Chapter Eight

Dig if you will the picture
Of you and I engaged in a kiss
The sweat of your body covers me
Can you my darling
Can you picture this?

Dream if you can a courtyard
An ocean of violets in bloom
Animals strike curious poses
They feel the heat
The heat between me and you.

The following Friday evening, Leah was still troubled by her thoughts. She'd done the good daughter thing and stayed home with her mom and brother, consumed the dinner prepared for her with little appetite and then excused herself. She needed to get away and think for a bit.

It was quite dark down at first beach. The earth stood still but for the crashing waves.

In the woods behind her, Leah heard the night animals start to awaken. The thought of what she knew was out there, made her shudder a little. She hoped that the young kids of the pack were still relatively alert to all of the nature side of things, because it wasn't vampires she was afraid of. Her fear was based on having to protect herself if a wild animal decided to take a wander on the beach. There were rarely any vampires in the vicinity now days. The Washington area was generally off limits. For a while after the Cullens left, there were lots of curious vampires that often came to an unfortunate end and this must have got back to the Volturi, who by now knew, that with every vampire in the area, the stronger Our People became... and this meant there would be a war on their hands and a challenge to their power. So instead, they chose to steer clear of the area and warned others of their kind to do the same.

It was the wild things that frightened Leah. It had been years since she had changed. She'd worked very hard on her temper, which was easier to control after she and Jake went their separate ways, which in turn made it easier for her to stay human for longer periods of time.

She wasn't sure what would happen if a cougar decided it was going to make a midnight snack out of her. She wasn't sure if should transform, or even if she still could.

She sat down on an old tree trunk that had been washed up on the shore years before, its surface smooth and velvet to touch. She sat sideways, although focusing on the ocean and the sky, she stayed alert to the woods behind her, just in case.

She used to think about her past so much. She lived on the bitterness that came with it. In her opinion, her past would always justify the bitterness and anger she had felt back then, at least, that was how she felt at one time. But life needed to be able to move on, and it took her getting away from her past to be able to realize that.

Her train of thought led her to thinking about Jacob and Embry.

Did Jake realize the effect of his leaving would make his best friend so utterly miserable? Did Embry really know how much Jake needed to get away?

Leah shook her head and sighed softly, they were always so difficult to read, they were back when they were boys, they still were now and she didn't even have a clue how Jake was doing now. She wished she did, she missed him too.

He knew she was down there before he had even seen her brother's bike parked in the lot. It seemed to be the place to come and think for most of the pack these days. When they needed time alone to think about things, it was generally first beach they went to.

Embry hesitated as he stepped onto the slope that led onto the beach. Maybe she didn't want the company? Then again, maybe she did.

Since that Friday night at the Bonfire, when they'd last met on the beach, he had known he had feelings for her. But with those feelings came all the memories of the past, and he wasn't sure he wanted to dig that deep anytime soon.

He didn't care about what anyone thought of him anymore. His feelings for others opinions had long disappeared out the window. Friday night, after he and Leah had returned from the beach and she had in turn, gone home, the older pack guys had asked him to join their fire.

He knew it was more than an invitation to sit down with them.

They were offering him his old place back, with them, it's where he belonged. He knew that now, but it didn't necessarily mean it's where he wanted to be.

Things just weren't the same without Jacob around. The pack were his brothers, if anything, he had come to acknowledge that and know that it was something that was steadfast and couldn't be changed, but just because they were brothers, didn't mean they were always going to agree on things. They wanted to know his opinion on approaching Leah, now that she was back, to rejoin their circle. She was their sister, even if she didn't realize it yet. Just because many of them had fought the past, didn't mean that it hadn't happened. Embry just wasn't sure she had realized that yet.

He whistled a small tune as he slowly made his way down the beach. He didn't want to startle her by suddenly appearing at her side, or be that gloomy shadow of a stranger on the horizon getting closer to where she sat defenseless.

And she looked up, strained her eyes, and smiled.

It was safe to approach.

"Hey you, stop stalking me already," she said playfully.

Embry grinned and replied, "Mind if I join you?"

She patted the space next to her and pulled some seaweed between her fingers. She had started braiding some absentmindedly as she was lost in thought earlier.

"Can't sleep?" she offered.

"Haven't tried," he shrugged. Sleeping was overrated anyway, or so he thought.

He decided to tread carefully. He didn't want the floodgates of the past opened, but it was obvious she was down here doing some steady thinking, just as he was.

"Anything in particular on your mind?" he offered gently.

She half smiled, "I don't think you'd want to hear about it."

"Really?"

"Really." She responded, "What about you? What's got you down at first beach at nearly one in the morning, its too late for you to be up, don't you have to go to the Stables later today?"

He smiled, "Nah I told Justin I needed a weekend off. He wasn't happy, but you get that."

"Justin's an interesting character, that's for sure," she replied, "Did you know he's hit on me at least three times in the past four days? I've only been there a week!"

"Well your an attractive girl Leah, I can see why he's tried," he started, then nearly kicked himself for opening his mouth, "but if its unwanted attention and it gets too much, let me know, and I'll have words with him."

Leah was trying very hard NOT to process what he had just said. She preferred not to think about where this conversation could lead, so instead, she changed the subject.

"So why ARE you down here?"

Embry sighed, picked up a stick and started drawing things in the sand at his feet.

"It's all your fault really..." he started.

"My fault?!" Leah balked, shocked, "What did I do?"

"On Monday, you asked me if I ever thought about it. If I had thought about life if there were no such things as monsters or magic. I was telling you the truth, when I said no. I rarely thought about it, up until then.

Tell me Leah, what do you think would have happened, had none of our past ever occurred, if none of it mattered?"

Leah paused for a moment, taking her time to think about her answer.

"If there we never any monsters, and never any magic, I would have been a better person I think..." she replied, "I would have been less bitter. I wouldn't have wasted half of my youth wallowing in self hatred and regret."

She couldn't help it. Leah felt a tear trickle down from the corner of her eye and run over her cheek. It made a trail to her neck and she wiped it hastily away.

"I would have been there more for my family. I would have been there for my mother and Seth when dad died. Hell, might even still be alive if that was the case!" she sobbed openly, the tears coming freely now.

Embry felt a sudden heaviness in his soul, a sudden urge to reach out, take her in his arms, and hold her until she couldn't cry anymore. Instead, he took her hand in his and held it snugly.

"If it had been that way; Jake, Quil and I would probably have opened our own mechanic shop by now. Jake would have married Bella Swan and we would have all attended their wedding and been perfectly happy for them. They'd probably have had a couple of ratbag kids to keep all of us uncles busy.

If the Cullens didn't exist, then we wouldn't have to worry about the people of Forks and La Push sleeping safely at night or wandering the woods alone and we'd think that the stories Billy and Harry had told around the Bonfires were just that, old stories."

He paused and then dared to brush a strand of hair that had fallen across her face away and tuck it behind and ear. He lifted her chin with his fingertips so her eyes faced his.

"There's a lot of 'What if's' isn't there Embry?" she sniffled, her eyes wide with emotion.

The touch of his hands on her face sent butterflies spinning in cartwheels through her stomach. She wasn't sure what she wanted at this moment, but she was sure about what she didn't want and that was Embry Call to leave her side.

He searched her face with his dark stormy eyes. She tried not to drown in the depth of his gaze as he searched every part of her soul and when he brushed his thumb across her lips, her eyes fluttered to a close as she surrendered to the sensation.

His lips were gentle, soft, like the touch of rolled warm cookie dough and they molded to her own... He cupped her face in both of his hands and she leaned into his touch, connected to him both physically and emotionally. She could break away. She didn't want to, even if her heart and head were screaming at her to stop and run the other way.

It was like her body was on fire, but in the best possible sense. Every part of her felt alive and it felt like she had received a small electric shock to kick start her lonely and aching heart.

Embry was the one to pull away softly, and he rested his forehead upon her own, "I'm sorry...I..."

"...shouldn't have done that..." she whispered nearly breathless, finishing his sentence.

There was an awkward silence. The crickets chirped and an owl hooted in the woods.

Regardless of the beautiful moment just shared, rejection and fear reared their ugly heads and she could feel the butterflies that had only moments ago been doing aerobics now sink to the pit of her stomach and die. She felt ill as the realization of her reckless actions finally hit her.

The wall that she had started to build so carefully around herself the past five years was starting to crumble. She felt vulnerable and very alone, and Embry had just taken a sledge hammer to it.

Leah stood to her feet, her hands reluctantly tearing from his.

"I should go...I...I..I think, I need to get home."

Embry said nothing. He wasn't sure exactly what to say.

She turned, and began to walk away. He felt his heart breaking with every step but his lips were sewn shut and he couldn't utter a word to make her come back.

What had he done? He felt dizzy with questions. He could barely believe it. Had he perhaps dreamed it? But no, there were still traces of her cinnamon and honey chap-stick upon his lips. His tongue ran over them, savoring her taste. Still he could not speak words and he watched with empty eyes as her silhouette disappeared over the horizon.

It wasn't until he heard her bike start that a sound of pure agony breached his lips, but by then, he was too late. She had gone.