10,000 Hours
"I've been right and I've been wrong. I've been high and I've been low but this time I know it's for sure cause I'm right where I belong. Yeah we're only getting stronger. Feels good to be down in my soul...There's no time for us holding out cause this love is profound. Let the clock go round, let the clock go round. Love is best when built from the ground. To your heart I am bound. Let the clock go round, let the clock go round…Don't stop I'm counting them up. Run the clock I be counting them up. We can be so in love. You know every second adds up to a minute. Need 10,000 hours. We could be so in love."―Ella Mai
"I think your sister is my uncle's girlfriend."
"Why do you think that?"
"Look at the way they are sleeping. My parents sleep like that sometimes."
The not so quiet whispers of two seven year olds was the first thing Fitz heard before he even opened his eyes.
"Does that mean that we are related?" Isabelle asked.
"I think so. I don't know how though."
"Cousins maybe. I think everyone who is family but you don't know how ends up your cousin."
Fitz blinked his eyes open. The first thing he saw was the girls standing over them.
"Good morning," Isabelle greeted first.
"Is Olivia your girlfriend?" Emily asked.
Fitz stared at her blankly for a moment before looking down at Olivia. They had all camped out in the living room. The kids slept on pallet on the floor and Olivia and Fitz had fallen asleep couch.
"I take a no answer as a yes, uncle Fitz."
"Don't you want her to be your girlfriend so that we can be related?" Isabelle asked.
"She's already his girlfriend. They're sleeping together," Emily gestured towards them.
"We're not…," Fitz started but then stopped realizing that she meant actual sleeping, "Why are you two up so early?" He changed the subject.
"It's almost ten in the morning," Isabelle informed him.
"And we're hungry. Can you make banana and chocolate chip pancakes?"
"If Liv has the stuff I'll make it."
"Can we help?"
"Sure. Go get cleaned up and by the time you come back, I'll be ready."
The two ran off to ran off to go cleaned up.
"We're sleeping together," Olivia said with a laugh.
"How much of that were you awake for?"
"Somewhere around the time of them trying to figure out how they were related. I thought you would be better at answering their line of questions so I was fully committed to playing sleep until it was all over."
Olivia shifted on top of him, attempting to sit up. The moment she sat up, Fitz missed her body on his. He wasn't ready to separate from her but he sat up anyway.
"You never answered her question," she looked over at him.
"Come here."
Olivia leaned over and Fitz cupped her face, bringing his lips down on hers. The kiss was gentle but intense. His tongue slipped into her mouth, and she eagerly sucked on it. Their kiss held a familiarity of old lovers, as if this wasn't new to both of them.
Fitz pulled away before they could get to carried away.
"Good morning," he said looking into her eyes.
"Good morning," Olivia bit her bottom lip, trying to savor the taste of him.
He smiled at her.
"What are you doing next weekend?"
"Writing probably but besides that my schedule is wide open."
"My mom is cooking dinner for the family. You should come."
Olivia wasn't expecting that but surprisingly, the idea of dinner with his family didn't scare her.
"You want me to meet your parents?"
Her question made her nervous for some reason. Maybe he was pushing her too fast. Fitz quickly spoke, giving her an out if she wanted it.
"It's not a big deal. It's just my parents, my siblings, and our kids. My mom holds a family dinner once a month just to get us all together in the same space. You don't have to come if you don't want to."
"I want to," she said quickly, not letting him think for a second that she was scared of getting to meet the most important people to him. "I would love to have dinner with your family."
"You've already met my kids, niece, nephew, and one brother, so it's just my parents and two siblings you haven't met. And my sister-in-law Kara. She's great. You two will get along well," he said all in one breath.
Olivia pecked his lips.
"You're rambling."
Fitz thumb grazed across her cheek. Before he could respond, they heard giggles from Emily and Isabelle.
"I knew she was your girlfriend," Emily jumped into Fitz's lap.
"Let's go make pancakes," Fitz totally ignoring her words.
"Don't change the subject, uncle Fitz."
"Okay."
Fitz started to tickle Emily. She laughed and squirmed, trying to get away.
"No. Don't try to run away now," he continued tickle her.
"Help. Help, Isabelle," she laughed.
Olivia watched as Isabelle went to help Emily and got in on the tickle-fest. She smiled as she watched him play with the girls. He was perfect.
"Liv, help," Isabelle said through her laugh.
Olivia hated being tickled with a passion so she had no plans of jumping in.
"Use your girlfriend powers," Emily said.
Fitz winked at her and smiled. It was her move.
She leaned in and kissed him, nothing too crazy because there were children around but it was enough to do the trick.
"Go make the pancakes."
"Yes, ma'am."
Olivia watched as Fitz stood and walked with the girls into the kitchen. She couldn't stop the smile that came across her face. Fitz was special. He had something she could work with.
Fitz had spent most of the day running around with Karen, helping her move out of her dorm. Now that the semester was over, she was coming home for the summer. Fitz was happy to have her home for the next few months because the house felt less lively without her. Teddy was always excited to have his big sister around, and house just felt more like home when Fitz had both his children under one roof.
"I need to ask you a favor," Karen said as she plopped down next to him.
"What is it?"
"I know it's last minute. I don't want any handouts but I was wondering if there are any openings at GA?"
"I didn't know you were interested in advertising."
"I'm not NOT interest in it but I've been looking for a job and I haven't had any luck. I'll take mailroom, coffee getter, assistant to someone. I don't care. I just want a job so I can start saving for a place."
"You want to move out?"
Fitz knew that Karen wouldn't be staying with him forever but he hated the idea of her living on her. Growing up in a full house with three younger siblings and both parents, Fitz never got used to being in an empty house. It was the one downside to his divorce. Karen living on campus and only coming home for breaks and with Teddy spending every other weekend and holidays with his mom, left his house not really feeling like a home at times.
"I graduate in December. I'm going to be twenty-three soon. I can't live at home forever."
"You could."
"As much as I love it at home, we're both adults with adult lives."
Fitz frowned at her.
"I'm an adult woman with adult needs."
"Stop that."
"Don't be like that."
"You are forever going to be my little girl. I don't want to hear about your adult needs. As far as I know you are a virgin until marriage."
"You weren't a virgin until marriage."
"Don't make the mistakes I have made."
"That ship has sailed."
Fitz looked at her.
"Don't play like that," Fitz spoke completely from a place a denial.
"I'm not playing."
"When?"
"Eight months ago. I was a late bloomer. I lost my virginity at twenty-one."
"I don't like this."
"You had to know I wasn't going to be a virgin forever."
"Yeah but no one wants to think of their little girl being…you know," Fitz couldn't even say the words.
"If it makes you feel any better, it was with one of my best friends."
"Are you a lesbian?"
"Haha but no," Karen shook her head.
"His name is Ryan."
Fitz rolled his eyes. It was involuntary but he already didn't like Ryan for deflowering his baby girl.
"He actually wanted to help me move today," Karen continued, "But I didn't want you to just spring him on you."
"Are you serious about Ryan?"
"Yeah. He is my…"
"Your what?"
"My boyfriend, kinda-ish."
Fitz didn't like the sound of that but wanted to remain open minded for her.
"What does that mean?"
"He is my boyfriend but we are in this weird space."
"You are not selling him to me," Fitz shook his head.
"He is great. We're great. It's just school right now that keeps us apart. We are serious but school takes priority for both of us right now. We've been transitioning from the friend's stage to the relationship stage but we're kind of at a standstill because school keeps us busy."
"How long have you two been friends?"
"I met him second semester, freshman year so three and half years."
"Since you're serious about him, I can't wait to meet him," Fitz was trying to be supportive and end the conversation before it went somewhere he didn't want to go.
"I'm sure we can find a spot for you at the office," he tried to change the subject.
"It's funny you mentioned meeting Ryan. I invited him to dinner."
"Dinner where?"
"At grandma's house."
Fitz chuckled.
"What?"
"Nothing," he shook his head, "It's just funny because I invited Liv to dinner."
"Really?" Karen had a smirk on his face, "So you guys are serious?"
"Yeah, we are," he nodded. "We're taking it one day at a time and seeing where this thing goes."
"I don't know how to feel about this."
Fitz didn't know how to respond. He didn't consider how Karen would feel about them dating.
"I don't mean that in a bad way," she said reading his face, "I didn't think you guys' relationship through. Olivia is literally the woman I want to be when I grow up. I've followed her career and life for the last five years. I'm a little nervous to sit across from her at the dinner table."
The relief was written on Fitz's face. Karen was just nervous, not opposing their relationship.
"You remember how I acted the first time I saw her? I literally asked for her autograph and told her she meant the world to me. She probably thinks I'm crazy."
"She doesn't. She's not like that at all. Liv is very humble and amazing. She's been through so much in her life and she is so strong and kind and warm. The kids love her," Fitz rambled on until he caught the look Karen was giving him.
Without Karen even saying a word, Fitz knew that he must have been giving off heart eyes. He was smitten with Olivia and it showed in the way he talked about her.
"Wow. I've never seen you like this before. Not even with mom before things went south."
Fitz opened his mouth to speak but closed it because he didn't have an answer that he would ever be comfortable sharing with his daughter.
"It's okay. I know my mom trapped you with a baby that turned out not to be yours."
"Karen—"
"It's fine. I mean, it's not but I like to believe that since she screwed us both over that we can always be honest with each other about our feelings on the matter."
Fitz nodded. He loved the relationship that he had with Karen. Despite the time that she shut him out after her accident and finding out that he wasn't her biological father, Karen always talked to him about everything. They were always close but even closer after finding out the truth. Fitz appreciated that she was always candid with him.
"I know that you were only with my mom because of me."
"We were both very family oriented. We weren't just going to co-parent. We wanted to give you both parents in the same home."
"You probably should have co-parented. You probably would be happier."
"I'm happy."
"Maybe now but you spent many years just coasting through. This isn't the life that you wanted."
"It's the life that I have and I'm happy with it. Where is this come from all of a sudden?"
"Things are clicking in place. I just saw you light up when you talked about Olivia and I realized that I have never seeing you truly happy. I'm happy that you're at this place."
Fitz smiled at her.
"Since we're talking candidly, do you ever want to talk to Andrew?"
It was a question that has plagued Fitz's mind for the last four years. He wondered what Karen thought of Andrew? Did she want a relationship with him but didn't for Fitz's benefit?
"No," she shook her head. "I've thought about it before but there's too much bad feelings there. A part of it is because it feels disrespectful to you."
"Don't let me stop you from getting to know him if you want to. I'm fine with it," he said sincerely.
"I know you are. It's just you're my dad in every way possible. He knew that my mom was married when he started sleeping with her again and he didn't care. The disrespect to you and our family is not something that I take lightly. It's hard for me to see him as anything other than a piece of shit."
Fitz gave her a look and she quickly apologized for her language.
"My mom and Andrew act like I should just accept him but I can't. He hasn't done anything to show me that I should even think about having him in my life."
Fitz thought about the partial lung that Andrew donated to help save Karen's life but nothing would allow him to defend Andrew. He hated him for the same reasons Karen didn't want anything to do with him. In truth, Andrew was a victim like Fitz. He was robbed of getting the chance to see his daughter grow up but instead of Andrew directing his anger at the person who was really to blame, Andrew hated Fitz for having the life he thought belonged to him. Needless to say, the two were like oil and water, they just didn't mix.
"If he came at me the right way, maybe I would consider getting to know him. But as long as him and my mother demand that I talk to him, I'm not going to give them the satisfaction."
"So you're doing this out of spite?"
"A small part of me is being petty."
"That's my girl," Fitz laughed.
"What's for dinner?" Karen asked moving on from talking about Andrew and her mother.
"What do you want for dinner?"
"I want to go out to eat. We haven't done a daddy daughter date night in a while."
A smile spread across Fitz's face at the mention of their little outings. Karen was an only child for sixteen and a half years before Teddy came. As an only child, she got lots of attention from both of her parents. Fitz use to take her out and spend time with just her. They would go to dinner and the movies or shopping or just spending the day together doing whatever she wanted. Karen started calling their alone time together daddy daughter date nights when she was eight, after she was told that she couldn't go out with Fitz and Mellie during one of their date nights. She assumed that any time two people went out it was a date so daddy daughter date nights were born.
With all that happened in the last few years and her being at school, they never just went out with just the two of them anymore. He actually missed the time that they use to spend together.
"I think we can make that happen."
Olivia couldn't remember the last time she felt so good. After spending much of the weekend with Fitz and the children, she felt happy and energized. Her week had been going perfectly and she was determined to channel those feelings as she prepared to go into her session with Stephen. She had a lot of time to think over the last few days and Olivia honestly didn't know why she was letting her father get to her. Olivia had gone more than half of her life without him and although painful, she had made it through. She was ashamed of herself for letting him get to her so much.
Olivia didn't feel like she needed to see Stephen because she was in a better place. But since he had made the trip all the way here, she was going to talk with him. They decided to have her therapy session in his hotel room since it would give them the privacy they needed.
"Hey Stephen," Olivia greeted him with a hug.
"It's so good to see you, Liv."
"It's good to see you too."
"You look well. Better than you sounded on the phone."
"I feel good. Better than I have in a long time."
Stephen motioned for Olivia to take a seat and she did.
"That's good to hear. Can I get you something to drink?"
"No, I'm fine."
Stephen took a seat across from her.
"How's Vermont treating you?"
"Good. It was a rocky start but things are getting better."
Stephen looked at her. She seemed completely different from the frantic woman leaving him messages a week ago. She even sounded better than when they talked a few days ago.
"How's the book coming?"
"Slow. I haven't written much lately because of personal stuff but I'm getting back into it soon."
"What personal stuff? You sounded a little frantic in your messages."
"I tried to kill myself," she said nonchalantly.
Stephen's eyes softened but his face didn't change. If the nonchalant way that she mentioned almost killing herself through him for a loop, he didn't show it.
"What happened?"
"I wanted to die. I always do when after a long hospital stay. I feel so weak and helpless, hopeless even."
"But what caused you to actually try?"
"My dad didn't come see me, when I was in the hospital or when I came home," Olivia sighed. She was still trying not to let her father's actions or lack thereof upset her.
"It's hard for me to think that the only biological family member that I have doesn't want to be there for me. I can't stomach my dad not loving me enough. It is this weird pain that I never felt before. I spent most of my life making excuses for why he left me while trying to not blame myself for him leaving. Him not loving me enough, me not being enough hurts."
"Why do you feel like your worth is dependent on someone else?"
"I wouldn't say that my worth is dependent on other people. I didn't have a normal childhood and I feel like on top of being sick, I needed a lot more love and care than I got. If both my parents were dead, that would be one thing but I have a dad. Your parents are supposed to love you unconditionally. They are the people who love you, nurture you, and shape the person you become. I spent a lot of time feeling like I wasn't a whole person because I didn't get that care from my dad. It's hard to imagine anyone caring for me if he can't."
"But you know that is not how it works? You went through enough foster homes and knew enough foster kids to know that sometimes parents just aren't there for you."
Olivia was silent. She knew that being a parent didn't make you perfect or invincible, people with kids where still human and fucked up. They didn't always do right, she knew this but she had spent so many years hooked up on this fantasy, this life where she wasn't sick and her dad loved her. She used it to keep her sane and holding on when she felt hopeless. Now faced with the reality that her father, just didn't want to be there for her, Olivia felt like she was picking up the pieces of her life and putting them back together from scratch.
"What about Harrison?"
"What about him?"
"He loves you unconditionally. He has been there for you since the moment he met you."
"It's different with Harrison."
"Why?"
"He has never had anyone. He spent his life in the foster care system. I thought he took a liking to me because it is what he felt he had to do as the oldest kid in the house. And then after my pain crisis, he took to watch out for me out of guilt."
"You don't believe that now, do you?"
"It's not how you start but how you finish," she said simply, "I know he loves me. That's my brother but I have always felt like I was holding him back. This is the fourth city that he has moved to with me. His life is in limbo because of me."
"Are you okay with your life being in limbo?"
"I've never had a reason to stay in one place."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"I'm not supposed to be here," Olivia paused. She didn't know how to explain that she spent a great deal of her life waiting to die. How could she say that at times she hoped for it?
"I'm a year younger than my mom was when she died. She was so young. She had her whole life ahead of her but this illness took her out. I always thought I would suffer the same fate. I often wished for it."
Olivia bit the inside of her mouth, silently willing the sadness she felt away.
"I always thought that if I lived this type of nomad lifestyle, not making connections with anyone, whenever my time came, I wouldn't hurt anyone that I cared about."
"You have been living to die."
It sounded ridiculous, pathetic even but that had been her life.
"Yeah," she nodded, "I guess you could say that."
Before Stephen could say something, Olivia spoke again, "I've done reckless things before but I'm never actually—this was different. It felt real, not just me punishing myself and abusing my body because I was lashing out. This actually felt like I could die. I thought about how upset Harrison would be, about Zoe, and my little sister Isabelle. I thought of how selfish I would be. I was being a coward. I was being my father, escaping the problem and leaving everyone around me to pick up the pieces in the aftermath."
It was as if a revelation hit Olivia. Never had connected her need to run away from people to her father leaving her. It seemed so obvious now. How could she had missed it?
"You have that look on your face that says you just released something."
"I'm my father's daughter. I have to stop running and find a way to confront my fears head on."
"Running keeps us on our feet but sometimes it is good to rest."
Olivia didn't know how Stephen was always able to put things in perspective for her. He was always able to turn even her darkest moments into tunnels with lights at the end of them. He made her feel human and like it was okay to make mistakes as long as she learned from them.
Olivia had invited Harrison out to go running with her. It was really just an excuse to talk to him. She wanted to tell him about what had been going on with her. After talking with Stephen, a lot of things came to the surface and Olivia decided that she was going to make a conscious decision not to keep running. She didn't want to live to die anymore. She wanted to embrace life and love and to just lean in close with the people that cared for her instead of pushing for a relationship with her father.
"Are you good?"
"Yeah. I'm fine," Olivia said a little out of breath.
He handed her a bottle of water and Olivia downed half of the bottle.
"Thirsty?"
"A little," she laughed. "I just remembered why I never ask you to coming running with me."
"I'm not an old man yet. I still got some fire behind me."
"I can see that."
They started walking the rest of trail in the park. The first few minutes were silent as Olivia caught her breath and worked up the nerve to tell him what she brought him here to say.
"Is everything alright with you?"
"Yeah. Why'd you ask?"
"You're acting a little strange."
Olivia looked over at him. It was now or never. She had to tell him.
"I need—I want to tell you something," she started.
Harrison came to a full stop and turned to look at her, giving Olivia his full attention.
"What's going on, Liv?"
"I had a really bad night a few weeks ago."
"What does that mean?"
"I..uh..I drank, a lot and took some pills."
"Jesus Christ, Liv."
"I know."
"What the hell happened? Why didn't you call me? How are you doing?" Harrison rattled off questions.
"I was upset about my dad not coming to see me or check on me. I was second guessing moving out her. I felt unloved and like a failure and I just wanted the pain to stop."
Harrison pulled her into his arms. It was the tightest hug of Olivia's life. She knew it was both a mixture of concern and trying to pull her together.
"You should have called me."
"I didn't want to disappoint you."
He pulled away from her slightly, looking into her eyes.
"You could never disappoint me," he said with certainty.
He stared at her for a long moment before pulling her into another tight embrace.
"Liv, I get it. I know that your life is hard. Harder than I could ever imagine or possibly endure myself," he spoke against her hair.
"You are so strong, and you are loved," he pulled away from her again, this time cupping her face and making her look at him, "I love you so much. You are the strongest person I know. You are not your sickness. You are not a failure or unlovable just because your asshole of a father can't see how special you are."
Olivia chuckled, more out of nerves than anything else. She was never use to getting compliments.
"I'm glad that you are okay."
"I am too. I talked to Stephen. He came in for a few days and we talked. I feel much better. I'm focused on doing better."
"Did you go to the hospital?"
"No but Fitz took me to the doctors."
"Fitz," the surprise was noticeable in his voice.
"Yeah. I called Fitz. We usually talk so when I was in my feelings, I called him. He could tell that something was wrong with me and he came by. He saved me."
Harrison made a mental note to thank Fitz.
"He forced his fingers down my throat until I vomited most of the pills I had taken. Then he sat up all night to make sure I was okay."
"I'm really going to have to like this guy."
"You were trying not to?"
"I was on the fence. You don't really know how to pick guys."
"I told you this is different."
"I can see that now. Have you been to the doctors? You need to get checked up just to make sure you are actually okay."
"Yeah. I went in for an emergency appointment that Monday."
"You're handling it."
"I'm trying to. It's an uphill climb but going to such a dark place actually made me see all that I have to live for."
"Thank you for telling me. I know that couldn't have been easy for you."
"You're my brother and you are always there for me. If I'm really trying to be better, I have to make changes to my behavior and that starts with me being open and honest with what's going on with me."
Harrison smiled at her before throwing his arm around her as they started walking again. They walked the rest of the trail in silence, both taking in all that she had said. Olivia wasn't use to being this open with Harrison because she didn't want him to worry about her more than he already did. Harrison was trying to remain supportive but the fact that he could have lost Olivia, scared him tremendously.
Harrison had sat with Olivia's confession for a few days. The knowledge that she had tried to kill herself didn't sit well with him. He hated that Eli not being there for her made Olivia feel that she was unlovable and like a failure. The protective side of Harrison came out and he knew that he had to speak with Eli and find out what was going on with him.
"Harrison, what brings you by?"
"I wanted to talk to you. Do you have a moment?"
"Sure," Eli stepped aside and left Harrison in.
Before any small talk could be had, Harrison started right in.
"Have you talked to Olivia?"
"No. Why? Is everything okay?"
"No. She's–What are you doing with her? Is this some game to you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about?"
"Olivia went through all the trouble of finding you. Uprooted her life and moved here to be closer to you–"
"I never asked her to do that."
Harrison felt an anger boiling inside of him. Eli's nonchalant manner rubbed him the wrong way. As a man and a father, Harrison couldn't wrap his mind around how little Eli seemed to care. He had met Olivia when he was fifteen and although not biologically related, she meant the world to him. Olivia was his little sister and he would do anything for her.
"Do you hear yourself right now?" Was all Harrison could manage to say as he worked on calming his anger. "You need to man up. Olivia has enough shit to worry about without you dangling your love just out of her reach. Either you are going to be there for her or you are going to cut her loose."
"I'm so sick of people acting like this is so simple."
"IT IS," Harrison raised his voice, "You are making it difficult. You are playing a game as if Olivia's life isn't on the line. SHE ALMOST DIED."
There it was, the anger he was trying to suppress. Harrison couldn't tell if his anger was directed at Eli because he was the main cause of Olivia's emotional pain or if he was still reeling from the information that Olivia had tried to kill herself. For whatever reason, Eli's behavior was sending him over the edge.
"Don't put this on me. I didn't ask her to come here. I damn sure didn't expect her to move here."
It was as if Eli had turned into a different person. The kind, warm, calm older man was gone and replaced by a cold man who didn't care about anyone or anything.
"Are both of you so stupid that you need it spelled out for you? I didn't come looking for her. She is easily able to reached given her line of work but I didn't reach out to her. I didn't want the burden of dealing with a sick person. I dealt with my share with Olivia and her mother in the past. I gave her up for a reason. I never wanted her. I didn't as—"
Eli's words were cut short by a right hook that Harrison had thrown. Harrison couldn't listen to another word that Eli was saying so before Harrison could stop himself, he had punched him. Harrison was seeing red and couldn't be stopped. One after another, fist kept crashing against Eli's face. Not even the blood coming from Eli stopped Harrison from beating him.
Fitz and Olivia were in the getting to know you stage of their relationship. This was very new to both of them. Olivia only had one serious relationship prior to this one. All of her other 'relationships' had been hookups or friends with benefits situations. She normally never let people in but with Fitz it was different, she wanted things to be different. He saw her ugly parts and still wanted to try with her anyway. She appreciated that and was putting forth an actual effort to see where this thing was going.
Fitz had spent almost twenty years of his life tied down to a person he wasn't in love with. This feeling of thinking about Olivia every waking moment, wanting to be with her, wanting to see and talk to her all the time was new to him. In all honesty, it scared him. He had never felt this way about any other woman. Fitz wondered what he had been missing his whole life.
After talking with Karen, Fitz realized that aside from a few hospital visits and the night of her suicide attempt, they had never been alone together. They had never spent any time together in a situation where Olivia wasn't in distress. Fitz didn't know if it would be too much just to spring his whole family on Olivia without them even going out on a date first. They were both busy but he wanted them to actually spend some time together before she met the rest of his family so Fitz asked her out on a lunch date.
It was a last minute idea so Fitz didn't have any time to plan anything fancy. He left work early and went home to put together a small picnic basket. After picking Olivia up, he drove down to Lake Champlain so they could have lunch by the lake. It seemed like a cute idea at the time but as he sat across from her watching her eat, he thought that she deserved so much more than this.
"I'm sorry this isn't like a proper date," he blurted out.
Olivia looked up from her salad and smiled at him.
"It seems pretty proper to me. It's romantic and sweet and thoughtful. I love it but what do I know?" She shrugged at him, "This is my first real date and it seems pretty awesome to me."
Her words had him curious about her past romantic life if she had never been on a date.
"You were serious when you said you didn't date."
She nodded.
"I psyched myself out of a lot of potential dates. I thought for a long time that if my dad didn't want me because of my sickness than no one would be able to put up with it."
Hearing her say that hurt. There was so much love out there and she was deserving of it. It pained him that she had denied herself love but he was happy that her path brought her right here with him.
"The few guys that I were with were all hookups or friends with benefits situation. My one and only serious relationship didn't even feel real because I lied to him for half of it. I was with him for over a year before I told him about my sickle cell. And even then I only told him because he found some of my medication. I spent the rest of our relationship kindly and not so subtly trying to give him away out. He hated the way I talked about myself as well."
"It's not healthy to be so hard on yourself."
"I know. It was part of my reckless behavior in the past."
"I haven't been on many dates either. I got married young and outside of a few date nights over the years, I didn't date much."
"I never understood getting married young. I would want to live a little and travel the world before settling down."
"That was the plan but then Karen was on her way."
"So a baby sped up your process? Why? This isn't the 50s where it would be the end of the world to have a kid out wedlock."
"We both had very strong stances on family. I grew up in a household with two parents and three siblings. She grew up with a single mom after her dad walked out them. Her dad never married mom and then skipped out when she was eight. He got some other woman pregnant and married her instead."
"Damn."
"We both really want two parents in the home so when she got pregnant, marriage was the next obvious step."
Olivia just nodded, not saying anything because she didn't want to seem like she was pressing him for information.
"It doesn't feel like we should be talking about my ex on a date."
"I think we are way pass the traditional dating rules. You've already seen me at my worse and you invited me to meet your family before we even went out on a first date."
"You have a point there."
"I like learning about you. I feel like you already know so much about me and aside from the number of siblings and kids you have, I don't know much about you."
"What do you want to know?"
"Tell me everything."
Olivia's phone rang and she sent the call straight to voicemail without even looking at the name. She looked back at Fitz but her phone started ringing again.
"Answer it. It might be important."
"Sorry," she offered him a small smile before answering her phone.
"Hello."
Fitz watched as her face changed. He could tell something was wrong.
"I'm on my way right now," Olivia quickly hung up her phone. "I'm sorry. I have to go."
"What's wrong?"
"Harrison just got arrested."
