difficulty. Everyone's eyes were on her and the pressure was too much.

"I….I…"

Kaala didn't know what to do, what to say. Her mind stopped working, her thoughts and feelings too scrambled. Her vocal cords were refusing to cooperate. She was about to break, but she would not fall apart in front of them. She turned around and ran into the woods.

"Oi, wait!"

"Kaala!"

She heard her friends call and shame washed over her.

I'm sorry.


Killua's heart sank. Watching her go like that made him remember the first time he saw her cry just a few days ago. He wanted nothing more than to go after her but she might need some time alone.

He sent a death stare at the pipe dude. The killer intent doubled when Gon did the same.

Morel scoffed. "You think that you scare me? C'mon, brats. You know this is bigger than her and Netero. If you can't see it, you are free to hate me all you want but that will just reinforce the fact that you are not prepared for this mission. So, what's it gonna be?"

Killua knew Morel was right. He was being the unreasonable one. As much as he wanted to blame someone, it wasn't fair.

"Tch! Fine. You could've been more tactful, though."

Morel's nose twitched. "Not my style. Kids might be kids but Hunters should open their eyes as soon as they make the choice to be one."

Knov cleared his throat to bring their attention. "Should we move on to what we came here for?"

"Hnn." Hummed Shoot.

They went ahead and walked towards the building.

The young Hunters peeked at the forest. Kaala was upset, vulnerable and in unknown grounds. They were worried about her safety and emotional condition.

Gon turned to Killua. "She'll be alright. Let's see Kite and we'll look for her together afterwards, ne?"

Killua hid his hands inside his pockets thinking hard on what to do.

"Gon. I want to... ask you something."

"What is it?"

Killua suddenly found the floor very interesting. "It's just… you said you dated many girls back home and I saw how you...made Kaala feel better when she started panicking." He scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "How did you… do that?"

Gon blinked twice. "You wanna know how to comfort girls?"

Killua blushed furiously and got flustered, but now was not the time to go all tsundere. His eyebrow twitched. "Yeah. That." As if the word would burn his tongue.

Gon saw that Killua was having a hard time asking him for that kind of knowledge, so he took him seriously.

"Hmm. Well, it's not that hard. Mito-san is a very strong woman but she gets frustrated and scared often, so I learned a very effective way to comfort her. You just need to do two things." He raised two fingers to emphasize.

Killua nodded. Two things. I can do that.

Gon lowered a finger. "First, physical contact."

An imaginary rock fell on Killua's head. Great.

"I always hug Mito-san, or hold her hand or rub her back. Something she feels nice and… well, comforting."

Ok, that doesn't sound so bad.

"And second, remind her of her good traits. People think that just promising everything will be alright is enough. It's not. They need to hear why everything will be alright. Remind them how brave, smart or strong they are. It helps when you use past experiences as an example."

Killua's insecurity faded. "That's… actually pretty good advice."

Gon smiled. "Right? It works everytime."

Killua smiled back. "Alright. Thanks, man." He glanced at the old building, where Kite was. "Ready?"

Gon took a deep breath and his mood completely changed. "Hnn. Let's go."

They followed the rest inside. The building was strangely well preserved for an abandoned place. Dust and spiderwebs were everywhere but the sturdy structure seemed strong.

In a basement like room downstairs, Shoot placed his small cage on the floor. The tiny prison was shaking subtly. Gon and Killua guessed Kite was inside, putting up a fight to be released.

"Hotel Rafflesia." Whispered Shoot. "Once I've dealt an enemy certain amount of damage, I'm able to trap an entire body or merely a single part inside."

Killua immediately understood his explanation. I see. That's how he got my eye. A very useful technique for an UMA Hunter.

A creaking sound caught their attention. Hotel Rafflesia was opening it's door.

A silhouette made his way out of the bird cage. It's movements were erratic and uncoordinated. It's body completely decorated with scars and horrible marks. The long, white hair covered its face but they all knew who it was.

Killua saw Gon's hands turn into fists and rage started boiling his blood. He was sure that if Gon was able to use Nen, his aura would be suffocating.

"If I release him from the cage, he'll return to his original size. Be careful, he can't use Nen but he is still strong." Explained Shoot. His expression impassive as always.

The pitiful prisoner started growing back as soon as he stepped out of Hotel Rafflesia. When he reached his normal height, Killua felt a heartache at the sight of his grotesque mutilated body that was stitched back together. But what happened next, just worsened his mood.

Gon approached Kite and let himself recieve a hell of a beating. No one dared to interrupt whatever Gon was doing or ask why he was doing it. They all understood Gon was grieving and the guilt inside him must be eating him alive. The kicks and punches the mindless Beast Hunter was throwing were automatic and could be easily dodged but Gon refused to back away. Instead, he closed the space between them and hugged Kite, activating the Nen controlling him and showing a creepy puppet master with strings.

Furious and hurt, Gon claimed the Chimera Ant responsable as his prey and left the room. Everyone let out the breath they didn't know they were holding. Killua thought about following him but decided against it. He needed some time to cool off and there was someone else that needed comfort. Some time had passed since Kaala disappeared and he was worried she might have gone back for good.

Killua shot a quick glare to Morel and left.


It took more time to find her than he thought it would take. Killua guessed Kaala didn't want to be followed by anyone so it was understandable she would use Zetsu. That fact made him feel relieved. If he couldn't pinpoint her presence easily, Chimera Ants won't either.

Kaala's legs were hanging in the air from the tall branch she chose as seat. Her sobs and tears had receded except for the occasional hiccup. The redness and puffiness were still fresh on her facial features, worsened by the constant rubbing fingers on her eyes and nose.

Killua landed on the other end of the huge branch.

"I want to be alone." She said sharply with a coarse voice.

"And I thought you already knew what a bad liar you are." He stayed where he was, giving her space. He didn't want her to feel pressured by him as well.

Kaala stared into nothing in particular.

When she didn't respond, he closed the distance a little. "May I sit?"

Kaala sighed. "Sure."

When he got as comfortable as he could get on the branch, the silence returned.

Should I speak first or let her do the talking? Do I start using Gon's advice now? Is it too soon to talk about it? Damn it! Why don't they teach this in assassin training?

"I'm done, aren't I?"

Kaala answered the questions inside his head.

"I mean, if I choose to go, whether Morel tells Netero-jiisan or not, I can't get close to him. He will feel my aura and stay away from me. Forget about helping him with my Hatsu. If he finds out I'm there, he won't be able to fight properly. I lose my purpose and I instantaneously become more of a burden than a helping comrade and all of humanity might pay the price."

Kaala rubbed her left eye, itchy from the dry tears. "I'm sure you noticed this because you're more observant than I am. You know there is no way around it."

"...Hnn. I'm glad you realized that by yourself. I wasn't too fond of the idea of telling you and making you feel worse."

Kaala squeezed the bark with her fingers. "I guess... I'll be going home now. We'll be parting ways sooner than expected." She raised her hand to ask for a handshake. "It was really nice meeting you, Killua."

He stared at her hand and then at her. "That's it?"

Kaala blinked. "What do you mean 'that's it'? You want a hug?" She opened her arms.

Killua blushed and placed his hands in front of him. "Wha- No! That's not what I meant! What I want to know is if that's really it. Are you really giving up?"

Kaala lowered her arms and frowned in annoyance. "What else can I do? If I go to grandfather, it doesn't matter what I see with my eyes, I'll get in his way. It's not like I was going to be of much help anyway. I'm not strong. I'm not a fighter. I'm weak and useless and-"

Killua grabbed her head and pressed it against his shoulder. His grip was strong but caring. His arm was softly keeping her in place and his touch, as Gon had predicted, seemed to take her by surprise in a pleasant way.

"...and brave, and kind and smart and goofy and cute." He finished for her. "Maybe you're not a fighter but you're not useless. The world needs less fighters and more people like you. You developed your abilities because you wanted to protect people while I was raised to kill them. But I longer kill for a living. I chose to be something else and you can do the same."

Kaala relaxed. He took it as a good sign and kept on going.

"You're underestimating yourself right now. Remember when you fought Knuckle? You found a way to compensate for your weakness and defeat him. You're resourceful and you can see past the obvious. You can become stronger with training and patience. True, there's nothing you can do for the Chairman right now..." He felt her body flinch in hurt. "... but helping him or going home are not the only choices you have."

"They are not?" Her voice indicated she was about to cry or already crying again.

"You can stay and help us with whatever task we'll have to do. I'm guessing it'll be dealing with the Royal Guards or some Squadron Leaders. At the same time, you will gain experience, strength, knowledge in fighting techniques and you will learn how to depend less on foretelling."

"Oh… I never thought of that."

"I know it's not what you had in mind when you came here, but the Chairman needs to fight the King alone and he can only do that if we intercept the ants following him everywhere. You can help him, us and yourself. So… what do you say?"

Kaala chuckled.

"Sounds like a great idea. If I can ensure you and Gon will come back alive, I'm definitely in. But… how are we going to convince Morel to tell grandfather otherwise?"

Killua laughed. "You're way too honest. Who says we have to convince Morel? We just need him to believe you went home. Remember the Chairman will disconnect entirely after he receives the call. After Morel delivers the message, there's no way your grandfather will know you're actually staying."

"If you're expecting me to lie to Morel, you can forget about the plan."

"No need. I've got you covered."

Kaala raised an eyebrow. "You really thought this through before finding me, didn't you?"

"Yup. I knew you were going to accept. Besides…" Killua could feel his face getting warmer. "I didn't want you to leave, so I had a few arguments listed in my head in case you needed some convincing."

Kaala chuckled but her insecurity surfaced again. "Are you sure you want me there?"

"I'm sure. Gon wants you there too. The others will need some persuasion but at the end of the day, they'll come around."

Kaala nodded. "Thank you…. And don't tell me I don't need to say it."

Killua smiled even though she couldn't see his face. "I wasn't going to."

He was impressed. Gon's advice actually helped a lot. He was glad to have restored her confidence, at least a little. Making her feel better was much much nicer and cooler than making her cry.

Relief washed over him. She was staying. He could be around her for a little bit longer. He meant every word he said about her and he promised himself he would give his most sincere and genuine opinion of her. He usually lies and over exaggerates to get what he wants but when it comes to his friends, he is true and honest. Sometimes it's hard or embarrassing but they deserve the real Killua, especially the brutally honest brunette sitting right next to him. Resting her head on his shoulder. Her warmth passing through the fabric of his shirt to his skin. Her hair tickling his neck and face. The sudden realization of closeness raced his heart and reddened his face. His hand was still covering the side of her head, brushing Kaala's hair.

Instead of jumping away by instinct, he slowly removed his hand. Kaala took it as a sign to remove her head from his shoulder.

"We should go back." Killua spoke to distract himself. He was missing her touch already.

"Yeah, let's go." She stood up. Her face was still red and slightly swollen, but the traces of her crying spree were almost gone.

They jumped down and started walking back to town.

"So, how exactly do you have me covered? How are you tricking Morel without lying?"

Killua regained his composure at her question and hid his hands inside his pockets. "I never said there wasn't any lying involved."

Kaala arched an eyebrow. "Your silver tongue is so full of lies it's scary. So, what am I supposed to do?"

"Disappear for a several hours, use Zetsu at all times, stay where I tell you too and keep your phone charged and at hand." He pointed at himself. "Leave the rest to me."

Kaala nodded. "Alright. I trust you."

She walked a few paces ahead of him and he noticed her ponytail swinging slightly from side to side with every step she took. He remembered something he wanted to tell her.

"By the way…" She turned to look at him with a curious face. He scratched the back of his head and looked away to hide the pink color of his cheeks. "I do like girls with long hair."

Kaala blinked. Then clasped her hands behind her back and beamed. "Is that so? Good thing I have no plans of cutting my hair soon then."

Killua's eyes widened and his face turned as red as a tomato.

Am… am I misinterpreting this or did she just…?

"C'mon, we have a long way to go and I'm hungry." She complained.

"I'm right behind you."

Whatever she meant with those words, it sent his heart racing even harder. He was going to suggest running back but he bit his tongue.

He just won more time with Kaala but there was no harm in stretching it a little bit more. Plus, he didn't quite understand her intentions and he was determined to find out.


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