Chapter Eight – Tessa's Gift
*Jem*
"She's already been here for two months. How much longer am I going to have to fulfill the role of babysitter?" Will asked as I went over the paperwork and calculated money.
"She needs to be protected. You know de Quincey is looking for her and her brother." I explained, not looking up. This was a discussion we had once before, the night she was attacked.
"No we don't know, because no one has seen de Quincey. It's time to let her move someplace where he won't think to look for her. You are playing with fire here and at the end of the day the only person who will get hurt is her."
I placed my pen down and looked up from my work. I knew Will was only looking out for me but I didn't need his lecture this time. I was finally making some progress with Tessa, actually getting her to open up when I succumbed to my illness once more and Will intervened. That was all it took for her to clam back up and go back to taking her meals in her room and sharing dinner with Charlotte before she left for the evening.
"I see what you are so desperately trying to hide James Carstairs. You are falling for her. And you know that you cannot have a normal and fulfilling life with her."
"You do not need to remind me of things I already know, William Owen Herondale. I know that I am cursed to live a short time and you may think my actions make no sense, but I don't want to leave this earth without having experienced the joy love can bring. So allow me this fool's errand and speak nothing of this to Tessa."
Will opened and closed his mouth but said nothing, grabbing his coat and headed out for the evening. Unable to concentrate, I cleared my desk and headed towards the kitchen. As I neared, I caught the end of a conversation between Tessa and Charlotte. Charlotte was curious as to how she was adjusting.
"I don't know really. I feel like my life here is just like my old one. I go to the bookstore and the clinic and then I come here. Only difference is now I'm accompanied everywhere I go with a smart aleck and a guy who I believe the term 'silent but deadly' was created for. At least with the bookstore I had a few fleeting moments of peace to myself. I always said when things got better for Nate and I and we got a bigger place, I would build myself a library."
"Maybe you could say something to Jem. I'm certain he won't have a problem with building one for you." Charlotte suggested.
Tessa remained quiet and I imagined her shaking her head. Charlotte patted her leg and bid her goodnight. Not wanting to get caught eavesdropping, I pushed open the door. Charlotte informed me she would be late tomorrow.
"Charles has a doctor's appointment at 9 and then a dental appointment at 11. I asked Henry but he never knows what questions to ask. And he can never remember the instructions the doctors send home."
"Charlotte its fine. Just stay home with Charles tomorrow, I'm sure you'll be exhausted after all that running around." I smiled, keeping an eye on Tessa. She was carefully avoiding my gaze, looking for a way out of the kitchen.
"Tessa, maybe you and I can share a meal tomorrow?" I asked, catching her off guard.
"Sure." She answered but still refused to look at me.
I walked Charlotte to the door, ensuring she made it to the car before returning to the house. Tessa was attempting to sneak up the stairs but stopped when I called out to her.
"Have I done something to upset or anger you Tessa?"
She slowly turned around and came back down the stairs. "No, it wasn't anything you said or did. It's just...I overhead you and Will talking. I know that he thinks me being near you is bad for your health. I don't know if that is true or not but I won't be the cause of your health deteriorating."
I shook my head. "This is exactly what I didn't want to happen," I walked up the stairs until I was standing on the one below her.
"Will is a friend who is concerned about my health just like Charlotte and like you. No one is to blame when I forget to take a dose of my medicine. I don't want you beating yourself up about this." I smiled, hoping to coax one from her.
But Tessa only shook her head and further backed away. "I'm only here because of my brother's debt to you. I am honored you think us friends but at the end of the day, I will be nothing more than a ward in your house and you my employer."
I wanted to stop her but there was nothing to say. She felt how she felt. I walked down the stairs into my office, shaking as I did. Being around Tessa did cause my body to burn the medicine at a more rapid pace than it had before; but I would accept that if it meant I could enjoy her company the way I had the other night. I walked around my office, picking up a financial book.
"I would build myself a library."
A library, the place she found peace and solace. I remembered how intense she looked when I saw her at the bookstore. I chalked that up to the love of a good book. But looking at her life, it was filled with chaos and madness. The bookstore offered her an escape from all of that. I wanted her to have that hear. It could be the one thing I can leave her to bring her comfort as she mourns my passing.
Despite Will's many objections, I started learning how to convert a room into a library. Eventually he came around and helped me, claiming he didn't want to find me passed out under a bookshelf.
It was a labor of love but one I needed to do for her. It took me three months but it was finally finished. If Tessa noticed anything or spoke to Charlotte about my curious behavior, I was unaware. I took all my meals in the office and kept the door locked at all times. As the December snow fell outside, I put the finishing touches on the small library I created as an extension of my office, lighting a fire in the grate. I wanted it to be perfectly cozy and remind her of the bookstore before I intruded on her life.
That night after Charlotte left, I once again caught her in an attempt to sneak back to her room without speaking to me.
"Tessa, could you follow me please? There's something I want to show you." I asked simply, holding my hand out to her.
She reluctantly nodded and allowed me to assist her down the stairs. I positioned her in front of the French doors that hid my office and asked her to close her eyes. Tessa gave me a curious look and a small smile before she did. I sighed and threw open the doors before leading her into the room, turning her so she was standing with her back to my desk and the windows.
"Jem can you tell me what is going on? Can I at least open my eyes?"
"Yes, open them." I called out, standing a ways from her.
Tessa's eyelids slowly peeled back and a soft gasp escaped her lips. She looked around at the shelves, the iron stairs I put in place so she could reach the books on the higher shelves; the fireplace and the chair she loved from the bookstore.
"Is this what you were working on for all this time?" she asked, walking along the shelves, running her fingers along the spines of the tomes.
I nodded. "I filled it with all the books that you told me you loved and ones you have yet to read."
She turned her attention back to the books but asked me why I did this for her. What my motivation was. "And please don't say me."
"While it is true I created this for you, my motivation wasn't so selfish," I explained.
"Everyone needs a place of escape; somewhere where the world falls away until only the raw beauty of the moment is left. I wanted you to have a place like that so I created this for you. I know that I intruded on your life but please believe I did it out of concern."
I sighed and grabbed her hand, looking into her gray eyes. There was something about them, about her that I couldn't tear myself away.
"Sometimes, our lives can change so fast that the change outpaces our minds and our hearts. It's those times, I think, when our lives have altered but we still long for the time before everything was altered-that is when we feel our greatest pain. I can tell you, though, from experience, you grow accustomed to it. you learn to live your new life, and you can't imagine, or even remember, how things were before."
Tessa blushed but never took her eyes off me as she leaned in and placed a soft kiss upon my lips.
"Thanks." She murmured before pulling away to grab a book, Anna Karenina. I walked back to my desk, glancing up as Tessa settled into the chair closest to the fire. She sat there, allowing the world to fall away until she was in one of her own design.
I went back to my paperwork but found myself often sneaking glimpses of Tessa. When she fell asleep in the chair, I chuckled, imagining a world where this was a constant in my future. I gather her in my arms and carried her upstairs to her bedroom, being respectful as I tucked her in. As I took in her still form, I was reminded me of "Maud" by Alfred Lord Tennyson.
"Half the night I waste in sighs,
Half in dreams I sorrow after
The delight of early skies;
In a wakeful dose I sorrow
For the hand, the lips, the eyes,
For the meeting of the morrow,
The delight of happy laughter,
The delight of low replies."
"For the meeting of tomorrow, Ms. Gray." I whispered before placing a kiss on her head and leaving her chambers.
AN: I know that this story doesn't have as many followers as my other works nor a lot of reviews but for the small following it has, I write for you. And to my number one fan for this story, [SilverCarstairs], thank you for your kind words, excitement and motivation. As always please review.
