"GAVALAAAAAAAAAR!" Came the almighty yell from Smithy as he stepped out his car onto the pier and then Nessa appeared from the passenger seat with Neil the baby in her arms.

"Smithstar!" Gavin replied, as he and Stacey walked towards them.

"Alright, Stace? Alright, Gav? What's occurin'?" She asked, striding towards them.


Nessa and Neil the baby had travelled down to Essex to see Smithy and for Smithy to properly introduce Nessa to his family as his girlfriend.


"Hiya, Ness," Stacey replied, dropping the empty tray of chips that she and Gavin had been sharing into the bin and then hugged her best friend.

"Hiya," Gavin said as he too hugged Nessa, a thing that he always found awkward and uncomfortable as she never hugged him back.

"Hi, Smithy," Stacey said as she turned to Smithy and hugged him.

"Stacarini!" He exclaimed, hugging her and kissing her on the the cheek.

"Oh, Gavalar!" Smithy groaned as he hugged his best friend, "I've missed you!"

"I've missed you too, Smith," Gavin answered.

"That's good!" Smithy exclaimed, letting go of Gavin, then strode over to his car and dragged Neil the baby's push chair out of the boot, then set it up as Stacey took Neil whilst Nessa lit up two cigarettes and puffed on them both as the same time, when she saw Gavin staring at her, slightly bemused, she stated:

"It's been a long journey!"

Smithy locked up the car and wheeled the pram up the Stacey and she put the baby in and strapped him in.

"C'mon," he called to them all, "before we set off, I Googled Chineses in Barry - there are some really good ones, and I am starving! Let's eat!"


Gwen was out at Bingo.

Jason was with her.

Bryn was off doing whatever Bryn did.

Smithy, Nessa, Gavin and Stacey sat in the living room with their Chineses.

"So how was Essex?" Stacey asked Nessa, as she ate her rice.

"So, so, Stace." Nessa replied as she tucked into her ribs, noodles, rice, curry, duck, wings and prawn crackers. "I mean, it's good for Neil the baby..." she began, gesturing to her son who sat on the floor with his dad and Gavin, forcing fist fulls of Chinese food into his mouth from their plates. "...to see his Gran and that, but I'll be honest with you: all the woman did was eat and sleep, my god, and she snored enough to wake China. Rudi, well, she's anorexic. We got a Chinese, very much like this one, and she had some noodles, then put the rest in the fridge! I can't be done with people like that, Stace. I'll tell you - I can't!"

Stacey smiled. She'd eaten with Smithy's family before, and Rudi was anything but anorexic. And Nessa couldn't talk when it came to people snoring.

"So, you enjoyed it then?"

"To be honest, Stace, I had a crackin' time!" Nessa stated, picking up a handful of noodles with her fingers then stuffing it into her mouth.

"Do you want a knife and fork, Ness?" Stacey asked, watching her.

Nessa shook her head.

"No, you're alright, When I lived in China. I never used any cutlery at all!"

"You lived in China?" Gavin and Smithy asked from the floor at the same time, preparing themselves for another far fetched story.

"Yeah, I was engaged to the emperor: Xing Yung the forty sixth. We sat on the floor too, I still feel more comfortable sat on nothing at all."

"Then why are we on the fl...?" Smithy began, spooning a mouthful of his chicken curry into Neil's mouth, then seemed to forget he was saying anything and converted to his baby voice and said: "No, little boy! You can't have anymore! If you have anymore there won't be anymore left for Daddy!" in an abnormally high voice and tickled his tummy.

Stacey looked at Gavin as he watched his best friend and god son bond and the look in his eyes made Stacey heart miss several beats.

"So, how's everything up the quack?" Nessa asked scooping more food into her mouth.

"Yeah, it's going good," Gavin said, looking towards his wife, half expecting her to reveal a massive secret about his child having two heads or that it wasn't actually his baby but Igor's down the road.

"Yeah, it's fine." Stacey agreed, looking back at him.

"You thought of any names?" Smithy added, bouncing Neil up and down on his knee.

"Erm, not really no." Gavin said, shrugging, then looked back towards Stacey. "Babes?"

"Well... I might have bought a baby name book last weekend, and there are loads of names in there! For a girl I'd really like Aleesha and Bella and Bethany and Chloe and Danielle and Ella and Eva and Isabel and Jodie..."


Fifteen minutes later...


"... and Tom... and Warren and Zach for boys."

By then they had all lost interest.

"So, what do you think?"

"Yeah... I liked them, Stace." Gavin said, trying to look interested, but he and Smithy had spent the last ten minutes making funny faces at the baby.

"Ness?"

"I liked how you did them in alphabetical order." She groaned.

"Smithy?"

He looked at her, as much as he loved Stacey and Gavin for that matter, he was told never to lie by him Mum and Dad.

"To be honest, Stacey, that was the most boring fifteen minutes of my life."

Whilst Stacey stared at him looking hurt, Gavin and Nessa looked at each other and suppressed howling with laughter.