A/N: Hey there! HAPPY JUNE! So. I couldn't find chapter three on my documents, so I thought about rewriting it. Should I? Also, this chapter is around 2200 words long, WITHOUT the author's notes. Yay! Does anybody want to be my beta? I could use the help. PM me if you're interested. Clary's dress and Izzy's dress are on my profile (well, the link is - I'm queenofblades on polyvore). Along with shoes and make-up and hair whatever else there is.

SHOUT-OUTS: Guest, Guardian of Heaven, ZoroKim, Abby, KyKat, Guest, Guest, RitzaHerondale, MI cra-cra, jenna, TheEternalDaylightingRanger, TIDTMIgirl, LOVERGIRL

Guest: I can't just jump straight in the romance and be like "WOAH! CLACE!" "WOAH! CLACE MARRIAGE!" "WOAH! CLACE SEX!" "WOAH! CLACE BABIES!" It'd be strange. Patience, grasshopper (total TFioS reference here). Hope you like this chapter!

Abby: We'll see. Chapter nine is the club, and I haven't written it yet, so, there's a chance. :) Hope you like this chapter.

Guest with the Camille theory: The characters are completely unrelated. Maureen's daughter could be anyone. Nice pun! And yes, the dude is hot. Like you said, BEYOND WORDS. Hope you like this chapter!

MI cra-cra: It's not only Izzy shipping Clace (oooh, was that, perhaps, a hint for this chapter?) You'll find out, you'll find out... Hehe. Actually, they're completely unrelated. Clary's father is Lucian. As in Graymark. Valentine's her super cool English teacher. Hope you like this chapter!

jenna: Thanks! Hope you like this chapter!

TIDTMIgirl: Oh, you'll see... Hehe. Hope you like this chapter!

LOVERGIRL: THE UPDATE IS HERE! YAY! Hope you like this chapter!

SONGS: The Strange Familiar - Shelter,He is We - Kiss It Better, Guns N' Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine (YES, MY MUSIC TASTE VARIES, DEAL WITH IT.)

Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments. I'm too bored to write something funny/sarcastic, so, um, here's the chapter.

Clary

Simon texts me Isabelle's number right after he hungs up. I enter it in my contacts and dump the phone on my desk, after checking the time. Six thirty.

After fifteen minutes of lying on my bed, my phone rings. I stand up and grab it, seeing ISABELLE flash on the screen.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Clary! It's Isabelle."

"Oh, hey, Isabelle."

"So, maybe I could come tomorrow at, around seven? The party starts at eleven, so we'll have time." So, we'll be getting ready for four hours... Yeah, definitely unlike me.

"Um, yeah, sure, did Simon give you my address?" Why do I even ask? I mean, it's Simon we're talking about, do you think he'd forget to text Isabelle?

"Yeah, he did. Oh, one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"Do you wear high-heels?" No. No, no, no. Please, no.

"Not really..."

"Don't worry, you'll love them." Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it. "Oops, gotta go. See ya, Clary." I can hear Alec's voice from somewhere far. He seems to be shouting something along the lines of "IZZY, GET YOUR GODDAMN CAT OFF MY BED BEFORE I THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW!"

Jace

Sebastian calls me just a few minutes after Isabelle hangs up.

"Hey, man."

"Hey."

"Is Simon gonna be at Isabelle's party?" Of course he'll ask that.

"I don't know. I think so."

"Great."

"You practically assaulted the guy, well, more like your lips assaulted the guy's. I doubt he'd like to see you..." He's going to get so pissed at me.

"I know, I know, I just... want to apologise, I guess..." Sebastian Verlac wants to apologise. Now, that's something new. And most definitely not the Sebastian I know. I mean, he didn't get pissed, and he's Sebastian.

"Go do that alone. I mean, yeah, I'm your best friend, Seb, but all that lovey-dovey crap just makes me sick", I joke, ending the sentence with a laugh so he knows.

"Oh, look who's talking. Jace and Fairchild sitting on a tree..." Oh, no. He did not just say that.

"Say one more word and I'm going to castrate you."

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" he continues singing in a sing-song voice, completely out of tune. "Face it, Jace. You're craaaaaaaaaazy about her!"

First Isabelle, now Sebastian. Oh, great.

"Absolutely not."

"You're crushing on her again!"

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"WILL YOU CLOSE THAT GODDAMN MOUTH OF YOURS?!" I shout into the phone. Damn it, Sebastian.

Fortunately, that shuts him up.

"Now, how did you get that idea?" I ask, putting on a scary-calm voice.

"Dude. Don't play dumb with me. That crush you had on her after Maryse is totally resurfacing." Yes, the almighty Jace Herondale had a crush on Clary Fairchild, (and on Izzy's and Alec's mother, but that's besides the point - yes, Maryse is that older woman I had such a crush on, the woman could cook), yes, on Clary Fairchild. Hey, I was fourteen. Can you blame me? She was the only one not to fall to my feet. I pined over her for two years. Sure, I dated a lot of other girls to keep my mind off her, but... You get the point. Then, I met her (even her name brings me pain, so let's just call her her), and everything just... changed, I guess you could say that. She wouldn't speak to me, I wouldn't speak to her, problem solved.

I remember when I met Clary. We were, what, six? We didn't really hit it off. We didn't exactly hate each other, either. We spoke, yes, but we weren't really friends. It all went well until we were fourteen, we went to an end-of-school party, and I had finally come to my senses and realised Maryse was 40 years old and my friend's mother. Some dude tried to kiss her, I got all mad and possessive even though she wasn't my girlfriend, I punched him, she got all mad and slapped the shit out of me, stepped on my foot, threw her flip-flop at me and left muttering something about me being an asshat, as she put it. Only then did I realise that I had a tiny, tiny crush on Clary Fairchild. And it just kept growing and growing and growing.

Fortunately, you can say I've kissed those feelings goodbye, so...

"Or have you?"

Did I say that last part out loud?

"Yes, I have. Yes, I have!" I insist.

"Suuuure. Keep telling yourself that."

"You can't see me, but I'm giving you the finger right now."

"DON'T MAKE ME SNAP MY FINGERS IN A Z FORMATION-" Oh, God, no. Ever since he found out about that, he's been using it non-stop.

"Seb..."

"-EXCLAMATION, BOOTY SENSATION, ELBOW, ELBOW, FIST, FIST, CRY, BITCH, CRY, YOU JUST GOT DISSED!" He hangs up.

Wow. That was so mature.

Anyway. Don't fool yourself. Sebastian's just messing around, and I don't feel anything about Clary. Nope. Not. At. All. That was years ago.

My phone beeps, alarming me that I have a message.

U free? -K

Who's K again?

Who is this?

Kaelie. 4got abt me? :( -K

I think my eye hurts right now. Text speak is... well, for lack of a better word, ew.

Would it really make a difference? And how'd you get my number?

I hv my w8s ;) - K

1) Don't flirt with me. 2) Your weights? What weights? Are you a bodybuilder or something?

No, my ways. - K

UGH, FINALLY, something that made sense!

Whtvr. I saw u with Carrie. I thawt I was ur grlfrend. -K

Her name is Clary. She's not my girlfriend, and neither are you. And, oh, God, thawt? Are you in first grade?

Its txt spk. -K

No, it's stupid.

5-yr-old cmbacks. -K

5-year-old grammar.

Awe, were lk an old marrid cple! -K

Is she serious?

Good Lord, you're not a bright one, are you?

Mental note: Change your phone number, Jace.

Anyw8, Carrie's nt hot enuf fr u. -K

*Clary. And she's not my girlfriend. But that doesn't mean she's not hot.

Waaaait, where'd that come from?

Oh, stop fooling yourself. You know she's hot. Shut up, brain. No, you shut up. She's hot. All redheads are hot. So she's hot! Yes, yes, brain, she's hot! What else do you want me to say? I don't go after every hot person on the planet, though. I aknowledge the fact that Megan Fox is hot, but it doesn't mean I like her. Jennifer Aniston is hot. Angelina Jolie is hot. Hell, Ryan Gosling is hot! Do I go after him? No!

Bt im hottr. Rite? -K

No. No, no, no. She's definitely hotter.

Because anyone's hotter than Kaelie, right? Right? No, you're right. Clary isn't hot. Thank you! She's beautifuuuul, right, Jace? If you weren't my brain, I would kill you.

Bt im ur grlfrend! -K

YOU WERE NEVER MY GIRLFRIEND!

Bt i am! -K

But you're not!

BUT I AM! -K

You have reached an entirely different level of stupidity.

Can we just ignore the fact that the whole thing got ugly when she put Clary into this? No, we can't. BRAIN. SHUT. UP.

0-0-0

Time lapse: Saturday morning

Clary

The day passes by pretty fast. I wake up at around eleven am, and watch Doctor Who downstairs until my mom calls me for lunch. She has made omelette today, along with a salad.

"Eat, eat. They don't feed you kids well at school." Which is true, because the school cafeteria is, well, disgusting.

"I'm eating, I'm eating."

It's silent for a while.

"So..." she says awkwardly.

"So..." I reply in the same tone.

"You told me yesterday you were going to a party, yes?"

"Yeah." I nod.

"Who'll bring you over?" She swipes a wet strand of hair off her forehead.

"Uh, I don't know. Isabelle, I guess." I shrug.

"Okay. I won't be home tonight, by the way. Stay safe."

I finish my food, thank my mom and go back to my Doctor Who marathon.

This is going to be a long night.

0-0-0

I slip into a white T-shirt with paint splattered over it and a pair of jeans, and I wait for Isabelle while watching some random TV show. I'm not even paying attention. I'm just trying to figure out ways into making Isabelle let me wear something other than heels.

My mom has already left, so I'm alone.

Soon enough, the doorbell rings, and I stand up to open the door.

In front of me stands Isabelle, with her inky black hair on a messy bun, wearing blue jeans and a one-shoulder white shirt with the words I'M A LIMITED EDITION printed on it with bright pink letters.

Wow. She looks great (and she's not even dressed up yet). As always, but, oh, well.

Girls like Isabelle Lightwood are the kind of girls you notice when they walk into the room. Hell, girls like Isabelle Lightwood are most likely to be models when they grow up. Now, I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not jealous of her. Because I am. You have no idea how much I would like to trade my curly red hair, green eyes and my freckles for her straight black hair, dark brown eyes and pale, unmarked face.

"Hey, Clary!" she greets me with a wave.

"Hey, Isabelle."

"So... Here's the make-up", she hands me a small, pale pink bag, I think it's called a necessaire, but I'll just refer to it as the bag from now on, "and I'll go bring the dresses from my car."

"Uh, sure." I place the bag the table of the living room.

"Here they are!" Isabelle calls from outside. "I promise, you'll love yours!"

Oh, sure I will.

She comes back in. "Here is yours... Close your eyes!" I do as she says. "Okay, now open them." What I see in front of me... Well, it's...

It's a black, lacy dress that reaches mid-thigh. It's all lace. I need tights with that. TIGHTS. "You probably want tights with that."

"Yes, God."

"Then they're gonna be fishnet. Should we go to your room?"

"Yeah, sure. Oh!" I slap a hand to my forehead. "Sorry! I'm a terrible hostess! Do you want anything?"

"No, thanks."

I grab the make-up bag and we walk to my room in silence. Well, not in silence, since we can also hear those damn dogs barking from outside - I don't care if Jace likes them (how do I remember Jace likes them?), they're just... UGH. I'm a cat person. You know, the Tumblr cat person? Who cries over OTPs? Yeah, that one.

"Thanks a lot, by the way!" I tell her, smiling a bit.

"No problem." She smiles back.

"Do you mind... turning?"

"Oh, yeah." She does so.

I turn my back at her and pull my shirt off, leaving me in my bra and jeans. I take those off too and slide the dress over my body. I can't really see it, but I definitely need tights.

"Are you ready?" Isabelle asks.

"Yeah. Just let me wear my tights."

I walk over to my dresser and open a drawer. I search through the pairs of tights inside until I find a black pair of fishnet ones. I put them on.

"You can turn."

She turns around. "Oh, my God! You look great!"

"Thanks..." I look great? I look great? I look great? Me?

"On with the make-up!" She pulls the zipper of the make-up bag. "Sit!" I sit on my chair, closing my eyes. "You will wear high heels, right?"

"Yes", I say, since she's not going to take no for an answer.

I'm not going to pull the "I can almost feel the smile on her voice" crap, because I can't. But I know she's smiling. "Great."

0-0-0

"Done!"

"Ah, finally!" I groan, opening my eyes and rolling them.

"Go look at yourself."

Since I don't have a mirror in my bedroom, I walk to the bathroom.

There's black eyeshadow from the corner of my eye to a little before the middle, getting lighter and lighter as it reaches my tear duct, smokey eye, I think that is? I'm not one to know about make-up and crap. My eyes are lined with black eye-liner. My eyelashes appear lengthier, thanks to the mascara (which I hate to wear, but that's besides the point). I have blood red lipstick on, which, surprisingly, doesn't look bad. My hair is piled up in a curly ponytail, and - guess what - they're tamed, the curls, I mean.

I run back into the room.

"What do you think?" Isabelle asks.

"That is pretty freaking amazing."

She smirks. "I knew you'd say that. Now, wait up. I'll get dressed, and you. You'll go wear the heels." She points to a pair of black heels, which I didn't even see she brought. "Jace will pick us up."

Oh, great. Because I just miss his innuendos so much!

0-0-0

Isabelle sits on the couch downstairs. She has chosen to wear a strapless black dress with angled rows of silver sequins, with black heels. She has done a purple smokey eye, and she has put on pink lipstick. She is wearing her hair in a fish-tail braid.

After she had put on her dress, she had insisted that we paint our nails. So, this is why I am now blowing on my nails, which are painted black. Hers are painted black, too, but with gold stripes.

"So... Now that we're not doing anything..." she pauses, looking for the right thing to say, "is Simon single?"

My eyed widen for a moment, trying to process what she just said.

"Yeah."

"Ooooh." She looks down, trying to suppress a smile. It doesn't work.

"You can squeal."

"OH, MY GOD, YES!" She throws her hands up. Just then, the doorbell rings.

"Well, that must be Jace", she says, dropping her hands from the air. "He's gonna love you. Like always."

Prepare for the sex jokes, Clary.

Wait. He's gonna love you?!

Like always?!

Uh.

Okay.

What the hell does she mean?

A/N: So, now that it's over. I'm gonna annoy the hell out of people and post two snippets for the next chapter, but not in English:

"Ο Τζέις φάνηκε εξοργισμένος", σχολιάζει ο Τζόναθαν, φέρνοντας το ποτήρι στα χείλια του. "Φυσικά και φαίνεται εξοργισμένος!" φωνάζω, χτυπώντας την κορυφή του κεφαλιού του. "Άουτς!" AND Τον κοιτάω στα μάτια για ελάχιστα δευτερόλεπτα και μετά γυρνάω το βλέμμα μου προς το ποτό μου. Καθαρίζω το λαιμό μου."Εμ, Αλεξάντερ... Δεν ξέρω αν το κατάλαβες, αλλά το..." κάνω μια γρήγορη κίνηση προς το χαμηλότερο μέρος του με το χέρι μου, "φερμουάρ σου είναι κάτω." Κοιτάζει προς τα κάτω, κρύβοντάς το με τα χέρια του. "Μη φοβάσαι, δεν θα πω στο Τζέις για τα εσώρουχά σου με τις πάπιες. Αν και είναι ιδιαίτερα σέξι." "Έχεις κάτι με τις πάπιες;" "Μόνο όταν τις φοράς."I'm not telling you what language that is, but, COME ON, you know what language that is.

Can I just say that I love every single one of you? I'm not even kidding. You are so supportive and kind and sweet. I have loved writing for a big part of my life, and I always thought my writing kind of sucked, and then I said "What the hell?" and published this thing. And then you guys reviewed and followed and favourited and just read this in general, and I was so, so, so happy. Happier than when I first tasted Nutella, if that's possible. So, to every reader out there, thank you so much. A shirtless Jace to you.

Review, please? They warm my heart and make me feel all write-y. Just a simple "Nice fanfic" can get my lazy ass on the bed and my hands on the keyboard (yes, I write on my bed).

What chapter was your favourite? Do you ship Sebimon or Simabelle (in this fanfic, not in the books)? What about that Jace/Kaelie text scene? Did it suck? I'm prepared for the flames. Jace's struggle with himself? His crush? Anything?Do you like to screw around with canon, like me? Am I being annoying with all the questions? Yes, yes, I am. Sorry. Two more (sorry): When you read TMI, or TMI fanfics, who do you see as Jace? I see Jamie Campbell Bower, if it wasn't obvious. You? And: Who do you think Maureen's daughter is? From the books, I mean. IT COULD BE ANYONE. TMI or TID.

ELBOW, ELBOW, FIST, FIST, CRY, BITCH, CRY, YOU JUST GOT DISSED!Oh, man. You know that, right? I know the original's not like that, but I like this version better.

Yours truly,

the very weird and awkward author of this story, Marianna