Watching the Watchtower
The palace I entered was very spacious. After I ascended the stairs I saw two long tables with a huge fireplace in between. The first thing I noticed was the large amounts of food and drink on the tables, and just as I was about to sate my growing hunger, something else caught my gaze. It was a big blade pointed right at my face, wielded by a dark elf woman. It was really close to my face, so I just shook my head and said "I'm not gonna eat that". The dark elf woman was not amused but started barking "Stop! Who are you? No one approaches the Jarl!" like a good trained dog she is. I was irritated by this "You better put that sword down, before I shove it up your place where the Sun doesn't shine" Apparently, this did not convince her I was full of good intentions, as her red eyes went even redder. Just as I was preparing to fulfill my threat and give her a steel enema, an authoritative voice interrupted "Irileth! That's enough. Let him pass." "I shall not!" Irileth said furiously "He is rude, and looks dangerous." Jarl did not relent "You heard me Irileth. I want to talk to him." The elf sheathed her sword and stood aside.
I approached the man wearing a crown, slouching on a throne. This guy looks important I thought. He was observing me, trying to discern why I looked like I was chewed and spit out by a cow. "Who are you, and what do you want?" he asked briefly. "I come from Helgen. A dragon burned the shit out of it." Jarl straightened in his throne-chair. "A dragon you say? The rumors are true? Are you sure of what you seen?" he asked in disbelief. "A large bat-like creature breathing fire, flying around, turning people into roast meats… You tell me, I could be wrong. Maybe it was just an oversized pigeon which ate something spicy." The Jarl let out the incredibly wise "Hmmm." Another man standing next to his throne said "If the dragons are back, that will really bring down the price of real estate in the city. Something must be done." Jarl turned his head to look at him "Yes, I know that Avenicci, but I'm more concerned about muh people." This prompted me to remember what Gerdy birdy said, and I spoke "The people of Riverwood are in danger. I was asked to request aid. Try sending them some catapults, your finest honeyed pork, and some ointment for burns. Gods know they are in dire need of all that stuff."
Jarl started arguing with the Avenicci fella, who must be his steward or something, about sending guards to Riverwood. Apparently there was some political issue somewhere. I coughed "Excuse me, sorry to interrupt this terribly interesting conversation, but I gotta ask. Where can I find a…" I was interrupted myself when the palace doors swung open with a bang, and somebody screaming "Murder! Bloody murdeeeeer!" Heavy steps could be heard, and after a symphony of thumping sounds, the shortest, fattest guard I have ever seen, whose name probably wasn't Steve, appeared up the stairs, making his way towards us with heavy panting. "What is it Bogirth?" Irileth demanded "Cant't you see we are having an important conversation. The guard caught his breath and said "Somebody killed Heiskr! Drowned him in the palace reservoir like a puppy!" Jarl looked up to the ceiling "What a tragedy. Organize a dignified funeral, and find the murderer." I just looked down to the floor and said "Oh, I just remembered I have an appointment with a toilet seat, regarding dumping some waste, so I'll just be on my way." I turned to leave, but Irileth blocked my path, looking at me suspiciously. She said "Stay for a while, stranger, maybe you can answer some questions." I just smiled like a friendly-and-handsome-stranger and said "Will I win a prize if I get all the answers right?"
In the meantime the Jarl was sweating the guard "Besides this unfortunate and tragic event, which will deeply disturb the entire city, is there anything else going on?" The fat little guard was panting, speech obviously being a difficult exercise for him "Not much my Jarl, just the usual. Brenuin is still offering to orally pleasure anyone for half a coin, someone threw a cabbage at Nazeem again, and more guards have been caught masturbating on duty on the walls. It gets pretty boring out there." Jarl just sighed "If that is everything you can go." The guard started to leave, but then suddenly turned around and said "There is one minor thing, my Jarl, apparently something called a drag-ohn was sighted near the western watchtower. Just thought you'd want to know" Then he left leaving everyone sitting on and around the throne with mouth agape.
The Jarl stood up with a deliberate look on his face "Irileth, muster the guards. We must protect muh people." Then he looked at me "You go too, you're the only one here who's seen a dragon and lived to tell the tale. We could use your experience." Aw, hell naw. I said "No thank you. Me and that dragon aren't exactly best buddies. In fact, last time we saw each other he tried to eat me. It was very rude of him." The Jarl did the puppy-eyes and said "Pwease" I shook my head and said "Oh, all right. Not like I have anything better to do." In fact, if it is the same dragon it would be a polite thing to thank him for cancelling my execution. Putting everything else aside that was really nice of him. Irileth was checking her sword and armor, no doubt mentally preparing for some extreme bird-watching. A bird that has sharp teeth and breathes fire. "Stick close to me and you might survive this." Somehow I got the feeling that that 'might' was dangerously emphasized. But I could only think of one thing I wonder how does dragon meat taste like?
