Anam Cara - - (Soul Mate)
Alternate Universe (AU) Does not follow established cannon.
Rated MA – mature audiences
88**88
Chapter 8 – Ron's thoughts on just about everything
88** flashback to previous chapter **
"Oh…Oh god" I said "…Ron…No… please understand - - I love Harry!"
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88** _ HJG – POV … mostly
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Ron reacted as if slapped – and he froze in mid-step.
I felt my whole face heat up when I admitted that out loud… again - to Ron, of all people. The blush spread to my neck and I thought I'd be sick from the sheer embarrassment that poured over me. - All of my dreams, my very private dreams of a future with Harry - exposed to Ron … the loyal and devoted unrequited suitor - which I had for the second or was it for the third time, just as bluntly rejected.
"Get out", Ron warned in a harsh whisper that dripped with bitterness and frustration – his aura flaring into a darker and more menacing shade of blue. - - I started backing-up in earnest, abandoning any hope of tying my dressing gown together. It hardly mattered. - In my-hast to back out of the room; my heel caught on Pig's cage that was laying in my path, and I fell, landing smack on my bum in the middle of a big pile of Ron's clothes.
"Are you hurt?" He asked his voice suddenly filled with nothing but concern.
Ron kept shaking his head to clear it, the emotional pain of rejection was visible all over his face – and yet … he leapt over the cage and grasped my upper arm, gently helping me up to my feet. An electrifying shudder reverberated through me despite my embarrassment. - His blue aura becoming even stronger when he touched me and that first contact felt so good, his rough fingers so right against my soft bare skin.
"I' need to get the medallion," I said, jerking my arm out of his grasp and turning towards the door.
"No …You need to leave, before something happens . . ." Ron said, following after her.
His room was like an obstacle course and I nearly fell again, but it didn't slow in my retreat. "I have to- end -the medallion curse … before it permanently ruins my career ambitions regarding; Harry", (did I really say that out-loud … career ambitions, instead of Love?) I protested again… weakly.
"I don't care about your hopes, leave now – or face getting raped."
"You'd never do that to me – I am one of your closest friends" she said
"You called the medallion's effects the equivalent of a 'sexual imperious curse', and you know how hard it is to resist an 'Imperio'. – Believe me Hermione: it's taking all my will power to not rip-off that nightdress … Right now. - And Harry doesn't love you, he's told me countless times over the years. He's claimed to have told you the same thing… or don't you believe me?" Ron said in a husky tone as he moved toward her, subtly herding her toward the door.
"I believe you; I already know that I'm not his type" I admitted reluctantly
"Then why?"
"I can no more turn-off the way I feel - than you can"
"Then you- do -know how I feel about you," he said as Hermione backed against the door just in time for Ron's hands to land on either side of my head, trapping me against the old wood. "Then you know that moving on after you dumped me, has been the hardest thing I have ever done. But I've done what I aught … I stayed away from you last year …I've been polite … a good loser, I've kept my distance while knowing in my soul, that I would given anything … to- 'eat you alive', devouring very inch of your quim until you scream my name in pleasure".
"Oh sweet baby Maeve" I mumbled back weakly.
"Come to think on it … if you did know how I still feel, then coming here was extra cruel – especially considering the way you're dressed - and yet here you are, after curfew – an almost naked Head Girl … who is cock-teasing the hell out a poor-as-dirt, lovesick Weasley. It is a dangerous game you're playing – banking on my sense of honor to allow you to leave here … unmolested."
"You've always been honorable," I whispered weakly.
"You're really pushing your luck here … get out and don't come back," Ron snarled like an animal in heat. "Send one of the professors to fetch the medallion … sometime tomorrow … and let them defuse it".
Hermione could feel the sexual heat coming off him - in waves from his tense, hard body - as the tantalizing smell of his natural musk surrounded me. He exuded masculinity from every pore and his effect on me was so strong I almost moaned out loud with longing. - I had to squeeze my eyes shut when I found them leveled at his bare chest. - My heart was pounding, beating at my ribs relentlessly. Excitement was flooding through me and it made clear thinking nearly impossible.
"I know you worship Harry; but that isn't going to happen … plain and simple. But you won't give up. - So I know that… at some point after Graduation, when he too begins to avoid your company, you'll try to hook-up with someone else at the Ministry … someone who you think is your intellectual equal; but you'll only deceiving yourself, for even the brightest Ravenclaw ever born isn't your equal. No one is! - So mark my words; Hermione Jean," Ron breathed against her ear in a voice laced with lust. "One day when you are old and grey - you'll look back at your lonely life and weep."
My eyes flew open and I met his gaze head on. - The passion I saw there was startling. His eyes were no longer clouded, but a dark crystal blue that was so intense it took my breath away. For a moment I almost felt as if I was looking into his soul … that I could hear it crying out to mine. In the back of my mind I knew that he had spoke the unpleasant raw truth, people didn't like me and men generally were intimidated by a witch with such a overwhelmingly superior intellect … with only the red-head prat in front of me, not bothered that I was smarter than he was.
Suddenly: with a possessive growl, he grasped my shoulders firmly and crushed me to him, not stopping to ask permission as he lowered his head to kiss me.
Fire…as hot as lava and just as fierce - speared through me as he moved his mouth over mine, stealing my very breath away with his intensity. The voice that had been calling to me all day suddenly reverberated very clearly in my mind, pushing thoughts of Harry completely out of my head…leaving one word in its wake…
… Mine.
88**88 – - Lets explore a-tad deeper, Ron's mindset at this moment … that's always fun
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Relief, that's what I felt. An overwhelming sense of exhilaration that I'd found her. That I could stop looking, that she was here in my arms, tasting of mint, and smelling incredibly good. It'd been so hard the past weeks, my nights were filled with dreams of this faceless woman, and every morning I woke up a little more frustrated until I finally got to the point that I could think of nothing but her.
I'd known for several years that Hermione didn't feel what I felt for her. I knew that she was going to make Ginny fight tooth and nail for Harry's love and that knowledge use to hurt. One reason for my pain was that no-one really saw me when I was in Harry's' company. I also knew without doubt … that no normal bloke could romantically compete with the- 'boy who lived' -and when I finally bought himself a clue and tried to stand alone, fate always seemed to find away to pull him back into the orbit of Harry and Hermione. I knew that Harry didn't fancy her but I also that she would always crave Harry over me.
I truly thought that destiny had dumped me at the side of the lane; like she had. I thought I had escaped, that my time with the 'chosen one' had ended_ and doing time in hospital I had emerged to find the three of us apparently parting company. The Heroes went on to Newts and I into trades. Nearly two years later; in the Head-boy suite, as Head-boy (a post I never wanted) I discovered that being just a friend to Hermione had, at the moment our lips met (just now) well …being just a casual acquaintance to Hogwarts bookworm stopped being enough.
I had thought that the encounter with the Ministry Brain had left me magically disabled, like a loaded Muggle shot-gun with a hair trigger, likely to go off without warning. And of course, when I did go off , my out of control blue magic could, without intending to … bring down the entire house.
So because of my blue handicap I naturally wanted to keep a safe distance from the two chosen to do great things. - Keeping my deformity a secret after being put in my place for the crime of romantic aspirations toward a rich intellect that was way above my lowly station in life (as a tradesman/ shop clerk) became 'easy-peasy'.
I played the proper role of a rejected suitor during the first half of my last term (my trades term) I had been as extra polite, friendly and courteous as much as possible in their company, with my trade training giving me all the excuse I needed to avoid her _so Harry although still a mate had carried on with his Draco dark mark investigation without hardly a glance back at the straggler who had fallen behind. Meaning: I wasn't underfoot when Hermione openly made her 'move' on Harry.
But knowing the whole nine yards of Hermione's life plans for Harry as a political accessory (like a ruddy 'beaded purse') I was not all that surprised to learn, that the smartest witch at Hogwarts* romance-free* plans …had fallen seriously short. But thick as a post me - hadn't at all expected her to seek me out just to talk (the bloke she dumped) during the second half of sixth year, during the time frame when Harry took up so strongly with my sister.
It had been during fourth year; that I had started feeling as though there was a huge chunk of me missing, hiding somewhere … unclaimed. – When I finally realized what the missing part was, during the 'tri-wizard tournament' - Hermione had already made a romantic choice _ and it wasn't me. - She'd begun seeing the world famous Viktor Krum, and had decided to use a – 'far less than subtle' … jealously ploy to use her relationship with Krum to make Harry jealous_ and frankly even someone as thick as me knew that ploy was lame (although not right from the off).
A childish maneuvers … perhaps. - But as a chess-master (upon reflection on the tactic a year later … last term) I had to concede the cleverness of the gambit, and I had been shocked at how deeply it had affected me. – Even when the shocks of the Yule ball (chess move) had faded and believe me, thick as a post Weasley fell for that gambit hook line and sinker. - Anyway when the Yule ball stunner had failed to generate the jealousy response she had hoped for. – Hermione seemed to refused to accept defeat, stubbornly deciding to continue seeing Krum (out of spite … maybe) and it took me_ *long enough* (a year plus) to finally figure out that Hermione ploy was dating one seeker; to get our Gryffindor's seeker to notice her. Good try … Granger.
From the end of fourth year, my family knew what I was missing, long before I put the all the pieces of the puzzle together - - and the Twins (bless or curse then) had tried the hardest to cure me of my Granger fixation knowing that it would end badly for me. – They didn't approve of Granger (you see) thought she was an anti-male feminist and bossy as hell. Well …they were spot on about that last-bit, but cold-hard facts didn't stop how I felt.
As it turned out at the end of fifth year, my worst fears were realized. Now everyone knows that there are no secrets at Hogwarts and with our magical community being so small everyone knew everyone else's business. The twins having heard about Hermione aggressive play for Harry go wrong (beginning of sixth year) and Ginny taking him away from Hermione so easily after mid-term. (I'm told they offered discounts in their shop to celebrate Ginny's victory)
Delighted that I was now semi-permanently separated from my arrogant prig, the twins told me (happily) it was the three sisters of fate had taken pity on me… for no one should have to suffer a life-time *chained* to a never wrong; emotion free shrew. When my twin siblings learned that Harry had also escaped Hermione's *clutches* they sent him a give box of their joke products and a funny card about: 'a close call and something about missing the bullet' (I didn't understand the joke).
And now that I was officially_ 'Free' _my ever so *caring* brother's set me up for a series of blind dates… through intermediaries (old school chums still at Hogwarts) with even Bill getting into the act. The end result was that the girls were pretty and almost all, Hufflepuff's … fancy that (my siblings having determined that I needed loyalty above super intellect or any other positive qualities that make a great girlfriend/wife).
In the spirit of *moving on*, I actually did go to several Hogsmeade weekend dates with some of these girls and although they were very nice and all, there were no sparks … not one of them seemed to fill the missing part of me … which meant; I hadn't quite gotten over Hermione yet. – Baby steps my Mom said _and moving-on is a slow painful process. - Mum, bless her … when she had heard of my male sibling's feeble attempts at matchmaking, called a quick halt their efforts. She didn't buy into the_ 'getting me back in the saddle… right away', theory.
Thanks to my Mum's intervention I'd been able to try to heal and move on at my own snail-like pace, while somehow able to maintain the 'fiction of friendship' in the presence of the same girl … whose every moment was filled with thoughts of the chosen-one. –
Up to the beginning of my most unexpected seventh year … I had more-or-less, resigned my-self to losing her to Potter … with me in a shop in London and her up north at Hogwarts with Harry _and in spite of Harry dating Ginny on and off during the previous school year (their half hearted romance having broken down around the time that Dumbledore murder …at the end of term) –
Due to Hermione's obvious delight at their breakup, her behavior indicated to me that she had not given-up entirely on Harry. - I learned this during several casual talks around the same time-frame of Bill's wedding. - These frank conversations reinforced (Granger never beats about the bush, she tells you what she thinks… flat-out) my belief that my best friends would get together, it was just a matter of time _and I accepted my romantic defeat as gracefully as I had the end of my Auror ambitions.
When my sixth year ended, I was determined to settle down in London, work as a shop clerk and fulfill my duties as an apprentice. – Meanwhile; Harry and Hermione would advance to their final year of N.E.W.T. level classes. They had one more year to go on their own, while I went to work in London.
On the first day that I'd come back to school my last term (sixth); I felt the hand of fate heavy on my shoulder. The feeling of course; set in again, the nagging sensation of missing something. – naturally I translated the feeling of deep loss – thinking it was directly connected to spending less time with the Potter/Granger duo – who were thick as thieves and he assumed; beyond happy that he was no longer in the picture. (The gossip network focused a lot on Harry, so I heard things down in trades)
I'd missed entirely the ruckus over the Snape textbook and the Draco has the 'dark mark' mystery and I knew only second hand about the pensive visits with Dumbledore. It hurt me deeply to be excluded from these adventures, knowing how close we had once been. I had hoped that the feeling of being excluded would fade as time passed. – But when Hermione began actively avoiding me at Prefect meetings - the feeling only intensified, and I naturally concluded: – cause-and-effect'. The game for the unattainable Hermione had ended in Harry's favor, and somehow I'd missed the end of the chase – or so I had thought.
And then at the middle of the sixth year at Hogwarts; with me feeling reduced to the role of mere outside observer; for all I could do was stand on the sidelines in a state of shocked disbelief … at the first ever kiss that my sister shared with Harry in the common room. Potter had without warning, just marched up to Ginny and pulled her into his arms for a passionate snog … in front of everyone _and as bad as it had been for me (her brother) to take in - - I can only imagine the horror that Hermione had to have undergone. A witch who hadn't encountered any real competition for Harry's affections … since Cho
After that nothing mattered, not being best mates with Harry _ or Hermione's never-ending love for Harry. The important thing was that finally, I had accepted the *inconvenient truth* - - and when it turned out my sister's time with Harry proved to be brief _ in the long-run, I knew that Hermione would end up with him and if not, my bookworm would never find her equal in love.
I openly acknowledged that she had a low option of males generally and me specifically, which meant that her_ *not needing any man*_ radical feminist dogma would keep her single for the rest of her life. That the missing part of me would stay missing – unless God above, gave my pathetic love-life his undivided attention.
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88**Authors note: Okay now you all know what been going on inside Ron's head since fifth year. Now let's get back to the smutty action going on in the Head boy's bedroom.
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Once again: we switch back to primarily Hermione POV
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His tongue ran over my lips, and they parted with a breathless moan. He took full advantage of this first ever encouragement - by exploring the inside of my mouth more fully, loving … I hoped, my taste. He was clearly intoxicated. He couldn't get close enough of me. He trailed his fingers up one of my smooth thighs, before he lifted it up and pressed himself more firmly against my burning groin.
Worst yet … I responded, not by pushing him away – instead, I arched my core more fully into him. My soft curves molding so perfectly into the contours of his body. My hands ran though his hair, holding firmly his head, as my tongue brushed against his. Our teeth clashed, but we didn't notice, the hunger in us both was so fierce. He pulled away for just a fraction of a second, and in response … to pull him back; I began to rub my hips against his groin, probing …thrusting … searching, gently rubbing my moist core against his bulging erection. Blue Lightning spiked though us both, making us both throb with intense need.
I somehow, instinctively knew that he wanted to fuck me: 'right then-and- there', against the door.
Just as I formed the thought, however … the reality of what he was doing must have struck him. It was (me) Hermione that he had pinned against his door, and this wasn't just a nighttime fantasy… this was startlingly real. - I could almost sense his blood pumping through his veins, intoxicated by my smooth feel of my skin, the scent of vanilla shampoo lingering in my hair, which surrounded my head like a halo.
"Too fast," he gasped into my ear, trying to pull away, and I moaned at the loss of contact, gripping his hair tighter and trying to bring his mouth back down onto mine. - - - Ron wasn't immune, far from it. As my hips moved hard against him; tantalizingly slow, grinding into his crotch _and he groaned in hot response. - I was behaving unusually aggressive and strangely possessive . . . frighteningly so. "Hermione, please … go … before it is too late", he begged me.
I slowly opened my eyes to look at him_ and his breath caught in the flames of unbridled passion that he saw in them. He'd meant to stop this altogether, but somehow the idea now felt … ludicrous; at least to me. He reluctantly lowered my leg, and then reached up run a thumb over my lips that were swollen from his kisses. He let his fingers trail over my flushed cheeks and into my hair, which was wild, with curls springing-outward, in every direction.
"God, you're so beautiful," he said to me, feeling awe at the sight I must have presented.
I licked at my lips, and then beamed up at him and with brilliantly unrestrained smile; said: "Thank you."
I felt that my smile go straight into his heart. This was me …his Hermione throwing my-self at him. – And he cared for me too much_ so he certainly couldn't use my body recklessly, no matter how badly it would cost him later.
"We have to stop. You have to get away from me … and stay away", He said as his Weasley morality kicked in.
I stopped smiling, and frowned at his words. "I know."
"There's something wrong here. . . These feelings are too strong," Ron said, choking on each word.
"It's the medallion. It's affecting us." Hermione sighed, seeming just as disappointed as he was.
He nodded, feeling his throat tighten. "That makes sense."
"I should go."
"Yes …you really-really should." He said and I saw how he fought to reign in his lustful feelings as he used every ounce of willpower to step away from me.
Hermione bit at her lip, seeming hesitant for a second. "I don't want to go, though . . . Just so you know."
He swallowed hard. "The spell… only reason …Yeah … I understand."
I nodded sadly, my gaze flicking over his delicious chest before I looked-up and saw the pain in his eyes again. "I know it's just a sprung-trap…just a silly artificial love spell - - but…it was nice; I mean…Kissing you. A lot better than I thought it'd be. - It didn't feel like I was kissing a semi-brother …at all"
He couldn't help but smile. "Thank-you; kissing you wasn't like kissing Ginny either … instead it was quite …memorable."
I bit my lower lip; again, thinking for a moment before I spoke. - "Maybe you should give the medallion to me so I can reverse the spell."
Ron felt his heart clench. He knew she was right, but he couldn't help the horrible feeling of loss that went through him. "You're right, you should be the one to do it … (after all) I'm not the one who wants this particular spell reversed."
"But. . . Look at the harm it's done," Hermione mumbled, looking around his room.
"You want to go back to chasing Harry and forget all about me, Yes - I fully understand all that", Ron said bitterly, "but before you condemn me to taking the mother of all- COLD SHOWERS; for the rest of my life … presumingly. - - Please …just one more kiss. After that you can go back to regarding me as … a step-brother again," Ron said, clearly not wanting me to leave, while remembering him as some barbaric bastard who'd practically raped me.
Hermione thought about it for a bit and then looked back at him. "I suppose that'd be okay. One kiss can't hurt anything, not after all this."
He reached out to me, his hands cupping my head and tried to memorize my face. His thumbs ran over my flushed cheeks, and my eyes drifted closed in anticipation. Then, he leaned in to brush his lips against mine, soft and feather-light, and I responded with my own gentle movements, easing his guilt with tantalizing persuasion. –
I figured that Ron was desperately trying to create a memory to comfort him on the cold-wintery nights ahead. There was a dreamy intimacy to this kiss; tongues licking against parted lips, and then slipping into my welcoming mouth, exploring. What had started out slow swiftly became much more powerful as we lost ourselves in the feelings of the moment.
After a while - we came-up for air again, our chests heaving as each of us tried to drag in breath. Ron felt weak; his legs could hardly hold him up, let alone Hermione who was sagging against him. He shifted us around so that he was now leaning against the door to brace him-self and then wrapped his arms around me.
"Are you okay?" – he asked.
"Mmm hmm," I purred, my breath hot against skin, "Just dizzy I suppose. You're a really good kisser Ronald Bilius". Ron didn't dare reply, but he blushed hard at the unexpected compliment.
Hermione should have been smart and pushed him away and left, but instead I began tracing little circles with my fingers over his shoulders and down to his bare chest. My fingers brushed teasingly over both of his nipples and then toyed with the cooper hair that grew nearby, sending shivers of delight following my touch. Burying my face against his chest, I licked my away around his chest, placing a love bite here and there, and he had to bite his tongue to keep from groaning out loud.
My mouth then traveled up and nipped and then sucked softly on the pulsating hallow at the base of his throat. His eyes rolled back and Ron couldn't help the sound that escaped him as his head fell back against the wood. He felt my smile against his now exposed neck, as I proceeded to lick and kiss his burning flesh. I was drugging us both with intense foreplay and I could tell that my *red-prat* felt himself drowning as quickly as I was - - aggressively pushing my lust on him and almost daring him to pick up the gauntlet … to react.
Ron laced his fingers into my hair as I kissed a trail over his collarbone and began branding the other side of his neck. My hands were still running over his chest and then slowly venturing lower, toward his stomach, making his muscles clench painfully.
"Mine," I breathed almost incoherently against his skin.
"Yours," he agreed without hesitation. He felt like he was dying from the pleasure. "Most definitely yours… well since Christmas, fourth year …anyway."
His statement earned him another brilliant smile from me as I pressed my-self forward, against his body. "You want me…don't you?" – I asked, in a deep husky voice.
"Oh fuck, yes." He groaned, fighting down the urge to grab her and show her, just how much.
Hermione's hand drifted past his stomach, progressively lower over the button of his jeans. My fingers traced the line of his erection through the thin material, and Ron sucked in a sharp breath so forcefully he was surprised his lungs didn't burst.
"Bloody-Hell …Hermione… you are dangerously pushing your luck here", He said as he instinctively thrust against my hand, not even knowing what the hell his groin was doing.
I frowned when I discovered how tight his trousers were. "Does it ache?" I asked, looking up at him with wide brown eyes that were swimming in desire.
"Yes."
I nimbly undid the first button, without being consciously aware that I was crossing the line_ and Ron had to grit his teeth. He was trying very hard to hold on to his last scrape of sanity; because it was obvious I had lost mine. He grabbed my hand, stopping its endeavor to free him.
"The moment you undo the next button …you'll be guilty of cheating on Harry", Ron warned. "We both know you'll be filled with regret tomorrow, Hermione … you also know you'll blame me for whatever happens next. – But I won't be able to stop … if you push me much more. So if you truly believe that Harry is destined to be your husband – then leave now, before I put my child in your belly", he snapped a final warning, feeling the need to be brutally honest with her.
"It could be a secret," I replied in a panting whisper, biting my lower lip and feeling so tempted. "You wouldn't tell anyone, would you?"
"No, but …"
"I ache, too. . . I want it to stop, Ron," I pleaded. "Please, make it stop … just for tonight".
There was no way he could say no to that - it just wasn't in him. My wanton words had set him on fire. I ached for him so much. I guess that he hadn't ever heard anything that had affected him more profoundly. But part of him still wasn't one hundred percent sure.
"If you are sure about this, then you are going to have to tell me flat-out; exactly what you want of me" Ron said desperately. – "You've had a long dry-spell since Krum, don't you want your second lover to be Harry, instead of me, even if this is … kept a secret?"
"As long as it stays our secret", I replied in a lust filled semi-daze.
"I want this as much as you do. Yes … Ron; I want you to make love to me" I said; not confirming or denying anything else (emotionally) out loud. - I just stood there leaning into him, relishing the touch of him while still biting my lower lip playfully. I was at that moment in time … too aroused to gasp the significance of the Krum implication of alleged intercourse with me.
I was now committed to having sex; as Ron hands traced the line of my bottom lip - that was full and lush, begging to be kissed again. – then his caressing hands began moving lower and when I looked back at our first time … later-on, I was strangely comforted by the thought that it had been I, that had crossed the line … First. - I wasn't dragged into sex; I wasn't assaulted … because you cannot rape the eager and willing.
"I can keep that secret." He said in a deep husky voice_ and then it began
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