Despite the fact there was no one in the jail, JD spent most of his waking time there for the last three days. He sat, reviewing every wanted poster they had, memorizing each face until he was sure he would see them in his sleep. More importantly, until he was sure he would recognize any of them who dared to come close to Four Corners again. He tried not to dwell on the fact that if he had done that before, if he had recognized Arthur – which turned out to be his surname – and Coulson, then Ezra might not be lying across down fading away into nothing.
Being here, doing this, made him feel useful. Not like sitting in that room. That was a waste, and he vowed he wasn't going back. Buck was mad at him for that. No, not mad. Disappointed was the better word. He could still hear the reaction.
"I've seen a lot of people die kid. Can't help but think some part is there right to the end. Part that knows what's going on. That's who you're saying goodbye to."
"That's who you might be saying goodbye to. I'm not going in there. That ain't Ezra. Ezra was bigger than that. He was too alive to be dead."
Buck stared until JD finally raised his eyes to make contact. "You do what you have to do kid. Just remember, you have to live with whatever call you make."
When Vin looked over on hearing the soft tap on the door he had to force himself to keep a smile of relief from his face. Buck hadn't been the only one worried about JDs avoidance.
"Okay if I come in?"
"You bet. I'll leave you two to talk."
"No. You don't have to go." Vin put a hand on the young man's arm. "Yeah, I do. Just give me one more minute."
"Ez – Ezra. I'm doing my best with Chaucer, but you know what a stubborn cuss he can be. I promise you will figure out a way to help him pass this. He's going to miss you as much as we will." He placed a hand on Ezra's forehead for a moment before leaving the room.
"I should've been by more often Ezra. Sorry about that. I just didn't know, couldn't figure out – ah shit. This isn't right. I know what I want to say, just not how to say it. Wish I had your way with words. But there's never been a minute in your life you didn't have the exact right thing to say. Of course it's likely half the people listening didn't understand you, but I think that might've been your favourite part."
He took a deep breath, trying to settle himself. "Anyway, Vin was right. We're going to look after Chaucer for you. It'll take all of us to spoil him the way you did. I just hope he lets us.
And you should know a lot of folk in town are real upset about this. Not as many as should be, but me and the others been setting folks straight if they say anything stupid." Maybe he shouldn't be telling Ezra that part. He watched the slow breathing and searched for something else to talk about. After a few minutes, he decided that just sitting quietly was a perfectly fine way to spend time with a friend.
7-7-7-7-7-7-7
Buck opened the door quietly, hoping not to disturb Nathan if he had actually managed to get a bit of sleep on the second bed in the clinic. He wasn't expecting to see it empty, or to see Chris slouched in the chair by the window, half asleep with a book on the table next to him.
"Got called out a few hours ago. Mrs. Cortez is having her baby, and seems it was getting rough. Sent one of the kids into town. Nathan got me up to come an sit till he got back, or someone else showed up."
Buck handed Chris the coffee he had intended for himself. He could get more later. "He should have got me. You had a long day yesterday doing double patrols."
"We're all tired. Gotta sort out the schedule better."
"Kinda hard to do that when no one wants to be to far away." He looked over to the bed for the first time. "Don't suppose there is any change."
Chris didn't bother with a reply. For three days they had been sitting with Ezra, watching and waiting. Nathan had told them that there wasn't much time for the gambler, but apparently Ezra was proving to be contrary right up to the end. The hope for a miracle had faded, although at first JD kept trying to convince himself that as long as Ezra kept breathing, he was going to wake up. When Nathan finally explained that it wouldn't be Ezra waking up, but a shell of the man they had known, JD stopped wishing.
Buck kept his sigh silent as he pulled the chair closer to the bed, reaching for a cloth to start his ritual. "You're looking pretty ragged Ez. Don't imagine you'd care to much for it if you could see in a mirror. Swelling's down some. Maybe a bit later we could give you a shave – tidy you up some."
"How much longer you think he's gonna hang on?" Chris wouldn't have imagined they'd still be taking care of Ezra after this much time. He looked so frail already that it was hard to figure how he was still with them. They'd been able to get water into him, swallowed by reflex rather than any conscious effort. Beyond that, there was nothing they could do, and the strain was beginning to show on all of them. "I mean, it's not that I want…"
"Don't worry Chris, I get what you mean. I've wondered the same myself. Came up with a notion." His grin did what it was supposed to, and piqued Chris's curiosity. "See, I figure he is up there at the pearly gates, trying to fast talk his way in. Don't know if they would be playing cards up there – have to check with Josiah on than I suppose – but you can bet Ezra will be working every angle, and not giving in on anything till he's found the trick he needs to stroll into heaven just like there was never any doubt on the matter."
"Do me a favour. Make sure I'm around when you offer that theory to Josiah. Can't wait to hear the reaction."
Buck's grinned faded as he looked back at the bed. "I just keep finding myself hoping Nathan is right. That there is nothing going on in Ezra's head. I can't imagine what kind of hell that would be."
He paused for a moment. "You know Chris - I've been thinking."
"First time for everything."
"I've been thinking," he resumed, ignoring the comment, "about what Sikes said. You know? About Ezra's cut, and the Standish name and all that."
Chris had an idea where this was going. The discussion had been weighing on his mind as well. "Just what have you been thinking?"
"That maybe we've been a bit too tough on him."
"He did take a cut of the profits."
Buck shrugged. "Wouldn't be too hard to make the argument he was earning it by controlling how the show ran."
"That wasn't his job."
There was a decided lack of conviction to the statement. "You know, you don't exactly sound like you are too sold on what you're saying." There was no immediate answer. "We knew - you knew - what he was when you asked him to ride with us in the first place. And when you agreed to letting him stick around. Ain't like this was running out on us. He'd kept that promise."
"I know. Been thinking the same. None of us is perfect, and asking him to give up his ways completely does seem like holding him to a harder deal."
"The others agree."
Chris hadn't expected to hear that. "You talked to all of them first?"
Another broad shrug preceded the answer. "Thought I might need some support on this. Vin wanted me to remind you of what he did for the kids, and Nathan - well Nathan wants me to remind you about pretty much everything."
"Damn it - you all see me as that hard ass?"
"I really don't think you want me answering that. But you gotta admit - you're hard on Ezra - more than on the rest of us."
He would have loved to deny it. To insist that he held them all to an equal standard - one that was needed to make sure they all stayed alive. But he knew he'd be lying. Ezra had done nothing since that first incident other than work to prove his worth to the team. Sure, he'd looked for every angle he could play, and did seem to go out of his way to be a pain in the ass, but he'd come through every time they needed him to. He probably should have acknowledged that sooner.
"Tell you what has me curious Buck. That comment about the Standish name. Makes me wonder just how notorious a family he comes from."
"Might explain a lot." Buck frowned, looking down at the bed again. "Damn shame we aren't gonna get to hear that story."
"Damn shame about a lot of this."
7-7-7-7-7-7-7
Six beers sat on the table, in various stages of consumption. Two fresh glasses sat untouched. One was there for Buck. JD knew he'd be ready for one when he came down in a few minutes. He talked tough, like he was handling this just fine, but the kid knew it was eating away at him, just like all of them. The second was for Nathan. He'd been spotted riding toward town, and they figured he'd be dropping by once he got cleaned up a bit and had checked in on his patient.
A glass of brandy sat in front of the other empty seat. Ezra's seat. Back to the wall, a habit engrained from concern over disgruntled card players coming back to demonstrate to their frustrations. The position had also allowed him to size up new marks as they entered.
"I just remember he kept insisting he could sing much better than that if he'd been using his own voice!" Vin could barely speak he was laughing so hard. Josiah too, was gasping for breath. "Never did try to prove it to us though. Expect he was exaggerating a mite."
"Ezra? Exaggerate?" Chris put on an astonished face. "Well that could never happen."
"Same as he told the gospel truth when he bragged about his poker winnings." JD added.
Vin considered his lost wages. "Now that, I don't think he exaggerated."
As the laughter faded, so did the mood, again.
"I know things won't change. I mean I know we still have a job to do. But damnit Chris, it don't feel right."
"You think I don't get that Vin?"
Josiah sighed. "It changes nothing, but it changes everything."
"Guess that says it," JD agreed as he finished off his glass.
A slow smile came to Chris's face. "I don't know if any of you are going to be able to even come close to riling me up the way he could."
Hearing the statement, Buck matched the grin as he came into the room. "Well, I'm sure we'll all make the effort. Thanks to Ezra, we know what to try."
"Nathan's back?"
"Yeah, sitting with him for a bit." Buck eyed the beer and JD nodded, confirming the assumption it was for him. It was downed quickly, preparing him for what he was about to say. "He thinks we should all come over. He took one look at Ezra and said things had changed."
M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7
tbc
