178 Nights ~ Chapter 8

4:32 P.M. Weiss' Poolside Room

Vaughn's POV

"So how long have you known about this?" I'm impressed Eric was able to not let anything slip given he has been eating off our fridge since he moved back to L.A. couple months ago.

"Long enough for Syd to order me to have a new suit made. She asked me if I have a decent dark brown suit and I said Men In Black, not brown – since when do spies wear brown?"

I smile at the thought of Syd giving Eric fashion advice – which she had given up on years ago. "So she wants you to wear brown..."

"She wants me to be her "Man" of honour and your Best Man ... guess it is two for one day since you two are planning to live off retirement income."

"Yet you're the one who comes over for dinner uninvited ... maybe we should start charging."

"My place isn't quite set up... it's not like I have been getting a lot of help from you two." Weiss quips. "Admit it, Mikey, you like having me back."

As much as he enjoyed being steps away from the President, Weiss told me he missed what he had in L.A. when he decided to move back and take up another post at the CIA. Syd thinks it was harder on Eric than he would care to let on when he lost both his best friend and his girlfriend within months. He still hasn't let me live down having him believe I was dead. Though the change of scenery probably did him good, Sydney and I are happy to have him back in our lives despite the abuse we dish him. We even trust him enough to babysit whenever Syd and I go on a date – that says a lot.

"Can I use your shower?" I should be presentable if I am going to marry the most breath-taking woman in the world.

"Syd is paying for the room so it's practically yours. I'm gonna change and then go check on a few things. I won't make you share the shower on your wedding day."

"Generous of you ..." I grin and take with me into the bathroom the garment bag Syd handed me before leaving our suite. It opens to a dark tan light wool suit and a white shirt. It's not a tux and I love it.

You were here before. You stood in front of another garment bag in the mahogany furnished guest room of the Senator's well-manicured country estate. It contained your new crisp black tuxedo. You wanted a rental since black-tie affairs did not show up often on a French teacher's schedule. But your fiancé insisted on you buying one as it would be a wardrobe necessity for a senator's son-in-law. You said okay and let her do the picking since there had been no reasons to be stubborn about anything in a while. You patiently accompanied her to all the wedding planning appointments – event planners, caterers, photographers, florists ... You agreed with all her choices and marvelled at the amount of time it took to have a wedding. But time was what you had to offer in your relationship – nothing was urgent and nothing was pressing. You put on the formal attire and the same pleasant smile you had had for her since the day you met and thought you were set for the rest of your normal suburban life. You greeted your mother earlier and she was proud of you as always – but there was something in her eyes, unspoken, that you couldn't quite put a handle on as she embraced you and said "you're going to have a lovely life ... now enjoy." You didn't have long to ponder as you were ushered to the ceremony. You figured all those tales about nerves on one's wedding day were exaggerated since you found yourself exceptionally calm. You stood with Eric in front and caught a glimpse of the glittering blonde hair on your bride. For a split second, you felt moisture in your eyes as you remembered auburn was the colour you truly loved. But you pushed that thought aside and forced your focus back on to the beaming woman now beside you. She looked … white … like the colour of your life the last six months. You heard yourself exchange I love yous and I dos with the woman who became your wife but only now you recognize the hollow in your voice back then. You were content to play house in a well-appointed neighbourhood and you passed as a great husband by the world's standard. You were dependable and cordial. Dinners, movies, lesson plans, grading papers were all great pastimes as long as you avoided pies, piers, the Observatory, the Bluffs, the Palisades, the Train Station and Santa Barbara. It didn't bother you that the two of you never went on a honeymoon or took any vacation as you no longer had the desire to pack your suitcase. You were fine with kisses that didn't make your heart skip and sex that didn't burn with passion – because you had done those before and they nearly killed you. You couldn't understand your need to keep fit as it was no longer your job to save the world – but you did. You felt most alive when you played hockey and went on long runs. Running seemed to lift you to a different plain where you let out the shadow of love past and sweats pouring down your face masked your tears. Sleep still eluded you most nights though you were slowly adjusting with the amount of physical exercise you put in. You were only afraid to dream – for it was the most wonderful and the most painful when you saw her eyes, her smiles and her dimples. But the easy life you had had for over a year came to a halt with one phone call. You were invited to a hush-hush meeting at the CIA and you weren't prepared for what they told you. Had it not come from the solemn facial expression on Dixon, you would bet your entire life savings on it being Weiss' sick prank. They asked if you were willing to make the trip though you were under no obligation. You heard yourself say yes immediately but your head was screaming "NO". You couldn't sleep and you couldn't eat since you got the news. The twelve hour flight was the longest you ever endured and yet you didn't want it to end. The one wish you ever had was granted but you couldn't rejoice. Finding out that she was alive meant you would be dead to her. How did you not know? How did you not listen to all those voices in your heart and reckon it was her calling you from wherever she was? How would you explain repaying the love you experienced with a quick marriage to someone else? You went regardless. The plane ride transported you back to a familiar place – you rather risked everything than being kept away from her. You approached the door to the safehouse in Hong Kong ashamed and you opened the door elated. She leaped right into your embrace and your soul returned to your body. You were overwhelmed by the sea of emotions and by her presence. You held her hand the entire flight back while she laid sedated as you were certain that would have had been the last time you had the privilege. Tears came and went but something unfamiliar began to surface – something that died with her two years ago. Could that be love? You said you loved your wife but it felt nothing like that. Deep down, you knew it was your undying love for her – the same love that kept you awake at night while she was on operations and while she was "dead". You had to face the fact that you had never stopped loving her despite your poor attempts to "move on". You couldn't blame her for her harsh words. You didn't fault her for being cold and detached. You only reproached yourself for having to give up your rightful place beside her. You were horrified to find out the things she had to endure during her missing years – and you bled inside with the reality that when misery engulfed her at night, you could no longer spoon next to her and offer comfort and solace like you so often did during the short time you were together. You never said a word but you were crazy jealous of Eric – you should have been that person for her and more. You had never felt so torn and conflicted – it was her status before that kept you from telling her how you truly felt but it was your current status that stopped you from letting her know she was still your whole world. You stayed with your job because you needed to protect her out in the field. You stayed with your wife because you no longer deserved her and you hoped she could find someone who could love her more – although you didn't believe for one second anyone could love her more than you. There were those who sneered at her for getting away with murder but in your eyes she could do no wrong. It didn't matter at all to you that she was "Julia" and her relationship with Simon made her plunge a knife into your chest to save you. You saw the scar on her belly and you cringed not because of the compromise she must have had made but because you couldn't stand the depravity they must have had put her through. You believed in her though she would not ask you to. You couldn't punish your wife for the state of your heart but you also could not truthfully stay married when you finally could admit to yourself she had never had your heart. There had only been one person all along and it took a North Korean firing squad for you to tell Sydney. You kissed her and she kissed you back – it quenched the deadly drought in your soul and nothing could ever be more right. You felt guilty but you could no longer live with denying yourself another chance with Sydney no matter how slim that chance was. Contrary to what you said, there wasn't a day went by that you didn't regret moving on. So you let her know your plan to leave your wife and she shyly agreed to have coffee with you. The sparkle returned to your eyes and you had hope again. But fate dealt you a cruel hand and history repeated itself. Lauren's father died and you stuck by her side – wilfully betraying Sydney once more and you feared she might never forgive you. You grew increasingly frustrated with yourself and with life and your on-the-job partnership with Sydney became an intolerable tease. Your melancholy turned to anger when you were presented with the suggestion that Lauren had been playing you all along. You slashed out at Sydney because you felt like a five-year old who had just been bullied. You didn't want another reason to be separated from Sydney other than your own failure to believe. You didn't need to feel stupid for allowing that woman to have used your grief, your love, your whole being to keep you away from the one person you cared more than life itself. Once her deception was confirmed, you secretly were relieved. Conscience be damned – nothing could hold you back any longer from openly devoting yourself to Sydney once again. As much as you were consumed by rage, it was the rift Lauren drove between you and Sydney that made you insane. You couldn't live with losing the opportunity to share a life with her. You turned into someone you didn't recognize – twisted, out of control, cavalier. But she saved you – she had no reasons to since you had disappointed her so thoroughly. She told you she still cared a great deal and she wanted to help. Your love for Sydney prevailed over your hatred toward Lauren and you were willing to let her live despite everything. But she left you no choice when she attempted to kill the only person you needed to protect. Like you said – nothing could hold you back – not even the one thing Sydney had pleaded with you not to. You shot her. Repeatedly. Until she could no longer harm Sydney or so you thought. But Lauren refused to leave you alone despite being cleared of any legal wrong doing. The act of taking the life of the person you shared a bed with was more haunting than you could handle. At your lowest and loneliest, Sydney threw you your lifeline. She invited you back in her life and her bed – and you finally came alive. Your heart skipped when your lips crashed and you burned with passion when your bodies touched. What you once thought was lost forever was found again – weathered and bandaged but stronger and more beautiful. The two of you no longer hid from the past – you pledged to rebuild your love and your lives with trust and honesty. She talked to you about her fears and you begged her forgiveness for all the hurt your brought. You held her and wiped her tears when nightmares from her missing years condemned her. She kissed you and whispered comfort when mysteries about your father consumed you. And at long last, you realized home was wherever she was. You were lovers and you were soul mates. You asked her to marry you because you wanted her to know you were incomplete without her. SHE SAID YES! And you couldn't contain your joy. You were caught off-guard but had never been happier when she said she was pregnant. Your bliss was cut short when you were forced into hiding. You wondered how you didn't lose hope during those bleak, long months. You pressed on as your only goal was to get back to her and the little person you both created. You had no words for the contentment, the pride, the sadness, the anguish, the gratitude and the love you felt when you held your two girls in your arms 178 nights ago. You wanted to marry her right there and then but the need to put away Prophet Five and Sloane to protect your family was more pressing. When the threat was over, you turned your focus to helping her mourn her father and her mother. As important as it is to marry her, you are equally at ease to wait till she is ready. For you have been living your dream the last 178 days and 178 nights and no forces in this world or beyond can ever make you love her any less…

"Hey man, I'll be back to get you around 5:30 and I expect you to smell nice. Wedding's at six." I hear Weiss yell from the other side of the door.

"Syd packed my aftershave in the garment bag … I'm good." I say to send him on his way and my thought drifts to how magnificent Sydney will look in a little over an hour…


AN: This is the companion part to Chapters 6 & 7 combined. It is a fairly long chapter as I always think S3 has left so much of Vaughn's action/motives/emotions unexplained. It is important to give him voice in order to stay true to the Vaughn I love. Please indulge me - there are certainly creative licenses but I believe this is what happened to Vaughn ... agree?

Please sound off and let me know if you're still with me on this story or if you think I strayed too far...