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Chapter 8 : My fault
Cammie's POV
I went into the courtyard earlier than normal that morning, I wanted to make sure that my injury wouldn't show. I started stretching it out like I did last night, well, this morning. Then I started doing freestyle. I just put on some music and danced. It wasn't anything technical just some street and hip hop, just fun.
I stopped, shattered after half and hour of dancing. I settled down and regained my breath just stretching out again like last night. I sat in splits for a bit then turned to do my other leg.
I now had about an hour to kill before everyone else would be here. I was so tired, I only had around 3 or 4 hours sleep, and that 'nap' yesterday when I left the rehearsal. I sighed and got up.
I would just have to start a random solo routine, I couldn't just sit stretching for an hour and I couldn't work on any pairs, or group routines, because there was no group there.
I thought for a bit about what dance style to try, I could just do a contempory, but I don't want to use any ideas for the dance with Zach. That rules out, contempory, Ibiza, and ballroom. I could do some acro dance given I have been working on my flexibility all night.
I decided on that and put on Seven Nation Army by White Stripes and start doing dancing. As it was an acro routine I stretched my legs further and wider into splits and turns whilst doing walkovers and handsprings, it wasn't up to Macey's gymnastic standards but I added dance in so it wasn't pure gymnastics.
I had about 5 minutes until they came so I decided to run through it one last time, then I could perfect it later then show them, I pressed replay on the stereo and went into position starting with a run-up into one of those forward walkovers with no hands.
By the end I heard clapping, I guess they had come in at the end and seen my finale which I had very nearly fallen on! I had spun twice then run with a stag leap, then continued with a forward walkover half twist, backwards handspring then back flip, using my momentum I just landed, I could have cracked my head open!
I turned and faced the guys.
"Hey!" I told them.
Zach looked slightly weary, "Hi, are you ok?" He questioned anxiously.
"Sure, I just think we should do a different move instead of the one yesterday." I said, trying to avoid the subject.
I created a tense atmosphere and I felt myself start to get angry that I couldn't be comfortable around me friends.
"Are you sure?" Zach persisted. "I mean you fell hard yesterday on your side, is their a bruise or anything, you should rest."
"I said I'm fine, now just think of some other stupid Ibiza dance move to put in, it is your speciality not mine." I snapped flashing a glance at Grant at the end. "Besides, this is a duet, you can't expect me to do everything."
Everyone looked shocked. I sighed and turned away from them and went over to the railings where my bag was. I pulled on a zip up hoodie as I felt myself get cooler from lack of movement. To be fair I was only in a training bra and half length black leggings. I shrugged on the jumper and then slid down into Box splits and leant my whole body against the ground.
My head pressed against the ground cooled it and I relaxed slowly. I felt Macey next to me as she went right up against a curved wall. Normally you see gymnasts of ballerinas have their legs up against a flat wall, but Macey had hers on a curve so they were around 220 degrees rather than 180! It was ridiculous!
I looked at her and she watched me, "You know," She started tentatively. "It is okay not to be able to do something."
"No, it's not I need to be good at everything, I'm the fricking female lead." I say exasperated. "Bloody useless one at that." I say aggravated.
"God Cammie, you can do every single style there is to offer amongst us, that's 9 different styles! Most of us can only do 4 or 5! Jesus, your fine, your great for God sakes. Stop being too hard on your self, or you'll go insane, you'd stay up till 4 in the morning practicing, I know you Cam. If you push yourself too hard, you'll fall over the edge. You just need to make sure you haven't pushed us away when we need to catch you." She said oddly calmly.
She walked away and I shook my head. They knew I practiced at night, but not 4 in the morning, they didn't know about the insomnia, and she was right, it was my fault. Everything was my fault.
I'm pushing my friends away.
I lead my mum to schizophrenia.
I forced her to punish me.
I'm not good enough to do a simple routine.
I'm letting down the group.
Taking away our chances at being internationally known, world wide. Winners. Sometimes it's our turn to win. I was standing in the way of that. I had to make myself better. I had to do that move, prove to myself that I wasn't useless.
"Zach", I called. Everyone's head's turned.
"Yeah?"
"I wanna do that move, come on."
He raised an eyebrow and frowned as if he wanted to say no, but I just started to run so he quickly got into position…
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