"Pancakes?" Gilbert asked as he and Mathew approached the gates of the school, they walked slowly, as if neither of them really wanted to leave the school yard or each other for that matter "But I thought you said your dad was British?"
Mathew nodded "Yeah, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like pancakes…in fact, how would him being British have anything to do with him liking pancakes?"
Gilbert shrugged "I thought they liked tea and scones…"
"That doesn't mean that's all they eat!"
Gilbert laughed "Whatever… So pancakes… He freaks out if he doesn't get any of your pancakes?"
"Exactly! We don't know why he likes them so much, the only theory we can come up with it that they're too delicious."
Gilbert stopped walking and crossed his arms "I demand these pancakes."
Mathew looked up at Gilbert in surprise "Y-you want to try my pancakes?"
Gilbert gave a quick nod "Yeah, since you're my best friend I demand to taste this mastery of flat cakes that turns your dad into sonic!"
Mathew stood silently gazing up at the white haired boy in front of him, his entire body was frozen in place. Gilbert became worried, had he said something wrong?
"Hey, its ok… you don't have to make them!" Gilbert laughed nervously "I was just joking."
Mathew blinked a few times "What did you say?"
"I said that you don't have to make em, I was just-"
Mathew shook his head "No, before that. "
"Mathew, I don't understand…"
Mathew shuffled his feet and looked off to his left "Y-you said… Best friend."
Gilbert looked at the smaller blond in front of him, he seemed so nervous and unsure. What? Did he think Gilbert was going to yell "Just kidding!" and run off. Mathew stole a quick glance at Gilbert before he shifted his eyes back away, and that was all Gilbert needed. All Gilbert needed to realize that Mathew didn't think Gilbert would do that, no, he expected it. That look in his eyes.
Gilbert found he was frozen too "Why wouldn't you be my best friend? You're like the only friend i have that I actually care about, even though we just met a few days ago, you're almost as awesome as me so why wouldn't you be my best friend? Man, you just need a good pat on the back, or a hug. I could hug you, or pat your head and rub your back, I could kiss-"
Gilbert yanked himself out of his head and laughed very loud and obnoxiously "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"
The sudden outburst from Gilbert startled Mathew, he looked widened eyed at Gilbert with a look of confusion plastered on his face "Wha-?"
"Birdie you're so funny! Of course you're my best friend, you're the only person that's awesome enough to be my best friend! S-so yeah…" Gilbert said with his hands on his hips, he tried to look confident but there was something obviously bothering him… why did he think that? That wasn't supposed to happen…
Mathew only seemed more confused after Gilbert's explanation "Gil? Are you ok?"
Gilbert laughed "What are you talking about? I-I'm doing great!"
Mathew chuckled nervously and rolled his eyes "Yeah, ok, whatever you say."
Gilbert needed to run, he could feel sweat beading on the back of his neck. He couldn't just stay here with that thought fresh in his mind, it was almost painfully awkward for him. He knew he thought it, he knew, even if Mathew didn't it was still replaying in his mind.
"I thought it… I need to get ahold of myself, it's not supposed to be like this, just… I need to go."
"Ok well, I better go…" Mathew's words cut through his thoughts like a hot knife through butter, the smile that accompanied the words made Gilbert's cheeks warm up "Uh, yeah…" Gilbert replied with his eyes glued to Mathew's smile, to his lips "I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"
Mathew smiled as if an awkward moment didn't just transpire "Yep! See ya, Gill!" and then he jogged off towards the gates. Gilbert watched him go, like some sort of love sick schoolgirl. Gilbert slid his backpack off his shoulder and let it fall to the ground. He moved one hand up under his chin and the other he placed behind his back as he began pacing. At first it was mild, but as he continued to think, his pace slowly became frantic.
"Ok, tell me what the fuck is wrong with you, Gilbert? How dare you even think like that, I don't care if you cut the thought off, you were gonna think and that's really not ok in anyway whatsoever at all forever, ok… ok… so just pull yourself together, it's only been a few days, there's no reason to become that one creepy dude… as if I could be creepy though... He's probably oblivious to the way you looked at him anyway, right? Wait, is he even into dudes? NOT THat it matteRS GILBERT. Jeez… ok… Be awesome, be awesome, and be awesome. Just be awesome."
Gilbert picked up his bag off the ground and swiftly left the school yard, he face was straight and he seemed uninterested in everything he laid his eyes on, but his tinted cheeks were still glowing.
Alfred leaned against the wall the surrounded the school, his eyes were only half open and he scanned everything around him with the look that a king gave a lowly peasant. He shoved his hands into his pockets and wondered what was taking Mathew so long. He should've been here by now. Just as Alfred was about to pull his phone out and text Mathew, the small blond in question jogged out of the gate and up to Alfred.
"Hey, Al! Have you been waiting long?" Mathew asked as he slowed to a stop and adjusted his messenger bag.
Alfred thought about the twenty minutes he'd been leaning against wall doing absolutely nothing and smiled "Nope! I just got here a minute ago."
Alfred began walking and Mathew fell into sync next to him. Mathew seemed relaxed as they started towards their destination, he talked easily and his comebacks were coming quicker. Alfred wondered what he'd missed. Alfred decided that there was enough small talk, he needed answers and so he was gonna put his questions out there and get some damn answers! He was sure Mattie would have some questions of his own too.
"So, Mattie… what's this all about anyways?" Alfred started.
Mathew shrugged "I figured you had things to say to me."
Alfred looked over at Mathew "How did he know? Is it that obvious?"
"Oh, come on now, Alfred. Don't give me that look, I know because I'm your brother… I can always tell when you've got something to say." Mathew said without looking at his brother, keeping his eyes straight ahead and focused on the path in front of them.
Alfred frowned a bit, Mathew was intimated. He was avoiding eye contact… he was preparing to lie if needed. Alfred stopped and spun his brother to look at him "You knock that off right now! No matter what I have to say I'm gonna be honest, so you better be too!"
Mathew blinked up at his brother in shock, Alfred looked so serious, there was something really weighing on his mind. Mathew slowly nodded and Alfred released him. "Alright… do you still want to get a soda or…?"
Mathew smiled "Ice cream?"
"You read my mind."
They idly chatted about their days on the way to the ice cream parlor but as soon as they seated themselves outside with their ice creams they fell silent. Neither knew where to start, but of course, the one with more confidence started first.
"I know you're friends with Gilbert and I have a motherfucking problem with it." Alfred stated while watching the cars pass by the little shop. Mathew knew he'd say something along those lines, he was surprised at the cursing though, usually Alfred refrained from using them in serious situations, and maybe this wasn't going to be as heavy as Mattie originally thought. But after looking closer at Alfred, Mathew noticed that he had his jaw clenched and his hands were balled into fist instead of holding onto his cup of ice cream, his eyes burned with something Mathew didn't recognize. He wasn't relaxed about this situation at all, he was passionate. Mathew realized that this was going to be a lot heavier than he expected.
"I know." Mathew simply replied.
"I have a lot of bad things to say about that guy."
"I know…" Mathew repeated.
"And I really wish you would just… just punch him in his balls and ditch him… But."
Mathew looked up from his ice cream and studied his brother face, it seemed blank compared to how it looked a second ago.
"But I'm gonna… let you make your own choices. So if you want to date the douchebag-"
Mathew coughed "I'm sorry, what?"
Alfred chuckled "I said if you're gonna date him, I want you to hear my story first."
Mathew laughed "Oh, I'm not gonna date him, were just friends."
Alfred narrowed his eyes "Well, you're gonna hear my fucking story anyways. Then I'll step down, for now."
Mathew only nodded. Alfred took a deep breath "Ok, we met… I don't really know when but we became fast friends, it felt like we'd known each other a lifetime. He was super energetic and fun to hang out with, but as I got to know him better, I realized that he had issues. He couldn't deal with the idea of his friends hanging out with me without him, or girls he knew liking me. At first I thought he was gonna get over it but he didn't, he became vicious. He spread nasty rumors and shunned anyone who liked me, he blamed me because all of his friends got tired of him bad mouthing me and being a full on shit head. I didn't even do anything wrong! So eventually we confronted him and he said he'd back down but instead he started pulling pranks, dying our teeth green, cutting our clothes up, fairly harmless things. Though it was annoying it was easy to get over." Alfred paused and ate some of his ice cream "Sorry, Mattie, but this ice cream is just demanding my attention!"
Mathew frowned "Alfred! Focus!"
"I mam!" Alfred said as he spooned more ice cream into his mouth "Um furcusing on ma ice crem!"
"Alfred!" Mattie whined "Just tell the story!" Mathew hadn't realized how quickly he'd gotten sucked into Alfred story, but he was just so interested to hear about Gilbert. A Gilbert he didn't know, a Gilbert that sounded unpleasant and nothing like the one he knew now. But Alfred just kept eating while watching the cars zoom by.
That's when Mathew caught on to something, he was withholding information for some reason. Why? He seemed so keen on tearing Gilbert apart at the beginning but now it seemed as if he was looking for an excuse to drop the subject.
"Alfred, continue." Mathew said sternly "Please, I need to know what's got you so worked up."
Alfred looked into his empty ice cream cup like a drunk looked into as empty bottle "Mattie, I need to say something first."
"Well say it!" Mathew sat straighter in his chair and was breathing heavily, he didn't know why it was affecting him so much but he was… scared to hear the end.
"Ok, so if you're a cute girl…" Alfred continued "I wanna get it. And… if you're a cute dude, I probs want to get it too."
Mathew sat there blankly looking at his brother "Wait… You're bisexual? Jeez, Alfred! Everyone knows that!"
Alfred looked stunned "What, really?"
"YES." Mathew said exasperated. Was that what Alfred was withholding?
Alfred frowned "You don't gotta be so mean about it…"
Mathew was letting himself worked up, he wanted to be angry "Were supposed to be talking about Gilbert!"
"Well I felt like that needed to be said so I could continue the story!"
Mathew stood, making his chair scrape backwards "Can you just stay focused for ten seconds? Please!?"
Alfred followed Mathew lead and stood as well, making the metal chair scrape painfully loud along the concert "What's got you so worked up? I haven't said anything wrong!"
"You haven't told me anything I haven't already known! Are you telling me the reason you hate him so much is because he's annoying? You've mentally tormented me because I was worried about our relationship and mine and Gilbert's at the same time, and now it turns out I didn't need to do that in the first place?! Finish the story, Alfred!" the words burned all the way up Mathew's throat as he shouted them, he wanted to defend Gilbert. He wanted to hear the whole story. He wanted Alfred to tell him what he was thinking. He wasn't a child, he didn't need people to withhold opinions or information because they were worried it would hurt him. Mathew knew he was blowing this out of proportion but he was angry, he didn't want to be left in the dark.
Alfred looked at Mathew in disbelief "It's hard for me to say, ok. So just sit down and I'll continue."
Mathew lunched out of his rage like he was a rubber band being stretched back and let go, he calmed down almost instantly. He felt like a jerk, he really didn't need to shout, there really isn't an excuse for how he acted… He just was getting defensive for some reason… So scooted his chair back in and dropped into it "Sorry, Alfred it just-"
"Don't. It's ok." Alfred replied with a small smile, he didn't look mad, in fact he looked understanding.
"Alright…" Mathew said shamefully, he felt so guilty.
"Anyways, after the pranks had been going on for a while" Alfred continued quietly "We eventually got bored of them. Oh no! A cut up shirt... OHHHHH Look, my teeth are blue this time… Oh would you look at that, there's a dick drawn on my locker" Alfred said sarcastically "We didn't care anymore."
Mathew gazed never flattered, he listened intently and waited patiently for Alfred to start up again.
"Well this one time, me and my friends were talking and they joked about getting him back. I guess he heard, somehow, and the next day I found out that'd he'd beat up, like brutally beat up, one of my friends. A janitor found him bleeding out in the locker rooms… there was a note saying something like 'Don't talk about getting me back' or 'Watch your backs'. It was something really cheesy but it still freaked us out for a bit."
Mathew brought a hand up to cover his mouth.
"Mattie, he was hurt bad. He told everyone it was Gilbert but there was no proof. He'd handled it all so well, there was no trace of him. He even knew we'd throw away our cut up shirts and wash the dicks off our lockers so there wasn't proof of the pranks either. It's like he planned it. Mattie it tore me up because…"
Mathew nodded "You cared for your friend-"
"No, well yes, but" Alfred interrupted "I cared for Gilbert, Mathew. Like in a romantic way. I was… God I don't want to talk about this anymore, can we just get more ice cream?"
Mathew looked at his brother widened eyed. No wonder he was so passionate about this, back then, he had to pick in between love and a friends trust. Though Mattie was sure that the decision wasn't very hard for Alfred, considering he was very loyal, but it still must've been hard beyond words to decide to let someone you liked go, Mathew moved his hand away from his mouth "Do you still love him?"
Alfred laughed "I didn't even love him back then! There's a very big difference between love and like, Mathew. I had my eye on him and I figured that when he was done throwing his tantrum I'd hook up with him or something but now I want nothing to do with him."
Mathew had some many feeling and thoughts flying around in his head that he ended up frowning into his melted ice cream soup "I don't know what to say…"
Alfred could feel himself winning. He could feel Mathew pulling away from Gilbert. Alfred cracked a smiled and looked towards his brother to say something but as soon as he saw the look on Mathew's face, any cocky words he was going to say died on his lips. Mathew looked like he may cry, he was crumbling in front of Alfred's eyes.
He looked broken. Alfred had smashed Gilbert, he tore him apart, and Gilbert must look like shit… Alfred could feel panic rising in himself, but even so it looked like Gilbert broke Mathew's heart…
Alfred's eyes widened in silent shock and realization… He broke his Mattie's heart. Not in the romantic way, but in the childish dream way. Alfred could feel the guilt welling up in him. It was just like when they were little and Alfred had bashed the idea of Mathew having an imaginary polar bear friend to have adventures with. At first, Mathew got angry and yelled but then he crumbled. He started crying and calling himself stupid for thinking an imaginary polar bear was cool, so Alfred quickly apologized and spent the rest of the day with Mathew and his polar bear, telling him how cool he was because he couldn't handle the idea that something he said was the reason Mathew was crushed. He could handle it then, and he still can't handle it now.
"I never got his side of the story." Alfred mumbled out, he was so close to winning and yet… here he was giving his brother hope, he knew how optimistic Mathew was. All he would need was this and then he'd be willing to give Gilbert another chance, hear his side of the story.
Mathew's head sprung up "What?"
Alfred bit his lip "I-I never got his side of the story. I think you should ask him about it."
Mathew looked back to his ice cream "I could, I could ask him and see where he was coming from!"
Alfred nearly cheered when a smiled pulled at the corners of his brother's mouth, as much as he wanted Gilbert to leave his little bro alone, he also wanted Mathew to stay happy.
"Mathew, if he hurts you…" Alfred growled despite his inner happiness.
Mathew's watery eyes cleared and the "just barely there" smile bloomed into a full blown grin "You'll be the first to know."
Alfred rolled his eyes and dropped his head into hands "And Mattie, I'll give him, like, half a point or something. Because remember today at the steps in front of the school, when he picked you up and carried you through us? Yeah, the Gilbert I knew would've never done that, he would've gotten mad and become violent, probably try to resolve the problem with force. But he handled it… well…"
Mathew looked at his brother with sudden realization "You blocked the stairs on purpose!"
Alfred sheepishly looked away "I have no idea what you're talking about, brother dearest… Uh, we should be getting home though!" Alfred shot up from his chair and mechanically threw his ice cream cup away, laughing nervously he asked "W-would you be mad if I did do it on purpose? Not that I did!"
Mathew laughed and threw his cup away as well "No, I mean, it gave him a point didn't it?"
"Wha? You actually care about that?!" Alfred exclaimed, he didn't want to make Gilbert look good, that wasn't his plan!
Mathew frowned "Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I care about what you think of my friends… uh, friend… You're my brother after all."
Alfred felt a spike of guilt shoot through his chest, he'd never even introduced Mathew to his friends. And here Mathew was, even after the conversation they just had, telling Alfred he cared.
"Uh, right… Well, let's head home!" Alfred said and started off in the direction of their home. Mathew was silent, Alfred knew he would be, he had a lot to think about. Though, Alfred wondered how seriously Mathew was taking this. Alfred could only imagine that he was taking it quite heavily, considering he'd never had to think about something like this.
Mathew bit his lip and shoved his hands into his pockets, he didn't know what to think. What Gilbert did back then wasn't in anyway ok, but, he didn't seem like that person anymore. Though Mathew hadn't known him long, he was there when Alfred ran off to his friends and he got mad when Mathew was being shoved around.
Something clicked in Mathew's head. "Only the weak pick on the weak…"
Mathew frowned, this was going to be interesting to try and figure out.
Gilbert sat on his bed looking at the screen of his phone.
"No new messages."
Gilbert frowned, usually Mathew set him a message letting him know that he'd gotten home and then they would talk until one of them went to bed but hadn't received anything from Mathew.
"Dear god, he understood… He knew what you were thinking when you were looking at him. He hates you now... no, no, no it's just… He's busy! Yep, he had to do dishes and wash his dog and- hmm, does Mathew even have a dog? I don't think Mathew would have a dog, maybe a cat though. Something that would curl up with him while he read. Mathew could totally curl up with a dog though, but not a small dog… It'd be a big fluffy dog with a cute name and he'd be really sweet. Just like Mathew." Gilbert shoved his face into a pillow "So that's it then, you're just gonna have a crush on him? Just like that? Man, you're so easy."
Someone knocked on his door and immediately opened it afterwards. That signaled Gilbert that it was a parent, so he stayed lying face down on his bed, maybe they would think he was asleep.
"Oh..." His mother's soft voice sounded "I guess you… you fell asleep."
Gilbert kept up the act of sleeping, hoping his mother would leave soon but instead he heard her move his chair over to his bed. He could hear he sit down in it and the next thing he knew was he could feel her soft hand running through his hair, down his cheek and over his back. All her touches were unbelievably light, just barely touching. "Look how you've grown." She said softly.
Gilbert kept his breathing even, he laid still, and he tried to focus on anything else but this mother voice. Why was she doing this?
"I was coming to talk to you about the fair…" She whispered "I already talked to Ludwig. He's grown so much too, he was very understanding. I wanted to apologize for not being there, I had every intention to make it but… I lost track of time." Her voice got quieter, she almost sounded sad "It was irresponsible, I shouldn't have even sent you guys ahead without us. I'm sorry we missed it, but I'm glad you had fun, Ludwig told me all about it."
Gilbert could feel a lump clogging his throat, he was glad he was face down in his pillow or she might've seen the moisture on his lashes.
"I'm sorry, goodnight… Gilbert." He heard her stand and move the chair back to where it belonged.
His door softly closed and he heard mumbling coming from outside, his dad was there too? He heard the voices enter their room and close the door behind them. Gilbert sat up and looked at his bedroom door, he rubbed his eyes and stood. What was that all about?
Suddenly his phone vibrated on his bed. Gilbert launched for it and opened the message.
"Hey, Gilbert. I'm home." It was Mathew, so maybe Mathew wasn't mad? Gilbert looked from his door and back to his phone a few times. "Man…" Gilbert mumbled "Things are getting confusing…"
Rubbing the wetness from his eyes again he began typing a message "heyo how are you?"
Seconds later another message popped up "I'm actually…Feeling like lost and confused."
Gilbert stared at his phone and frowned "me too"
"Really? Heh, that's weird. Were both confused at the same time. What are you confused about?"
'it's a lot to type... how about we meet up after school (- lame) tomorrow and we can talk more then?"
"Sounds good to me, where should we meet?"
"the club!"
"Gilbert, that won't work. We'll be leaving school, not going further into it. We should meet somewhere outside of school."
Gilbert frowned, that was a good point, but the roof was the coolest place! "how about we go to my house? we could watch tv and eat stuff!"
"Sure! I'll see you tomorrow, I should probably be going to sleep."
"ok night birdie"
"Goodnight, Gil."
Gilbert smiled at the idea of having Mathew over at his house as he climbed into his bed and tucked himself in. He turned off his bedside lamp and slowly began to drift off to sleep.
That's when his door creaked open "Did mom come back? God I'm trying to sleep lady, now is not the time to try and-"
A small hand grasped Gilbert shoulder and shook it lightly "Gilbert?"
Gilbert's eyes snapped open to see the shadow his little brother standing next to his bed "Luddy?" Gilbert whispered "What are you doing up?"
Ludwig only sniffed and tugged at Gilbert's blanket.
Gilbert sat up and clicked his light on. Ludwig was in his matching pajamas and his hair was messed up from tossing and turning in his bed. Ludwig's eyes and nose were red and tear trails ran down his face as he tugged at Gilbert's blanket again.
"Ludwig? Are you ok?" Gilbert asked as he lifted his blanket. Ludwig didn't reply, he just crawled into bed next to Gilbert and snuggled against him.
Gilbert looked down at his little brother as he sniffled and rubbed at his eyes. "Ludwig…" Gilbert said softly "Come on, little dude… What's wrong?"
"Do you remember when I said I wanted a little sister?" Ludwig asked quietly.
"Yeah..." Gilbert answered.
"Remember I said that because I wanted someone to take care of, like you take care of me?" Ludwig said and Gilbert nodded in response "Well, I really said that because I wanted someone like mama. I mean that would be impossible considering she'd be younger than me and stuff…"
Gilbert smoothed Ludwig's hair down "Do you miss her that much?"
"I'm only six. I do miss my mother." Ludwig sniffed.
Gilbert frowned, his little brother hardly ever cried. In fact it was more likely for Gilbert to cry than his six year old brother. He wasn't really sure what was going on, but he figured that since his mother went to apologize to Ludwig that it had triggered some of his lonely feelings, which would explain why he was snuggled in Gilbert's bed. Their parents were so close yet so far, a feeling like that could really break a kid down. Gilbert couldn't think of a single word of comfort, a single word of advice, nothing was coming to mind.
Gilbert turned his light off and laid back down, he settled back into his bed. Ludwig seemed surprised when Gilbert didn't say anything. He laid there silently next to Ludwig. But after a minute he took a deep breathe "I have a crush on a boy, Luddy."
Ludwig frowned "What?"
"I have a crush on a boy."
"What does that have to with anything?" Ludwig asked, he was slightly offended. He came to Gilbert for comfort, not just so Gilbert could dump his lovey-dovey problems on him.
"Well, he's coming over tomorrow and I want you to meet him." Gilbert said as if it was obvious.
"Why do you want me to meet him, are you getting married?" Ludwig harshly whispered.
"No, he doesn't even know I like him. We've only been friends for a little bit."
"Then why do you want me to meet him?" Ludwig asked in an exasperated tone.
"Because you're important to me." Gilbert said.
Ludwig looked at the shadowy silhouette of his brother's face, he couldn't make out any of his features. Ludwig wished Gilbert slept with a nightlight like him. Gilbert's words echoed in Ludwig's head, he was important to Gilbert. This made Ludwig smile in the dark, he knew what his brother was doing. He was trying to make him see that even without his parents, Ludwig was still needed, still valued. Still wanted.
"I need your opinion, Luddy." Gilbert said softly "Please, this is a very important mission. Can you help me?"
Ludwig wrapped his arms around Gilbert and snuggled into his chest "You can count on me, big brother!" came Ludwig's muffled response. They both stayed silent.
Gilbert fell asleep first, he mumbled things in his sleep. Ludwig slowly climbed out of Gilbert's bed and stepped lightly out of the room. He didn't need to sleep with Gilbert, he had some thinking to do. Ludwig wondered who this crush could be… though he had a pretty good idea.
Wow, we nearly broke 5000 words this chapter... Anyways, thank you for reading and I'm sorry if you find any mistakes (I was really lazy this time, sorry!). So, yeah... they actually talked about Gilbert! Yeah, I'm gonna be honest, I'm not very good at arguments and yeah...
