.hack//Resident Fangirl…2!?
Part 3: Implying names…
Ms. Pie: Welcome to another half-ass installment of the Resident Fangirl series. Last time Kuhn and co. made their way to the city of the Fanboys in order to exercise Fangirl Queen out of Haseo. How did they do it? They crammed soooo much yuri into Haseo the Fangirl Queen simply left him and was captured inside a cheesy Ghostbusters rip-off device. We also learned about the origins of Fanboys and Fangirl whose names were Haseo and Queen respectively.
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(City of Fanboys council room)
Haseo: I have the same name as the original Fanboy?
Taihaku: Yes, we believe that you are a direct descendent of Haseo and will destroy the wrath of Queen, the original Fangirl.
Haseo: You based all this on names…
Taihaku: Yes.
Haseo:…Okay, and might Fangirl Queen have any kind of relation to this Queen…
Taihaku: No, were did you get that idea, her name?
Haseo: That and more…
Taihaku: Well Haseo, we have a mission for you.
Haseo: Yay me…
Taihaku: You must deliver this stone to the shrine of Fanboyism all the way on the other side of the mountain.
Haseo: Dif you say deliver?
Taihaku: No, you will take this stone, go to our shrine of Fanboyism on the other side of the mountain, and then offer a little bit of your blood.
Haseo: What?
Taihaku: Technically it says that the descendent of the original Fanboy must offer blood, but based on names we're pretty sure it's you!
Haseo:…okay…
Kuhn: A shrine to Fanboyism?
Aina: Sounds interesting.
Atoli: Sounds depraved.
Alkaid: I second that.
Shino: Third that.
Bordeaux: Fourth that.
Tabby: It can't be that bad.
Silabus: I agree, I mean everything here isn't too bad when you get down to it.
Sophora: Down to what?
Silabus: Well…uhhh…it's not entirely bad.
Gaspard: I like it here, I'm king of the card Fanboys!
Gabi: I'm Gabi :)
Ovan: Wasn't this about a delivery or something?
Haseo: All we have to do is get to the other side of the mountain.
Taihaku: FOOL! The path is laced with traps and terrible trials that will make you want to die! Getting there is like trying to lick your elbow.
Haseo: But what if you're double-jointed?
Taihaku: I don't know but for the sake of challenge and ordeal I will say yes, it is still a challenge!
Haseo: Damn it, more pain for me…
Taihaku: Yes, pain. Now go to the back entrance of town so you may begin your painful pilgrimage!
Haseo: I hate you now.
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(Beginning of pilgrimage)
IYOTEN: Hello we're your guides. Let us begin our journey!
Asta: We will do our personal best to help you all.
Haseo: Trust a guy with a shady haircut and another that cross-dresses…
IYOTEN: HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SHADY HAIRCUTS!
Asta: I may look adorable, BUT I WILL MESS YOU UP BAD!
Haseo: Don't flatter yourself…
(COMPLETE WALL OF FIRE!)
Haseo: HOW THE (censored) DO WE GET PAST THAT!
IYOTEN: You're supposed to walk threw it and hope you don't get burned to death.
Haseo: What kind of trial is that! A trial is some kind of mind-wrenching puzzle that forces you to stand on your head to solve it and after much sweat, blood, and tears you finally solve it and move on. This is just some asinine WALL OF FIRE!
Asta:…Well I do have these fire-proof coats for all of us…
Haseo: GIVE ME!
Asta: I don't know, I mean you did call him shady and don't think I'm adorable…
Haseo: I hate you.
IYOTEN: We hate you too.
Kuhn: This is going no were…
Bo: Agreed.
Haseo: Give us the coats.
Asta: Make me.
(One fight later…)
Haseo: (Got his ass kicked)
IYOTEN: I think you went too hard…
Aina: Haseo got beaten by a guy who wears a bra…
Haseo: This never leaves the cave!
Kuhn: If you never insulted them this wouldn't have happened…
Asta: Now, who's adorable?
Haseo:…you are…
Asta: LOUDER!
Haseo: You are…….
Asta: And now you get the fire proof coats.
Haseo: I did on the inside again…
(ROOM OF INFINITE BRICKS!)
Haseo: What's so special about this place?
Atoli: Let's find out (Shoves Kuhn in)
Kuhn: (Pounded by infinite bricks till he crawls out)
Haseo:…And I thought I was mean!
Bordeaux: No offence Haseo, but you're as mean as a dandelion these days.
Haseo: I have all of you to blame. So how do we get through?
IYOTEN: Well the room piles infinite bricks on anyone stupid enough to enter.
Haseo: So what do we do?
IYOTEN: Obviously we don't enter…
Haseo: But we need to get to the other side.
IYOTEN: Man, that's gonna be tough. How do you go through something without entering?
Tabby: Why don't we wait for it to run out of bricks?
Atoli: Works for me (Throws Kuhn back in).
Kuhn: AHHHHH!
Shino: My Atoli, you are different from your normal emo self.
Atoli: Oh well…
Kuhn: AHHHHH!
(Five hours later)
Kuhn: AHHHHHHHHH!
(Another Five hours later)
Kuhn: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Another Five hours later)
Kuhn: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Runs out of bricks)
Haseo: Ha, infinite bricks my ass. (One brick falls on him) Fine….I take it back…
(They all cross safely with the beaten to a pulp Kuhn)
(ROOM OF INCREADIBLY STUPID PEOPLE)
IYOTEN: The room of incredibly stupid people…
Random Dimwit: Duuuh, Endrance is not Elk!
Endrance: My god, these people are stupid!
Asta: Whatever you do don't look them in the eye, stupidity is very contagious.
Kuhn: Duuuuh.
Haseo: Too many bricks?
Alkaid: Most likely.
IYOTEN: The only way to get past hear is to refute them with the truth. Like this.
Random Dimwit: Duuuuh, Azure Kite is evil.
IYOTEN: Wrong, Azure Kite is a security program turned horror movie aficionado.
Random Dimwit: No n00b, you're dumb and I'm smart because mommy says so, waaaaah! (Runs off)
Haseo: Weird.
IYOTEN: Here comes another.
Random Dimwit: Duuuh, do I need to play the vol.1 before I get 2?
Haseo: Yes, you can't play a game with a cheesy preview like the ones on this fic.
Random Dimwit: Oh, okay, Duuuh. (Walks off)
Asta: Well, let's get going.
(ROOM OF PAST SELVES)
Sora: Boing!
Haseo: Who are you?
Sora: I'm Sora.
Haseo: My dead brother?
Sora: No, that's just some story our parents made up, I'm you before losing your memories and turning into…well you. Whenever you have a smart idea, that's me telling you. For gods sake get rid of that brain block!
Haseo:…whatever…
Sora: DON'T IGNORE ME, I CAN MAKE YOU SMART!
Haseo: I'm plenty smart.
Sora: Spell it.
Haseo: I T
Sora:….
Kuhn: Who are you?
Sieg: You, before you had your heart broken and turned into a complete sap. LISTEN, stop womanizing, you're afraid of commitment. Go back to Mai, and get back what you once had! FOR GODS SAKE YOUR COMIC RELIEF NOW!
Kuhn: You're right!
Sieg: Forget about girls and get back the one thing you ever had going for you!
Kuhn: Yes! (Calls Mai) Mai, I want to get back together with you!
Mai: Uhh, I'm seeing someone…
Kuhn: Who?
Mai: Uhh…Masaya.
(Masaya is Tomonari's friend from Liminality…the one that disapproved of Tomonari seeing her…guess why!)
Kuhn: THAT BACK STABBING-
Mai: I'm sorry…
Kuhn:…Ya, sure (turns off cell phone)…
Sieg:…
Endrance: You're me.
Elk: I become you.
Endrance: It's like looking in a mirror.
Elk: Are you kidding me, I become you! I know I was clingy but now I'm a stalker. What gives!
Endrance: Hey, I may not be the most okay person but at least I'm not some wimp.
Elk: ORAI RAI DON!
Endrance: (Struck by lightning)
Elk: You were saying.
Endrance:…
Asta: Let's move on…
(ROOM OF IMPENDING DOOM DOOD)
Tabby: Why is it called that?
IYOTEN: Because we will be carpet bombed by exploding penguins soon.
Prinnies: Heads up dood!
Everyone: AHH! RUN FOR IT!
(Room of the shrine of Fanboyism)
Haseo: It's a statue of…ME!
Kuhn: No way.
Atoli: Haseo is the descendent…
Shino:…of the original Fanboy…
IOYOTEN: Now place the sacred orb and draw some blood.
Atoli: My emo cutter kit will work.
Asta: Why do you carry that?
Atoli: You never know?
Haseo: (draw some blood, but nothing happens…) WHAT GIVES!
Asta: You're not the descendent apparently…
Haseo: WHAT!
IYOTEN: Well we have other boys here to try.
Kuhn: (FAIL)
Silabus: (FAIL)
Alkaid: (FAIL) WTF! OF COURSE, I'M A GIRL!
Gabi: (FAIL) I'm still Gabi :)
Endrance: (FAIL)
Gaspard: (FAIL) Ehh, I'm still king of Card Fanboys.
Asta: And we ran out since neither me nor IYOTEN already tried.
Tabby: You forgot someone, Bo!
IYOTEN: That's a boy!
Bo: Yes…
Asta: Okay then….
Bo: (DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER!)
Haseo Statue: (Laser light show for everyone)
Haseo: Bo…Bo…Bo!
Bo: I'm the descendent of Haseo, the original Fanboy.
Haseo Statue: (Sounds like Bo) Oh, the descendent is here. Take this tome thing and go beat my sister queen who you might no as Fangirl Queen.
Everyone but Haseo: WTF!
Haseo: I knew it…wait a minute how did she live that long.
Haseo Statue: She lives off the worship of others. So long as there is one Fangirl she will live…
Haseo: But there will always be Fangirls.
Haseo Statue: Ya, but the Fangirls have been entering a state of Fannish hibernation. She will be weak and then you can seal her into something so she never bothers everyone again. That should work, right.
Haseo: I guess…
Bo: But why me?
Haseo Statue: You are my descendent apparently so you have to do it.
Bo: But I don't think Saku will be happy about this…
Haseo: Hey we haven't herd from Saku in a while.
Kuhn: Fangirl hibernation. She's deep in sleep!
Bo: Wow.
Asta: Well I guess now we go back to Fanboy city.
(The city seems to be changed into another Fangirl city…)
Taihaku: (Beaten up bad) Fangirl Queen has escaped the contraption. She infected the whole city…This is just SOOOO wrong…
Haseo: Yep…
Taihaku: Oh descendent, please save us.
Kuhn: Actually Bo here is the descendent.
Taihaku: That's a boy?
Bo: Yes.
Taihaku: Who would have thought it.
Bo: (Sigh)
Taihaku: Okay then you save us all.
Haseo: What happened to me here!
Taihaku: Now you're just some guy that follows the descendent.
Haseo: My respect…
Bo: Okay so…were is she?
Taihaku: The capital building.
Bo: Okay then, let's go.
(The capital building)
Bo: There was no resistance huh.
Haseo: Wonder why.
Sound: (Groaning)…
(Zombie Fanboys appear)
Bordeaux: What's the difference?
Kuhn: I don't know?
Aina: Though it might be a good idea to RUN!
Everyone: (Run)
(Everyone runs into the capital building)
Bo: Okay, now what?
Kuhn: Well we escaped the zombie Fanboys.
Tabby: But now we're lost…and we seem to have split up…
(The Silabus, Sophora, Gaspard group)
Silabus: Not good.
Gaspard: I'll say.
Sophora: We're lost…
(The Aina, Ovan, Gabi group)
Ovan: Aina, stay behind Ovan as he will protect you!
Aina: Pass…
Gabi: Gabi :)
(The Haseo and everyone else group)
Haseo: Of all the people to be stuck with…Why!? Have I not suffered enough!
Atoli: What's the matter Haseo?
Shino: Yes what is it?
Alkaid: Yes, if you have any problems count on me!
Bordeaux: Don't listen to her, I'll help you.
Endrance: Haseo you can count on me for anything.
All of them: Haseo!
Haseo:….Why me.
(FYI, Bet from ch. 6 is still on!)
Bonus Chapter------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Matsu: You wanted to see me Principle Zelkova?
Zelkova: Ya, you're a janitor now, so have fun!
Matsu:…sigh…
(Janitor work)
Matsu: Why do I have to be a janitor…man, they say that every cloud has a silver lining…were is mine?
(Finds a steam powered floor scrubber vehicle thing)
Matsu: I wonder what I can do with this.
(Overnight tune up)
Matsu: It's finished! The first steam-powered floor cleaner bike! With this I will be able to clean floors faster then ever!
(Turns it on…BUT IT GOES TOO FAST)
Matsu: AHHHH! (Crashes through wall)
Ms. Pie: (Teaching class) Okay today we will learn about Shugo, the first cos-playing hero (Matsu crashes through wall).
Matsu: AHHHH! RUN-AWAY STEAM BIKE!
Hiiragi: (Teaching class) Now thread your needle and (Matsu crashes through wall) MATSU I WILL KILL YOU!
Kaede: (serving snacks to Sakaki and Zelkova)
Zelkova: YAY! SNACK TIME!
Sakaki: (One day I will poison your snack MWA-HA-HA…but in the mean time) YAY SNACKS!
Matsu: (crashes through wall and runs over their snacks) RUN-AWAY BIKE!
Zelkova: My snack…my beautiful snack…oh foul god, why hath you taketh away my life. (Cries)
Sakaki: DAMN YOU MATSU!
Kaede: I'll just make more snacks.
Zelkova and Sakaki: YAY SNACKS!
(Matsu crashes though wall after wall, slowly demolishing the school…)
Matsu's Bonus Chapter: To be continued…
End Transmission--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
