Wizzardly Accusations

Chapter Eight- The Eighth Chapter

Rincewind crouched behind the couch, straining his ears to hear what was going on. He was rather disappointed- it seemed that the figure in the doorway was just a tea-girl, nothing more…

"Leave it there," Jade Flower said. Rincewind leaned out around the couch a bit, to get a better view. He saw two sets of kimono hems, one being gold-embroidered, the other a plain blue. There was the clink of a silver tray on hardwood. As the tea-girl know-towed quickly, a small scroll fell from her sleeve and skidded under the low table. Jade Flower stooped to pick it up, and, very carefully and deliberately, pushed it further under, while sliding a different scroll out of her sleeve and handing that one to the girl.

"Be more careful with your notes. The gossip of servants should be kept to the kitchens."

"My apologies," the girl replied, before backing out of the room and hurrying down the hall.

"You may come out now, Great Wizard," Jade Flower said, and sat down on one of the velvet cushions. Rincewind stood, and, as he turned around, saw something very interesting.

The Luggage, to be precise. Or, to be even more precise, two Luggages. The one was slightly larger than Rincewind's Luggage, its wood highly polished and bound in jewel-studded gold and its feet delicate. It looked expensive, aloof, and only slightly less homicidal than the wizzard's Luggage- which it was also ignoring completely.

Rincewind also noticed that it had a chip in it.

He decided that he really wasn't going to ask, and instead went to join Jade Flower at her table. He sat uncertainly down on one of the cushions and she pulled the scroll out from under the table and read it quickly. It then disappeared back into a sleeve.

There was the soft sound of hundreds of light footsteps, and the other Luggage stood next to Jade Flower, looking up expectantly.

"I don't have anyone for you to eat today," she said to it. "Go back to the Emperor, and stay with him. He's supposed to be your master, you know."

The Emperor's Luggage turned around and left like it was asked, but Rincewind got the distinct impression that it was rather disappointed it couldn't eat him.

"This would be the time to explain a few things," she then began. "First, some of the events surrounding the…ah, event, shall we say, with the Patrician."

Rincewind said nothing.

"The purpose of the assassination, as far as I know, was not only to kill one of the most powerful men on the Disc, but also to be rid of the most meddlesome and troubling man," she continued, picking up a teapot from the silver tray and pouring it. "You, namely. You have not been forgotten. When Emperor Genghis Cohen was on the throne, you were regarded as a hero. Since Emperor Cohen has left, and Emperor OneSwift River took the throne, you are held in slightly different esteem. After all, who fears the judgement of an Emperor that abandoned the throne? There were hopes that you would be arrested, tried, and hung by your own legal system- you are not popular with some of the noble families."

"Just my luck," he said bitterly, picking up his teacup.

"Don't drink that."

He blinked. "Why?"

"It's poisoned," Jade Flower replied. "Cyanide, I think. Anyway, as I was saying…"

"Someone's trying to poison the Librarian?" he said, vaguely shocked. "Isn't that bloody pointless? I mean, usually Librarians are somewhat… expendable."

"Not so much as you think," Jade Flower replied, irritated at being interrupted again. "You might be surprised at what I know. Also, the purpose of the tea was not to be drunk, but so that my… informant might give me this scroll. I will come to it if you would let me continue, please."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Now, since the Patrician survived and allowed you to be turned loose, the conspirators will be looking for you. After all, you will cause quite a few problems. You always have before," she continued. "And I am privy to very… interesting information concerning the identity of these conspirators."

"Really," Rincewind said rather flatly. "How convenient."

She gave him a sharp look. "It would do you good to remember where you are."

"I'm in a palace hundreds of miles from where I started," he said. "Not like it hasn't happened before. Just tell me what's going on. Talking plainly would be nice, too."

"Very well," she said, nodding. Then she stood, turning away from the wizzard, and appeared to be thinking very hard about something important. After a few moments, she came to a decision. She removed the scroll from her sleeve again, and held it out to Rincewind.

"I assume you can read Agatean script."

He took it, unrolled it, and began to read. Whoever wrote it was messy with a brush. The main details concerned the hiring of a (dash dot squiggle dot dash) (1), with a few objectives that Rincewind was well aware of. The most interesting detail, however, was at the very bottom. Rincewind was very sure that the name signed was 'OneSwift River'.

"The Emperor wanted the Patrician dead and you out of the picture," Jade Flower said, quite unnecessarily. "Then… well, I can only assume after that."

"Er… right." Rincewind was re-reading the note, trying to figure out exactly what (dash dot squiggle dot dash) was.

"From what I know of the Emperor, he's quite a changed man since he took the throne," Jade Flower said, with all the beginnings of a rather long story. "He was, rather oddly, a traveler. He went to various other cities in the barbaric lands- Ankh-Morpork, Quirm, Pseudopolis. I have come to believe they were not for enjoyment, if you follow me. And One Swift River has also tried to play general since his latest visit. I don't know all the details, except that it has to deal with redistribution. Of troops."

There was a slight emphasis on that last bit, just to point out the significance of it.

"Um," Rincewind said, "That's not good, is it."

"Not for you," Jade Flower replied. "It's really an incredibly simple plot. Take out the Patrician and the wizard that messed things up for Hong, and then simply walk in and take Ankh-Morpork. He could've literally been sitting in Vetinari's chair before the end of the week."

Rincewind's stomach dropped out from under him. He knew she was right- Ankh-Morpork was what it was because Vetinari was there. If he was taken out, the whole machine that was the city would grind to a very messy halt. It would take years of arguments and probably civil war among the Guilds and noble families before someone else managed to drag themselves to the top. And the Agatean Empire was extremely old and powerful already. Their army was huge, disciplined, and experienced. The city would already have been split apart; how hard could it be to take? With Ankh-Morpork under the Empire, supplying it with even more resources, what could stop it? The Empire could encompass the whole Disc.

World domination. The bastards who planned for it were always crazy.

Then, a thought nervously stepped into Rincewind's head.

"Why are you against this, then? I mean, what have you got to lose?"

"The Disc is really rather large, you know," she replied in an almost offhand way. "It would be impossible to have one person govern the whole thing. Think about it. The Empire would get stretched out, would be too thin. Things would just fall to ruins. I would rather that not happen."

It made sense, yes. But still…

"All right," he said. "Fine. But what do you expect me to do about this? Seems like you'd have to take this one right up to the Emperor."

"Not quite," Jade Flower responded brusquely. "I don't want the Emperor to know about this. He doesn't take kindly to traitors, which is what I'd be seen as. What I want him to do is keep writing his orders and leaving them where they can be collected. Hence what I need you for."

And this was where it started to get bad. (2)

Rincewind sighed. He knew what was coming. He'd get sent off on some difficult and unpleasant errand to find some documents, probably while dodging guards and other nasty things in the process. Great.

"Why can't you get them?" He figured he might as well ask.

"I am too closely watched," she replied. "Everyone in the Palace is. That's why I need someone from the outside to do this. I can give you directions, and guide you up to a certain point. After that, things may be jeopardized by my presence."

Rincewind sighed. This was turning out to be a very bad day.

"Where do I need to go first?"

"Our Assassins' Guild is very meticulous with its records," the Librarian replied. "They have three receipts- one given to the client, one kept in the records office, and another kept in a backup filing system. It'd be best to obtain one from the Emperor's files and another from the Assassins'. After that, there are only a few other documents I will need. One of them I will try to get myself."

"Where does the Emperor keep his files…?" Rincewind asked, getting the feeling he wouldn't like the answer.

"His study, located in his personal wing of the Palace," she said. "It will be…difficult to get you in there, but I think I will be able to manage it, so long as things go well."

A question formed in Rincewind's mind, nagging at him until he asked it.

"What happens if things don't go well?"

She smiled a smile best described as… toothy, and replied, "Well, let us just hope that things go very well indeed."

He gulped.

"However, you need not leave this moment." She walked over to a desk, and pulled out a scroll, brush, and inkwell. She began to write. "You will need this. If anyone at all questions your presence, hand this to them. They will very quickly leave and pretend they never saw you."

"Uhm… good?"

"This should work unless you are so unfortunate as to come across the Grand Vizier. At that point, no one could save you- this is a forgery, after all."

"Wonderful."

Lighting a candle, Jade Flower rolled the scroll up tightly. When the dark blue wax was soft and runny, she let it drip onto the crease, and took a seal from a locked drawer. She pressed it into the wax, leaving a complicated insignia behind. The gold seal disappeared.

When she turned to hand it to him, she hesitated.

"That will not do," she said, indicating his robe and floppy hat. "You're conspicuous. I'll find something somewhere to fit you." She went into another room, and came back holding a robe heavy with embroidery.

"If anyone asks, which they probably won't, you're the head of the tax department from Bes Pelargic," she said, giving him the heavy robe. "And for gods' sakes, take off that hat."

He did so, albeit reluctantly, and shoved it in a pocket it therobeas the Agatean Librarian took things from drawers and put them in a bag, which she affixed somewhere in her robe's pocket.

"I believe I am ready," she said. "Are you, Great Wizard?"

"No."

"Ha," she laughed mirthlessly. "You're humorous, wizard. I hope, for both our sakes, that you will make every effort to become ready before we walk out that door. The guards are changing soon after a long shift, but they won't be tired to the point of stupidity."

She slid open the rice-paper door, and stepped out. Rincewind had no other choice but to follow.

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(1) Some sort of stylized pictogram.

(2) Well, worse, actually. It had been bad since he woke up.

(A/n- Hello... long time, no update, I know. I try, but I've got crazy stuff like school to do. Sigh. I wish I could write this for a living and actually get paid. Well, I hope y'all liked this one, and I'm working on the next chappie right now... I'll hopefully have it up sometime around the 25th. Ciao!)