Notice: Harry Potter, Tom Riddle, and any other characters you may recognize in this story are the property of JKR and/or whoever had the brains, contacts, and cash (or other negotiable items) to secure the rights to them. Alas, I had the brains, just none of the other stuff.
The Last Marauder's Greatest Prank
Tonks read through the files she had copied. She also read the note that she had scribbled to herself prior to leaving Gringott's. She knew what had happened. She had gone to Hogwarts and Dumbledore pulled a Lockhart on her. She must have been suspicious of him beforehand, because she'd made a backup, and had someone completely out of the loop to help her get the information back.
She realized that she now had 42 hours to get Remus, Harry, and herself to Gringott's for Sirius' will reading, or they were going to get screwed out of the number four fortune of the Wizarding World. All because of Dumbledore. Tonks started cursing again, but soon realized that she should make better use of her time and energy by getting in touch with Harry and her ex. She realized that she was going to put her personal feelings for Remus on hold to deal with this. She was upset with him, but that was no reason to screw him over that bad.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Tonks apparated to a small stone cottage in Wales. An outbuilding beside the cottage was made of solid stone. Giving the outbuilding a once over, it was a fort. High, slit windows, solid metal doors, locks both inside and out. There didn't appear to be any door frame where the locks were. Just solid stone. A shudder ran through her as she recognized it's purpose. To lock up a man with a disease once every 28 days. That was another reason they had broke up. One person in a relationship with PMS was enough, and she preferred it to be her.
Stepping up to the cottage, she knocked on the door. "Remus! Open up! It's an emergency. I've got to talk to you now!"
After a minute or so, she heard someone stumbling around on the inside of the house. "Tonks? Just a minute. Ow! Shite." was heard as Remus wrapped a toe or two around the leg of a table.
"Hello Tonks. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company this morning?" Remus asked with a hint of sarcasm.
"Sorry it's so late, Moony, and I know it's the day after full moon, but I need to come in and talk to you."
"Of course, Tonks. Come in. Care for some tea?" Remus invited.
"To tell the truth, caffeine would be a good thing right now. I'm running on about as much sleep as you had last night, and it's been a bit of a stressful week."
"That bad huh? Well, I have some instant coffe in here somewhere. Let me get some water going and you can tell me what's gotten you so wound up." Remus stepped into the kitchen to get the water going and getting out the coffee and tea.
"Okay. It's a long story. It would be best if I told you first that you, Harry, and I now have just over 41 hours to get to Gringott's or we are going to be out of Sirius' will. Dumbledore has been messing with our official correspondence in his capacity of Chief Warlock. I guess he didn't want us to be there for some reason. Actually, that's the least of our problems, though. The rest is about Harry."
This got Remus' attention. "Harry? What's going on with Harry? Is he all right?"
"A lot seems to be going on with Harry, has been for years, and I get the feeling that he's not been 'all right' since he was first put with those damned Muggles. Here is a brief report on what I've put together, read it and then I will tell you what happened to me." She handed over the piece of parchment she had written her facts and questions on. "Oh, and look on the back. That was a quick note about the will reading. I didn't find out about it until I had already stashed my backup copy."
"Are you certain of this? What do you mean 'accidental high level healing magic?'" Remus was bewildered. He knew that Harry's relatives didn't like him, but was she implying abuse? And on an almost daily basis?
"Well, I wasn't sure, but tracking at the Ministry certainly seems to be sure of it. And 'accidental high level healing magic' is the ministry's term for whatever seems to be happening at the Dursley's almost every night. Whatever it is, it's powerful, and usually happens in the middle of the night."
"But, we've been getting owls from Harry saying that he was alright." Remus was still confused, but understood that whatever was happening to Harry couldn't be good.
"I asked him about that. His exact words were 'You'd be suprised what you can live through.'" Tonks said bitterly.
"I take it that you took this information to Dumbledore? What did he have to say about it?"
Wordlessly, Tonks passed over her letter to herself.
"You're kidding right? He really wiped you?"
"Yup. Pulled a first class Lockhart job on me. The only thing I remembered was that I gave a stock report on my guarding, and then headed home and to bed. Didn't remember the talk with Harry, the fact that he ran six miles in under half an hour, or the fact that he cussed me up one side and down the other. I didn't even know about the files or talking with Fletch. About the only good thing to come out of it is that I don't remember the lunch date with him either." Tonks said grimly.
A low growl escaped from Moony's throat. He was the last of the Marauders. Harry was his best friend's son. Nothing, NOTHING was going to hurt the boy, if he had anything to say about it. "This happens between 2:45 and 3:30? It's 2:30 am. Let's go." The water for the coffee and tea was left to boil away.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
The door at #4 Privet Drive slammed shut. Harry could hear the stairs creaking under the 25 stone weight going up them. The locks were being unlocked, and the door slammed open.
"Boy! Time to take up where we left off! Petunia! Get me that leash Marge left last time!" Vernon Dursley bellowed. Harry stood up slowly, facing Vernon. Vernon's favorite gin had a much different smell than Dung's fire whiskey. Sweeter, yet harsher as well. Must not have aged very long.
"Think you can take me on like a man, now freak? Think you're man enough to stop me without your fucking stick? I know damn good and well you can't mumbo pocus your way out of a beating. If you could you would have done so years ago, wouldn't ya." Vernon took a swing at Harry's head.
Harry ducked the first swing, and threw up his arm to block a left hook that was the follow up. Unfortunately, that didn't help the next shot, which was a kick right up between the legs. Harry folded, clutching his groin. Petunia came in with the chain leash and handed it wordlessly to Vernon. Her eyes were alight in a look of blood lust. The sight would have made Bellatrix Lestrange shiver. Vernon folded the 8 foot length in half, and took it back over his head and brought it down on Harry's back again and again, stripping the flesh from his body, down to the muscle and bone. After the third strike, Harry was mercifully unconscious.
Vernon was so intent on his whipping of the boy that he did not hear the twin pops behind him down the stairs. Moony and Tonks started up the stairs at a run. Remus saw what was happening, and his wand came up. "REDUCTO!"
The spell never hit Vernon, Petunia, or the chain.
Just as the spell from Remus was entering the room, there was a brilliant flash of light. Something knocked Vernon out the door, through the guard rail of the landing, and out the east side of the house, to slide bonelessly down the side of #2 Privet Drive. He landed in the neighbor's side yard under a pile of rubble that was the remains of an inner and outer wall from #4 Privet Drive.
Petunia, standing to the side, was only knocked through the interiour wall into Dudley's closet, landing on Dudley's stash of drugs, knives, and an unfired .32 cal. Saturday Night Special. Close inspection by the constabulary of the weapon would have revealed that the barrel was misaligned with the cylinder, and would exploded the first time it was fired. If the user was lucky, he would only lose a hand. If not, he and possibly several people around him would die from shrapnel.
Remus and Tonks picked themselves up from the rubble that had been the Dursley's living room, and raced back up the stairs to Harry's room. Harry was laying on the floor; unconscious, but alive. There were fresh scars, healed scars, and scars overlapping each other. New and old blood covered the boy, but all of the wounds were healed to the point of scabbing over.
Remus took a deep breath, and almost gagged on the smell of blood. The coppery tang was assaulting senses that were still trying to recover from his monthly night of hell. His nose was telling him that the entire room was splashed with gore.
Tonks was down by Harry like a shot. Her hands roamed his body, checking for broken bones. "Harry, can you hear me? Honey, I need you to wake up. I need you to tell me how you are feeling."
Groggily, Harry muttered "See, I told you that you would be amazed at what you can live through," and went back to sleep.
Remus took charge of the situation. "Tonks. Take him to your place and put him up there. Tell no one. I'll get his stuff together, get it to you, and come back to cover for you both. Good thing that nothing gets through to a 'wolf's mind. I get the feeling that Albus will be here soon. Not even 'Dung could sleep through that, unless he was under Vernon on the way down."
With a -pop- Tonks and Harry were gone. Moony repacked Harry's trunk, and did a quick check for magical items. A glow from the loose floorboard revealed Harry's wand and cloak. Moony looked at the cloak, and with a tamping down of the memories it brought, placed it in the trunk. He grabbed the trunk and Hedwig's cage, and looked around. He had all of Harry's stuff, but then they would know that somebody had done a snatch and stash on the young man. Not good. A quick pair of conjurations created reasonable facsimiles of the trunk and cage. Placing the cage on the ground, Remus quickly put a size 11 through the cage and put it back in its place on the dresser. He set the trunk over by the landing. A bludgeoning curse later, the trunk was scattered all over the living room below, mixing with the general disaster area. Going back into Harry's bedroom, he grabbed the real trunk and cage, and was gone.
Seconds later, Remus appeared in the back yard, to find Mundungus Fletcher over by the pile of rubble that was Vernon Dursley a few minutes ago. Remus ran up to 'Dung.
"What happened Dung?" Remus asked, with concern in his voice.
"Dunno. Ah was just going about mah guardin' an' ahlosudden this great bloody flyin' behemoth come crashin' outta th' wall!" Mundungus wheezed, the whiskey threatening to overpower Moony almost as bad as the blood had been moments earlier.
"Have you called Dumbledore or been in the house yet? Is Harry okay?"
"Naw. Not bin in th' 'ouse yet. Got a message ou' ter Dumbledore soon's I saw wh' 'appened. Said not ta go inside unner ina circ'stances. 'E said 'e'd be 'ere ina minnit."
A quiet -pop- and Albus Dumbledore was standing beside Remus and Mundungus in a white dressing robe with moving sheep jumping over fences, and a night cap with a tassel on it.
"Good Morning Mundungus. Hello Remus, what are you doing here?" Dumbledore asked, his eyes twinkling.
Moony felt the intrusion skitter off the obsidian walls of his mind. "Nothing much. I slept quite a bit today, so I couldn't sleep tonight. I have been worried about Harry and thought I would come over and keep 'Dung company and see how he was doing. I showed up to see 'Dung standing over what appears to be Harry's uncle. It makes me a bit nervous about what had happened to the cub."
"Mr. Fletcher, has anything else happened since you sent your message to me?" Dumbledore asked. At 'Dung's shake of the head, Albus continued "Let us go see how young Harry is doing then, shall we?" Albus Dumbledore showed no outward sign of disappointment that his attempt to get into the werewolf's mind had been thwarted.
The three wizards walked up to the front door. A quick unlocking charm and the door opened to what seemed to be a scene from the Apocalypse. The living room was covered in material from the walls to Harry's bedroom. The stairs were still there, but not the hand rail. There was a two-by-four through the screen of the television.
Carefully, they made their way up to the second floor landing and peered into what used to be the smallest bedroom at Number 4 Privet Drive. There was no eastern wall. It was all down in the living room. It looked like a bomb had gone off in the room. There were scorch marks close to where the bed used to be, showing a silhouette of a body in a fetal position. Wrapped around a ceiling joist was a length of chain with a loop in it on one end, and a hook on the other. Both sides were covered in sticky, congealing blood. The bed was shattered up against the north wall that had a 5'6" x 2' hole in it, roughly human shaped. Peering through the hole, they saw Petunia Dursley on the other side of the room laying in the closet of the room to the other side. Looking to the east, they saw where Vernon was propelled through the outer wall.
Although he had been in the room moments before, Remus was still shocked at the devastation in the room. "Albus, what could have happened in here?"
"I am not sure. It bears a resemblance to something I have only seen three times in my life, but I'm certain it could not be that."
Albus had seen something like this before? "What was that?"
"That is a tale for another time, I am afraid. I know it could not be that because the damage is too limited. If what had happened then had occurred here, the damage would have been much greater."
"What do you mean? How much greater?" Remus asked, intrigued.
"I mean that nothing between the southern shore of England to Hogwarts herself would have survived." Albus said bleakly. "That is how I know that did not happen here. However, it is obvious that Harry has been attacked somehow. He is to be presumed missing, and in terrible danger at this point. We must interrogate the Dursleys to see if they can remember who might have been here."
The trio carefully made their way into Dudley's room. Albus awoke Petunia Dursley. "Petunia, can you tell us what happened this morning?"
"Y... Y... YOU!! YOU DID THIS! GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE THIS INSTANT YOU FREAKS!" Petunia screamed at the top of her lungs.
Albus Dumbledore placed a privacy shield around the room, and looked back at her. "Shut up, Petunia. You will tell us what happened now." Albus stated to her flatly.
"Nothing!" She growled. "We just did what we normally have to do to that freak to punish him. The next thing I know there was a flash of light and then you are waking me up."
"Albus, you can't possibly believe her. Something HAD to have happened!" Remus exclaimed.
"Actually, I do believe her. This is clearly a case of accidental magic designed to get Harry away from a punishment. He must have apparated to somewhere he feels safe. As he is not at Hogwarts, I suspect that he must be at the Weasleys. I'm afraid that we must repair the house and bring him back. The wards simply are not strong enough for him to be safe anywhere else." Albus stated matter-of-factly.
Remus was shocked, but covered it well. "Sir, I'm not going to be able to help you with this, being the day after a full moon. My energy levels are still on the mend. Changes have been a bit rough since Padfoot is gone. I think I will go back and get some sleep."
"Of course, my boy. You need to take better care of yourself. You aren't getting any younger. I will have Alistor go to the Weasleys to retrieve the boy. Mundungus, will you get started the repairs while I send Alistor a message?" Dumbledore asked.
At this point in the conversation, Remus took his leave. As he got out of the room, he apparated back to Tonks' flat.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
As Tonks got Harry settled into her bed, she looked at the clock. The time was now 3:02 am. 'Well, now I know what "accidental high level healing magic" is,' she thought grimly.
She heard a -pop-, a pair of "thumps" and another -pop-, and knew that Remus had dropped everything off and had returned. If it hadn't been so serious, it would have been the biggest prank it the career of all of the Marauders, she thought with a grin. 'Stealing the Boy-Who-Lived.' Priceless.
Twenty minutes later, Remus reappeared in her living room. Tonks had the water on for tea, and it was just coming to a boil. "In the kitchen, Moony. What's your poison?"
"Silver, but you already knew that." Remus replied with a grin. "But if you are making tea, I'll take some Earl Grey, and ask if you mind if I pull up a bit of floor in by Harry after we talk."
"Wise-arse. Earl Grey laced with silver it is. You don't need to use the floor. There's enough room that I can conjure up a bed for you. You used to enjoy my bedroom skills." Tonks said with a gleam to her eye.
"Ah, and who is being a wise-arse now?" Remus took the tea from Tonks and sat down at the table.
"Seriously. Albus showed up just after I returned. I told him I had slept too much today, and had just come by to talk to 'Dung, and found him staring at the pile of rubble that used to be Vernon Dursley. Can you believe that unmitigated bastard actually wants Harry put BACK there? Either he's out of his mind or he's a bigger threat to the boy than Voldemort is!" The wolf was glaring out of Remus' eyes as he was speaking.
Tonks looked up and said softly, but firmly, "Not happening. I might not have much, but Harry is going to be staying with me until he's safe. Other than you, no one knows he's here, and I can call in to work the next few days. Heck, if Sirius left us much, I'll never have to work again! I'm sure he would rather that we took care of Harry than to put him back in that situation. Did you see him? I mean REALLY SEE him? I picked him up and he couldn't possibly be but six or seven stone. And those scars..."
"You're right. I failed James and Lily. I failed Sirius. I'm NOT going to fail Harry. He's all I have left. I will walk through hell and pull the devil himself out the other side just for Harry to give him a wedgie if that's what he asks of me. Do you want the bedroom, or the couch?" Remus asked with a yawn.
"I'd already planned on the couch, since I wanted Harry to sleep in the bed. He's had a bad enough night without having to worry about what that couch will do to his back." Tonks yawned in reply. "G'night." With that, they went to their respective beds.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
A/N: Oh, not sure if anyone else knows this, but one stone is roughly fourteen pounds. I figure if they are wizards, they are going to use outdated weight and size measurements. They are pretty much stuck in the Victorian era in most other ways.
