Caller being the leader of the Cult of Pessimism was already foreshadowed in the last chapter of Rise of the Negativities as the person with a name that proclaims loudly to everyone. Who remembers that?
Chapter 8
Cultists
Caller went back to his throne and took the seat, and a cultist came up to him and asked, "What are your orders?"
Caller raised his hand and said, "Destroy the entire town! Anyone who supports the Smashers must die! Don't leave anyone alive!"
"Yes sir," the cultist said, and he reached for a trumpet-like thing that was on a pole sticking out of the floor and shouted into it, "Everyone! Prepare to launch an attack!"
No sooner after this was announced to all the cultists, a large latch on the lower area of the Big Letdown opened and several cultists on those flying machines came out and sped across the air and into Onett.
The Smashers looked up at them and gasped. "We must-a stop-a them!" Mario said.
"Quick! Let's defend the town from them!" Marth said. "We'll deal with their flying fortress later!"
The flying machines began firing missiles and bullets all over the place, and the citizens down there ran like crazy for their lives and hid into their houses.
-
Wario came out from his house with a grumpy face and said, "What's all those noise out there? Can't I have a quiet time for myself?" Then a rocket dropped down in front of him and exploded.
KAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOM!!
Wario was burned from head to toe comically from the explosion, and he looked up to see a cultist laughing wickedly at him because he was the one who dropped the rocket. "Why you?! You'll regret messing with the great Wario!" Wario shouted angrily. As the cultist began to fly off, Wario reached for a shovel that was next to the door and ran after the machine, and then he threw the shovel at it as if he was throwing a javelin. The shovel was thrown so hard that it actually stabbed into the back of the machine, causing it to go haywire and it crashed down onto the street while the cultist screamed.
Some of the flying machines were carrying more than one person, and the extra people on them put on parachute backpacks and jumped down and slowly floated to the ground.
ROB was on top of a house roof and the front of his base opened and a pole of sorts came out with a top-like thing on top of it. ROB grabbed the side of the top and began spinning it, and when done spinning, he let go his hands and the top went flying into the air like a buzzsaw. It cut through the lines of some of the cultists and sliced their parachutes off, resulting in them falling down faster. "AYEEE!!"
Some were able to land safely onto the ground though, and with guns in their hands, they begun moving around like counterstrike terrorists and taking aim at whoever they come across.
"Hands up!" a cultist shouted to Luigi.
Luigi freaked out and raised his arms and cried, "No! Don't shoot me! I have a brother, a cousin who is a doctor and looks just like him, a princess, and a pet parrot to take care of! I can't die like this! Hey, is that a penguin in a pirate costume behind you?" The cultist turned around to see what Luigi was talking about, and Luigi used this opportunity to run.
"Hey you!" The cultist was made that he tricked, and so he ran after him. "I hate people with moustaches!"
-
Olimar stepped out of the hotel that he spent a night in and stretched his arm. "What a nice morning! I wonder when the people at the airport will deliver my spaceship over to me." Then Luigi rammed into him and caused his helmet to fall off. "Ow! Phew… Good thing I took the air pill earlier so that I could breathe all kinds of air even without my helmet…"
"Sorry about that…" Luigi said to him. "Oh no… Run…" He got up and ran again, and when Olimar saw the cultist running after them, he ran with him too.
"Hey! Wait for me! What's going on?!" he cried.
-
A cultist was flying around in his machine shooting at random stuffs, but then his machine was shot in the side and it crashed down. Snake was seen hiding behind some bushes with a sniper rifle in his hand, so you can guess what happened just now.
Unknown to him, another cultist was crouched down on top of a roof not too far from where he is, and the cultist had Snake in the target of his sniper rifle. He looked through the scope and took a clear aim at Snake's head, but then he felt his nose itching and sneezed. After the sneeze, he looked into the scope again to aim the second time, but then he saw Snake turned in his direction with his sniper rifle pointing at him.
BANG!!
-
Some cultists with clubs in their hands ran to Yoshi and Lucario to beat on them. Lucario ran forward and thrust out both his hands and smacked the both of them in the body. Yoshi did a running head bash at another cultist that attempted to club him.
Yet another cultist tried to hit Lucario, and the Pokemon did a flipping kick into his chin and did a back flip afterwards, landing on top of another cultist and stomping him on the head.
Yoshi stuck out his tongue and caught a cultist by the body, and then he swung him around and hurled him away. Lucario also grabbed one cultist by his clothes and tossed him aside, and both the cultists rammed into each other.
CRASH!!
-
"Shoot down that gorilla!" the cultists shouted as they fired their guns at Donkey Kong. DK quickly reached for the nearest trash can and used its lid as a shield to block the bullets, and then he ran forward while holding the lid in his hand and rammed them all down. Some more came up to him from behind, and he turned and threw the lid like a Frisbee and knocked them down. Next, he picked up the trash can itself and rolled it along the street to plow down a couple of more cultists.
"Let's see if you can get me!" a cultist on a flying machine said. His machine landed onto the street and sprouted wheels on both sides, turning it into a car of sorts, and it zoomed forward to hit DK.
Diddy appeared and threw a banana peel onto the street, and when the car ran over it, it went astray and crashed into a fence on the side.
CRASH!!
"Good one!" DK said to Diddy.
-
Some cultists were chasing some little children, but as they ran past a bush, several Pikmins came flying out of it and latched onto the cultists. There were so many Pikmins that they were buried underneath, and the little critters began pummeling them.
Olimar poked his head out of the bush and said, "Beat them all up!"
-
"Help me!!" Reed cried as he ran back all the way to his apartment with a cultist chasing behind him with a club in his hand.
"I hate fat people!" the cultist shouted. "They are the abominations of this world that should burn in hell!"
Reed ran all the way into the room on the left side of the far end of the room and closed the door, and the cultist banged on it rapidly. Suddenly, the door slammed open and Susanne came out with a machine gun in his hand. "DIE!!" he shouted as he began firing the gun. The cultist was so scared at the sight of a large muscular man with blond, curly hair and make-ups that he ran across the hallway and jumped down the stairs.
Reed appeared from behind him and said, "Phew… Safe… I didn't know you keep guns with you, though I do know you used to be a soldier."
"This is a toy gun actually," he told him.
-
"GO AWAY!!" Luigi shouted as he continued to run from the same cultist.
Catrina just came around the corner with a bag of groceries when she saw this, and Luigi ran behind her and said, "Help me…"
"What…? What happened…?" she cried, looking scared as the cultist closed in.
"You will die!" the cultist said. "People with moustaches are the stupidest living things in the world."
"That's not nice…" Luigi thought, and then he said, "You better not underestimate the power of moustaches! With a moustache, you can have superpowers! Even I have the superpower!"
"Haha! You think I would fall for this lie?"
"If you don't believe me, watch!" Luigi then grabbed Catrina by her hair and yanked her head off, and blood splattered out from her neck like a volcano.
The cultist widened his eyes in horror and ran away with a pale skin while shrieking loudly. "Phew… That really tricked him…" Luigi thought as he revealed a squeezed bag of ketchup he was holding behind Catrina. "Sorry for using the ketchup you bought…"
"Never mind… At least you scared him away…" she said.
-
"Charge!" Yoshi shouted as he ran across the street with Lucario riding on his back. Yoshi rammed down any cultists he came across while Lucario would stick out his foot to the side and trip any cultist that managed to jump to the side. Yoshi then stopped and turned and looked at the cultists that he knocked out. "We make a great team!"
Suddenly, another cultist jumped down from the air and landed in front of them, and this cultist looked taller and more muscular than the others. "Those wimps can't do any s--!" he said. "I'll be the one to get rid of you instead!"
"You do look tough," Yoshi commented.
Lucario jumped off Yoshi and stepped forward and said, "I will battle him!"
"Let me know if you need my help!"
The cultist got out a large axe and brandished it, and then he raised it over himself and ran to Lucario to ready to slam it down. Right when the axe was about to hit Lucario, the Pokemon disappeared in a blink of an eye really fast and reappeared behind the cultist and smacked him in the butt really hard that he flew forward, only to get smashed in the nut by Yoshi's head. "OW!!" The cultist fell over from the tremendous pain afterwards.
"Well… Not much different from the others…" Yoshi thought.
-
"Baseball is off, I guess…" Ness said as he watched his team members running all over the place from the cultist onslaught.
"And we were all ready for today's ball game…" Popo grumbled.
Some cultists ran into the baseball field with clubs in their hand and when they saw the kid Smashers, they ran towards them while waving their clubs. "So they want a fight? Let's get them!" Toon Link said.
"Yeah, that should teach them not to mess with our ball game!" Ness said, readying his bat. He tossed a ball into the air and batted it into one of the cultist's face. The other cultist picked up the ball afterwards and batted it back to Ness, but Ness batted it back again and that cultist got knocked out too.
Suddenly, another muscular cultist dropped down from the air and landed with a thud, and he doesn't seem to be holding anything in his hand. "This guy looks big…" Popo said.
"He should provide some challenge!" TL said. "I'll get him!" He got out his sword and ran to him and readied to slash him, but the cultist suddenly shifted to the side without moving his legs at all. "What?!" TL quickly turned around and held up his shield just in time to block a punch from the cultist, and he jumped back as far as he could and threw his boomerang, but the cultist slid away again.
"That moving style! It's wavedashing!" Ness gasped.
"He's a Smash Pro?!" Young Link gasped.
"I have always been a fan of the Smash Pros," the cultist replied. "Therefore, I have learned their ways of life and their fighting style. Such is the greatest way of existence!"
"What are you talking about…?" Popo asked.
"I have always pondered the truth of the world and the meaning of life, and it was when I saw the Smash Pros, I have seen everything," the cultists continued to say. "The Smash Pros have shown me what the truth to everything is. They are the speakers of truth; everything they say is the very epitome of truthfulness."
"What on earth are you talking about…?" TL asked strangely.
"He's probably brainwashed by a Spot," Ness said. "Those stubborn moderators of the Pros that demand everyone to believe whatever they say."
"Tiers, wavedashing, advance techniques… All these separate them from other beings, so they are superior in every way," the cultist said as he raised his arms into the air. "With these precious beliefs, they have attained the highest priority of life. Only a fight of skills between two people on a plain arena without the support of items is the truest form of battle, and the usage of high tier characters is something that cannot get any better."
"You remind me of those crazy Smash Bros. competitive players…" Ness said in disgust.
"Smash Bros…. A game that is sought by all gamers to be the holiest and grandest of all games… Melee was the perfect creation, but the sequel was the abomination."
Ness was offended to hear this and he said, "Excuse me…? Are you saying Brawl is worse than Melee?"
"The lack of advance techniques, the downgrade in speed, the lack of wavedashing…" the cultist said, "and as if those weren't enough, the online play is a shame. The lack of online ranking and voice chatting is a disgrace to online gaming society. The fact that there are characters that are of the lowest tier of all such as Ganondorf and Captain Falcon is nothing but pure disgrace.
This immediately struck YL greatly. His eyes burned with rage as he shouted, "WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT GANONDORF BEING LOW TIER?!"
"Face the truth," the cultist said to him. "You are in nothing but denial and you do not wish to accept the truth. The truth is before you, and you refuse to accept it. What reason is there for you to not handle the truth? Such stubborn thinking will only make life suffer."
"I'll make you eat those words!" YL ran over to the cultist and tried to stab him with his sword, but the cultist slid to the side. YL turned after him and continued slashing his sword, but the cultist was very good as dodging his attacks.
TL jumped up behind the cultist and tried to hit him in the head, but the cultist slid to the side fast and the attack missed. "This guy is good!" TL thought.
"He must be one of their better fighters," Ness thought. "But we can't let him make a fool out of us!" Ness ran towards the cultist and stretched out his hand and green flashes appeared. "PK Flash!"
The bright flash blinded the cultist and he held his hand over his face to lessen the impact, and Popo quickly breathed out cold air onto the ground and froze it over all the way to the cultist's legs and encased them in ice.
"PK Fire!" Ness immediately followed up by shooting a spark that exploded into a column of fire when it hit the cultist and the ice was immediately melted.
The cultist quickly slid out of the fire column and suffered some major burns, and that's when both the Link charged at him from both sides. As he was unable to move too much due to injuries, the two kids pulled off a whirling blade technique that was so strong that it whipped up a whirlwind and the cultist was carried to the stop and was cut rapidly by the wind blades.
"You will see for yourself the truth someday! You will regret for not accepting the truth!" the cultist shouted before he fell down and passed out on the ground.
"Haha! We won!" TL said happily while jumping up and down.
"I feel better already," YL said.
That guy really pisses me off," Ness said. "Tiers… What kind of crazy person came up with that anyway? Tier is equivalent to discrimination! Only the good characters get praised while the low tier ones get kicked aside. How cruel!"
Popo gave him a thumb up and said, "Best thing I've ever heard!"
-
"Falcon Punch!!" CF shouted. The punch of manliness once again appealed to everyone with its devastating power. With a single punch equivalent to that of a meteor impact, a large group of cultists were rocketed all over the place in flames.
BAAAAAAAANG!!
Another cultist attempted to hit the captain from behind with a sword, but then Bon Clay did a flying kick into the cultist's head from aside and sent him flying. "I'm here to rescue you, Little Falcon!" he said.
"I can handle things myself without you!" CF said to him.
"Haha! I got you know!" a cultist shouted as he swooped down on his flying machine that was a drill at the front of it.
Bon Clay turned to the incoming threat and leaped up at it while jabbing both his legs in front of him very fast. "Memories of the Past Winter!" The violent kicked landed into the face of the cultist rapidly and caused his flying machine to fly off course and crashing into a traffic light.
CRASH!!
"I'm so cool, right?" Bon Clay said to CF as he landed.
"Go away…" CF grumbled.
-
"Come back here, you scallywags!" Wario shouted as he rode his motorcycle to chase some screaming cultists.
As the cultist ran across an intersection, another bike came rushing in from the side and rammed them all away.
CRASH!!
"It's you… I wanted to run them over myself…" Wario grumbled when he saw that it was Kanna on her motorcycle.
"Haha! I'm not like those other wimps!" another cultist shouted from the air on his flying machine. He flew down and the machine grew wheels and took the form of a motorcycle, and then he sped towards them.
"Get him, Ashcroft," Kanna said to her guardian spirit who was sitting on the side car attached to the side of her bike. She flipped a switch on the handle and the side car detached and zoomed forward while the spirit held up its lance. Both the cultist and the knight spirit came in contact with each other and…
BAAAAAAAANG!!
The cultist's machine exploded and he was sent flying into the air. "You took my spotlight again!" Wario complained.
-
As the flying machines continued to mess with people from the air, they were beginning to get shot down one by one by Arwings piloted by Fox and Falco. "Haha! I'm going to enjoy this!" Falco said with glee.
He fired at a couple of machines and quickly tilted upwards to avoid their firepower, and then he flew back down and shot them from above.
Some cultists tried to shoot Fox from behind, but he quickly flew into the air and did a u-turn and ended up behind them and was able to shoot them down. Another cultist showed up in front of him and was going to bore him with the drill attached to the front, but the machine was suddenly shot from below and it crashed aside. Fox looked down from his Arwing and saw Mari down there with her gunslinger doll in her hand, and Fox gave her a thumb up for her effort.
"Get that girl! She dares mess with us!" a cultist shouted as he lowered his machine down to her, but when he approached, his machine was suddenly slice in half. "YAI!" And he fell off and dove straight into a manhole.
Macchi, with her pumpkin puppet next to her, went up to the hole and looked down it and said, "Be glad that I didn't feel like cutting you in half today."
"Those girls sure are helping us," Fox thought. He looked up again and saw the Big Letdown in the distance, and then a look of horror came to his face as he saw one of the turrets on it fired a cannonball! "What?!"
The cannonball landed onto the baseball field and created a large explosion that tore up a crater. Good thing there was nobody in its blast radius. "Dang! They're messing with our baseball field now! We won't have any place to play ball at this rate!" Ness cried.
-
"The Smashers are going too far!" Caller said. "Began firing with the main cannons! Destroy the whole town!"
"Yes sir!" a cultist said to him.
-
Another cannonball was launched at the town, but right before it hit the ground, Marth ran underneath the cannonball and sliced it in half, and both halves flew to the side and exploded, but it did not do much damage. "Damn, if that thing goes all out, the whole town will be destroyed!" he said.
Samus shot down another incoming cannonball and said, "We need to get onto that flying fortress and take it down!"
"We better hurry before things get worse," Ganondorf said. "But if only we can get up there with ease…"
CF stepped forward and said, "Then it's time to take the Falcon Flyer out of hibernation!"
TO BE CONTINUED
This chapter looks very well done. Don't worry about the Smashers that weren't mentioned in this chapter; they will still have a chance to get their spotlight.
