8
~ Dirty Snowmen and An Enchanting Christmas Celebration ~
The Winter Solstice was celebrated earlier than Christmas in the Enchanted Forest and lasted twelve days. The five families would celebrate the holiday at Belle Reve since it was the largest of the castles the group owned. Everyone would return in time for the Storybrooke Prep Christmas celebration that was going to be held before Christmas Eve and celebrate the rest of the holiday at home. The families packed up and drove out to the bridge with the Scorpions accompanying them.
As soon as they reached the castle, Rumple released the enchantment spell that awoke everyone inside from their slumber again. They could hear Gabby excitedly.
"He's back, he's back! The master is back!" the hassock shouted. Cogsworth and Lumiere raced down the steps to greet the family.
"Welcome back, Master!" Cogsworth greeted. "I see you brought your friends back too and Master Archie and Lady Marie."
"Yes we have and we're going to have a winter solstice celebration. Make the announcement so that the staff can get ready," Rumple instructed the clock.
"Right away, Master!" the clock raced off to carry Rumple's message to the rest of the household while everyone found their rooms in the castle.
"You're back!" Cosette said excitedly to Belle when she and Adriana walked into Belle's old suite, now her daughter's.
"Hi Cosette!" Adriana greeted. "Mama tell you we're gonna stay here an have a big Christmas party 'fore we go back home?"
"No, she didn't but I love parties and your mama and papa hold the grandest ones."
"You gonna come down and dance?"
"I sure will," Cosette winked at the little girl.
"Come on, sweetie, let's get you unpacked." Belle said.
Downstairs the kitchen was having a celebration of its own when it learned its two favorite chefs were back.
"You got anything new for us to try, Master Rumple? Huh? Do ya?" Tobias the shaker jumped up and down in Rumple's hand enthusiastically. His brother Wesley jumped from the table into Archie's hand.
"You got anything new, Master Archie?" he asked hopefully.
Both men chuckled. "Calm down, lads," Rumple said and set his shaker back down on the table.
"Least when you're here we don't havta do all the work like when some of your friends visit here without ya," Wesley grumbled.
"Now lad, be nice," Rumple scolded gently.
"It's true. They don't cook good or not at all!" Tobias protested.
"You'll still be nice. They are our friends and family," Rumple reminded them.
"Speaking of family, Rumple, would you be able to make up some of your tonic for me….damned arthritis," Moe complained when he limped into the kitchen. He had hip replacement surgery a few years earlier but now he was having pain in his legs especially when the weather was cold and Rumple always made him the same tonic he took when his leg bothered him.
"I'll have it ready in a few minutes, Moe," Rumple assured him and excused himself to go to his lab to make the tonic.
The kids were getting bored and wanted to go outside to build snowmen while the parents wanted to wrap up the gifts they planned to give each other and the kids after the party at the end of the week. Bae and his friends offered to watch them.
"C'mon! I know the best place to build our snowman!" Adriana cried and led her cousins and friends outside. They started rolling snow to make two adult and two child snowmen, dressing them in some old scarves and hats her parents gave them.
At the other end of the grounds, the former Scorpions were making their own snowman using one of Hatter's old hats, some old buttons for the eyes, a carrot for the nose, one of Rumple's old scarves and propped his old cane up beside it. As the final touch they put a thimble…right between where its legs would be, all of them laughing and singing. They did it before at their old hideout.
"You boys been talkin to your mama. I got your Christmas present right here you little bastard; it's a hickory stick. I'm gonna beat your ass!" Bae recited from the ending he heard of a naughty snowman song from the Bob and Tom Show.
"You better hope your dad doesn't see this, Bae or we're gonna get our asses beat…with the cane of doom!" Bobby warned.
"Ah, he'll think it's a belly button so no worries there."
"Now if we woulda stuck the carrot there it woulda been obvious!" Becky giggled.
"What'cha doing?" asked Adriana as she approached them with her cousins and friends in tow.
"Umm...nothing!" Bae said jumping in front of the snowman so his little sister couldn't see it.
"You makin Frosty! I wanna see!" cried Jonny.
"Yeah Bae, we wanna see so move your butt!" ordered Adriana.
"C'mon, Bae move!" Gisella demanded.
"Umm...guys...really...you don't need to see this one...why don't ya go make your own Frosty?"
"WE WANNA SEE FROSTY!" yelled Ellie, looking very much like her mother when she was angry.
"Make him come 'live, Driana." said Roland.
"NO!" cried the Scorpions.
"Okay...you come alive now, Frosty," Adriana said, magic sparks emitting from her fingertips.
"We are...dead..." groaned Ewan.
The snowman suddenly opened his eyes and looked around, the children waiting for him to say Happy Birthday like he said in the show. Instead they heard this: "Are you kidding me? A thimble! You give me a thimble for THAT? You are a bunch of assholes!"
A group of small children stood there with their mouths agape.
He stepped out from behind Bae and glared at them. "What're you trying to do, give me a Lorena Bobbit special? You use a ball bat, not a damned thimble, make it look like I actually have a package you idiots!" He demanded, pointing between his legs. "You pricks castrated me!"
"Oooh Frosty swore...he's gonna get the Ivory!" Adriana sang.
"How do ya give a snowman Ivory?" asked Ellie, puzzled.
"Ya shove it in its dirty mouth," Jonny answered. He glared at up at the snowman. "You're not 'sposed to be pointin' there around kids! It's 'gusting!"
"Shut your trap, boy. You don't even know how to use yours yet except to pee!" the snowman taunted.
"You made Frosty the Pervert! I'm telling! DADDY, UNCLE RUMPLE!" Gisella screamed and raced into the castle.
"You stop bein' gross or you're gonna get your butt kicked!" Adriana threatened.
"By you and what army, brat?" demanded the snowman.
"You quit bein mean n'nasty or our daddies are gonna beat ya to a pulp!" shouted Neal.
"Yeah and my mommy can beat ya too!" threw in Maggie.
"Can't we just throw hot water on him so's he melts?" asked Jason.
"Why don't I throw hot water on you, small fry!"
"Least we don't look like a 'frigerator reject!" retorted Maggie.
"Okay guys, time to put this smartass down," Bae said and approached the snowman.
It stomped its foot and they fell on the ground and rolled up a large snowball and trapped them in it then froze it.
"How you like THAT beatdown...bugs!" the snowman laughed.
Meanwhile Gisella found her uncle and father in the kitchen. "Daddy, Uncle Rumple, Bae and his friends made a mean dirty snowman and you gotta get rid of it!"
"A what? Princess, what on earth are you talking about?" Archie asked his daughter.
"They made a snowman with a weenie on it...Driana didn't know an she brought it to life but it's MEAN...an it says bad words."
"WHAT?!" Archie shouted. "Rumplestiltskin, you get that filthy thing out of here...NOW!"
Outside the little ones were hiding behind trees as the snowman threw snowballs at them. Henry and Grace came around the side of the house and conjured a fort.
"Guys….back here…quick!" Henry called out. The children ran for cover behind the fort.
Grace rolled up a snowball and threw it at the snowman, knocking its hat off.
"I'll fix you, bitch!" it yelled and threw one back at her, knocking her to the ground.
"You okay, Gracie?" Henry asked.
"Yeah….frozen jerk….someone oughta make a snowcone out of him. Can't you do something?"
"I'm trying but Adriana's spell is more powerful than mine!" he cried and he was draining out quickly. "We need her dad!"
"No fair...more of you than me...I'll fix that." Now there were a dozen snowmen launching snowballs at them. Henry threw up a shield that quickly disintegrated as exhaustion overtook him.
Ellie conjured a fireball and threw it at the snowman. He ducked.
"Missed me!" He turned around and mooned her. She conjured another one and it burned out. She sank to the ground beside Henry. "M'getting sleepy…"
"Sorry…guys….still learning…" Henry said weakly.
"It's okay, Henry. We'll whip their butts without magic…owww!" Grace screamed as another snowball hit her on the side the head.
"Driana, we need the Majors!" cried Neal. "GRU! C'mere!"
"Hey Duke...need ya to kick Frosty butt!" shouted Johnny.
"Theys comin," promised Adriana. Sensing the childrens' distress, the bears of the Happy Army were immediately animated and marched out of the house.
"They better hurry up or this meanie's gonna make us snowballs! " screamed Maggie.
"May's gonna make that jerk a snowcone!" snarled Ellie.
"Bae, we gotta get the heck outta this thing!" Andi reminded him as she struggled to free herself from their frozen trap. "Where the heck is your dad!"
"I don't know!"
"You need to be hung from a tree by your undies!" yelled Roland.
"Do you see any on me, moron?" retorted one of the snowmen and mooned the toddler. Maggie threw a snowball that struck it in the backside.
"Hah...take that wedgie, meanie!"
The next thing they saw was a volley of snowballs being thrown and an army of bears marching out to meet the snowmen.
"How ya like this, ya frozen goofballs!" snorted Duke.
"You kick their butts!" Adriana commanded them.
"Happy to oblige ye, dearie!" said Major Rumple and he winked at her.
Rumple and Archie came out of the house and directly into the firing range of the snowmen. Archie fended off the missiles with his umbrella while the Happy Army returned fire.
"You get the children out of here. I'LL deal with this!" snarled Rumple.
"Daddy, I hate Frosty now!" complained Jonny as his father picked him up.
"It's okay….come on, follow me into the kitchen," Archie instructed the others. They hurried after him, Henry leaning on Grace for support.
"As for YOU, dearies….try this on for size!" Rumple growled and conjured a set of fireballs. He threw them at the snowmen.
"Ye need any help?" asked Major Rumple.
"I can handle it, dearie. You go on in the house with t' wee ones."
The bear saluted him.
"C'mon lads, ye heard 'im…in t'house with t' wee ones!" The other bears saluted the sorcerer as they marched passed him
"We're melting!" the snowmen screamed. "Melting!"
"Who would've thought an old man like me could destroy your beautiful wickedness," Rumple mocked. "Ohhh look out…look out…they're going…"
Moments later there was a puddle of water that froze over where a dozen snowmen once stood.
Rumple then waved his hand and released the teenagers from their trap. "Now YOU have a LOT of explaining to do!"
"Papa, it was a joke…that got a little out of hand…"
"A LITTLE out of hand! Ye know better than t' expose the wee ones to that garbage. I oughta wallop the daylights out of ye but instead…"
"I know…crack of dawn…cleaning." Bae grumbled.
"Oh aye ye'll all be cleanin' an I don't want ye cutting corners or askin' Adriana's bears to help. Then ye're all gonna be writin' an essay…ten pages with examples about what happens when ye expose wee ones to things they shouldn't be seeing. I'm sure yer parents will have their own punishments when ye get home. I'm going a bit easy on ye since it's the holiday but no tryin' t'get outta it. "
Most of the time the parents of the other gang members felt what Rumple gave them was punishment enough.
"Now march yerselves into the castle and get changed! Damn kids," he muttered under his breath and followed them.
"What was going on out there?" Belle demanded when she saw Archie herding the group of cold, upset children into the kitchen where Gisella waited and sat them down at the table while he made them all hot cocoa to warm them up. Marie, Regina, Emma and Snow followed him.
"Bae made Frosty the Pervert an I didn't know so's I brought him to life an he was sayin bad words. Then he started throwin' snowballs at us an we threw em back. We was winnin till he made more of em so's we hadta call the majors to kick their butts till Papa an Unca Archie came out." Adriana explained.
"What do you mean he made Frosty the Pervert?" Belle asked angrily.
"They put something on it they shouldn't have and let's just leave it at that," grumbled Archie.
"It was a weenie!" Gisella blurted.
"What? I ought to take my broom to that lot!" Belle cried.
"You'd better get some numbers ready because they're mine when you're done!" hissed Marie.
"I don't think we need to worry about it, ladies. Rumple will punish them enough," Robin said.
The stuffed army marched into the kitchen and grabbed mugs out of the cupboard, waving them in Archie's face.
"Okay, okay….I'm hurrying!" He laughed.
He whipped up another batch of cocoa and served it to the bears. A short time later Rumple limped into the castle with six ashamed teenagers in tow. "No need ta be getting' the brooms ready, Belle. I gave them all a talking to," he said. "And ye all better up at t'crack of dawn ready t' be cleanin' or I'll be waking ye with ice water!"
"Yessir…" they mumbled and went upstairs to change.
"Damn kids," he grouched again and poured himself a cup of coffee.
"That boy's as much of scamp now as he was before," remarked Adelaide.
"Ye're not tellin me nothing I don't already know, dearie. But I think they learned their lesson this time."
The mothers took the younger children upstairs to help them change their clothes.
"Never a dull moment around here, eh Rumple?" Jeff asked.
"No, not with that lot around."
Immediately after dinner, Bae and his friends were sent to the library to work on their essay, all of them missing the modern technology that would have made the task so much simpler and faster to complete. Though Bae hated the cleaning and sometimes the essay writing, he still had that piece in The Maine Record to be proud of.
Still, the group preferred being in a nice warm library writing an essay than back at their old hideout stealing to get by. They had fun most of the time but there were moments when they all missed their families. Two hours later Rumple asked them to return to the living room where the rest of the family was gathered. Adriana crawled onto her brother's lap and sat there holding Major Rumple. The Winter Solstice celebration was similar to the Twelve Days of Christmas and they all had twelve gifts from each other but would only open one per night. The rest of the family gifts would be opened in Storybrooke on Christmas day.
Bae opened his gifts first, starting with one from his father. When he looked inside the box, he felt tears brimming in the corners of his eyes. "My….my old blanket…" he whispered, holding up an old, frayed wool blanket. "How did you find it, Papa?"
"I've been finding a lot of things I thought I lost when the curse struck when I'm going through my shop's inventory," his father answered softly. "I've placed a preservation spell on it so that it stays in that condition…or I can repair it if you want."
Bae shook his head, holding it up to show where a section of it was torn. "One day while we were coming home from the market we got caught in a rainstorm because Papa's leg was aching something terrible. We knew we'd never make it home before dark so we found a cave to sleep in. I loved this blanket and I carried it with me all the time. Papa was trying to break me of the habit but when we had to sleep in that cave this blanket kept us warm all night. He never let me leave the house without it after that." He wrapped the blanket around his shoulders.
Belle handed him her gift next. "When your papa told me he found your old blanket, I made this to go with it."
Bae unwrapped the package and found a pair of socks his mother knitted for him. "Now you'll have plenty of things to keep you warm if you're stuck outside again."
"Thanks guys," Bae threw his arms around his parents.
"Open mine next…s'from me n' the Happy Army!" Adriana said cheerfully. Bae unwrapped a photo frame with a picture of him and his sister posing with his counterpart Happy Bears that Rumple took on his last birthday with the words: Best Brother In The World that Adriana tried to write herself.
"That's really good, Rumplette!" Bae exclaimed and hugged her.
"M'practicing so I can write real fancy like Mama an' Papa."
Robin, Regina, Emma and Jeff were grinning when they handed him their gift.
"Whooo boy I can only imagine what this can be!" Bae chuckled and opened the box to find a sweater inside. He held it up and started laughing. It had candy canes on it along with the word SUCKER.
"Our theme this year is ugly Christmas sweaters….and I think we all know where we got the inspiration for that!" Jeff announced, glancing over at Archie.
"Ha ha…very funny, Hatter!" Archie grumbled.
"He does have a point," Rumple giggled. "Especially the one made out of used carpets."
Archie rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"Put it on, Bae! We're taking a picture!" Emma announced, holding up an old Polaroid camera. Bae yanked the sweater over his head and Emma snapped a picture. They could hear several of the enchanted objects laughing too.
"Zat is hideous!" exclaimed Lumiere.
"I wouldn't be caught dead with that in my drawers!" agreed Cosette.
"I wouldn't be caught dead in that period!" cried Cogsworth.
"That is ugly!" barked Gabby, Pongo and Major growled in agreement.
Bae took it off and put it back in the box. He could hardly wait to see what his father's looked like.
"This gift is from all of us, Bae," said Archie, setting a large box down in front of the teenager. He opened it to find an easel inside to replace his old one in the castle.
"Awesome!" he cried. He couldn't wait to set it up in his room.
The Nolans' gift was a new set of riding clothes.
Adriana was next. Her father's gift was a new doll he made himself as he had for Gisella years before. No one was shocked when she named it Rumplette, dressed it in an Armani suit and gave it its own cane….and a broom.
Andi giggled. "Now she really does have a mini me with its own cane of doom and Bordreaux Broom!"
"Uh-huh an if any meanies try to mess with this Rumplette she'll git em with her cane a doom an' Mama's broom."
Belle's gift was a collection of fairy tale books that she could read to her at night. Adriana was eager to learn how to read and write on her own.
Bae handed her his package. "Because you never can have enough of them."
The toddler tore open the box and squealed with delight when she found another stuffed bear in it. "You got me another Major! What can we call it?"
"Ummm….I dunno."
The little girl thought for a moment. "Granpappy, what was Gramma's name?"
"Collette, honey," Moe said softly.
"Kay. Your name is Major Collette," she said and waved her hand over the snow white bear. It blinked its eyes and smiled.
"Hello," it greeted softly. Belle looked over at her father, and choked back a sob. The bear sounded exactly like her late mother. The bear crawled out of its box and walked over to where Major Moe was sitting. It smiled at her and patted the empty space beside it.
"Rumplette, you playing matchmaker with your bears now?" her brother teased.
"The Happy Army hasta have families too, don'cha?" All the bears nodded their heads in agreement.
"Thank the gods they can't literally have cubs!" Rumple muttered.
"Our turn now!" Jonny exclaimed and his father set a large box down in front of her. "We all got ya this, Driana."
She opened the box and found a collection of outfits and accessories for her Happy Army bears. The bears were as excited as their mistress to be getting new clothes for Christmas.
The Hatters and Hoods never gave the younger children gag gifts. The Hatters bought the little girl some custom made t-shirts with pictures of Majors Rumple, Belle and Bae that read: Make Every Day a No Frownie Day. The Hoods bought her a Power Wheels with happy faces painted on it in different colors.
Neal and his father handed her the Nolans' gift. "You're gonna really like it, Driana," Neal vowed.
She opened the box and found a black and white kitten inside.
"Papa! They got me a KITTY!" she cried.
"Oh, it's adorable!" Belle cooed.
"He's a boy, he has all his vaccinations and everything Adriana," David said.
"An I talked to him so's he's not scared a Major n' Pongo," Jonny assured her.
"Wha'cha gonna name him, Driana?" Neal asked her.
"Ummm….Socks…cause he looks like he has socks on his feet." She pointed to the cat's paws. The backs of his legs were black but his paws were white. "You like that, Mama?"
"I think it's a good name, sweetie."
"And now..." Jeff said dramatically and handed Rumple and Belle the boxes with their ugly Christmas sweaters. Rumple opened his up and held it up.
"Oh my God!" Bae gasped and fell over laughing.
"Now zat has got to be the most hideous garment I have ever seen!" exclaimed Lumiere.
"F...Fruitcake!" gasped Cogsworth.
"My used carpet sweater wasn't that bad!" chuckled Archie.
Belle's sweater had Santa Clauses on it. She was having difficulty controlling her own laughter when Rumple put the sweater on to pose for their picture.
Snow handed them their gifts. They gave Rumple a gift card for Armani and Belle one for Barnes and Noble, unable to decide what else to give the couple.
"We'll definitely put these to good use," Belle assured them with a smile.
"All right, now it's your turn," Rumple said to his brother-in-law. "We did get all of you your own gifts but you can open them later. This one is from all of us. Bae…go get it."
Bae left the room and returned a few minutes later with a female Dalmatian. He released the dog from its lead.
"Daddy! They got Pongo a PERDY!" exclaimed Gisella.
"We looked everywhere, Rumple! How did you find one?" Archie asked him. Pongo jumped out of his bed and ran over to the other Dalmatian, barking happily and sniffing her.
"I came back here a week ago and found her wandering in the woods." Rumple explained.
"She might already have a name, Gisella," Marie pointed out.
The female Dalmatian started barking at Jonny while he listened.
"She don't have a name, Mommy. She says she wants to be called Perdy," Jonny informed her.
"Perdy it is then."
"Well boy, I told you we'd find you a mate, didn't I?" Archie asked his old friend.
"Woof!"
"You n' Pongo are gonna have lotsa puppies." Jonny said with a grin.
"Woof!" Perdy agreed.
Marie giggled. "Ummm….don't you think they should get to know each other first?"
"They already like each other. Look!" Gisella was pointing to the two dogs. They were sitting together in in Pongo's bed.
"Mommy….I still wanna get a girl snake for Zach." Jonny reminded her.
"Oh God! Archie, our house is becoming a zoo!" Marie moaned once her son gave her the puppy dog look.
"Well you DO have a Doctor Doolittle for a son," Belle teased.
"And we gotta find a Mary for Tom and a Katie bear for Duke," Jonny added.
Bae's friends started laughing. "Bad enough we have parents making out all the time. Now we're gonna have stuffed bears, snakes and dogs doing it too!" Bobby smirked.
"Robert! Mouth! Or do ye want Ivory for a snack?" Rumple demanded.
"No, sir!"
Jeff and Emma were grinning like Cheshire cats when they handed Archie and Marie the boxes containing their ugly Christmas sweaters. Marie opened hers first. It had Christmas wreaths all over it and Archie's had a picture of a of Rudolph on it. The others started laughing when they posed for their picture in the family album.
"I've seen you in worse, dearie!" Rumple chuckled.
"Don't remind me!" Archie cried.
"Okay, now these ones are for Jonny and Gisella," Henry announced. Gisella opened hers first and inside were the original 64 Nancy Drew books. The little girl wanted to read them after she heard her aunt Belle talk about them at the library.
"Thanks, Henry!" She hugged him, his parents and little Maggie.
"Your mom and dad told us you liked them so we made sure we checked with them first before we bought them," Emma spoke up.
Johnny opened his gift next and found some new cowboy outfits he could wear when he played Old West. "Cool! Thanks Aunt Emma, Unca Jeff!"
Regina handed gave them their gifts next. Marie and Archie were stunned when Gisella opened hers and found a beautiful silver tea service inside.
"Now you can have your tea times with style," the former queen said with a smile.
"Thanks Aunt Gina, Uncle Robin! What'd you get, Johnny?"
"I got a new west Lego set!" he cried. "Thanks Auntie Gina, Unca Robin!"
"You're welcome honey."
Neal handed out the Nolans' gifts. "These are from Gru, Doctor Nefario an the Minions too!" he piped up.
Archie opened his first. It was a gold pen and paperweight set engraved with the phrase 'Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide'.
He smiled at his friends who never forgot the advice he gave them during his tenure as their advisor.
Marie opened her gift and found lotion and body sprays from Victoria's Secret. She started laughing. "I know you went to get these yourself, Snow because David wouldn't be caught dead in that store."
"You have that right!" David said firmly.
Gisella's gift was a new set of teacups to replace her old ones and Jonny's was a new hat and boots to go with the outfits Regina and Robin bought him.
"Is it our turn now, Mommy?" asked Ellie.
"Yes it is, honey."
Emma and Jeff gave them their ugly Christmas sweaters first. Regina's was red and had 'Tis The Season written on it and Robin's had a snowman on it.
"On you two, those really look ugly!" Emma teased. Regina threw a piece of popcorn at her.
Rumple grabbed the Polaroid camera. "Smile for the camera, dearies!" he giggled. He snapped a picture and Belle added it to the pile. "Now then…this gift is for all of you from all of us." He handed Regina a small box. She opened it to find a key inside.
"What is it to, Rumple?"
"You said you wanted to have your own cabin in the woods so we're giving you one. It's further down the lake from ours but you'll enjoy it, Regina. Plenty of grounds to ride your horse through."
"It's perfect! Thank you…all of you!" Regina said happily.
Rumple handed Robin a photograph of a beautiful log cabin.
"How long have you been planning this?" the former outlaw asked.
"A while," the sorcerer said evasively.
"Cool! Hey Roland, we's gonna have our own log house!" Jason exclaimed.
"Yay! I'm gonna learn how to swim in the lake now!" Ellie clapped her hands.
He bought cabins for all of them but the others would find the keys to theirs in a package under their Christmas trees back in Storybrooke.
The Golds' gift to the Nolans was a trip to Universal Studios in Orlando so that Neal could see the Despicable Me attractions the park provided. The toddler began dancing around the room. "M'gonna see some Minions, Gru n' Doctor Nefario!" he cried.
"Thank you so much, Rumple, Belle. It's perfect!" Snow said softly.
"I have to admit I'm a bit nervous about travelling outside the town line," David admitted.
"There's a whole world out there waiting to be seen, David. We've only been to Italy and Greece but we loved it," Archie said.
"I'm excited," Snow declared.
Rumple was smirking when he handed Jeff his gift. Jeff unwrapped it and found a collection of 'Old Fart' items inside including a top hat, slippers, and a shirt. Archie nearly choked on his wine laughing.
"A little payback for those 'Old Fart' items you put at my house Hatter," Rumple said. He gestured and the slippers appeared on Jeff's feet and enchanted them so that the whoopee cushions couldn't be cut out.
"Good one, Rum. Good one," Jeff praised.
Emma and Henry opened theirs and found spellbooks inside them Rumple duplicated from his own library. "You never stop learning magic and these books will help but I will warn you many of these spells can be rough on your system…so use them wisely."
"Thanks, Rumple!" Henry said with a smile. There was a personal inscription inside Henry's that read: To Henry, who brought us all our happy endings…no matter what troubles come your way, always hold onto to your belief.
Everyone in the room could agree with that statement. Though it had been Emma and Regina that broke the Dark Curse and Archie the Curse of the Broken hearted, Henry set those events in motion by returning Emma to Storybrooke.
The family's gift to Grace was the costume she would wear when she played the Ghost of Christmas Past in the school's version of A Christmas Story.
"Rumple, it's beautiful. She's going to look like an angel!" Emma whispered.
"I love it! Thank you guys!"
Adriana stepped up to Maggie and handed her a gift. "We made this ourselves," she said.
The little girl unwrapped her gift and squealed in delight. "Oooh ya made me a line up poster so's I can line up my suspects 'fore I 'rest them!"
"An it's got stuff on it so ya can stick it anywhere," Adriana explained.
"Cool!"
Belle and Marie presented their families' gifts to their father together. He unwrapped two portraits. One was of his late wife, Collette, the other was of Marie's mother, Jeanette.
"How did you…?" he gapsed.
"Rumple helped a bit with that. He showed Bae images from our memories of what our mamas looked like and he painted them from what he saw," Belle answered.
Moe embraced both of his daughters with tears in his eyes. "I love them both in my own way…and I got two beautiful girls from it…" he murmured and kissed their cheeks.
Adriana waved her hand and another female bear appeared beside Majors Moe and Collette. "There Granpappy. Now you gots your own Happy Army! Say hi to Major Jeannie."
Moe laughed softly. "That's what I called her."
"Your turn, you lot!" Rumple said to the former gang members and everyone gave them their gifts. Most of Kat's gifts from the families were cooking items because they all knew she loved to cook. Most of Ewan and Bobby's were Scottish themed because like Rumple, their curse memories had them believe they'd once lived in Scotland. Becky's gifts were computer and mobile related and Andi received a set of law books from everyone after Rumple informed them she wanted to be an attorney. Bae would give her his gift in private on Christmas Eve.
At the end of the week Rumple hosted his Winter Solstice gala. He didn't expect a high turnout thinking people still saw him as the Dark One, forgetting that a gala long ago at Moe's castle changed peoples' minds on that subject. Like Snow had before the curse was cast, he invited peoples of all social classes and they mingled freely. The children had the best time playing with the members of the True Love Mafia and the Happy Army. Rumple even magicked the Polaroid camera to have infinite film so that the parents could have pictures of their children taken with the bears.
Later on in the evening, the adults danced while the castle's enchanted musical instruments played, Belle smiling as she recalled her final dance in the castle before the curse took them away.
"Who needs an animated movie when I live it," she murmured, resting her head on Rumple's shoulder.
"I know our lives aren't always a fairytale, sweetheart, but I try," her husband said sheepishly.
"Real life is better than the fairy tale darling."
And in her fairy tale, the prince of her dreams, was the sorcerer who tried to hide in the shadows and he always would be.
Storybrooke Prep was devoting two days to celebrating Christmas first with the productions of A Christmas Carol and How The Grinch Stole Christmas and then a musical extravaganza being put on by the Golds, Hoppers and their friends. Belle wanted to do a mini version of Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas because her daughter loved it. Father and daughter would also do a duet to the song 'Christmas Shoes'.
Bae and his Scorpion friends would bring the laughter with their performances of Bob Rivers Christmas parodies "The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen' and 'Wreck The Malls' and the little ones would sing 'I Ain't Getting Nuttin For Christmas and 'All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth'.
Rumple and Archie would sing together on Amy Grant's 'Grown Up Christmas List' with their wives and friends joining them for the final verses.
Snow would perform 'My Favorite Things' from The Sound of Music. It wasn't considered a traditional Christmas song but stations were starting to play it during the season and she was inspired to have her scene look like the video featuring country music star Lorrie Morgan and she would dance with David. He preferred dancing over singing since they both knew he couldn't carry a tune.
Everyone except Snow, Robin and Henry were shocked when Regina announced that she would sing Walking In The Air from an old cartoon named "The Snowman" that only aired on British television but Regina watched it with Henry while he was growing up. He was looking forward to hearing her sing it again.
For the grand finale they would all do their parody of the 12 Days of Christmas.
Belle walked out onto the stage, designed like the attic in Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas while she wore her old chatelaine's dress. Though she wished their castle's true enchanted objects were with them, their friends and family stepped in to play the roles for them.
"But it's Christmas," Belle was saying to Marie who was playing the role of Angelique, the castle decorator and treetop angel.
"Christmas!" Marie huffed. "I refuse to hope for it anymore. I will not be disappointed again!"
"But this is to be the greatest celebration ever!" Archie protested in his role as Lumiere, taking Marie's hands in his. "We cannot do it without you!"
"But of course you cannot. Christmas takes planning and organization. No, no! I won't do it! It won't change anything!" Marie turned her back to them and crossed her arms over her breasts.
"I believe it will," Belle said softly and began to sing. As Long As There's Christmas.
"There is more to this time of year
Than sleigh bells and holly
Mistletoe and snow
Those things come and go
Much deeper than snow
Stronger than the strongest love we'll know
We'll ever know
As long as there's Christmas I truly believe
That hope is the greatest of the gifts we'll recieve
As long as there's Christmas we'll all be just fine
A star shines above us lighting your
Way and mine…"
Rumple stalked past them in his beast costume. Belle, Archie and the others moved to the next set which was a dining room.
Bae, in his role as Cogsworth was carrying a tray of goblets.
"Just as long as there's Christmas
There will be Christmas pudding
Tons of turkey..."
"And cranb'ry sauce
And mince pies if we're good…" sang Mary Poppins in her role as Mrs. Potts.
"Lots of logs on the fire…" Archie sang and tossed a pile of logs into the fireplace.
"Lots of gifts on the tree
All wrapped up in red ribbons…" sang Snow and Ruby.
"Wonder if there's one for me…" Adriana asked in her role as Chip.
"We are due for a party
Where on earth do we start?" pondered Bae.
"I may wear my tiara
You bought me in Monmartre!" Regina said as the feather duster Fi Fi, sashaying past Robin who was acting as a toy soldier. She was resting her voice as much as she could before her solo.
"All the silver will sparkle…" sang Bae.
"And the china will gleam…" sang Mary Poppins.
"And we'll all be as shiny
As a brand-new centime…" sang Archie.
"After dinner we'll play games," Adriana was smiling, holding up her Candyland game.
"'Till the morning breaks through," added Mary.
"Then we'll meet in the garden
This is what we shall do…" Archie sang, spinning a grouchy Marie around and winking at her. She snorted and shoved him away.
"We will build us a snowman
That will reach up to the sky!" exclaimed Adriana.
Belle danced around the decorated room for the final verses of the song while a stack of dishes formed a makeshift Christmas tree.
"It will stay up until July
As long as there's Christmas I truly believe
That hope is the greatest of the gifts we'll receive
As long as our guiding star shines above
As long as there's Christmas we'll all be just fine
There'll always be Christmas
So there always will be a time
When the world is filled with peace and love…."
Rumple waved his hand from backstage and the dish tree turned into a real Christmas tree as the curtain fell. When it rose again he was onstage in his old Dark One clothes standing in front of Belle in a dungeon.
"You said you'd never leave!" he said angrily in his role as the beast.
"I wasn't trying to leave. I just wanted to make you happy," Belle whispered.
"You broke your word and for that you will rot in this dungeon forever!" he snarled and slammed the door behind him.
"I should've known you'd never be anything but a beast," she wept.
The next scene showed Belle still sitting on the floor wrapped in a blanket, seemingly without hope with the children playing the enchanted objects surrounding her. Then Marie came back out on stage dressed as Angelique while their husbands stood backstage and watched with pride.
"I told you nothing would change! I told you the master would not allow this. I told you Christmas was nothing but a hopeless folly! But….I was wrong…" Marie said softly and pirouetted into the center of the stage as she started to sing the reprise of 'As Long As There's Christmas' to re-inspire Belle.
"When I was lost and lonely
Not a dream in my head
Your words lifted my spirits high
Remember what you said
As long as there's Christmas
I truly believe…
Belle smiled and rose to her feet, dancing beside her sister as they sang the rest of the song together, their soprano voices in perfect harmony.
"That hope is the greatest of the gifts we'll receive
As long as our guiding star shines above…."
Marie pirouetted away from Belle to sing the next verse alone; her hands raised high in the air, her lips curved into a hopeful smile.
"There'll always be Christmas….."
Belle walked over to Marie as they sang the final verse together.
"So there always will be a time
When the world is filled with peace and love…"
"Yay Mama! Yay Auntie Marie! You makes everybody happy!" cheered Adriana. The Happy Army stood up in their seats and whistled along with the other children.
"That was beautiful, mo chori!" Rumple murmured and embraced his wife.
"You were wonderful out there my goddess," Archie praised his wife and both men pulled their wives to them for a kiss of congratulations. The two women barely heard the thunderous applause from the audience; they were too lost in the arms of the men they loved.
"Guess it's our turn now to make 'em all laugh. Ready guys?" Bae asked his fellow Scorpions. Kat and Becky were dressed as nuns and Andi a nurse. They walked out onto the stage that was set up like a womens' restroom with a sign taped over it that said 'Gentlemen'.
The three boys stood outside the door and began to sing 'The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen' a parody of 'God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen'.
"The restroom door said gentleman so I just walked inside,
I took two steps and realized I've been taken for a ride.
I heard high voices, turned and found the place was occupied,
By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.
What could be worse?
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse…."
The people in the audience started laughing as Andi, Becky, and Kat came out of the stalls and charged the men with purses swinging. Andi held a can of silly string that was supposed to be mace.
"The restroom door said gentleman it must have been a gag,
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag.
She sprayed me with a can of mace and smacked me with her bag,
I could tell this wouldn't be my day.
What can I say?
It just wasn't turning out to be my day…."
Becky and Kat beat at Ewan and Bobby with their purses while Andi attacked Bae with the silly string. Backstage their parents were nearly doubled over laughing.
"The restroom door said gentleman and I would like to find,
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the signs.
'Cause I got two black eyes and one high heel up my behind,
Now I can't sit with comfort and joy.
Boy oh boy.
Now I'll never sit with comfort and joy!"
As the girls chased them out of the bathroom, Andi threw one of her high heels and it smacked Bae in the backside, a little magic spell by Rumple causing it to stick there along with the black eyes on the boys' faces.
The younger children made faces from their seats. "They not 'sposta go in the girls' potty. That's bad!" Ellie scolded.
"They didn't know was the girls' potty Ellie cause some meanie put the wrong sign up as a joke," Roland explained.
"Yeah well, if I catch any of ya in the potty while I's in there, I'm gonna kick your butts too!" Maggie informed the boys.
"Boy'd you get in trouble when you did it to me, didn'cha Jonny?" Gisella teased her brother.
"I hadta pee. You was takin too long!" he complained.
"What'd your mommy an' daddy do?" asked Jason.
"Ummm…Daddy gave me lecture bout how girls need their privacy but HE goes in the potty while Mommy's in there all the time an' I tole him so!"
"Yeah but he's 'llowed. They's married," said Neal. "An that's what my mommy said when I asked why I not 'llowed to go in the potty while you girls is in there."
"Yeah Papa says that to Bae an then Bae complains me an mama take too long in there an I tole him we gots another potty so's he oughta go down there." Adriana giggled.
Henry and Grace were practically falling off their seats laughing as they listened to their siblings and uncle discussing bathroom privacy issues.
Rumple picked up his guitar and turned to Archie. "Ready?"
The stage was now decorated to resemble Rumple's living room, their families pretending to be sleeping on air mattresses on the floor. Both men sat beside their sleeping wives and children and Rumple glanced out into the audience as he softly sang the first portion of Grown Up Christmas List while playing his guitar.
"Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies
Well, I'm all grown-up now
And still need help somehow.
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream
So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need…"
Now Archie looked up at the audience and started to sing the second part. They chose the song because it fit everyone in the town, especially them and their circle of friends.
"No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start,
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list
As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree
Well heaven surely knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul…"
They rose to their feet and sang the next part together.
"No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list…"
"What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?" Rumple sang.
"Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth…" sang Archie.
Their families pretended to wake from their slumber and with their arms around each other; the husbands and wives sang the final verses together along with the other adults.
"No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, oh
This is my grown-up Christmas list
This is my only lifelong wish
This is my grown-up Christmas list…."
As soon as they finished, everyone in the audience rose to their feet, clapping and cheering.
The curtains closed while they set up the next scene, still the living room in Rumple's house. The little children were all sitting on the floor while their parents gave them Disappointed Looks. The room was a mess with blue paw prints everywhere and things knocked over.
"M'getting nuttin for Christmas
Mommy an Daddy are mad
M'getting nuttin for Christmas
Cause I ain't been nuttin but bad…" they sang together.
Their parents helped them come up with original lyrics for the next verses. Adriana was up first. She held a mini version of her mother's broom in her hands and a half eaten gingerbread cookie.
"I smacked Papa with Mama's broom
Somebody snitched on me!"
Jonny stood up with Zach around curled around his wrist.
"Zach got inta Mommy's bathroom
Somebody snitched on me!"
"I yelled loud bout busted Mister Rumple's head
Somebody snitched on me!" sang Ellie.
"I spilled green paint over my bed
Somebody snitched on me!" sang Jason, holding a bed sheet with green paint all over it.
"M'getting nuttin for Christmas
Mommy an Daddy are mad
M'getting nuttin for Christmas
Cause I ain't been nuttin but bad…" they all sang.
"I put Blue's Clues on the wall
Somebody snitched on me!" sang Maggie as she pointed at the walls.
"I left my toys on the floor in the hall
Somebody snitched on me!" sang Neal, pointing at the toys scattered all over the floor.
"I threw Mommy's grilled cheese and called it roadkill
Somebody snitched on me!" Gisella held up a grilled cheese sandwich.
"I buried Daddy's stinky shoes up on the hill
Somebody snitched on me!" Roland had a clothespin on his nose while he held a pair of worn boots.
"M'getting nuttin for Christmas
Mommy an Daddy are mad
M'getting nuttin for Christmas
Cause I ain't been nuttin but bad…"
"So you better be good, whatever you do
Cause if you're bad, we're warning you
You'll get nuttin for Christmas!" sang their parents, shaking their fingers at them.
The stage was now set up to look like a shopping mall as the six Scorpions strutted onto the stage for their rendition of Wreck The Malls, a parody of Deck The Halls.
Wreck the malls this Christmas season
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Blow your cash for no good reason
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Push your charge card to the limit
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Checkbook now has nothing in it
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
The girls started grabbing things off the shelves and stuffed them in bags and even inside their clothing.
Wreck the malls with my friend Charlie
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Drive to K-Mart on his Harley
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Tamper with their muzak system
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Trade something for Twisted Sister
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Bae used his bungee cord to climb to the top of the set to pretend he was tampering with a Muzak system while the other boys raided the shelves, stealing CDs, DVDs, Blu Rays and throwing them in bags.
"Wreck the pet store, do some damage
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Send the beagles on a rampage
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Acting in an uncouth manner
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Drop your pants, and moon at Santa
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!"
They went to the pet store scene and left Pongo, Perdy and Major out of cages. The dogs started running around, jumping all over everything and making a mess. Jeff came in wearing a Santa suit. The gang bent over and showed him their backsides. He chased them off the set.
Rumple facepalmed himself. "Damn kids! Did they have to act like they were robbing the place blind and remind us how our wee ones did wreck the malls and they did too? Thank the gods they didn't moon you, Jeff or I would've turned the lot of 'em over my knee!"
Belle wiped tears from her eyes. "That's our son for you…"
"Oh aye….he's more of a smartass than I am!"
Regina stepped out onto the stage wearing a red satin gown. Henry smiled at her from backstage and gestured, turning the stage into a meadow. Roland was costumed as a snowman and Jason and Ellie were wearing their Enchanted Forest clothes.
"We're walking in the air
We're floating in the moonlit sky
The people far below are sleeping as we fly..." she began while her friends all except for Snow and Robin stood with their mouths agape, unable to believe that the former Evil Queen had the singing voice of an opera diva.
"Holy crow! She sounds better'n Tarja Turunen!" exclaimed Becky, referring to a Finnish metal singer who also had an operatic voice.
Henry concentrated and Roland, Jason and Ellie began flying above them. Rumple and Emma stood beside him, helping him hold the spell.
"I'm holding very tight
I'm riding in the midnight blue
I'm finding I can fly so high above with you..."
"With a voice like that she should've been an opera singer," Archie said. Marie nodded in agreement.
"Her mother only made her take singing lessons so that she could attract royalty. She hated it but everyone loved hearing her sing at Father's Winter Solstice galas," Snow explained.
"Far across the world
The villages go by like trees
The rivers and the hills
The forest and the streams…" Regina continued to sing as her children flew above her. Robin watched from backstage, beaming with pride. He knew she was nervous about performing in front of a large audience for the first time in years but she was singing beautifully.
Henry felt tears come to his eyes as he remembered the many times in his childhood when Regina sang the song to him to help him go to sleep over the holidays. Back then she wasn't the Evil Queen. She was his mom. It wasn't until she learned of the existence of the Once Upon a Time Book that paranoia set in and they became estranged but she buried the Evil Queen forever when she broke the Dark Curse with Emma.
"Children gaze open mouthed
Taken by surprise
Nobody down below believes their eyes
We're surfing in the air
We're swimming in the frozen sky
We're drifting over icy mountains floating by…."
The three mages wriggled their fingers and part of the stage turned into an ocean scene where a blue dragon poked its head out from under the water, smiled at them and went back to sleep.
"Suddenly swooping low on an ocean deep
Arousing of a mighty monster from its sleep
We're walking in the air
We're floating in the midnight sky
And everyone who sees us greets us as we fly…"
Regina fought back her own tears as she received a standing ovation for her performance from the audience. Henry released the spell on his siblings and gently lowered them back to the ground and ran out on stage to embrace his mother.
"You were awesome, Mom! Just like I remembered!"
"Thank you my little prince," she sobbed. "Come on….it's time for your grandma's big number now." She put her arm around her eldest son and walked backstage with him while her little ones trailed behind them. Robin handed his wife a dozen roses and kissed her.
Snow stepped out onto the stage now transformed into a replica of her castle's ballroom while she was dressed in rags.
"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things…"
Emma smiled, ready to perform her own little magic at the proper time while David waited to make his grand entrance in his tuxedo.
"Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things…." Snow sang as she spun in a circle in the center of the room.
"Get ready, Dad," Emma whispered and waved her hand. Sparkles of white magic surrounded her mother, changing her clothing into a strapless white gown with gloves.
"Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes…."
"You're on, Dad!"
David smiled and walked out to his wife, taking her in his arms and waltzing with her across the floor as she continued to sing.
"Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad…"
"They look great out there," Jeff murmured.
"They always do," Emma sniffled. Her parents were gazing lovingly into each other's eyes as David lifted her gracefully then set her back down on her feet.
"Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things…
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad…"
David began to dance away from her and she sank to the floor, her white gown turning back into rags. David came back onto the stage wearing a security guard's uniform. He tapped her shoulder gently. "Come along."
Snow rose to her feet and followed him offstage while the crowd cheered.
The curtain fell and Rumple changed the set to look like a shoe shop. He was dressed in one of his Armani suits while Adriana stood in front of him dressed like a boy in ragged clothes.
"It was almost Christmas time
And there I stood in another line
Trying to buy that last gift or two
Not really in the Christmas mood
And standin right in front of me was a
Little boy waiting anxiously
Pacin around like little boys do
And in his hands he held
A pair of shoes
And his clothes were worn and old
He was dirty from head to toe
And when it came his time to pay
I couldn't believe what I heard him say…" Rumple sang.
"Sir I wanna buy these shoes
For my mama please
It's Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry sir
Daddy says there's not much time
You see,
She's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If mama meets Jesus tonight…" Adriana sang sadly.
Bae stood at the counter in his role as the cashier while Adriana took a bag full of pennies out of her pocket and set it on the counter.
"They counted pennies for what seemed like years
Then the Cashier said, "Son, there's not enough here."
He searched his pockets frantically
Then he turned and he looked at me and he said
"Mama made Christmas good at our house though
Most years she just did without
Tell me sir,
What am I gonna do?
Somehow I gotta buy her these Christmas shoes," Rumple sang.
The audience was moved to tears seeing Adriana in her role as the little boy looking up at her father, her eyes pleading with him to help her. Rumple reached into his pocket, took his wallet out and handed her a stack of play money.
"So I laid the money down
I just had to help him out
And I'll never forget the look on his face when he said,
"Mama's gonna look so great," Rumple sang.
"Sir I wanna buy these shoes
For my mama, please
It's Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry sir
Daddy says there's not much time
You see,
She's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If mama meets Jesus tonight…" Adriana sang, joy now in her voice though there were still tears in her eyes.
"I knew I'd caught a glimpse of heaven's love as he thanked me and ran out
I knew that God had sent me that little boy to remind me what Christmas is all about!" Rumple sang and picked up his daughter, holding her tightly while they sang the end of the song together. When they were finished, Belle and Bae ran over and hugged them.
"Thank you everyone….now we'd like to leave you with a little bit of laughter as we give you our Twelve Days of Christmas!" Snow announced.
The scene changed into a miniature version of the Hoppers' backyard with Jonny sitting up in a tree with an agitated Archie standing underneath it trying to climb up the ladder and Marie standing off in the distance watching.
"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…a cowboy stuck in a tree!" Archie sang.
Marie walked over to him and placed his hand on her abdomen.
"On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me…two Baby Hoppers….and a cowboy stuck in a tree!"
The scenes would switch due to the combined powers of the mages. Rumple gestured and the scene transformed into his den. He was standing with Belle, his arm around her shoulders while Bae and Adriana sat on the sofa.
"On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me….three Baby Golds!" Rumple sang happily. The scene switched back to the Hopper yard for Archie to sing his part.
"Two Baby Hoppers…and a cowboy stuck in a tree!"
Now the scene was Rumple's kitchen and he was trying to duck as gingerbread men threw pots and pans at him.
"On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…four Gingys rebelling!
Three baby Golds…"
"Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy stuck in a tree!" Archie sang when the scene switched back to his backyard. "Johnny, you come down here…right now!" he yelled up at his son.
"No!" the little boy said defiantly.
Emma gestured and the scene changed to a mall. Neal was knocking over displays, Ellie was making smoke come out of a trash can and Pongo, Perdy and Major ran everywhere. David facepalmed himself as he spoke the next verse.
"On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…five kids wrecking the malls!"
"Four Gingys rebelling!" Rumple cried from his messy kitchen. "Adriana, they're COOKIES!" he yelled at his daughter who was glaring at him.
"Three Baby Golds…."
"Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy stuck in a tree!" Archie sighed at his wife. "Better call the fire department Marie!"
Marie pretended to dial a number on her phone while the scene changed to Belle Reve's lawn where Rumple was scolding the former Scorpions.
"On the sixth day of Chrismas my true love gave to me…six smart aleck teenagers!" Rumple sang in an irritated voice.
"Five kids wrecking the malls! Neal, I'm not made of money!" David was scolding his son who stood in front of a display of broken dishes.
"Four Gingys rebelling! Quit being a drama queen dearie….OWWW!" Rumple screamed when the Bordreaux broom flew onto the stage and smacked him on the backside. "Three baby Golds…"
"Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy stuck in a tree! John Wayne Hopper, I am not kidding around! Down here! NOW!" Archie ordered. He tried to climb up the ladder and slipped.
"I wanna tree house!" Jonny shouted back.
Now the scene was the outside of Rumple's house where Robin was hanging up a set of blinking lights saying 'Centuries Old Fart'.
"On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me….seven lights a blinking…" the outlaw laughed.
"Six smart aleck teenagers! Robin, you idiot! Bae, you're grounded for a month!" Rumple was yelling at Robin and Bae.
"Five kids wrecking the malls! No, Neal, watch where you're...ahhh nooo...!" David groaned when Neal knocked over a display of pots and pans this time.
"Four Gingys rebelling!" Rumple grabbed the broom and waved it in front of Adriana, giving her a Look. "You don't hit your papa! Three Baby Golds…"
"Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy stuck in a tree! You come down from there or you're grounded for the next century!" Archie threatened his son. Jonny shook his head.
Rumple now stood in a smoke filled kitchen shaking his head while Belle stood in front of him holding a tray of burned cookies. "On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…eight cookies burning! Dearie, ye had t' oven up to five hundred degrees!"
"I….got distracted…" Belle said sheepishly.
"Seven lights a blinking!" Robin was laughing. I win the decorating contest!"
"It's not over yet, dearie! Six smartaleck teenagers! Bae, you put that picture on Facebook and ye'll be cleaning the castle for a year!" Rumple yelled at Bae who was waving a picture of Rumple wearing the fruitcake sweater and grinning.
"Five kids wrecking the malls! Jeff, make my granddaughter STOP scaring her uncle!" David screamed at Jeff.
"Four Gingys rebelling! Look at the mess ye've made o' my house, Adriana! Three Baby Golds…"
"Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy stuck in a tree! Quit that laughing and just get him down!" Archie snapped at two of the Merry Men who were costumed as firemen.
"On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Nine months of Couvade Syndrome!" the men sang and ran offstage to vomit while the women smirked with satisfaction. Then they returned to the stage.
"Eight cookies burning! Belle, ye're supposed to be watching the oven not havin' your nose stuck in a book!"
"Seven lights a blinking. Hey look at what your lights say now Rumple: Humorless Old Fart!" Robin taunted.
"Wanna be a snail, Robin!? Six smart aleck teenagers! Bae, crack o'dawn boy and I'll be doing the white glove test!" Rumple shook a glove at Bae.
"Five kids wrecking the malls! Now they've left all the pets out of the store!" David groaned, pointing at the dogs.
"Four Gingys rebelling! This is a disaster! Three baby Golds…" Rumple sank into a chair and shook his head.
"Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy in a tree! He gets it from YOUR side of the family!" Archie grumbled at his wife.
"On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Ten ugly Christmas sweaters!" Jeff laughed, holding up the Fruitcake sweater.
"Nine months of Couvade Syndrome!" The men now raced to the bathroom.
"Eight cookies burning! Belle, dearie, ye are banned from my kitchen for life!" Rumple snapped.
"Seven lights a blinking! How old is that tree, Rumple? A few hundred more than you?" Robin pointed at a tree and laughed.
"Keep it up Hood and ye'll be hanging from it by yer boxers. Six smart aleck teenagers! Dinna think ye can sweep the dirt under the rug, Bae. I'll find it!"
"Five kids wrecking the malls! Oh my God, Ellie's gonna torch the place!" David backed away from the smoking trashcan.
"Four Gingys rebelling! Ye don't tell me what t'eat and what not t'eat in my own house! Three Baby Golds!" Rumple shook a half eaten cookie at Adriana.
"Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy in a tree! No more climbing trees, period, John Wayne Hopper!"
"On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Eleven bears a drinking!" Jeff groaned in a setup of the police station where the Happy Army was staggering and singing off key.
"Ten ugly Christmas sweaters....Rumple's gonna have a conniption when he sees his!" Jeff went on, laughing.
"Nine months of Couvade syndrome!" The men took off their shoes and put on slippers. Everyone laughed when Jeff's made fart noises.
"Eight cookies burning! I mean it Belle. No more cooking for you…ever!"
"Seven lights a blinking! Wait til he sees this one!" Robin chuckled, holding up the 'Older Than Dirt…Fossilized' sign.
"What does that say...? Hood, ye better run an hope it's a good place to hide! Six smart aleck teenagers! Ye do that again Bae and you can forget about going out of the house for a year!"
"Five kids wrecking the malls! They are never gonna let us near here again!" David sat in a chair with a glass in his hand and what looked like Alka Seltzer tablets.
"Four Gingys rebelling! Ye dinna have t' mess up my kitchen 'cause ye're havin'a tantrum! Three Baby Golds."
"Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy stuck in a tree! When I get up there you are coming down or else, young man!" Archie snapped at his son.
"On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Twelve dirty snowmen!" Rumple and Archie sang together with some snowmen standing behind them sticking their tongues out.
"Rumplestiltskin, you get that filthy thing out of here...NOW!" Archie yelled at him.
"Who would've thought an old man like me could destroy your beautiful wickedness! "Oooh look out…look out…they're going…!" Rumple mocked while he melted them.
"Eleven bears a drinking! Oh my God Emma, please make them SHUT UP! If I hear Deck The Halls one more time I am going to check myself into the psych ward!" Jeff complained while the bears sang. "Ten ugly Christmas sweaters! I'm gonna post all the pictures on Facebook!"
"Nine months of Couvade Syndrome!" The men ran offstage to the bathroom again and came back to hearing the women laughing at them.
"Eight cookies burning! Next time I'm doing the baking, Belle. No ifs ands or buts!" Belle laughed.
"Seven lights a blinking! Oh my God...that one's gonna be on the front page of the Mirror!" Robin laughed as he and Little John brought out the toilet with the Armani suit with legs sticking out.
"Hood, you wait...when I get done your house is gonna look like a Christmas decoration nightmare! Six smart aleck teenagers! Damn kids!" Rumple limped behind Bae and his friends who all had their heads bowed.
"Five kids wrecking the malls! Next time YOU can take him shopping!" David barked at Snow.
"Four Gingys rebelling! Now ye're in serious trouble! Three Baby Golds…" Rumple led his daughter offstage.
"Two baby Hoppers and a cowboy stuck in a tree! All right, my goddess, next time YOU can go get him down!" Archie snapped at Marie as he walked past her holding their son. She smirked and followed them offstage.
The audience was on its feet again when everyone came out to take their bows. The group of friends and family smiled at each other, happy that they were able to bring joy and laughter to their fellow townspeople for one evening.
Authors Notes: Hope you enjoyed a glimpse into early Christmas festivities with our favorite families. Just one more chapter to go where it is Christmas at their houses filled with wonderful memories and we hope your Christmas is filled with wonderful memories.
Snapegirlkmf and CJ Moliere.
