A Series of Strange Events

By: Drixia

Chapter Eight: Pain, Pein, & Food

Authoress' Note

Now time for chapter 8! :D Thanks to my wonderful readers! You guys are awesome!

Much love, D.

Disclaimer

Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © Masashi Kishimoto – Meaning I do not, nor will I ever, own the Akatsuki

Also, I don't own anything you recognize

Rating

Rated T for language

Warning!

This fanfiction may contain spoilers if you aren't up to date with the manga. Just letting you know. Um… also, there will probably be A LOT of perverted/crude/morbid humor. Since, I find that humor…humorous. There may be mentioning of yaoi and yuri. So, if you aren't okay with that… block it out of your mind? I won't heavily be delving into it though, just dabbing light sprinkles on it. This is making me hungry so… Enjoy! – D.

POV –First Person

Not only was there a naked Tobi in the room, who was absolutely refusing to put on clothes, but now there was a naked Hidan. Ah yes, my house has become a wonderland of nudity.

I heard the garage open and after a few seconds, it closed.

"Please put your clothes back on," I got down on my knees and prayed to whatever god there was; Jashin-sama, Allah, ANYONE. My mom is going to think I threw a sexy party without her.

"Pein-sama," I crawled toward him, "Please tell them to put their clothes back on!" He ignored me.

Well, that's not very nice at all.

I frowned and proceeded to resort to drastic measures. This includes, but is not limited to; hugging, crying, screaming, yelling, and flat out begging.

So I latched onto Pein-sama's legs, and whined, "Please, please, please, please!"

"What the HELL is going on here?"

Wow. I didn't even hear my mom come in; maybe she's a ninja?

"Rachel," She scolded me, "Why are they naked?" She pointed to the naked Hidan on the couch, and the naked Tobi still having a spazz attack.

"And why are you on the floor, hugging his legs, saying 'Please'?"

I just sat there, and buried my face into Pein-sama's legs.

"Rachel…." Oh no. Now she's tapping her foot. Not a good sign. "If you don't answer me in the next minute you will get no food Missy." Damn. My one weakness! Well, one of my many weaknesses.

"Fine," I sucked in a breath, "Tobi and Deidara were turned into kittens because Deidara was chasing us, and Tobi got in the way so I got him soaked too; so they both turned into kittens." I took another breath, "And so I left Deidei as a kitty and turned Tobi back into a human, and now he's refusing to wear clothes, and Hidan got jealous so he flung off his clothes, and I was begging Pein-sama to make them put their clothes back on, but he ignored me!"

My mom blinked a few times, "Um…well...What?"

"Can we just fuckin' eat?" I unhinged myself from Pein-sama's legs to thwack Hidan on the head, "Shut up!" He stood up and looked like he was going to hit me back, but luckily I ran and hid behind my favorite shield, "Kisame save me!"

I swear I seen his head move to the side and glance at Itachi. You don't need his approval!

"Move the fuck out of the way fish face! I need to teach that little bitch a lesson!" On a side note, Hidan looks delicious when he's angry and naked.

"Who wants food?" Good save mom, good save.

"We'll finish this later whore," Oh? So I was a bitch, and now I'm a whore? You're an asshole Hidan.

"Get some clothes on first please."

Why doesn't Hidan ever yell at my mom as often as he yells at me? That's just plain unfair.

Luckily, Tobi and Hidan listened and put on their clothes; although Hidan kept his shirt off. Not that anyone was complaining. I mean…he has amazing abs.

So all the Akatsuki members –well; nine members, one subordinate, and my mom went back to get their food from my mom's car (since she can't carry it all by herself). Sasori came up to me. "What should we do with him," Poor Deidei being held up by his neck fat.

I gave a dramatic sigh, "Well I guess I can turn him back."

The kitty glared at me, I just smiled and poked his nose, "Poor Deidei kitty!" I plucked him from Sasori's grasp and skipped up the stairs, "Tell my mom I'll be down in a minute!" Sasori better have nodded, because if he didn't I'll be sad.

So I did my thing, which required me to dunk Deidei in warm water and hug him.

He had calmed down considerably since he no longer looked at me with the intent to kill. Oh wait, his intent to kill is still there; it's just a bit duller than normal.

Afterwards, we walked down the stairs and got us some GRUB!

MINI TIME SKIP

"So I've been thinking," Kisame looked like he was daydreaming, "Can we make or buy some new weapons? 'Cause I feel lost without Samehade."

"On a related note, may we borrow your rings? And may we use your backyard to train?" At least Pein-sama asked. If I were awesome like him, I wouldn't have asked.

"NO weapons!" My mom looked panicked at the thought of them wielding dangerous objects. Not that I blamed her; I feel the same way. "Yeah…people don't carry weapons in this day and age…well, not unless you're in a gang." They seemed to understand the gang thing, since they've all been living on the TV.

"You can make fake ones though? Like your cosplay props, right Rachel?"

"Yeah, good idea mom," I smiled at her from my spot on the floor, "We'll get you some stuff at the craft store. And yes to both your questions Pein-sama. Just be careful around the pool."

"We are ninjas," Konan looked at me like I was a bit stupid, which I probably am for warning them about that.

"Hey!" I just thought of the best thing ever!

They all looked at me, "Kisame-san can you fill the pool with clean water?" I totally remember that one jutsu he does that makes amazing water shoot out of his mouth.

"Um…sure," He grinned, showing me his razor sharp teeth. I felt the urge to hide behind Konan. So I embraced it, but I did so in a non-offensive way. I don't want to make Kisame sad, because I love him!

"Oh Rachel, I got a call from a few of your teachers (1). You're failing?" Awe shucks, I thought she wouldn't find out; although I don't have the slightest idea why I thought that.

"I can explain!"

"Well please do," She looked a bit angry, or rather, furious.

"You see…with all the craziness of the Akatsuki coming here I got sidetracked!"

"They got here two days ago. Try again."

"I…was caught on the path of life?"

"You need to get your grades up, or do I have to put you back in regular school?" I frowned. So mean. Oh no, now she's stroking her imaginary beard! This can't bode well for me.

"You know… these guys are criminals right? So they're probably very smart."

Why oh why must she remember what I say when I ramble on and on about anime and manga characters?

"…yes," I can't deny it now.

"Hmm… so who'd be the best at Psychology, Geometry, and Personal Finance?" I knew this was coming.

"None of them," I tried to keep a straight face.

"Actually," Yes Sasori, please join the conversation, "Kakuzu-san is probably the best at anything mathematical. Itachi-san or Pein-sama would probably be excellent at assisting with psychology." Well, it won't be Itachi teaching me. I refuse.

"Why can't someone super smart like Madara teach me?"

Oh shit. Did I just say that out loud?

"What did you say?" The ever so silent Itachi questioned my slip up. I'm so screwed.

"I…I said MY DANNA (2)!" Sasori raised an eyebrow, Tobi was completely silent (probably going over ways to kill me in his head), and Konan and Pein-sama were just staring at me. Not a good sign.

"He's not your Danna, un!"

"Maybe he is! What? Is poor Deidara-chan jealous?" I laughed, but he was glowing red. I'll assume it's a mixture of my baby voice and the female honorific I just used on Deidei.

"Are you implying we are married? Or that I am your master?" Good question Sasori.

"Maybe I'm implying both!" I felt a bit victorious.

"ANYWAY," My mom really did know how to make a room focus on her.

"I'll think about who'll be the best to help you out, and after the weekend I'll let you know." Oh right, today's Friday.

"Also, tell me what kind of weapons everyone wants to make and I'll get the supplies tomorrow." Everyone nodded, except for the silent Tobi; the silent Tobi that was staring at me.

I'm shaking in fear. Normally that would be sarcasm, but right now I'm actually serious. Madara is fuckin' scary as hell. And I'm probably going to get killed later on this evening.

"Come on Rachel-chan! You promised to show Tobi how to draw chibi Tobi!" I did not. Don't lie.

"Okay have fun!" No! How dare you mom! Don't smile! How can you forget that Tobi is Madara-sama? I told you before! You should've remembered! (3)

"Hurry Rachel-chan," His voice was still Tobi's but it still sounded evil. He grabbed my arm roughly and dragged me up the stairs. I'm going to have bruises from this. I can just feel them forming. They'll be all blue and purple and gross; in the shape of Madara's hand.

"Gah! Slow down," Seriously, I almost tripped!

So we're in my room, the door is shut, the silencing jutsu is placed, and now I'm fucked.

"I will allow you a few moments to explain yourself," His voice was scary and void of emotion; that's just eerie.

"I…I…You see what had happened was –"

POW!

A very strong fist punched me in the stomach, causing me to gasp. I collapsed on the floor from all the pain. I will definitely have a horrible bruise on my stomach.

"You almost gave away my identity. If you make this mistake again, the consequences will be much more severe." I felt pain explode from my scalp from Madara yanking my hair. Ow. I hate it when people pull my hair.

I was forced to look at his swirly mask. There was a faint red glow from his eye hole. Luckily, he didn't seem to want to rape my mind today. Thank Jashin-sama.

"Do you understand?"

I was in too much pain to nod, so he helped me by using his free hand to move my head up and down.

"Y-yes Madara-sama," I just wanted to sleep now.

"Good girl," He flung me to the side, which caused me to hit a wall.

"Now show me how to work this contraption." He grabbed my laptop and held it up as if it weighed nothing, which to him; it was probably as light as a feather.

I got up shakily, swaying slightly, and walked toward the bed.

Madara sat down closest to the wall, and I sat beside him. He's so lucky I'm a bit of a sadist or I'd refuse to help him right now.

I showed him how to work the laptop, flinching every time pressure was put on my bruises. I noticed the bruises already starting to form on my arms. My eyes watered a bit, "You could have just yelled at me you know." He looked over from the laptop and at my arms, "I could have, but I doubt it would have been as effective as physical discipline." He chuckled, and that made my skin crawl. "You would make a poor kunoichi Rachel-chan," He placed his hand over the bruise. I flinched when he squeezed my arm.

"Ow," I tried to yank it away.

"You see? Perhaps you should learn to show more resilience to pain," He put more pressure on the bruises, "Shh." I blinked away the water in my eyes. "Stop please," He let go FINALLY!

So I went into the closet and put on a long sleeved shirt, which was painful by the way. Stupid Madara! He just had to punch me in my tummy.

I left the closet to see Madara and my laptop gone.

He better not break it. If he did I'd…buy a new one I guess? I mean obviously me vs. Madara equals lots of pain on my behalf.

So I decided to do the only logical thing to do after being brutally beaten (okay I'm exaggerating, but that's what it felt like): sleep.

POV –Third Person

Tobi exited Rachel's room with her laptop, and went into the room beside it (the classroom) unnoticed; like a good ninja.

"Where'd the little bitch go?"

Staci, Rachel's mother, sighed. "She went to show Tobi something awhile ago. Now they're probably sleeping. It's pretty late."

Deidara put in a movie titled 'Hostel Part One' and pressed play. Everyone seemed to enjoy the movie. Halfway through Staci fled to the sanctuary of her own room for some much needed sleep. Shortly after Konan and Pein left to the classroom where they had a super secret meeting with Madara about the earlier name slip, and their plans in the current world they were stuck in.

Downstairs the rest of the Akatsuki members were entranced by the sheer brutality of the movie. Most were reminiscing in their minds of previous kills in which they did similar things.

Hidan then got up, "Where are you going?" His partner, though he loathed it, had to keep his partner in check. Kakuzu preferred to keep the Jashinist out of as much trouble as possible, since he was always on cleanup duty when Hidan caused trouble.

"I don't care what those bitches' rules are; Jashin-sama hasn't had a sacrifice for two days too long." Kakuzu weighed the options and answered, "Just sacrifice a lowly creature that won't be missed. We can't afford to make any mistakes here." Hidan glared, "Shut the fuck up. I'll sacrifice whatever Jashin-sama wants me to sacrifice!" Kakuzu rolled his eyes in annoyance.

After Hidan left, Sasori looked to Kakuzu, "Was that truly wise?"

"Honestly? I don't know, nor do I care."

Sasori nodded faintly and continued to read through the magazine in his lap, "What are you looking at, un?" Deidara looked over Kisame to look in Sasori's lap (4).

"Art." Deidara contorted his face in repulsion, "You call that art, hmm?" He pointed to a painting titled, 'Water Lilies' (5).

"Art is something that endures the test of time beautifully and gracefully. True art is eternal beauty (6). So yes, this is art."

Deidara sighed, "While I respect your view as a fellow artist; you are wrong, yeah. Art is something that blossoms for a minute before withering away (6)."

"That would be where you're wrong brat." Sasori flipped the page.

"No, that would be you who are wrong Danna."

Kisame sighed, "Can you not start this? It's already late, and I don't want to listen to you two bicker about 'art this' and 'art that'!"

Deidara glared at Kisame's head, "You wouldn't know art if it latched onto your face and blew it clean off, yeah."

"That would not be art. It would simply be a nuisance. Your petty explosions are nowhere near true art," Sasori continued to study the picture of a famous sculpture on the page.

This discussion continued into the night, causing Itachi to vacate the room and seek shelter in the classroom. Kisame just about killed himself in annoyance. Kakuzu was a golden fortress though. He was just counting money, although, no one knew where he found it all.

Zetsu was nowhere to be found, because he left the room long before this argument got out of hand.

After awhile Deidara fell asleep. Kakuzu turned off the lights and TV muttering about, "Ungrateful brats. Wasting electricity; wasting money."

After a few hours went by, a deranged looking Hidan slide back into the house carrying a small body under his arm.

TIME SKIP

POV –First Person

I woke up the next morning feeling slightly refreshed, but very much bruised. I was very sore around my stomach; the slightest movement caused me pain. My arms were no better.

"Ah!" A loud, and familiar, scream echoed through the house. I jumped up, wincing as I did so, and made my way down the stairs; quickly, but carefully.

The sight I saw in the dining room was a horrible sight indeed.!"

To be continued…

Authoress' Note 2

Hey! I changed POV's; haven't done that in awhile.

So I have one vote for taking the Akatsuki to a con, and one vote for taking them to the strip. Hmm…I'm tempted to do both.

Leave a review and let me know if you liked the fic, if you didn't, what could be improved, etcetera. Also, let me know what you'd like to see happen, or what you think is gonna happen! Insert smiley face.

Much love, D.

Other Notes

1. When you do online school, your teachers call either you, or your parents.

2. XD My friend Gracie came up with this cover. Since even she can't stop herself from saying Madara instead of Tobi.

3. Lots of exclamation points.

4. That sounds really perverted.

5. by Monet.

6. Spoken word-for-word in…Shippuden episode…19, was it?