Link as his Merry Men (and The Bard), captured by the transformed Sheriff Ganondorf, were now held up at Princess Zelda's castle within a dark, damp room.
Locke: Well guys, its official…we got our asses kicked.
Leak: What did we do to deserve this?
Link: I don't know…but it's apparent that something is up behind the scenes.
Luke: Do you think the Princess has something to do with this?
Link: I doubt it. She's not the type of person that would betray us like that.
Locke: I can't wait to get out of these ropes and kick the Sheriff's ye-olde ass…
The Bard: Look, someone's coming!
The Merry Match Of Skill
The door to the holding cell opens as Super Mario enters while eating a turkey leg. He stops and smiles evilly at them.
"Who are you?! And where is the Princess?" Link demands.
"I'm King Mario, the handsome man who's going to marry Princess Zelda," Mario says in between bites.
"Oh yuck! Why would she marry a slime ball like you?" Link asks angrily.
"Because, simpleton, you may not be aware that the Princess has some…personality issues. Behind her sweet demeanor is an evil bitch who's plotting with me to rid of you for good!" Mario explains.
"Jack-shit! You're lying!" Locke growls.
"Oh am I?" Mario says, stepping out of the way as Sheik enters the room.
"P-princess?!" everyone says in unison.
"Indeed, merry-morons. I'm the one who devised this scheme. Mario here helped by spiking Sheriff Ganondorf's drink with a potent compound that'll turn anyone into a wild unstoppable beast!" Sheik explains with an evil tone.
"This is wrong! We never did anything bad to you!" Leak says with a whine.
"Oh can-it, will you? I'm not without any sympathy, you know?" Sheik continues.
"What do you mean?" Link asks.
"I have gathered the people of the land to watch an Archery Match in which you guys will be forced to participate in along with Mario and Sheriff Ganondorf. This contest will decide who in the end will be the one to marry me, and who will end up being executed in front of everyone!" Sheik explains.
"Hey now wait a minute! You're actually giving the prisoners a possible chance to marry you instead of me if they win?" Mario says in shock.
"That's really quite understandable…I mean…just look at you!" The Bard comments with a chuckle.
"We'll accept your challenge, Princess," Link says with a determined look in his eyes.
"We will?!" his Merry Men responds in unison.
"Yes! And I swear I'll find a cure for your condition," Link promises her.
Sheik laughs evilly before turning to leave.
"Mario, bring these men to the royal courtyard. The games begin in ten minutes," Sheik says as he leaves.
"Yes, my love," Mario says as he prepares to escort the men out.
Minutes later, our Merry heroes are escorted to the courtyard of Nottingham Castle. It was sunset, and the entire kingdom was there to witness the event.
Link and his Merry Men stood in the large, grassy castle courtyard along with Sheriff Ganondorf and Mario. Mario was doing, (well, trying at least) to do some warm-up exercises. Ganondorf, who was back to his original form, however, looked to be a bit woozy after that transformation ordeal. Sheik was sitting in a royal box seat just above them.
"Do not worry, men, this will be a piece of cake. I doubt King Fatass over there is a competent archer, and the Sheriff has never used a bow in his life," Link reassures his men.
"You're the best archer between all of us, so good luck," Locke says to him.
"Yeah! Get the girl and let this be a happy ending!" Leak says with much delight.
Moments later, a royal guard appears on the field, and blows on his horn to get everyone's attention.
"Here ye! Here ye! Welcome to the First Annual Archery Tournament of Nottingham! Which one of these three men will aim for the bull's-eye and have a shot at marrying Princes Zelda? Let the games begin!" the royal guard announces.
The crowd cheers widely as all three men approaches their posts, retrieves their bow and a quiver of metal-tipped arrows.
Ganondorf was the first to go. He loads an arrow into his bow, pulled it back, and aimed. He released the bow quickly afterwards.
ZIP!
A perfect bull's-eye.
"Wow…that Sheriff is good…" The Bard comments.
"Beginners luck…" Locke states, rolling his eyes.
Next it was Mario's turn. He too got into position, aiming the arrow slightly, and then releasing it.
ZING!
A perfect bull's-eye for him as well.
"…Oh my…why this isn't looking good…" Luke comments.
"Don't worry, this will be a piece cake," Link states.
Link took his position and swiftly loads his bow and shot it seemingly dead on toward the target.
ZOOM…!
The arrow seems to be heading for the center of the target, but suddenly veers off to the side at the last minute, the arrow landing in the grass next to the target.
All of the Merry Men gasp at the outcome.
"Impossible! I've never missed a shot in my life!" Link says, aghast at his miss.
That was the end of round one.
"Ha! The Princess will be mine for sure!" Mario taunts.
"And I'll see to it that your deaths will be slow and painful!" Sheriff Ganondorf states with an evil smile.
Before the next round, there was brief break before the match resumed. Link and his Merry Men huddles together for a quick meeting.
"Did anyone else find the first round a bit strange?" Leak asks everyone.
"No duh! Link's arrow suddenly shot off to the side before it hit the target…like something was diverting it somehow…" Locke says.
"So foul play is somehow in the works then…understandable, since this event is being used against us…" Luke states.
"So what do we do then, good fellows?" The Bard asks.
"During the next round, I want you guys to casually walk behind the targets and inspect them without looking suspicious and see if there is something attached to the back of them," Link says.
All of the men nod and disperse, just in time for the second round.
Throughout round two, the same outcome came for Ganondorf and Mario's shots: both bulls-eyes, while Link's arrows again veers away from the target. All the while, Link's Merry Men took a stroll behind the targets, trying to notice anything fishy about them.
Just as Link assumed, there was something indeed different with every target.
"Hmm…what are those merry morons up too?" Sheik asks herself as she notices the band of thieves moving about the courtyard.
After the second round, the band of thieves gather to report their findings.
"Well?" Link asks.
"Just as you figured, Link. The back of Ganondorf and Mario's targets contain very strong magnets around its center, most likely the reason their arrows always end up in the bulls-eye range," Locke says.
"Yeah! And your target is loaded with a lot of different magnets, causing it to go everywhere!" Leak adds.
"Those sneaky bastards…" Link growls. "Well show them not to mess with us!"
"I think I know what you want us to do," Luke says.
"Same here. Just leave it to us," The Bard says.
Everyone nodded and got into position.
"And now its time for the final round! With Sheriff Ganondorf and King Mario in the lead, things are looking bleak for Link and his pals! Let the finals begin!" the royal guard announces to everyone.
As usual, Ganondorf was up first. As he prepared to load his bow, Leak walks up to him and taps him on his shoulder. Ganondorf turns around and glares at him.
"What do you want, idiot?" Ganondorf says to him, annoyed. "Can't you see I'm busy?"
While Ganondorf was occupied, Locke quickly walks past him from behind, all the while swapping all of the Sheriff's arrows while no one else was noticing. When he was gone, Leak made his leave as well.
"Moron…" Ganondorf says as he went to grab an arrow from his quiver…
"HSSSSSSSSSS!"
…only to grab hold onto a rattlesnake instead.
"AAAAAAH! SNAAAAAKES! I HATE SNAKES!" Ganondorf yells, tossing the snake away from him, causing the snake to land on top of Mario.
"MOMMA MIA!" Mario yells, now running in circles as he tries to get rid of the snake, which now crawled into his shirt.
The crowds started booing and tossing food at them for their tomfoolery. Sheik looks pretty agitated at the scene as well.
During the chaos, Luke and The Bard return to the targets and removed all of the magnets while everyone's attention was on Ganondorf and Mario.
Afterwards, the royal guards steps in and quiets the crowd.
"Due to the un-sportsmanlike display of idiocy by the these two players, they will be disqualified for making a mockery of the sport in front of the people of Nottingham," the royal guard states.
"WHAT?!" both Ganondorf and Mario yells in disbelief.
"Thusly, our contestant Link will have a chance to claim victory…only if he can score five bulls-eyes in the next five shots," the royal guard explains.
Link grins widely.
"Not a problem."
Link loads five arrows onto his bow, and shoots them simultaneously at his target.
ZIP…ZING…ZANG…WHOOSH…SWISH!
Every last arrow lands in a perfect circle within the red bulls-eye range.
"And the winner is Link!" the royal guard cheers.
The entire audience roars in cheers as well in an uproar at Link's victory. Sheik was on the verge of exploding with anger at the fact that Mario and Ganondorf failed, ruining her plan all together. She pulls out a knife from her pocket and readies herself to jump down from her box-seat and assault Link and his men personally.
"DIE YOU MEDDLESOME THIEF!" Sheik shouts as she leaps off and performed a swan dive right at Link.
"Link, LOOKOUT!" yells Locke.
Link spun around to see Sheik almost upon him, when suddenly something strange happens.
Sheik suddenly began glowing a bright white magical light while in midair. When the light disappears, she was back to her normal self again. When she realizes where she was, she began screaming, tossing the knife away from her.
"I'LL SAVE YOU!" Link shouts to her as he ran toward her and jumps into the air.
"Gotcha!"
Link grabs Princess Zelda in the nick of time as both of them fall back toward the ground for a semi-soft landing.
"L-Link?!...Link, my love! Where am I? What's going on?" Princess Zelda asks, not remembering anything prior to this event.
"Saving you from the evil schemes of those two jerk-wads," Link says to her.
They both embrace each other tightly, happy that they are finally together.
Meanwhile, Mario and Ganondorf approaches them after they had gotten rid of the snake that terrorized them.
"This is not fair! I was supposed to get the girl in the end!" Mario whines.
"This is a disgrace! I wanted to kill Link and band of buffoons for the longest!" Ganondorf adds.
At that moment, Locke, Leak, and Luke surround the two bad guys and cracked their knuckles.
"You sure know how to ruin the moment, don't you?" Locke says to the two.
"You two will pay for your crimes," Luke states.
"Yeah! We're gonna kick your butt!" Leak adds.
The sound of fists colliding into Ganondorf and Mario's faces ensue as Link and Princess Zelda took the opportunity to leave the three thieves to take out the trash of the land while they exit the castle grounds, with Link holding her in his arms.
"So where do we go now?" Princess Zelda asks Link.
"Until everything cools down at the castle, why not stay with us in the woods for a while?" Link asks her.
"I would love to!" Princess Zelda responds, kissing Link as they made their way off into the sunset.
Meanwhile, The Bard watches the happy ending, and gets an inspiration for a song for a fitting ending to this fic.
The Merry Ending Melody
Link and his Merry Men win in the end
La la la la la la la
The villains got their faces busted in
Fa la la la la la la
The merry tale has come to an end
La dee dee da la dee dee
Thank you reading we'll see you again
La la la la la la…
TWANG!
(The Bard's Mandolin string snaps at the end of his song)
The Bard: Oh my…didn't see that coming…
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