Chapter 8: Admitting

Chapter 8: Admitting

Author's note: I hope this one is not extremely out of character. I just had to put them say what they said. Please don't freak out much. Oh, an thanks for the lovely review… Reviews give me ideas so more of you if you please review to tell me what you think.

Erika faced Susan. It really was too much. All of this was driving her insane. She knew she had to settle things between Susan and Teatime fast. It was time to make them be honest about their feelings.

"Ok, it was not a dream. It was true. Now, let's see, I know you like him. Why don't you admit it?"

"Erika?"

"Well you do. I can see that from the way you reacted both in the morning when you told me about the dream and now when he told you it was true."

"I don't like him. Don't look at me like that. I don't."

"You blushed" Erika stated.

"No, I didn't."

"Susan."

"I may have blushed from embarrassment that I did this while thinking it was a dream. I shouldn't have done anything with him even in a dream."

"So you regret what you did?"

Susan thought she was supposed to answer yes but she couldn't. It was strange and alarming. She should have regretted that but she hadn't. Could it be…? No. It couldn't.

"So? Did you regret it Susan?"

"No."

"And that's because…?"

"I have no idea. It must be that potion."

"Ian's potion? Even his tea recipes are false!"

"So what are you saying?"

"That there is no chance the potion worked."

"But it did."

"You thought it did. It was just autosuggestion."

"But…"

"Susan" Erika said with a softened voice "you can tell me."

"Ok maybe I kind of like him. But…"

"You should tell him."

"Never."

"Why?"

"Because I am me. I can't just go and tell him."

"Why?"

"Because I can't."

"What's the worst that can happen?"

"I won't be able to take it back."

Erika thought about that answer. She hadn't really expected it. Why would she like to take it back? Then she understood. Susan was trying so hard to be normal, to deny her legacy. And now a dead assassin was in love with her and somehow he had found a way to touch her heart. Her heart should be left alone. She couldn't afford those feelings. Love is always painful. But she was who she was and she couldn't run from it. She couldn't run from her feelings either. And Erika knew she had to make her face them.

"Fine. But do me a favor and think about it."

Susan remained silent for a bit and then answered.

"I will. I can't promise anything though."

Erika went to the living room. Teatime was still looking out of the window. Nina was sleeping on the couch. He didn't turn.

"Are you all right Erika?"

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"Are you mad at me for making that potion?"

"No. The fact is that it worked, so I am not mad."

That phrase made him turn and Erika saw he was sad. Erika thought he looked like a puppy his master keeps gnoring.

"No, it didn't. Susan hates me. I thought that maybe… Well, it doesn't matter. She hates me. She'll never love me. And I can't stop thinking about her. I mean, I thought about her before, but after last night… I feel different. I have strange feelings about Susan. I want her more but not only that. It's a strange feeling, like a warmth inside me every time I think of her. It fills me with happiness but with pain too. I just can't help it."

Teatime seemed sad. Erika approached him and put her arm around his shoulder to comfort him. He was able to love after all. Truly love someone else. She smiled.

"Susan loves you. She just doesn't admit it."

Teatime looked at Erika. Could that be true? He was sure Susan hated him. How could she love him? She was so perfect and strong and brave… And she wanted him to keep away from her.

"Are you sure Erika?"

"Trust me."

"Then how can I make her admit it?"

"I don't know. You made her love you. You figure it out."

"I have no idea. It's not like I have tried that with other women."

"You have never fallen in love before?"

"No. It seemed pointless. But Susan is different. So how do I get her to tell me how she feels?"

"The same way you made her love you I guess."

"With sex?" he said a bit confused.

"Too much information here. Just do it."

"Sure. I'll be delighted."

"I thought so" Erika said smiling. "Anyway, I don't think it's just sex. You and Susan I mean. It's more. I can sense it. I'm a witch after all."

He smiled slightly.

"Now, Jonathan, what happened last night?"

"In detail?"

"In feelings. I can guess the details on my own. Not that it's something I'd try doing. What I want to know is how you felt."

"Perfect. I felt whole, complete. Like I've been missing something all my life but didn't know what it was. Well, now I know."

"Really?"

"Yes. It's her. She was full of fire. We were trying to take control of each other. More like a game you know."

"Who won?"

"I did."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks. So, should I go inside?"

"Yes."

"Now?" he said with slightly trembling voice.

"It's ok. Just go."

"Thank you Erika. Thank you for everything."

It was probably the first time he felt grateful for someone.

"Could I ask you something first Jonathan?"

"What is it?"

"Is Ankh-Morpork a nice place to live?"

"Well, I guess so. It's definitely a nice place to inhume people. It has many… job opportunities. As long as you belong to the appropriate Guild of course."

"Right."

"Why do you ask?"

"No reason. Get in there and do, well, whatever you think you should do. And please don't tell me what it is."

Erika had a perfectly good reason for asking. There was a spell in the magic book that seemed possible to work. However the book was for personal use and even if many people could travel together holding hands, the one who said the words had to travel to the other world too.

It was the only way and she didn't know if she would be able to return to her world. That's why she had to make sure those two would be together. If she was to be trapped in a different world it should at least be worth it.

Teatime entered the room to find Susan looking out of her window. He approached her silently and hugged her pressing his chest against her back. Susan took a deep breath and held it.

"I've missed you Susan" he said and kissed her neck. He slid her dress off of one of her shoulders and kissed her bare skin. It seemed as if he was addicted to her. As if she was the strongest drug he could ever take.

"Why?" she whispered.

"What do you mean, why?"

Susan turned to face him.

"Why are you doing this to me? Do you want revenge?"

Susan was sure he was unable to love. All right, Erika had said he loved her but she could not believe it. He was… well, an assassin. He had tried to kill the Hogfather! Who wants to get rid of the Hogfather and can still love? It had to be one of his plans to get to her or to her Grandfather and kill them. It was not possible to love her. And yet he was winning. She had feelings about him. Where did they come from? Why did they come anyway?

And his face was so close. His eyes looked straight to her soul. He shouldn't see what was in there. No. And his breath was on her face. And his arms around her waist. And she could not handle it any more. It was just too much.

He held her closer and saw she was holding back tears. His plan was to make her admit she loved him but it shattered in pieces when he looked in her eyes. He couldn't believe his love made her sad. He couldn't believe she still thought he was trying to avenge her.

"No Susan. I don't want revenge. Don't be so sad, please. I want you to be happy. I am here to make you happy Susan. I love you."

These words came as a surprise to him. He knew he wanted Susan, he knew he was in love with her but he didn't know he actually loved her. He had no idea his feelings were so deep and that he wanted to make her happy cause he could only be happy if she was.

Susan looked down and closed her eyes to stop the tears. Teatime picked up her face in his hands.

"Look at me Susan. Don't you feel anything about me?"

That was it. Susan knew she could not hide her feelings any more. She had to tell the truth.

"I do" she said quietly looking straight inside his eyes and then away.

Teatime kissed her and she surrendered in his kiss. She held him tight and didn't let go even when their mouths separated trying to get some air. At least Susan needed to get air. Teatime was dead so he didn't need to breathe to survive. It was something he did anyway though.

Susan's ear could not hear a heartbeat in his chest but she could feel him breathing even if he didn't need to. He breathed quicker when she was around but now his breath was slow and steady. As if he didn't want to scare her away by doing the slightest move. Even breathing.

Teatime was able to rest his face in her soft hair. He felt them on his cheek and he could smell them once more. That smell was following him since he was in Toothfairy's castle. He had held her hair then. Hadn't Banjo thrown him away he could have… No. It was better Banjo did what he did. Teatime knew he was a fool back then. He would have killed Susan if he could and now he'd be alone. Perhaps he'd be alive but still alone. He couldn't imagine life (or at least existing) without her. She gave him meaning. She was his everything.

"I love you too Jonathan" she finally said.

Teatime lifted her in his arms and turned her around smiling widely and she started laughing. They knew that this was happiness and they were happy. Erika smiled and removed her ear from the door. It was wrong to eavesdrop but she had to know.