Little Tony is now four months old, and four months is way too long for Tori to sit at home with him. In this chapter, she goes job hunting and runs into a not so exciting surprise. I don't own Victorious or the A&E show "Intervention." Enjoy!
[Tori's POV]
It's September now.
That means my baby boy is a whole four months old now. And THAT means he's been developing his own personality, which I might add is pretty cool. He doesn't cry much now – usually only when he's hungry or when he's trying to poop. He's finally sleeping all the way through the night, as well as taking two naps throughout the day. I met this one mother at one of his doctor's appointments and she jokingly, at least I think she was joking, asked if we could switch babies. That her baby was six months old and still isn't sleeping through the night, always throws her food up, and cries for every little noise she hears – even lullabies. Tony had gotten used to my singing, because I sang to him every chance I got. I wanted him to love music like both of his parents did. I wanted him to grow up with a passion for singing or creating music, so I figured I'd get an early start.
Anyways, back to his personality, I can tell that he's going to be kind of serious. He doesn't giggle a lot, not even when I tickle him. He'll just wiggle around uncomfortably and he might give a laugh or two, but that's it. I couldn't help but think that that side of him was from Beck. I've seen videos from when I was a baby and I was so happy-go-lucky, and I laughed at every little thing imaginable. I knew that his hair definitely came from Beck. My hair was thick, but just because there was plenty of it – the actual individual strands were pretty thin. But if there's one thing I can remember about Beck, it was his thick, dark hair. When I'd bounce Tony on my lap, his hair moved around like a damn Pantene commercial, my hair was definitely not like that when I was a baby.
Some days I would wonder about Beck. Where he was because a new school year has started, meaning he's graduated…hopefully. I wondered what he was doing, and who he was hanging around with. I know that I should hate him with every fiber of my being, but I couldn't help to see the good in our horrible incident. I had this wonderful baby boy to wake up to every morning, because of what happened. In no way did I ever forgive Beck for the rape, but I can't help but think that I'm not even mad anymore. A lot of people take this kind of thing and let it take charge of their life, and that's okay. But it wasn't me to let the rape turn me into a whore, or an addict, or all the other things I've seen on television shows like "Intervention."
Sometimes I wondered about what would happen if Beck and I accidentally crossed paths, while I had Tony with me. I had this whole scenario that I would tell Beck that I was simply Tony's nanny or something. Or that Tony was my cousin's baby or something like that. He sure wouldn't know the truth because as soon as I moved back to LA, I pretty much quit using The Slap – and before, I never mentioned my pregnancy on The Slap at all. So nobody except for my parents, Trina, Robbie (Trina told him), Andre, his grandma, and Dayzee knew that I was pregnant. Hell, I'm not even sure if all of my family knew. And I wanted it to stay that way because it was nobody's business. In a way I was glad that my friends moved away. I was safe in my little box, but not for long.
It was time for me to get out of the house. I was in dire need of a job. I quit Muzix and four months of not working was really getting to me. I didn't want to be a stay-at-home mother because that wasn't me. Sure, my dreams of becoming a pop star got put on the back burner for the moment, but who's to say that when Andre's in the picture I wouldn't pick it back up.
He's been back in New York for about two weeks now, and I miss him dearly. I wish that the time we spent together went at least a little like how we planned. Instead, it was full of arguments and lacking in passion. After my doctor gave us the okay to start having sex again, it was like Andre didn't want to touch me. Like, he was afraid that he might get me pregnant. It was probably because he watched the birth of Tony. I mean, I had seen births before and you know what? I couldn't blame him. It's kind of disturbing. But he never voiced why, and always said that he was tired. And when he would start something, Tony would start crying or something. It definitely made me feel like crap, as if I was unattractive now.
The whole summer was just not what I wanted. I know I've said it before, babies change things. They change your body, your outlook on everything, and the way you live your life. But what I wasn't expecting, or maybe I just wanted a fairytale, was how it was changing the relationship between Andre and me.
Back to getting a job, my mother and father had supported Tony pretty much since I moved back to LA. And every now and then, to feel like a responsible adult, I dipped into my savings, but my father didn't like me to do that. He said that he had no problem helping the two of us out, and told me to save the money that I had accumulated from working, for emergencies and possibly to start a college fund for Tony or use it for school myself. He wanted so badly for me to go to college, but to be honest; it was just never in my life plan.
I wanted to graduate high school, work for Muzix so I could get my foot in the music business, and then work my way up to pop stardom and never look back. Of course, having a baby so soon was never in my life plan either. Things don't always work out the way you plan them and I'm living proof.
"Going out today, honey?" My mom asked.
She was standing in the doorway of the nursery. I was currently dressing Tony in a green and blue striped Polo shirt that had a cute dinosaur on the side, a pair of dark washed jeans, and green Converse sneakers that Andre sent me last week.
"Yep, mommy's going to find a job today even if it kills her, yes she will," I answered back in a baby voice, nuzzling my son who was trying to grab at my face. I lifted him off the changing table. "He look alright?"
"It's kind of hot out, think he'll need those on?" she asked, pointing at his jeans.
"They're thinner than they look; besides you know how the temperature drops around here. It's three o' clock now. By the time we get back, he'll need those on. Here," I explained.
I handed Tony over to my mom who smiled and kissed him on the cheek when she received him.
"Something wrong, Tori?" she asked me.
I was bent down to get some diapers to throw in his diaper bag. I stopped and looked up at her and smiled.
"Not a thing," I simply said and exhaled. I had to get it out. "Actually," I started to say, and stood up completely. I walked over to the rocking chair in the room and sat down. "I'm just ready to be on my own. I'm ready for Andre to finish up this last year so the baby and I can move out of here."
"But I thought you liked living here," my mom said sadly.
I saw her grip on my baby get a little tighter as he started to fuss around. I put my arms out to her so she would give him to me and unbuttoned the blouse I was wearing. He latched right on to my nipple and started to suck. I sat back and relaxed, pressing on my breast a bit to help with the milk flow.
"Oh, want me to leave or…"
"It's okay, just hand that burp cloth here," I said.
At this point my mom had seen my boobs. I mean, she saw my vagina the day Tony was born so breastfeeding in front of her wasn't really that big of a deal to me.
"And I do like living here. I love it. And I appreciate all that you do for the two of us, but I'm nineteen now – and even though I have a baby, I'd like to be on my own. I don't wanna sound ungrateful, it's just that-"
"I get it Tori. You want to raise your baby in your own home, and you wanna do it with Andre, and you want to have a job or career and you want to have your privacy," she said. "It's just going to be so weird without you being here. This house will be so empty. Your father's always away and it's just me and I guess I like you being here because I don't feel so alone," I heard her voice start to break.
"Moooom. C'mon, don't do this. I'm not going to be moving out until Andre gets here, and even then we're not moving right off the bat. He has a whole semester to do before he comes back to LA. And plus, when I'm working, who do you think I'm gonna leave this little monster with? Ya know, if you let me..."
"Oh Tori, I would love nothing more than that!" she practically shouted.
I felt Tony shake from being caught off guard. He let go of me and started to cry.
"Whoops, sorry," mom said.
"It's okay, haha," I chuckled. "I'm just glad I got distracted before I started to cry, too. I did my makeup perfectly," I said loudly over Tony's crying.
Tony stopped crying a couple of minutes later, and after I changed his diaper, we were ready to head out the door. I was guilty for over packing things to take with me whenever I took Tony out with me, which was rare except for doctor's appointments. So as I walked down the stairs, I juggled him, his diaper bag, two blankets, a few toys, and a separate bag that kept his bottles warm.
"You sure you don't want to leave him here?" my mom offered, as she was lying on the couch, holding her phone up texting. "I don't think taking a baby to a job interview is smart," she added.
"Mom, I'm just going to look for places that are hiring. I don't have an actual interview or anything," I said, trying to unlock the door. "A little help?"
"Sure! Sorry," she said, hopping off the couch and giggling at a text before putting her phone down.
"Who's that?" I nodded over towards the phone.
"Just Gary," she simply answered taking some of the stuff in her hands.
"You're always talking to that guy. I think you have a crush on him. After all, you did say he was handsome once before," I teased as I opened the door and stepped out.
"He's just a good friend! Don't say that, he's like a brother," she said, rolling her eyes.
"Well, you have a crush on your brother then," I smiled as we both walked to my car.
I placed Tony inside his car seat, strapped him in, and put his diaper bag in the seat next to him.
"Oh hush, Tori, that's gross," she said, handing me the rest of Tony's things. "Good luck on your search."
"Thanks," I said, "We'll be back in a couple of hours. Love you."
"Love you too, sweetie. Love you, little booger bear!" she said loudly, tapping on the glass to the backseat.
I started my search at the mall. At this point, I was looking to do anything – except become a Diddly-Bop or something, because that's one thing I would never do again. Probably not even for Tony. Okay, maybe just for him, but not just any snot nosed little kid. So I applied to a few clothing stores, a fine jewelry store, and my favorite music and movie store. After about two hours of basically going from store to store in the mall, I decided it was time to leave. I ended up stopping at a salon that was on the way home. I didn't care if they just had me doing simple things like shampooing clients or passing out champagne. In the back of my mind, I thought about going into hair and makeup – but I loved singing too much. After finding a parking space, I got out of the car and went to the trunk for Tony's stroller. He was asleep and I didn't want to wake him by carrying him around. I took the car seat from the car and placed it into the travel system, and he didn't stir one bit. I pushed the stroller into the salon and walked right up to the front desk.
"Welcome to Scissors, who are you here to see?" the man asked me.
"Well, I was just wondering if you guys were hiring. I mean, I didn't see a sign, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask," I said.
"Well, you're in luck," he started, and leaned over the receptionist desk to get closer, "I'm quitting in like two days. I cannot stand the manager of this place. She's a great hairstylist, but she's a total bitch," he said quietly.
I just smiled and shrugged nervously.
"Well, then I guess maybe I'll work somewhere else and-"
"No no, here, I'll get you an application," he said.
He looked around the desk, pulling out drawers and moving other random pieces of paper until he realized that they were out of applications. He told me that he would just be a second when he ran off to the back office. He jogged back to the front of the salon.
"Miss Terror has to print off an application for you, but she'll bring it up in a minute. You can sit if you want," he said, breathing heavily.
I was nervous. If the supervisor of this place was as bad as the receptionist made it seem, then what the hell was I doing here? I looked around at the dark décor of the salon – a little weird for a place of business. I always thought that salons were supposed to be bright and fun or chic and professional. I didn't think that the decorations and paint were scary, but they were definitely intimidating. I found myself looking at Tony, who was starting to wake up. He cooed a little before looking over at me and smiling. It was as if he was telling me to go for it. At least, that's why I would get the job. For him. I needed to be a good mother and that meant doing what I could to provide for him. I gazed at my baby boy before reaching over to hold his soft, tiny hand.
"Aaaalright, so who's going to be my next victim… I mean, employee," I heard the girl say.
Whoever it was had a very familiar voice. I couldn't quite pin-point it. She had the paper held up close to her face as she walked, in an uncaring fashion, up to the receptionist desk.
"I'm going to have to update this application. Like really. What kind of stupid questions are these? Who cares if someone reads Vogue? If they went to beauty school, that's all that should – holy shit," I heard the girl say.
I was tending to Tony, when I looked up and locked eyes with who was standing in front of me.
"Well, lookie what we got here. Hey, Vega, long time, no see."
I immediately felt sick to my stomach.
