8.

I didn't ask him what that plan was. In some ways I didn't want to know. When we'd talked about making him a star before we'd only been dealing in hypothetical scenarios and pipe dreams. At the time I had believed that pretty much all he would have to do would be play his best and win the championship. Fans and sponsorships would follow. He'd seemed on board. I didn't know exactly when our plans diverged. He wanted to make sure it would happen and he wasn't above trying to make it happen by any means necessary.

This time had to be different. I'd had enough of doing that kind of thing for Oscar. I didn't need to replace one person who asked me to do shitty things with another.

Zero was asleep next to me. He hadn't had any trouble falling asleep after talking with me. I wished I had been able to do the same. He was curled up facing away from me, his whole body relaxed and his breathing slowed down. I couldn't put everything aside just like that. Sure he'd said he wanted to do things together but exactly what that meant was hard to pin down. I chose to be optimistic about it, he wouldn't have told me unless he was serious. It was a step in the right direction- he wasn't thinking only about himself and this time his goals weren't completely self-serving. It felt like I had to be extremely careful because if things went badly he might never trust anyone else again.

Eventually I had to accept that I wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. I got out of bed as quietly as I could so I didn't disturb him, then I got dressed and went into the kitchen. It was still dark outside. I sat at the kitchen table nursing a cup of coffee that I couldn't taste writing up a plan that I hoped he would agree to. This time I had more faith that he would actually listen to me. After we were thrown together a second time he'd been willing to be more vulnerable, to let at least me in to what he was truly thinking. I didn't want to ruin that.

Light was coming in through the window over the sink. I stopped writing and looked up. Zero was leaning against the door frame again. "When did you get up?" he asked. Then, before I could reply, he answered. "You never went to sleep, did you?"

I didn't respond. He sighed and pulled out the chair across from me and sat down. I let him take the paper away from me. He read through it the methodical way he usually did. When he finished he looked up at me like he'd just met me, like he'd never known me before. "I don't want to do any of the sneaky shit anymore. You can be a star without making everyone hate you," I said.

He put the paper down and looked away from me. "So you want me to be friends with everyone on the team and act like it's all great? Who exactly should I be dazzling with my friendship skills?"

"I think it might be helpful if more people had your back. Derek and Terence probably aren't going to go for it, but some of the newer players might be more willing to trust you."

He nodded reluctantly. I knew all of this following my advice stuff was going to be hard for him, especially when he'd barely done it before. His finger traced down the paper from bullet point to bullet point. "Do I really have to talk about my family?"

I'd only written it down as a last ditch effort. I didn't think he'd go for it. "No, you don't. Only if you want to. It might get more sympathy, help people relate to you. But you don't have to do it."

He picked up the pen and crossed it off violently. I wondered why that idea was the one that he had the biggest problem with considering that I'd also put coming out on the list. It felt like that would be what would cause the greatest change in his life. "Then I won't."

I watched him staring at the list for a while. "The biggest thing you need to do is start playing better. None of this can fall into place until you do. And I know you can." I grabbed his hand, making him drop the piece of paper. "I'll do whatever I can for you, okay?"

He gave me a shaky smile. "How about you go back to bed and get some sleep?"


I'm not sure what stars aligned or what finally clicked but the next game he finally started playing like he used to. He scored baskets and blocked shots and had the whole arena on their feet cheering for him. The cloud of failure that had hung over the team for most of the season was pushed away, if only for a moment.

I caught up with him as everyone else was leaving the locker room. Zero was sitting in front of his locker with a satisfied smile on his face. As people passed him by they slapped him on the back and told him good job. I hung back until the crowd thinned. Finally it was just the two of us. "Good job," I said.

Zero managed a cocky smile. "It finally felt right. It was like it used to be." He almost seemed shocked by it.

I sat down next to him unsure of what to do. What I wanted more than anything was to kiss him, but we were still at that awkward stage where the lines of how much affection to show in public were still being drawn. They were a lot less rigid than they had been. "I knew you could do it." I took a chance and kissed him quickly, my hand going to his cheek reflexively.

He didn't pull away but he didn't reciprocate either. When I moved back he had his eyes closed. Once we pulled apart his eyes darted around to see if anyone was watching before he turned back to me. "Is that what you were gonna do when the Devils won the championship?" he asked.

I smiled and shook my head. "No, this is." This time I grabbed him and kissed him as passionately as I could. He kissed back. We pushed against each other, bracing against the lockers. I grabbed onto his shirt, trying to pull him closer. He let me. When we finally pulled apart for air he still held on to my shirt.

"I'm sorry I missed out on that," he said softly.

I laughed. "I am too."

He stood up and gave me a sly smile. I wasn't sure what he wanted to do until he pulled me toward him, his hands on my hips. If I hadn't just seen pretty much everyone leave I would have been a lot more nervous about it. "Right here?" I asked.

"Why not?"

"It's kind of exposed."

It felt like he realized that and he nodded toward the showers.

Right then I was so happy that things seemed like they were actually working out that I let down a few barriers and let him lead me into the showers. There was a waist high wall down the center of the room that blocked out some of the view. He had me lean against it, his hands groping my crotch while he kissed my neck. He was almost feral in his intensity, like he wanted to devour me.

I still held back a little, unsure of what would happen if I did give in all the way. His mouth was hot on mine and our tongues slid over each other in a way that I wouldn't be able to forget. I couldn't keep my eyes open except for brief flashes where I caught glimpses of him with his eyes half-closed and hazy with lust as he kissed me.

My hands were tight on his hips. He hadn't changed into street clothes yet and maybe this shower sex was a backwards way for him to get clean. Maybe he didn't care what it was like as long as he had me right where he wanted. It was easy to work my hands underneath his jersey and touch his skin. He was boiling and slick with sweat. Our skin slid over each others', fighting for purchase. He had the harder way to go with me, unbuckling my belt and trying to get things loose enough to where he could finally do something.

Once my cock hit the air it was a shock to my system that I couldn't ignore. My mind went blank and it was all I could do to stay standing as he kissed me and worked his hand into my pants. My hands slid around from his side to the front, trying to touch him but he pulled away and sank down to his knees. My hands went to the wall behind me, trying to hang on to something. He pulled my shirt loose from my pants and then started kissing down my abdomen.

I hissed in a breath. He stuck his tongue out and then licked at the tip of my cock. The extra stimulation was almost more than I could bear. My hands slipped on the tile. He held on to my thighs as he took me further into his mouth. It was warm and wet and his tongue swirled all over my cock. There was no hesitation, only a kind of rushed desperation.

Zero took me to the edge with a workman-like intensity. The few times I was able to look down at him he had his eyes closed and my cock in his mouth. I couldn't hold my moans back as I got closer to the edge. My hand went out from the barrier and onto his shoulder, begging him to increase the pace. And he did, coaxing responses out of me that I didn't expect. My legs were barely supporting me as I came. He barely had time to get out of the way.

I couldn't keep my eyes open and I sank back on the barrier. When I opened them again Zero was still squatting in front of me wiping his mouth off. He smirked up at me. I tried to get myself dressed enough so that I looked at least close to normal.

He pushed himself back up to his feet. "I'm gonna take a shower and get changed," he said.

"Do you want company?" I asked. Zero gave me a quick smile before taking his jersey off and throwing it at me. I caught it and held it to my chest awkwardly.

"It's up to you. I wouldn't want to mess up your suit." He stripped the rest of the way and walked into the showers.

"Very funny. I can wait until we get back home. You never know when someone's going to come in."

"Whatever you want Jude," he called out from underneath the spray.

I walked back out into the hallway by the locker room. The phone reception was better and I didn't want to tempt fate and have someone discover us. The blow job was enough of a risk.

Zero came out a few minutes later and clapped his hands on my shoulders. "Wanna go to an after party? Some of the team is meeting up at a night club to celebrate."

Even though that sounded like my version of hell on earth I forced myself to smile and agree. I couldn't deny him the chance to celebrate his win. This was all for his career, if that got back on track who cared about people knowing about us and all the shit that went with it?

Zero looked at me oddly for a second. "We don't have to go if you're not feeling up to it," he said. "I know I wore you out."

I laughed at him. "You'd have to do a lot more than that to tire me out."


The nightclub was loud and dark. It was easy to stop thinking and just act. It didn't matter that Zero was flirting offhandedly with the bartender because he came right back over to sit with me. I let myself not worry about it for once in my life. It felt great to be able to relax and trust that things were going to work out.

It seemed like the other guys on the team were actually interested in talking to Zero. I wasn't sure if it was out of a true desire to be friends or if there was something else that they wanted out of it but right now it didn't matter. It had been a long time since I'd seen Zero actually look confident and happy about something in his life and I didn't want to take that away from him.

As the night went on he pulled me into the bathroom. It was deserted so I didn't resist as he pulled me into a stall and started kissing me. I did make sure the door was closed and locked behind us. That way there was at least a little barrier protecting us if someone decided to burst in.

I pulled him closer, kissing him without the restraint I usually showed when we were out in public. Right now it felt like he was back to being himself, not the depressed man who wasn't sure of himself and his place in the world. A lot of the worry that I'd been carrying around went away, if only for a moment.

He pushed me up against the wall and kissed me, his hands on either side of me. I put my arms around him and held on. It might have been partly the alcohol but it felt like I was floating and this was all the culmination of some inner struggle we'd been fighting that had come to the ultimate payoff.

"How much longer do you want to stay?" he asked after we'd broken apart. He was breathing heavily like he'd just played another game.

"I'm ready to go whenever you are," I said, grabbing his lips for another kiss.


We wound up back at my apartment nearly tearing each others' clothes off before stumbling into the bedroom. We were all over each other in the best possible way. It felt like my nerves were all firing at once. I could have existed on the edge of ecstasy like that forever. Once he was inside me and we were moving together it was easy to think that all of this was worth the pain and uncertainty that had been the past few weeks. There was a still long way to go but that didn't mean we couldn't enjoy the journey.

I hooked my arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss me. His thrusts had slowed down, making this a tortuous test of endurance. I would have gladly done it over and over again just to enjoy this feeling of both our bodies moving as one.

When release came spiraling its way through my spine I couldn't hold back the moans that I'd been biting back any longer. It was all I could do to keep myself from saying something that I knew I would regret and Zero wouldn't be able to handle. Even though I knew we loved each other at some level I knew our relationship wasn't at the point where we could say it without everything toppling down. So I let myself think it as I kissed him, and let myself dare to think we had a future when I pulled him down into me.

We wound up sleeping all tangled together instead of apart like we usually did. It felt like things were working together instead of independently.

I should have known it wouldn't last.


My boss called me into his office a few days later. He didn't gesture for me to sit down and he had a serious expression on his face, almost like he was disappointed in me. I stayed standing in front of his desk waiting for him to speak.

"Jude, are you familiar with the company's new relationship policy?" A shiver went through my entire body. It took all I had to remain standing. This exact scenario had been in one of my nightmares. "If you haven't, it's fine. We just adopted it a week or so ago. You should have had an e-mail about it. You missed the meeting where we discussed it." That had been on a day when I'd ducked out early to go to see Zero. They'd said the meeting was optional. I had to bite down hard on my tongue to keep from cursing out loud.

My boss was looking at me like he was expecting me to say something. "I must have missed it."

He nodded. "I thought so. It was something Oscar had been pushing for before his legal troubles and we finally drafted a policy up. Legal said we really should have had one sooner. Without it we could get sued if something goes wrong." I really needed to sit down. My hand grabbed on to the back of one of the chairs in front of his desk. He nodded that I could sit. I had to sit on my hands to overcome the urge to put my head in them.

"What...what are the consequences for dating a client?" My voice shook.

He gave me a pitying look. "If things are in the early stages we would assign the client to a new agent. Otherwise it's a potential liability so the agent would have to be let go." He tapped his fingers on the table in a dreary rhythm. "This new policy also covers dating in the office too. So no dating your assistant." I tried to keep my face neutral while I knew I was going to have to tell him about Zero. He was staring at me like he already knew something was wrong.

"I...I haven't had a chance to read the e-mail. Last time I checked there wasn't any kind of policy about dating clients." I clutched to any shred of a defense that I might have left. But ultimately ignorance wasn't an excuse.

His eyebrows were slowly rising. "Do you have something you need to tell me?" he asked.

Everything I wanted to say crawled into my throat and died. I should have known that even in prison Oscar could still reach out and fuck up my life. My boss stared at me expectantly as I tried to think of the best way to tell him about Zero. Because I was going to have to tell him and no matter how understanding he had been about other difficult patches in my life I wasn't sure how he would handle this. Still I had to do it, if only to save my job.

"I think..." I focused on a point next to his head. "I think in light of recent policy changes it might be for the best if Zero was assigned a new agent."

I expected him to look shocked. I thought he'd at least have pretended to look surprised. Instead he was looking at me like he was proud I'd said something. "I had a feeling something was going on, just not with who. You know why it can't keep going the way it is, right?"

I nodded morosely. "If we broke up or something happened it would reflect badly on the agency-on you."

He had the good grace to at least look regretful about it. "I don't want you to wind up in the middle of some big scandal either. Nobody said you couldn't still support him-just not in the same way. Did you have anyone in particular in mind who could take over? " I let him talk to me about how hard this was for him and how awful he felt about it while my mind went elsewhere. How the hell was I going to explain this to Zero? Would this put his career back in a tail-spin?

I gave my boss the names of two of my colleagues who might be suitable replacements and then made my way back to my office. I tried to work on a few things but quickly realized there was no way I was going to get anything of worth accomplished today. I wasn't any use to anyone like this. I went home.


Zero found me there later sitting in front of a few empty bottles of beer. I could almost feel the exact moment he regretted coming into the room, though he hid it well. "Day drinking, huh? What would your mom say?" Jokes were his way of dealing with difficult situations. I should have expected it.

"She'd wonder why I wasn't drinking something harder," I snapped back. I regretted it instantly but it was too late. In truth I had looked for something else but there hadn't been anything stronger in the apartment.

He made a face that said he wasn't going to put up with my shit and got something to drink out of the refrigerator. "Should I even ask what happened?"

"I would've thought by now someone would've told you." It didn't seem like the kind of thing my boss would have left up to me.

Zero looked at me expectantly, eyebrows raised. "What? It must be bad if it's got you this fucked up."

"I can't be your agent anymore," I said.

All the expression left his face, only to be replaced a second later with a smile. "Is that it? I thought you were gonna say that someone found out and we have to have a press conference to talk about it." I thought it was interesting that his worst case scenario always involved talking about his personal life in public.

"No. My boss knows but he's not gonna say anything. I gave him the names of some other agents that you might be willing to work with."

"It's not like you can't keep talking to me or anything, right?" He looked at me for a response. I nodded. "Then it's not so bad, ok? Don't freak out about it. You still have your job."

"I think the thing that bothers me the most about it is that Oscar was the one who pushed them to start doing it." I shuddered.

"You think he knows who you're dating?" I wished more than anything we were talking about this under different circumstances so I could enjoy the fact that he'd said dating instead of one of the hundreds of other words he could have used to describe our relationship.

"I think it would be stupid to think that he doesn't. If he had my neighbor spying on me is it really hard to believe that he wouldn't know exactly who I was being loud with?"

Zero tried to put on a brave face. "If he knows all this shit about you why hasn't he done anything with it? If he's got proof you and I are together why not lead off with that and be done with it?"

"Apparently it was something he suggested a long time ago that they decided to put into place now. It's messed up that even though he's in jail somehow he can always reach out and fuck up my life." I got up and went to the fridge to get another beer, twisting it open with my hand and cutting the shit out of my fingers in the process. I'd forgotten I'd gotten ones where the cap didn't just twist off. "Fuck," I hissed, hoping that the gouges wouldn't start bleeding. Of course they did, dripping blood onto the floor.

I could tell Zero was pissed but he threw a towel at me and then went into the bathroom to grab my sad excuse for first aid supplies. Once everything was taped up and the floor had been wiped up he went back to the other side of the room and looked at me warily.

"Look, your family is even more fucked up than mine. You have to find a way to deal with that or Oscar's just gonna keep popping back into your life and ruining it."

"So I should act like he can't?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. But you can't let him keep affecting you like this. You're never going to be able to relax." After he finished talking he went into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

I was left thinking about what to do next. Unless I figured out a way to push Oscar to the side I was always going to be looking over my shoulder wondering what he would do next.


The answer, it turned out, was surprisingly simple. Lionel practically jumped at the chance to meet me for dinner. She chose someplace trendy and hip where all of the younger Hollywood stars could see and be seen by each other. She was sitting with someone I didn't recognize when I got there. He left before I reached her table. She gave him a coquettish wave. When she turned to look at me the smile she gave was genuine.

"How does it feel to be back on top?" I asked, sitting down across from her. She'd gotten the part and she'd told me offers for other roles were flowing in. There wasn't as much time in her life for going to Devils games. Looking at how happy and free she appeared now I wasn't sure that that was a bad thing.

She shook her head at me. "Being in a TV movie isn't anywhere near the top. It's nice to have people talking to me again though. Makes me feel like I'm wanted." She waved at someone at another table.

"I look forward to seeing you in more movies," I said. "It's stupid how one flop can define your whole career."

"That's the business. You just have to keep your head up." Lionel smiled grimly. "So how are things going with you? You sounded upset on the phone."

I looked down at my water glass. "They could be better. I'm not Zero's agent anymore."

"How'd that happen?"

"Agents can't date clients. New policy." I decided to be as straight-forward as possible. Her eyes widened.

"I think I know a few people who would be breaking that rule. Why didn't you just lie about it?" It was interesting that she thought that would have been a good idea.

"I would have if I didn't need the job." My job was one of the few things that I wanted to hold on to.

"Why did they decide to change things now?"

"I don't know." My grip on the water glass tightened. "I think it was because of Oscar. He said something to my boss a while ago and they decided to start following his suggestion."

She didn't even look surprised. "Yeah, that sounds like something Oscar would do. He likes to have backup plans for ways to screw people over." I wondered what he'd done to her.

"I want to change that. I want to make him just as powerless as he's made me."

Lionel took a sip out of her wine glass. "And how exactly would you do that?"

"Remember those files that you had me look at? A few of those placed into the right hands and neither of us have to worry about Oscar again."

She smiled coyly. "So you want to finish what Sloane started." I nodded. "You do realize that this could all blow back on you. You might wind up in a cell next to Oscar." She swirled her drink. "I might too."

A chill ran down my spine. I hadn't thought through what the consequences might be for anyone else. "I don't know what else to do."

Lionel was watching me carefully. "I think you have the right idea but not the right way to do it." All of my attention focused on her. "Let me take care of it."

"What are you going to do?"

"Let me worry about it." She gave me a reassuring smile and patted my hand. "Just come to my next premiere with me."


The next few weeks were relatively quiet ones. Zero's new agent took over without any incident and I focused on the things that mattered the most now. I went to work with the same attitude I always had and worked as hard as I could for my clients. After the conversation I'd had with my boss about Zero he hadn't treated me any differently. As long as I kept on getting results he really didn't care what I did. In a way it was probably a good thing that I wasn't Zero's agent any longer. I could actually focus on what I needed to do instead of thinking about him all day at work and at home.

The Devils had turned themselves around and were leading their conference. They were a few games ahead of everyone and on track to win the championship again. Zero was almost playing better than he ever had before. Most of the doubts that had plagued him from before seemed like they'd gone. Whenever I saw Pete I tried to be as nice as possible to him. I didn't think Zero would have been able to dig himself out of that hole without his help.

As Zero started to play better the reporters that had dogged him for months trying to capture his latest slip up started to drift away. He'd never fully moved out of his apartment. We started to split our time between the two. His was certainly a lot more comfortable, and didn't have nosy neighbors.

The things that had annoyed us about each other didn't seem so important now. Over time Zero slowly opened up more and more, giving me brief glimpses of how he really felt. I treated these insights with the respect that they deserved. It would have been easy to take for granted the fact that now he didn't flinch away from me holding his hand in public if I hadn't remembered how long it had taken to get to that point.

I didn't hear anything from Oscar. New evidence suddenly surfaced that was hard for him to refute. I wasn't sure what Lionel had done but his request for bail was denied. Chances were he'd find a way to get out eventually but this was a start. A few times I tried asking Lionel about it but she brushed me off. If she had any negative consequences from it she never let on.


Zero and I were at Zero's apartment lying in bed after an exhausting day. His bed was even better than mine, it was actually soft and inviting and there was enough space for both of us. My mattress at home was at least ten years old and sagged in spots. It was one of the many reasons that I didn't understand why he preferred my apartment to his.

Usually whenever I came over the door to the second bedroom was always shut. Today I'd gotten there before he had and took the opportunity to open it and look around. The boxes were still there gathering dust. Nothing else in the room showed any sign of being moved. I would have said it was an exhibit of the past but that would have implied that he actually took some care with it. Right now it was almost as if he'd locked it all away so that it would disappear. I closed the door and decided to ask him about it later.

Zero had been in a relatively good mood all day so I thought maybe now would be a good time to talk to him. "Are you ever going to unpack those boxes?" I asked.

He stared at me like he had no idea what I was talking about for a minute before he realized what I was referring to. "Probably not." He closed his eyes and exhaled heavily. "Why does that bother you so much?"

"I don't know. All of that stuff in there must be important because you've kept it this long. I guess it feels like you know so much about my family and my past and I still barely know anything about yours."

He rolled his eyes. "I thought I told you that's a part of my life that I don't really want to talk about. You know all of the important parts." We laid there in silence. Eventually he pushed himself up and sat on the side of the bed facing away from me. "Besides you've been a lot closer to family than they ever were. Maybe I'd rather focus on that."

I sat up. "Are you serious?" I wasn't sure what to say, this was all uncharted territory between us.

He nodded. "Yeah, it's stupid but it's true. You were there for me when a lot of other people weren't."

"I told you I wouldn't leave you."

"Do you know how many people have said that to me?" He turned and looked at me. "How many of them do you think actually meant it?" I watched him as best I could. I couldn't see his face clearly in the dark. There were only bright flashes where his eyes were and that didn't give much of a clue to his expression.

"Not many." I put my arms around my legs. "You know you've always been there for me too, in your own way." I was touched that someone had actually stayed when things got difficult instead of taking the easy way out. When so much of life felt like fighting against something pulling me underwater it was nice to have someone who was willing to try and help me stay afloat.

Zero laughed to himself. "I guess you're right." He shifted so he was looking at me. "Can't that be enough?"

"Of course it can," I said.


This time when the Devils won the championship I didn't hold back. Once I got into the locker room I kissed Zero the way I'd wanted to before and he kissed back.