Thanks to everyone who has read this far. There now follows Blangst with a capital B...
Days 1 & 2: Tina & Emma
The day after Kurt's funeral, Tina decided that she would go to visit Blaine. The two had grown close in their last year at McKinley High, and even the infamous Vaporape incident hadn't split them. In fact, she had been declared a full blown hag by Kurt and Blaine. Tina was till concerned about the welcome that she would receive when she arrived at the Anderson house, after the outburst from Blaine the day before. To make matters more complicated, Mike had insisted on coming with her. If Blaine suspected that he was involved heavily in the whole text message debacle, it good quickly become very awkward. In the event, she managed to convince him to remain outside in the car.
Cooper was at first reluctant to let her in. he too was worried about how his brother would react to seeing his friends. His mood had not improved much during the night, and Cooper had been woken twice by his brother's screams as his nightmares had become too much for him. A cup of coffee had seemed to have some minor effect though. And with his disturbed night, Cooper was tired. So in the end, he relented and allowed Tina in. It would give him a chance to close his eyes for a few minutes; to relax and plan just how he was going to turn his brother around and restore him to his old self. He sent Tina up to Blaine's room, in the hope that all would be well.
As Tina walked in and saw the small figure hunched in a chair at his desk, staring at a photograph of himself and Kurt at his graduation, she felt a lump in her throat. And tears forming in her eyes. She wanted to reach out to him, comfort her friend, make him feel that he was still loved. A breeze from the open window made the room cool; Tina shivered slightly. She couldn't think of the words to start with, to break the silence. Then he saw her reflection in the window. His eyebrows raised slightly, as if he was waiting for her to speak. And still, no words would come to her.
"So, are you just going to stand there like a statue, Tina? Tears in yours eyes, and expecting me to come over to you by the looks of it. I know why you're here - to be my friend, try to comfort me. But instead, what I get is a tear stained hag hanging around silently like a wraith. Do you honestly think that helps? In fact, do you really think that there is anything that you could do to help me? Let's face it, every time you came to the hospital to visit me, you sat and sobbed for the entire time you were there. I'm beginning to think that you might be just a little bit self-centred here - does it make you feel better to be here, to be there for poor Blaine? Because to be brutally honest, your presence is doing nothing for me."
Tina stood stunned as he continued. "I guess it has always been about you, our whole relationship. Someone to validate you when Mike left you behind. Poor little lost Tina, clinging to the other person in the same boat. What did I ever get out of it? Criticism, grief and vaporub. When I said that I was going to propose to Kurt, you thought that I was stupid. Maybe I am. Stupid to believe that you were anything other than a sad lonely hag, living her life through me. Even now, SO upset for my loss. Thought that you would be happy, actually, as it means that Kurt won't be stealing the time I could be spending with you. Well guess what, I don't want to see you, just get out of here and leave me alone."
"How dare you say that to her," came a voice. Mike had heard Blaine's raised voice through the window, had barged into the house and was now standing in the doorway behind his shell shocked ex.
"How dare I, Mike? The same way that some of my so called friends dare to send stupid text messages. I know full well that you would have been encouraging Puck to send it. The two of you have always shared the same sense of humour. So do me a favour, take your not quite Asian enough ex, and leave. I just want to be left alone, because none of you get it. The pain, the mind numbing grief - and I hope you never have to. Just go, and tell everyone else to just leave me alone. Leave me to my memories, my broken dreams and shattered hopes."
With that Blaine turned back to the photograph. Mike dragged a shocked Tina down the stairs, past an apologetic Cooper, trying to make excuses for his brothers actions, but finding none that he believed. None that he thought they would accept. Then they were back in the car, Tina crying hard, Mike trying his best to comfort her, whilst still dealing with his own shock - and guilt. Whatever had gotten into Blaine the day before was obviously now in full control of their friend. Mike could just about understand his pain, his need to lash out, but he hated the fact that he had heart Tina, someone who he still cared deeply for. He would certainly be sending out a group text to warn everyone - avoid Blaine. No-one else needed to be hurt at his hands.
Mike proceeded to do just that. Reaction to it was mixed - some were outraged at the way Blaine had reacted towards Tina - others could comprehend why. His loss, his pain was still raw; in time, he would return to his normal self. How long that would take was anybody's guess. In the meantime, it was perhaps best if they let him be, gave him the space to grieve in his own way. However, Mike's text only reached his fellow New Directions and the Warblers. It did not reach one crucial group of people. The teaching staff of McKinley High. So it was that a pregnant Emma Schuester set off to visit Blaine the following day, confident that in her role as school counsellor, she was the person best equipped to help Blaine in his time of pain.
As on the previous day, Cooper was reluctant to let anyone in to see his brother, particularly in light of events the day before. He confided in Emma that Blaine was barely talking, and that when he did, his answers were short and delivered in a tone of irritation. His appetite had gone, even his usual coffee addiction. He was no longer taking care of his appearance, his hair gel abandoned, his clothes dirty and not to his usual style. Blaine had gone from dapper gentleman to scruffy oaf overnight. He spent most of his time staring blankly ahead; the rest staring at photos of Kurt, of the two of them in happier times. All of this to Emma were classic signs of grief. Maybe with her empathy, he would open up.
So Cooper allowed Emma to go upstairs to see his brother. He was sitting, staring into space this time - Emma was not even sure that he even knew that she was standing there next to him. A cheerful hello came from her lips. Blaine's head turned and his eyes focused on her, standing there turned out immaculately as ever; demure and sweet in appearance. He knew in his heart that she was there because she felt that she could help him. And if he listened, let her in, there was a good chance that she would help in her own way. The problem was that at that precise moment, he did not want to be helped. He just wanted to be left alone to wallow in his misery. And so, once again, he lashed out.
"Why, hello to you, Mrs Schuester! Or are you still Miss Pillsbury in your professional role as counsellor? I'm not sure on that. I presume that you have come to console me, to advise me? Just give me the pamphlets and let's get this over with." Emma just looked at him, and then he noticed that her hands were empty for once.
"Oh my God, you've not got any pamphlets! Now that is a first. I was hoping for some with their usual catchy titles. Like 'So your fiancé was brutally slain' or 'You had to hear your soul mate beaten to death.' Or how about 'It would have been better if you had died too.' Were they not available at short notice? Because right now, they sound really useful to me!"
"You know, I think it would have been so much better, easier for everyone, if I had just had the decency to die in that alley alongside Kurt. Or better yet, instead of Kurt. Because to be honest, to most of you at McKinley, it was always KurtandBlaine, even after he left. People only ever cared about me because I was Kurt's Blaine. Even now, people are only really concerned about me because they feel that they owe it to poor Kurt. To look out for me because he no longer can. But do you know something. I can see it in all of your eyes. That you blame me for the fact that I am here, and Kurt isn't. If only I had acted differently."
"To be brutally honest, I don't see what you can do for me. You can't make me feel any less guilty for sitting here. You can't take away my nightmares. You can't stop me seeing my Kurt dying again and again. You can't make me back into the old dapper, polite, cheery Blaine. Because you can't bring him back to me. So I'm afraid that your all stuck with angst filled, miserable, short tempered me. With the greatest of respect, Emma, there is now way that I would want to listen to the platitudes that you planned to say to me. Warm words and empathy just won't cut it. And from what I've been told, I doubt that you are really up to dealing with me in any case. Cooper should really just call in a proper shrink, not an amateur. No offence intended."
"None taken" said Emma. Even though, deep down, what she had heard had cut her to the quick. This was not Blaine, it was the darkness of grief. And it was engulfing him, drowning the charming young man that they all loved and respected. She wanted to tell him that he had it all wrong, but he had turned away to stare again at the wall, this time with headphones on, so he could drown out any attempt at conversation. With a sigh and a shake of her head, Emma left. As she did so, she notice that the headphones were not connected to anything. He was using them merely as a method to drown her out.
She was met at the bottom of the stairs by Cooper. "No good, I take it? To be honest I'm running out of ideas here. My parents are refusing to pay for professional help, saying that he just needs to snap out of it. What do I do, Emma? How do I get my Blainers back?" Cooper promptly burst into tears, to be held in Emma's arms. She had come to try and help Blaine, but had ended up having to help his brother; the poor man trying to be everything to his sibling, whilst still feeling partially responsible for the whole situation. A man fighting a losing battle to pull his brother back from the depths of despair.
"What you do Cooper, every day, is tell him that you love him, that you need him, that you care. You keep on saying that even when he throws it back in your face. And he will. He's angry, Cooper. He hates the world. He blames himself and wishes that he had done everything differently. He wishes that he had died instead. It will take time to get him out of that mindset. To convince him that he matters and that we all love him for himself. We have to though, because if we don't, I think there is a real risk that Blaine will end up as a danger to himself. Potentially a danger to those around him. I don't want to see that anymore than you. We need to get him to open up and get him out of that dark place he is in. Because if we don't….." and she shivered.
It was that message of showing Blaine that he was loved that was sent out by Emma to everyone that afternoon. Coming less than a day after Mike had told them to stay away from him due to the fact that he was best avoided, it attracted a degree of scorn to say the least. It did however, strike a chord with one person in particular. Someone who had been left so distressed by everything that had occurred. In their own way, they decided that the best way they could show him their love was with a small gift from the heart - an expression of their deep sympathy for Blaine's loss. In the process they unwittingly made someone very close to them the next target for Blaine's wrath.
