22nd April
Liebe Tagebuch,
I had sex with Gilbert. I feel so horrible about myself. I hadn't meant for it to happen. It was…it just did. After dinner, Gilbert suggested we have a few drinks and before I knew it he was kissing me! I tried to stop him, saying he shouldn't but I felt good. Him kissing me, and touching me, and other dirty things felt wunderbar and I didn't want them to stop. He stormed out of my house earlier this morning when he woke up to find that he was in my arms. I'm not sure if he's angry at the fact that his little brother had sex with him, that he let it happen, or that fact that he ended up being the bottom. I feel horrible that I slept with him, that I let my inner desire get the best of me. He was never supposed to know how I felt about him and now I'm afraid things between us are ruined for good.
Ludwig
