Robin's dreams weren't dreams anymore, they were nightmares that attacked him and tormented him until he finally awoke in a cold sweat. Night had once been a time where he could clear his head and manage his heart. Now, they were endless nothings that stretched on until he thought he would go crazy with the thoughts in his head. This was wrong, everything felt wrong.
He was a man trapped. Trapped between the duty he had to his wife and the feelings he had for Regina. The love he felt for Marian had been different, he didn't know how, it just had. The love he'd felt for Marian had been innocent, she'd made him a better man; someone who stood up for what he believed and fought for what he loved. The man he was today. Yet, this love for Regina was a redeeming kind of love, a love he had fought for. He had had to tear down his walls -and hers- to look at her for who she was underneath. A woman desperately searching for acceptance, redemption and her happy ending.
This love for her consumed him, it was a warm dull ache, that sent pangs to his heart when he saw her eyes deaden at the sight or mention of Marian. A love that swelled up in him when he saw the slight hint of a smile or heard her voice brimming with emotion. He wanted her happy, she didn't deserve this. She'd done wrong in the past, yes; so had they all at one point. But this...they were each other's second chance.
"Forget about me. Remember her." It was a plea that struck him with guilt, because he didn't want to forget...he couldn't. Maybe it was selfish of him, no, he knew selfish of him. She had made him happy and taught him that love was looking past old wounds and different ideals; there was common ground. With Marian it had never felt like that, there had never been compromises or a middle ground, it had all been...flat. It had been a wild ride with Regina, so many ups and downs he'd forgotten which were which sometimes. But those little arguments had brought them closer, given them something to bond over, he and Marian had never really had that.
But, he wasn't being fair to either of them, Regina was trying to move on, trying to accept the fact that she couldn't be with him. And Marian's life was depending on true love's kiss. He knew what he should do, but the "right" thing seemed so fuzzy now; duty had never been so hard before.
The night was lost to him, he untangled himself from his sheets and kissed Roland on the head. Maybe a walk would do him some good, anything to keep him from the overwhelming labyrinth that was his mind.
He threw the dart hard, he missed. He sighed heavily and picked up what was left of his 4th whiskey since he'd been at Granny's, his mind was clearly not on the game. Regina's words from his short visit echoed in his skull. "Forget about me," they pulsed through him, the ache growing, swelling within his chest.
Forget about me, forget about me, forget about me.
He hurled another dart. A miss. He heard the bell above the door chime, something flashed in the corner of his eye. A familiar profile reflected in the window, Will Scarlet. He watched as unease filtered through Will's eyes, he quickly turned to leave and Robin turned too. He lobbed the third dart, he watched as the little projectile logged itself in the door frame near Will's ear.
Will turned to face him, Robin felt more angry at himself than he did at Will. "I can explain." Will said. Robin didn't need an explanation from him, what he need was someone to explain to him the tangled mess that was his heart. How to unravel the confusion that had befallen his normally clear path.
"No need." He muttered, his voice betraying the weariness that plagued him. "Another for me, and one for Mr. Will Scarlet."
He left his empty glass and made his way up to the counter, Will followed and sat down beside him. He seemed to regard Robin with a sense of understanding, but he said nothing and Robin was grateful.
"I really do want to make amends, you know." Will started, looking at Robin and holding his glass lightly in his hands. "For what I did to you and the Merry Men of Sherwood Forest."
"You nearly got us all killed." Robin ground out, the ache in his chest squeezing at his heart more painfully every second.
Forget about me, forget about me, forget me.
"Nearly. Now surely that's worth something." Will exclaimed twisting in his chair to look more closely at Robin.
"Because of a woman. And where is she now?" Robin's voice was bitter, it was only after the pause and the pain that flickered on Will's face as he turned away from Robin that he understood; his eyes softened briefly. "I'm Sorry."
"I chose my path." Will's voice was full of resignation. "Sometimes even when you win you lose." He muttered, it seemed to come from him quickly, but with a hint of painful acknowledgement. As though he had accepted it, but he wasn't quite ready to move on. He knew what that was like, all too well, Robin kept his face turned away. He was in pain, the tightness in his chest was making it hard to breathe.
Forget about me.
"I ever tell you about how I met Marian?" He asked, more to remind himself about who he was than to share the story.
"Only about 3 dozen times." Will muttered drily.
Robin continued blindly, "I stole her father's horse."
"3 dozen and 1."
He shook his head taking another drink and thinking back. "I was just a two-bit thief in those days, didn't even need it. Already had two horses back at the camp."
"That night you woke to an arrow pointed at your head." Will said, continuing the story with the sarcasm of one who had heard it more times than he cared to.
He thought about her, how she had come to him; fearful but determined. "My family, she said, were poor farmers and what little that they had was held together by that prized steed. I didn't say a word as she rode off that night. But the next day I returned to her cottage-"
"With two of your own horses as a gift to her family." Will interrupted, "And from that day forward you never stole for yourself again, from that day forward you only stole from the rich and gave to the poor." He said the words flippantly, but they struck a chord in Robin, he owed who he was today to Marian. He flinched as though he was in pain, why was it so hard to remember that?
"She made me the man that I am today Will, I need to remember that." He said the words like a pact meant just for himself. He needed to remember what she had given him.
Forget about me.
Will's eyes spoke volumes, he understood. Somehow he saw the straws that Robin was grasping for, the brokenness in his eyes. "It wasn't easy for her, you know, living like an outlaw. I asked her once how she gave up everything to be with you. Do you know what she told me?"
Robin's face was awash with pain, he didn't want to hear...but he knew he needed it."What?" he breathed.
"She said there's good in him, Will. And when you see the good in someone you don't give up on them. Especially if they don't see it themselves." Robin's heart constricted even tighter -if that was possible-.
Forget about me.
He knew for sure then that what Regina was asking was impossible. He saw the good in her, he saw it so clearly. But she didn't, she didn't see how good and how kind she was. He wanted to show her, the ache was burning in him, he felt boiling hot emotion welling up in him. Will continued, "And if you're ever lucky enough to find true love, you fight for it. Everyday."
"You still believe that, after everything you did for love." Robin was desperate, this emotion was building up in him, this was his last redeeming chance; he was on the precipice of giving in. "Was it worth it?"
"Mate, if you find someone you love enough to ruin your entire life for." Will spoke to him as if he were child who simply didn't understand. "It's always worth it."
And Robin fell, he knew what it was that he desperately wanted to do. He wasn't hiding trying to hide it. Regina's words still echoed in his head, but with each repetition his response changed from "can't" to "won't". He refused to forget about her, he saw the good in her...she needed someone to show her that good. Because it was there...and he felt it every time he touched her, every time she looked at him. He saw the good. Their love was true...and he was going to fight.
The ache in his chest hadn't lessened but, now he would be using it for something different, instead of his torment it would be his vigor. He would use the pain, there was another solution to this. Because true love would make it. He downed the rest of his drink and clapped Will on the back, "I've got somewhere I need to be."
"Does that mean I have to pay for me own drink?!" Will's voice followed him as he headed towards the door. "Bloody hell."
His feet hit the sidewalk and instantly knew where they were going. Towards the woods, towards the crypt, towards her.
Forget about me.
I won't.
