Forgotten memories
Chapter 7
It is hard when the love of your life is right in front of you and you can't concentrate on anything but him, you can't touch him, you can't take him in your arms, you can't kiss him, you can't tell him how much you love him.
You can't tell him the truth.
It feels like shit and there isn't a single fuck you can do to make that feeling go away. Tony knew how it felt and right now, he just wanted to die. He was in class, making sketches for some project the teacher was giving them and not really paying attention so when Justin Hammer suddenly breathed into his ear, he was pretty creeped out.
'How is Loki, Tony?' he whispered. Tony felt really uncomfortable, he hadn't even seen the little shit sitting behind him otherwise he would have chosen to sit somewhere else and very far away from Justin.
'That will be none of your business, Hammer.' Tony muttered sharp and went back to his design.
'Are you sure about that, Tony? Because Loki seems like a pretty nice guy who could use some more friend than just that little group that lives in your house.'
'Are you trying to insult my friends, Hammer? Because if you are, then you're not doing a very good job.'
'So funny, Tony, but I think it would do Loki good to make more friends outside of the house.'
Tony was getting irritated with the little shit and why in God's name is he still talking?
'What do you want, Hammer?' Tony sneered and turned around to face Hammer. 'You are very irritating and I rather drink from the toilet then to listen any longer to you.'
Justin smiled. 'Well, I recently saw how you look at Loki, and if I was gay I wouldn't blame you...'
'Why do you think I'm gay?' Tony interrupted him.
'It is the most believable rumour that goes around on campus, Tony. But anyway, I noticed that you looked at Loki as more than a friend and I wondered if you noticed how happy Loki seems since he had to pair up for a art project.' Tony never really cared about what Hammer said and even now he still didn't care. Loki was into guys and even if he didn't remember, his heart would.
'So I just thought you should know that Loki is getting very close to that guy from his class and that you should maybe back off and give the poor guy some space.' Hammer finished.
Guy? What guy? There can't be a guy! It should be someone who had the possibility to bear children! It should be with a girl! No, he would not allow himself to get all worked up this is front of Justin Hammer!
'Wauw, Hammer. You did a really good job, stalking Loki and his art partner. I would almost say you are jealous of Loki being able to work with the guy you like.' Tony shot back, wondering if this really was the best come back he had in store for Hammer.
'I am not gay, Tony.'
'Of course not, Justin, but that is one of the two most believable rumours about you.'
'What is the other?'
'That you prefer to be called Justine.'
XoXoX
Tony had left the classroom as fast as possible after his little chat with Justin Hammer, who had gotten as red as a tomato after he was called 'Justine'.
But he regretted being home early, because he could already hear Thor and Loki screaming at each other. It had been like that since Thor had found out Loki had cut his hand at broken glass the day Tony took him to paint the tree, and that was two weeks ago. Loki was annoyed at how worried Thor was and how over protective he acted, while Thor thought he was too careless with leaving Loki alone and that he should always keep an eye on his little brother.
The yelling stopped as soon as Tony closed the front door behind him and Loki almost flew past him as he made his way to his bedroom. He didn't say anything to Tony.
Tony walked into the living room just in time to see how Thor threw his coffee cup against the wall. 'Hey, don't do that.' Tony exclaimed and checked his wall on damage. 'I know you and Loki fought again, but that doesn't mean you have to destroy my house.'
'I am sorry, son of Howard.' Thor muttered softly and sat down on the couch. 'Did he go to his room?' Tony only nodded as he sat down in front of Thor. 'I don't know what to do, Tony. I really don't know it anymore. He has been so... so... I can't even describe it.'
Tony could see his friend was in trouble and the best thing to do was to tell him everything was going to be fine and that Loki will come around, but right now all Tony could say was: 'You have to tell him the truth, Thor. What we are doing isn't healthy and it will only make your relation even rockier than it already is and I can't keep lying to him.'
'I can't tell him the truth, Tony. All the efforts my father has done to make sure Loki will accept him as his father again will just vanish and Loki will never forgive Odin again.' Thor sighed and stood up. 'Look, just forget it.' He left the house, leaving a confused Tony behind. Tony didn't know why it bother him so much how Thor spoke about Odin and it still did when he tried to work in his lab. His prototype A.I. was almost finished and he couldn't wait to install it, so he texted Loki to come to the lab, because he wanted him with him when he tried out his first big project. And also because he wanted to talk to Loki.
I'm at the door
-Loki
The text made Tony smile a little as he thought of a faraway memory, but the smile Loki had on his face when Tony opened the door was far better than the memory.
'Hey, Shakespeare.' Tony smiled as he let Loki in.
'Hello, Anthony.' Loki greeted him back and walked into the lab. 'So you do actually still talk to me.' Tony joked and led the raven to the computers.
'Yes, I wanted to apologize for what happened between my brother and me. I didn't want to ignore you, but I just wanted to be alone for a moment.' Loki explained and took a seat. 'You don't have to apologize. I'm sure that everybody with siblings have fights and well.. It happens and it will happen again, maybe tomorrow or maybe over a week, but you shouldn't apologize about it.' Tony smiled. 'But I do have to ask you to talk to Thor, because he is really suffering.'
'But...'
'No 'buts'! promise me you will talk to him!'
'Anthony...'
'Promise me so we can install the A.I and finally give this beauty a name.'
'Fine, I promise I'll talk to Thor.'
Tony smiled. 'Good, then I give you the honour to push this button.' he said and pointed at a green button. 'Are you sure?' Loki asked. 'There won't explode something? I won't be smeared in blue paint?' Tony frowned. 'No, why do you think that?'
'Didn't you explode something a few days ago?' Loki asked and looked a bit confused, but he could also see how confused Tony was. 'Never mind! I probably imagined it. So, I just push this button?' Tony smiled. An explosion and blue paint! The last prank they had done in high school. Loki remembered! Tony could scream and shout of happiness. Loki remembered, maybe not everything, like when or where it happened, but he remembered!
'Yes, just push the button.'
And so Loki did.
The A.I. was installing itself into the lab and it would take a while. 'Hey, I thought this would happen like right away.' Tony muttered and watched the computer screen. It would take almost six hours to install. 'What are we going to do while it is installing?' Loki asked.
They did everything they could think of while waiting: watching a movie, playing games, drawing, sketching, talking, thinking of a name for the A.I., listening to music,... but as they waited for the last half hour to pass, they just laid on the couch, talking or enjoying an comfortable silence.
'How did you find out you were gay?' Loki suddenly asked. Tony was a bit confused by the sudden question. 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that.'
'No, it's okay.' Tony said quickly and observed Loki, noticing he was suddenly a bit nervous. 'I guess I always knew, but never admitted it to myself till I was eighteen. I always flirted with girls and I would make out with them, but I never could imagine myself married to one of them. At first I thought it was because of how I was raised, I lost my mother when I was rather young and my father would come home drunk with the most beautiful women on his arm, but he never took one as his wife. I have allot of faults that I blame to the way I was raised, but finding out I was gay was like a gift of heaven. Because I knew that I would never be a walking copy of my father.' Tony paused for a moment. He had always been scared to become like his father and being gay gave him the hope that would never happen, he wanted to live the rest of his life with the love of his life. Even if he had to go trough fires to make sure Loki would get his forgotten memories back.
'I found out because I fell in love with my best friend and he gave me these feelings I never had before, so I went to ask random people on the street what love felt like. One guy told me it was being the Roman god Atlas, you could carry the world on your shoulders and it would be worth it because you would be doing it for that person. I then realised I would do anything he asked of me.' Tony smiled. 'But the moment I kissed him for the first time, was the moment I knew for sure that I was gay. It was like his body was made to fit perfectly in my arms.'
An long silence filled the room while Tony collected his courage. 'May I ask why you want to know?'
Loki looked into Tony's eyes and Tony could see his eyes were filled with worry. 'It's just that I'm a bit confused.' Loki started. 'Allot of people discover which sex they like when they are in their teens. I forgot about four years of my life and then I was locked up in Odin's mansion for a year. I'm just concerned that I found out which sex I liked, but that it was suppressed after the accident. I'm scared that I will marry a wonderful girl who's heart I'll break when we're married for thirty years because I find out I'm gay.'
'Wauw, you really thought about this.' Tony said.
'Of course I did, otherwise I wouldn't be bothering you with this.' Loki exclaimed. 'You're not bothering me, Loki. It's good you came to me to talk about something like this.' Tony said and thought carefully about his next question. 'Do you think you are gay?'
Loki stared at his hands in his lap and answered very carefully. 'I don't know. I feel uncomfortable when girls flirt with me or even when they ask me out, but I'm comfortable when guys flirt with me and I really want to accept their invitation to have a drink after class. When will it stop being so confusing, Anthony?'
Tony laughed sadly. 'I can't tell you that, Loki. But I can tell you that whenever you want to talk about something, you can come to me.'
Loki smiled and thanked him. 'So it's not awkward that I suddenly asked you about this?'
'No, it's not awkward. It surprised me, but it's not awkward.' Tony smiled. It meant that Loki's body was remembering things also and that was a good thing.
'I guess you talked to Thor about this.' Tony said as he stood up from the couch to get something to drink. 'No, he doesn't like my art partner and then he started to yell things about Odin finding out that I am fooling around, which isn't true, and shipping me back to England and that he wouldn't be able to help me.' Loki accepted the cup of tea from Tony as his friend sat down next to him 'What's wrong with the guy?'
'Who?My art partner?'
Tony nodded.
'Nothing. He's just a nice guy.'
'Well, he must have done something wrong to get on Thor's bad side. What's his name?'
'Fandral.'
'You are working together with that creep!' Tony almost yelled.
'Anthony, he is not...'
'Yes, he is, Loki!' Tony interrupted. Of course Justin Hammer knew about Loki getting close to his art partner. Fandral is his fucking roommate! 'Fandral is the biggest creep who walks around on this campus! He stalked Natasha last year, ruined Clint's car as a result Clint almost died, because Fandral could not get over the fact that Natasha did not want to date him. And then he went after Bruce. Loki, Fandral is a real creep and would do anything to add another trophy to his collection and that trophy will be you heartbroken.'
'What did he do to Bruce?'
'You don't want to know. Just promise me you will be careful and will avoid the guy when you finish the project.' Loki wanted to object, but he saw how worried Tony was and it scared him a little, so he nodded. 'I promise.'
'Okay, let see if the A.I. is finished installing.' Tony said and walked towards the computer. Almost done.
'I found a name for him.' Loki muttered as he stood next to Tony, who gave him a questionable look.
'Just A Rather Very Intelligent System.'
'That's a long name for an A.I., Shakespeare.' Tony joked, he could feel the serious mood of the talk they had vanish as they started to smile and laugh more.
'That's the full name, smart ass.'
'What's the short version then?'
Loki waited a bit to answer Tony's question and smiled.
'Jarvis.'
I am sooooo sorry. I really am. Please forgive me!
It's been months since the last update and I feel so bad for making you wait sooooo long. School had been crazy like hell and during the summer I had to work (folding sweaters eight hours a day is not the job of my dreams) and I really did not have the energy to write when I came home.
But I do have some good news: I changed to another class at school (I did theater last year) because I had no time left for an actual life and I had to quite diving and ended up sacrificing so much sleep I couldn't remember the last time I actually slept for eight hours.
But now I got into a class that contains a lot of drawing and art and I really enjoy it and I have sooo much time to sleep and I like it :p
But the good news for you is that I will be able to write more, I'll do my best to upload another chapter this month or maybe even two... I'm a slow writer.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter and let me know what you thought of it^^
Also: I have to thank Blackbillie for helping me^^ (if you want to read some really good story's, you really have to go visit her page!)
