IMPORTANT! IMPORTANT! READ! READ! ALERT!
I'm going to New Zealand for three weeks or so on the 25th, which means no updates (which actually works fairly well for me since I haven't actually written the next chapter yet).
Until then... the long-awaited chapter, the meeting between Regulus and Norah! I really really REALLY REALLY hope it's up-to-standard.
Also, here's an incentive to review: those who review get a sneak-peek at the next chapter! So go on then, read, and REVIEW! See you in three weeks!
Home At Last
The night air was cold and I shivered in the brisk wind, pulling my heavy cloak tighter around myself. I strolled to the edge of the parapet and stared up at the stars, trying to find Orion. Astronomy had never been my strong point.
I heard a soft footfall behind me, and I didn't have to turn around to know who it was.
"I can't believe sixth year is over," I murmured wistfully. "In two months, we'll be riding the Hogwarts Express to school for the last time."
He came to stand beside me, draping an extra cloak over my shoulders. I sighed at the extra warmth, turning to look at him. "I brought an extra cloak for you," he answered my unspoken question. I gave him a smile and a nod of thanks and returned to staring out over the Hogwarts grounds. He waited while I watched the sky, but I could sense his growing impatience. Just as he opened his mouth, I broke the silence.
"What exactly happened one and a half years ago?" I asked him quietly. He sighed.
"You tell me, Norah," he said gently. I looked down at my toes, considering.
"It was a misunderstanding," I finally said.
"On whose part?"
"Sirius'. After all, if it weren't for him…" I left my sentence unfinished, knowing he'd get my meaning.
"What did he say?" Regulus asked, somewhat harshly. "What did he say that… broke you so much?"
"I don't remember," I lied.
"Norah." He said my name slowly, gently, but with authority. It almost compelled me to answer.
"I don't want to think about it," I muttered, avoiding his eyes.
"You'll have to think about it some time –" Regulus began.
"No," I said with finality. "I've done a damn good job of blocking it from my mind the past one and a half years. I'm not about to dredge it up again. Some things..." I took a deep breath, "…should stay in the past."
He accepted it, but didn't look happy. The silence drew out for a very long time and I passed the time by trying to locate Regulus in the night sky. To my utmost surprise, I managed to find it – and found Sirius in quick succession too. I nudged Regulus.
"Regulus is the brightest star in the constellation Leo," I told him. "Sure you're in the right house, love?" I asked him cheekily.
He mock-scowled at me. "Dead sure." I cringed at the word – some things, even things buried years ago – never become less painful.
He looked up at the sky too, his sharp Seeker's eyes easily pinpointing Sirius, the dog star. He whispered in my ear, so quietly that I strained my ears to hear it.
"Regulus may be the brightest star in Leo," he said softly. "But you know which star is the brightest in the sky?"
Sympathy welled up in me as I saw his face. He'd always been overshadowed by Sirius, even after the idiot had run away from home. I didn't know what to say in reply, so I hugged him close to me, sharing my warmth.
"How're the parents?" he mumbled into my hair.
"You don't want to do that, haven't washed it in five days," I warned before answering the question. "They're happily vacationing in Austria. I'd keep them there for good – or at least until the end of the war – if I could."
"And how is –"
"Don't ask," I snarled, fighting back the inescapable tears of anger and hurt that always popped up when I thought of that lying bastard.
"I – sorry," he muttered ashamedly.
I sighed. "Don't worry about it."
There was a silence before he spoke again. "I miss him." The tears welled up in my eyes and this time, I didn't try to stop them.
"So do I." We both knew we were talking about a different person to the last one. The rumours and whispers had run their course, but the pain hadn't. James didn't speak to me about it, and I was glad. I still had no idea how to react. It was easy to give sad smiles to people's pitying I'm-sorry-for-your-loss's. But it was another thing altogether when it was your best friend, who could see straight through the fake smiles.
"Norah," Regulus said quietly. "What are we doing?"
"We're talking. We're enjoying each other's company. We're trying for the life of us to figure out what the next step is," I answered honestly. I hoped he couldn't hear the tiny edge of desperation in my voice. He can't leave me. Not him. So many others have. Not him. I cleared my throat, trying to erase the last few thoughts from my mind. "At least, I am," I said, continuing my previous sentence. "What do you want to do, Reg?" I asked him. I turned in his arms as I posed the question, tilting my head to see his face.
Staring into his fathomless grey eyes, I wondered what was going through his mind. In my case – nothing was going through my mind. Nothing existed in the moment except for Regulus and I.
Before I knew what I was doing, I was leaning up on my tiptoes, pressing my lips to his. I tried to pour all my doubts and confusion but also my love and tenderness for him into the kiss, and I think he felt it, because when he pulled back, there was something new in his eyes. Something that made me tug him closer and capture his lips again, tangling my fingers in his soft, ebony hair. Forget James, Lily, Sirius. Forget the blonde bimbo. They could all wait, because it was the last night of sixth year and all that mattered was Regulus.
He broke away for air briefly before his fingers pressed into my soft waist as he pulled me nearer still, nibbling on my bottom lip. I pulled back to press a kiss to the hollow of his throat. He growled softly in the back of his throat – and just like that, an awful prickling sensation started up on the back of my neck.
I yanked away from Regulus, my eyes sweeping the wide expanse of the Astronomy Tower. Dimly, I heard Regulus moan at the loss of lip contact, kiss me softly on the side of my neck, but I couldn't think past the pounding of my heart.
Someone was watching us.
Regulus' arms wrapped around me from behind and I leaned into his chest automatically, my eyes still scanning every corner restlessly. I knew by the sudden tensing of his muscles that he had sensed the presence of another person too.
"Disillusionment Charm?" I whispered to him. He nodded.
"I think so." His eyes, piercing and sharp, searched the area for interlopers. I tugged on his arm; the tension was getting to me. "Let's get out of here."
One arm wrapped firmly around my waist and the other holding a wand aloft, we went as quickly as possible to the staircase. I climbed down, unable to shake the feeling of being watched. Turning to face Regulus, I saw that his eyes were already on me. I drew him in for a soft kiss before pulling back with a sigh.
"I'll miss you over the summer," I said softly. He hugged me, burying his face in my hair. When he spoke, his voice came out muffled.
"I don't know how long I'll be able to take it," he mumbled. "Knowing you'll be in the same house as Potter and my brother for the next two months."
"Hey," I said gently. "You don't need to worry about James. Nothing will happen between us. And honestly…" I took a second before continuing, making sure my feelings were correct, "… I don't really want anything to happen between us anyway."
"And Sirius?" he asked, his tone becoming slightly sadder.
I snorted. "Please, I'm more likely to shag the Giant Squid." I took his face in my hands, kissing his lips softly. "See you in seventh year," I said, walking slowly down the hallway. He waved, a small smile on his face.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
"You look like you were up all night," Marlene observed. From down the table, Sirius glowered at me. In retrospect, I should have been used to it since we spent the majority of two years exchanging such looks, but I still found it a bit weird. After our truce, at least. I shrugged it off, helping myself to some pancakes – a special last-day-of-school treat.
Realising I still hadn't answered Marlene's question, I hurriedly thought of an excuse. "I couldn't sleep last night. Final night as a sixth-year and all," I lied smoothly, popping a pecan in my mouth.
"You guys all packed?" James questioned. I met his eyes across the table as I said yes, and waited for the familiar flash of warmth deep in my stomach. It was there, but fainter than before, and I felt a spasm of shock as I realised that. What had changed?
And the answer was so obvious, I felt like slapping myself. After all that had happened last night, with my attraction to Regulus resurfacing, it seemed that I was finally getting over James. I stared down at my plate, trying to work through my convoluted thoughts. Previously, I had thought that I really did love James, and that my attraction to Regulus was… just that, attraction. A physical reaction to his good looks. But now, I wasn't so sure. Could it have been the other way around?
I felt an inquisitive poke in my side and I jumped half a mile, turning to glare at the poker.
"Why is Sirius glaring at you like you kicked his cat?" Marlene asked me under her breath. I snuck a look in his direction. He was stabbing at a poached egg with undue violence.
"PMS?" I suggested. She gave me a disparaging look. "Pissy Man Syndrome," I explained. Her look became even more disdainful, before it abruptly lightened into a giggle.
"It could be NEW syndrome," she sniggered.
"Erm – what?"
"N-E-W. Not Enough Wanking," she got out, before collapsing into peals of laughter. It was infectious and I found myself joining in, despite the crass nature of the joke. James and Remus were giving me weird looks but I ignored them, clutching onto Marlene for support.
"Care to share the joke?" Remus asked, an amused smile playing at the corners of his lips. I noticed Isabella Gardiner shooting the shy, handsome Marauder a hopeful look and could almost see a romance on the horizon.
Marlene and I looked at each other.
"I hope that was a rhetorical question – " I began in answer to his question.
" – because you're not getting an answer!" Marlene shrieked. We started laughing again, so relieved to be free of exams and stress. Crunching into a piece of toast to keep my laughter at bay, I finally got the giggles out of my system.
Sirius rose abruptly from the table, muttering something about packing. I watched him askance, wondering why there was a stick up his arse – moreover, what part I had played in putting it there.
I returned to my breakfast thoughtfully. I felt a nagging itch in the back of my mind, like I was missing something very obvious. After ten minutes of pondering and eating sliced peach, I dropped it. Marlene waited until I'd scooped up the very last slice of peach before standing and dragging me back to Gryffindor Tower.
Shoving a few jackets into my trunk and locking it, I turned with a scowl to Marlene, hands on hips. "We could've done this last-minute packing later," I hinted. She shuffled her feet slightly.
"We should get going, then. Meet with McGonagall and everything," I stated with growing impatience. I reached out a hand for the doorknob when she stopped me, knocking my hand away.
"We're going to be late," I hinted with even greater significance. She didn't meet my eyes and opened her mouth a few times as if she couldn't decide what to say.
"What?" I snapped, finally losing patience. "Spit it out, Marley."
"What's going on between you and Regulus Black?" she blurted, looking relieved to have the words out.
"I – what?" I stammered, not expecting the question.
"You and Regulus Black. I know there's something going on between the two of you."
I gripped the back of the nearest chair to steady myself. No – she couldn't – not possible. Because it would be absolutely unthinkable, the ultimate betrayal if any of them ever found out that I had forged a relationship with a Slytherin. "What do you know?" I asked, more desperately and harshly than I had intended to.
"Whoa. Norah," Marlene said, holding up her hands in a show of peace. "I heard Sirius muttering as he left the table. 'Payne. Regulus. Traitor. Just getting along', or something of the sort."
I sank to my knees on my bed and thoughts about what I should tell Marlene. I knew without a doubt that I could trust her with the secret. But could I tell her everything and trust in her not to judge me for it?
Because I knew that if I were in her position, I'd hate her for it. At least for a while. I had never been able to stay annoyed with Marlene for more than two days.
"I – " I began, but the words stuck in my throat. "I can't tell you much."
"Tell me what you can," she urged. I took a breath, the dorm room swimming in front of my eyes.
"I dated Regulus Black in fourth year," I said quietly. I heard her sharp intake of breath but continued, knowing that I couldn't stop now. "Circumstances broke us apart, but we've had… moments… these last few weeks. We – we met before breakfast yesterday and I- I suppose that's what Sirius saw," I stuttered, knowing full well what Sirius had actually seen. The thought made all the blood drain from my face and I put my head on my knees, breathing evenly in and out as I had been taught to do when getting motion sick. I should have connected the dots as soon as I noticed his hostility.
"But – you don't feel the same way?" Marlene asked hesitantly.
"He's a part of my past, Marls," I answered honestly past my heaving, sickening breaths. "I can't just drop it. I don't feel as strongly as he does – but I do. And I know we can't be together but…"
I didn't need to finish my sentence. She knew what I meant. I know we can't be together, but I wonder how we'd turn out if we could.
"But – you'd tell me? If anything happened?" she pressed. Tears welled up in my eyes and a sob escaped. I heard her gasp slightly and hurry to my side, slipping a comforting arm around my waist.
"I'm sorry, Pup, I'm sorry," she soothed, smoothing a hand down my open hair. I sobbed onto her shoulder until my tears were exhausted and got myself under control, taking shaky breath after shaky breath until I could breathe without sobs wracking my frame.
"It's fine, Marlene. I trust you not to tell." I didn't refer to her request and I was glad that she didn't mention it, because I honestly had no idea how to deal with it. Would she be disgusted? Horrified? If she knew what had already gone on between Regulus and I?
She wiped her thumbs under my eyes, drying the remaining tears and hugged me, pulling me into her warmth. Her familiar scent comforted me and I pressed the tears furiously back into my eyes, hating myself for what I was doing.
"Let's go, then," she said as perkily as she could manage, drying a couple of tears of her own.
I Levitated my trunk, kicking open the door and sending the suitcase to the Hogsmeade platform, where I knew someone would pick it up and put it on the train. Marlene and I then headed to McGonagall's office where we signed a register saying that we were planning on leaving in the evening. It also acted as an agreement to not use magic in the holidays.
"Lunch… and then we're going home!" Marlene exclaimed. "Well, you're going to James'," she amended. "But still! Two more months before I can see you again – you have to come visit."
"Why don't you visit? James' house is about six times the size of mine. It would probably be no trouble if you stayed a couple of nights," I pointed out. "I could ask Mrs Potter."
"Do that," she said, picking at a piece of shepherd's pie.
James seated himself opposite me, his already concerned expression showing that he'd already noticed the telltale signs of my recent crying jag. Thankfully, he didn't bring it up immediately, choosing instead to fix me with a watchful look all through the meal.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
"Um… problem, James?" I questioned, giving him a sideways look. He had fixed me with the evil eye all day, and now, sitting in the carriage, my creep radar went into overdrive.
His eyes, those hazel eyes that I'd used to fantasise about, narrowed slightly.
"What happened?" he asked brusquely.
I attempted an affectionate smile, like the patronising kind of thing I'd give to my little bro –
No. Don't go down that memory lane.
"Oh, James. You know us, we think about not seeing each other for two months and we start crying."
"So… nothing happened," he clarified.
"Yeah, that about sums it up," I quipped with a roll of my eyes. He cuffed me gently on the back of my head, messing up my hair. Growling in annoyance, I flicked my wand to fix it. Grinning wickedly, he then proceeded to mess it up again. Sighing, I patted it down with my hands, only to have James rumple it again.
Let's just pretend that I didn't plan to do what I did, but that it just happened.
The truth is, I deliberately kicked James out of the carriage, and completely out of annoyance. The Thestrals trotted on, leaving him lying in a muddy puddle with a confused look on his face.
"Pup!" he shouted, enraged. "Don't just sit there and laugh, help me!"
Giggling helplessly, I stuck my head out of the door, watching the black figure in the snow grow steadily smaller. "Are you a wizard or not?" I shrieked back, not sure if he'd be able to hear from such a distance. From the carriage behind ours, I caught a glimpse of Regulus looking at me askance. I grinned at him and he smiled at my obvious happiness. He probably hadn't seen it in a while.
James struggled to his feet, cleaning himself off with his wand. He started to trek towards our carriage, obviously not remembering that he could just Apparate in.
A bellow of laughter drew my attention to another occupant of my carriage. I whipped around in surprise at Sirius' familiar, bark-like laughter, surprised to hear it on one of his PMS days. What was even weirder was that I, Norah, Loathsome #1 had put it there. Really, I was used to Sirius' hateful looks in relation to me but not to laughter.
The boy in question was hanging half out of the carriage, laughing at his best mate's slowly approaching figure.
I took pity on the poor kid. Supposedly (as James had told me) men have a very big capacity for forgiveness, but I wasn't risking it. "James," I called, "You know you can just Appa - "
A hand clamped over my mouth and yanked my back onto the seat. I raised a none-too-friendly brow at Sirius, who correctly understood my warning and removed his hand from my face before I bit it. "Yes?" I questioned, remembering to moderate my tone. Sirius… well, he thought he had a reason to be angry, even if it was a misunderstanding. I wasn't about to clear it up, though. Just the thought of broaching the topic or Regulus with him made my insides shrivel up. Everyone in Gryffindor House knew of the poisonous hate he had for his brother.
"Let him figure it out by himself," Sirius said with an abrupt return to his brusque tone, remembering that he was supposed to be annoyed with me.
"I'm going to blame it on you," I warned him. He shrugged.
"Do so, then."
The ride continued in a somewhat uncomfortable silence, Marlene, Remus and Peter having picked up on the tension between Sirius and I. I found myself shooting Sirius surreptitious glances every now and then, taking in the familiar face and picking out differences between his face and Regulus'.
Sirius was a bit taller, obviously, being born ten months earlier. As opposed to Regulus, he had no issues with a light dusting of stubble on his face, walking about the castle with it despite Marlene's insistence that it looked terrible.
Then the eyes, obviously. Enough said.
Sirius' jaw was stronger, and his arms more toned from his position as a Beater. I knew for a fact that Regulus had finely toned muscles too, but as a Seeker, he didn't need to be as strong, so he didn't have such a sculpted body.
I had to admit, looking at Sirius' Adonis-like build, that despite all the pureblood inbreeding, Sirius' line hadn't suffered at all in the looks department.
Suddenly, James Apparated into the carriage, looking disgruntled. The snap of his Apparition jolted my thoughts away from Sirius and into the abyss of guilt that I had become so accustomed to. What was I doing, lying to my mates about Regulus? What was I doing, thinking about how handsome Sirius is when Regulus should have been the only boy on my mind?
I shook my head violently to clear the confused thoughts from my mind. We pulled into Hogsmeade station with a creaking of wheels and a snorting of invisible horses – the only noises in the carriage, James having noticed the thick, oily tension in the air. He didn't comment, though, used to our fights after suffering through six years of them.
Our trunks were waiting on the platform along with a hundred or so others. The boys lifted their trunks and Marlene and I Levitated ours, rolling our eyes at the blatant display of muscle power that had clearly been displayed for the benefit of Lily Evans and her posse. Shrugging our way past them, we followed the boys down the train until we located an empty compartment. Filing in, we stuffed our trunks in the luggage racks and flopped down on the seats, watching in silence as Hogwarts grew further and further away.
The train ride was spent playing Exploding Snap and – for me – making the most of my wand before I had to stop using it in London. The others were all of age already and I'd only be turning seventeen in August. As the train pulled into the station, I sullenly pocketed my wand, a pout upon my lips.
"Awh, don't look like that, Pup," James said consolingly. "The Ministry only picks up on magic, not on who does it. I'm sure – since my house is a wizarding household – that they won't pick up on it if you do a couple of spells."
"I suppose so," I said gloomily. Sirius rose from his seat, taking my trunk down from the luggage rack so as to access his. "Thanks," I told him. He responded with a curt nod, already halfway out the door.
James followed quickly, and I ran after them as best as I could. They were Apparating me back to Potter Manor, so I really needed to keep track of them.
"James," I panted, finally catching his arm.
"Ready?" he asked me, pushing his glasses up on his nose. I nodded, bracing myself for the claustrophobic sensation of Apparition.
With a pop and a crushing feeling, I waved goodbye to my friends and we disappeared from the station, reappearing almost instantly at Potter Manor. I took in the sweeping lawn, the stately, elegant white mansion and sighed in contentment. So what if I had to survive two months with Sirius; I could never be anything but at peace when at Potter Manor.
I was home.
